Advancing ((Advance Industries #2)) (7 page)

I don’t know the symptoms as she’s told me nothing so I tell him about her pain, her being sick and her exhaustion. He’ll know what to do, he always does. He’s the best medic I know and if he’s stumped then I’ll fire him. I mould myself against her again, careful to not move her now she’s comfortable and apparently pain-free.

I must’ve fallen asleep because one minute I’m watching her chest rise and fall and the next I’m being shaken awake. I look up to see the beach is now pitch black and someone is shining a light on my face. I squint and swat it away. The light turns until it’s shining in the face of Saunders. Illuminating his features like a circus clown. How did he manage to locate us with just a Comm light? Faith also sits up being woken by my movement.

“Come on, let’s go to the bungalow,” I say and she takes my outstretched hand and allows me to pull her up.

Faith looks at me quizzically. I can see her cogs turning, wondering why Saunders is here. Her face drops the moment she’s cottoned on and she rounds on me.

“Tell me I’m wrong Kye!” She says as she drops my hand and crosses her arms over her chest.

I fake innocence. “About what Sweetheart?”

“Don’t Sweetheart me! Why exactly is Saunders here?” She turns to him and her voice softens. “No offence, Saun.”

He holds his hands up “None taken.” He grins as he looks at me, he’s just waiting for her explosion and my discomfort. Why are they always so amused by her busting my balls? What happened to the guy code? He should have my back, all my team know only too well what she’s like when she gets fired up. I need an ally. No, I need something stronger – a lion tamer? A tranquiliser?

“Let’s just get home and then we’ll talk it through!” I tell her.

“Nuh-uh!” She stops walking, plants her hands firmly on her hips and snarls at me, “I’m going nowhere ‘til you talk.”

So fucking frustrating, usually I’d just throw her over my shoulder and make her do as I say but she’s hurting, I don’t want to cause her further pain by hoisting her. I run my hands through my hair in sheer agitation. I’m trying to help her. She’s acting like I’ve just signed her death sentence.

“You’re being checked over, that’s why he’s here!”

“I don’t need a doctor Kye. As usual, you’re overreacting. It’s my body and I refuse.”

I chuckle but without any humour behind it, a chuckle of disbelief. “It’s my body actually, baby. You broke your promise so now we’re doing things my way.”

She scrunches her face. “What promise?”

“You promised to Comm me if you got worse. You broke the promise!”

Her eyes literally start flaming and she stamps her foot to display her rage. Like she has any need to, I can quite clearly see the steam coming out of her ears.

“Broke my promise? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You’ve broken so many promises to me I don’t even know where to begin, but I haven’t called you out on them. I haven’t tried to organise your life because you break promises. How dare you!” She screeches.

Fuck! How did we get from Saunders to promises? They’re sacred to us, though, we only ever promise when we’re one hundred percent in. When we really will do what was promised. ‘Maybe’ or ‘I’ll try to’ you can get away with not delivering on, but a promise is real, it’s honest and something we don’t vow lightly.

“Name one!” I challenge believing she’s talking out of her arse. I do not break promises. I fold my arms too. We’re now in a mirror image standoff. Saunders is stood to the side just out of the firing line, a huge grin spread across his face.

“I can name three!” She shouts back.

“Go ahead, baby.” Yeah, I’m full of bravado, smug even. She couldn’t name three.

“You promised you’d never leave me! You promised you’d always fight for us! You promised you’d never hurt me!” She says them in a rush with tears pouring down her face. My heart feels like she just took a blade and plunged it in before twisting it repeatedly. I take a step towards her and she holds up her hand to halt me. She might be crying but pure fury is still emanating off her. Her eyes hold mine in a vice-like grip before she swipes her tears away and storms past me, stomping through the sand. I look at Saunders and he’s not grinning anymore. I shine my Comm light to see where she is as we both start to follow after her. She’s just slightly ahead and then in a second she’s down. I hear her hit the sand with a dull thud.

We both rush in her general direction, shining our Comm lights frantically so we can pick her out. The blood has drained from my face. She’s not making a sound. Did she trip? Has she banged her head? Did I just watch her... die? I swallow down the lump that’s threatening to form.

Saunders light finds her and he approaches her side, kneeling down next to her. I’ve zoned out. All sorts of bad, terrifying and life changing thoughts rush through my mind. I’ve never felt panic like this. Saunders clicks his fingers in my face and I focus on him. “She fainted Kye, that’s all. She’s fine.”

I look at him gone off. “Fine? How the fuck is she fine if she’s fainting?” I shoot back.

“Calm down man! You’re no good to her worked up. Chill the fuck out.” He taps my arm. “We need to get her inside, I can’t see piss all out here.”

Right. I nod and gently scoop her into my arms, her legs dangling and start walking to the mound. She opens her eyes and my relief is huge. “I’m sorry Kye. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Any of what? What the hell is she talking about now? I ignore her and concentrate on following the Comm light. I’m carrying precious cargo and can’t afford to let my feet fail me. I make it down the other side and carry her across to the bungalow. I have no idea of the time but if I disturb my Grandparents it’s tough. I Comm for entry and walk through with Saunders hot on my heels. I walk her straight to the bedroom say ‘lights on’ and place her on the bed. I stand back and look at her, she’s so pale.

Saunders goes to the bedside and pulls his med bag from his backpack. She sits up quickly and narrowing those eyes at me says, “When I said I didn’t mean any of it, I was wrong. I still don’t want a check-up.”

“Please, Faith. Please, just for once put my mind at rest? I’m begging you. Okay?”

“I don’t want you in here then.”

“What?! Like hell am I...”

“Stop. You can’t have it your way all the time Kye. I’ve agreed to it – for you. But as the patient, I believe I have the right to choose who is present and I only want the doctor in here.”

I look to Saunders for back up, he averts his eyes. Pussy! We definitely need to go over the rules of the guy code again one day very soon. Where’s the solidarity? I start wearing a hole in the floor and when I stop I rest my hands on the end of the bed.

“Why don’t you want me in here?”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s my prerogative.” She looks at Saunders. “Do you apply patient confidentiality?”

He nods. “Of course. Whatever we discuss or find here will stay between us.” He looks at me. “Stop growling man, it’s freaking me out!”

“Why are you doing this Faith? What don’t you want me to know?”

“I’ll always tell you what I believe you need to know Kye. I’m not trying to exclude you or keep you out of the loop but surely I’m entitled to some privacy, you’re forcing the issue so let me maintain some sense of control.”

I hold her gaze hoping to make her back down but she doesn’t waver, I don’t even think she blinks. “Staring at me won’t work Kye. You’re the one who taught me to stick up for myself. To stand my ground.” Yeah, I fucking did, I never thought it’d come back to bite me on the arse, though. I never thought she’d take the lessons I gave her and use them on me. I turn and walk from the room after slamming my hand against the door. Why is she punishing me? Does she know what’s wrong with her and it’s that bad that she wants to shield me from the knowledge? How the fuck am I meant to deal with the fact that Saunders will know my girl’s ailment but I won’t? Why is she shutting me out?

I walk into the kitchen and command, “LIGHTS ON,” and almost have a heart attack. My Gran is sat in the dark.

“I didn’t want to disturb you but I heard you come in. I just wanted to check you were okay,” she says.

I sit opposite her and she takes hold of my hand, it’s enough to break my exterior and I croak, “Faith’s ill! But she won’t let me know what’s wrong. I’m so scared it’s something serious... Life threatening.” I bow my head and try to collect myself.

She squeezes my hand. “That young lady is made of steel. Whatever is wrong you’ll get through it,” she reassures.

“I’m sorry I woke you. Don’t stay up on my account.”

“Would you prefer to be alone or do you need some company?”

“Company would be great,” I answer as she looks so hopeful but really I do want to be alone. I want to torture myself with what’s going on in the bedroom. I left my girl alone in a bedroom with a hot blooded male. I should have just refused but knew she wouldn’t allow him to check her over otherwise. My need to ensure her health is fine trumped my jealousy and left me with a feeling of hopeless inadequacy.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” Saunders asks once Kye leaves.

I sit up on the bed, bring my knees to my chest and clasp my hands around them. I stare up at him. “Are you sure this stays between us?”

“Yes. Faith come on, what is it?”

I sigh heavily, will he laugh at me? “Saun do you think it’s possible that I... that we...um, could I get pregnant?”

He sits down on the side of the bed right next to me. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because... I don’t know, how does time travel affect these things?”

“Is that what this is? You think you’re pregnant but don’t believe you can be?”

I nod as my eyes fill with tears.

“Anything is possible Faith; you should know that by now.”

“Is that your medical opinion?”

He laughs. “No, if you were pregnant how would you feel about it?”

“This is weird, Saun, talking to you about this. You’re his friend.”

“I’m also yours. I’m his medic, he trusted me with you so do the same, okay? Don’t think of me as part of the team right now if that helps. Just talk to me.”

“Can we just find out if I am first?”

“Avoiding talking about feelings Faith? So unlike you.” He jokes, “I don’t tend to carry around the things I need for this situation. I can do a blood test for now and fast track the results?”

“Okay, the quicker this is over with the faster I can deal with Kye. I imagine he’s pretty unstable out there right now.”

“Understatement of the century! Let’s do this then.” He says, rifling through his bag, “Will you talk to him about this, though?”

“Not unless there’s something to talk about. Once I have the results, maybe.”

“Faith, with the symptoms you have, though – the pain to be precise, can you tell me where it is, how it feels?”

“It’s like the worst period pain ever, cramps that knock the wind out of me.”

He nods then meets my eyes. “When was your last period?”

I think back, it was just before Kye abducted me, before all of this with Advance Industries came to light, “About five, maybe six weeks ago, just before you guys turned up in my time. We haven’t… Um, I mean… We didn’t…” I blow out a steadying breath, get it together Faith, he’s a medic, you’re a grown woman I chide myself. “We only had sex when we got back to this time, um… Not before in my time.” My face is burning. His eyes sparkle with amusement, what a dick. He continues as though this isn’t the most uncomfortable conversation we’ve ever had with each other.

“Faith at this early stage the pain you’re experiencing is worrying; a normal pregnancy wouldn’t present like that if all was well. Have you had any bleeding?”

I blush, this is so cringe-worthy. “No, should I have?”

“No, that’s good. If you do have any spotting though I need you to call me okay?”

“Okay but why? If I start bleeding, it’s my period right?”

“Maybe, hopefully. But let me know.” He pauses before looking right at me. “If you are pregnant this might be a sign of miscarriage. I’ll do the blood work tonight because if it isn’t that then something else is going on with you and we need to find out what.”

“Why would I be miscarrying?” The word itself is pretty explanatory but I was never taught the meaning, I’ve never heard that word before. Does it mean what I think it does?

“Any number of reasons but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The pain you’re experiencing could be caused by many things. If it gets worse or you start losing blood, Comm me okay? No matter what the time.”

“Saun?” I start and then stop, how do I ask this? I’m the most clueless woman ever, it might not be my fault but I hate feeling this thick. “What is a miscarriage?”

He shakes his head as if he’s berating himself. “I’m sorry Faith. You’re so normal I forget that there’s so much you weren’t taught or subjected to from being hidden away. Miscarrying is the spontaneous loss of a foetus before it’s able to survive independently.”

I look at him blankly. “Foetus is the baby, right?”

“Well technically at this early stage it isn’t a baby, but, yes.”

“Thank you, Saun – for everything. Your understanding, discretion and non-judgmental attitude. I feel better already.”

“Hey, I didn’t say I wasn’t judging you. I am. But not over this, over the way you’re blocking out the one person who should know, who could and would help. Y’ know the guy you love, who’d do anything for you. I don’t get it Faith, I thought you told each other everything?”

“I guess we don’t.” I shrug. I won’t be bullied or guilted into telling him. I’m not ready and there may be no need to tell anything. “You really believe he doesn’t keep things from me?”

“Maybe, but only when he’s trying to shield you from something.”

“Exactly,” I say. “That’s all I’m doing too - shielding him.”

“From what? He’ll likely be shocked but if I know him at all he’ll be happy to be a dad.”

“But what if I’m not happy to be a mum?”

“That’s the crux of the issue? You don’t want a baby?”

I feel the sharp scratch of the needle as it plunges into my skin but it doesn’t faze me. I’ve been a pincushion for years, this is nothing. “How could I? I don’t know how to be a mum. I’d be useless. We’re preparing to go back to my time, so much is resting on it. How could I drop this bomb now?”

“If you are pregnant, you can’t travel Faith.”

“I presumed as much. I just need time to get my head around it. I need to know for sure before I can decide.”

“Okay, I’m all done here. I’ll be back to see you tomorrow though. You’ll have your answer, one way or another.”

He packs up and leaves the room. Despite the amount of time I spent sleeping on the beach, I’m still beat. I strip off to my underwear then crawl under the covers, maybe I can get some rest before Kye comes charging back in. I remember our picnic this afternoon, how we laughed, how happy we both were. I spoilt it, I ruined his lovely treat then I exclude him from being with me for tests when all he’s doing is caring. I’m aware I’m being a bitch; I just can’t seem to dial it down right now. It’s almost as if I blame him for the predicament I feel I’m in. Ridiculous I know but I’m not ready to blame myself yet so he’ll have to suck it up ‘til my head’s right again.

My eyes start closing, they’re unbelievably heavy as though my eyelashes are a cord and they’re being pulled shut. I’m so tired they’re burning and I can’t fight against it. I succumb to sleep.

I dream about Saunders giving me the news that yes I am pregnant. Kye is by my side as he tells us and the adorable puppy like grin he shoots my way makes my knees weak. He’s overjoyed, he picks me up and twirls me around, his joy becoming mine. How could something that makes him so happy keep me down? I realise that all my worry is from not including him, worrying about his reaction and how it will affect his mission. But he doesn’t care, he’s going to be a dad and that fact alone puts everything else on hold. He’s kissing me, telling me how great I’ll be as a mum and I start believing. I can do this. He will show me how. Be there to guide me and with him as the dad this child would want for nothing. This child will be the most loved because they will have him. Kye won’t let me fail, he’ll teach me, and for the first time, I feel that prickle of excitement.

I rub my hand over my flat stomach, mesmerised by the fact that I have life growing inside me. A tiny person that Kye and I made. Another person to love... family. I will finally have the family I’ve longed for. This baby will love me regardless just like its dad does. I return Kye’s smile and it’s like a weight has been lifted. I should never have kept him out of the loop. We should be celebrating together, everything I’ve faced pales in comparison. This will be a new chapter, no uncertainties, with Kye by my side I can face anything, I can achieve everything. I can live the life I should always have been living. I have a man that adores me, flaws and all and together we’ve made a baby. A baby that deep down I knew I loved already and was fooling myself all along. We’re having a baby! I want to shout it from the rooftops. It’s scary and life changing but exciting and fulfilling all in one.

I wake with a jolt at some point, my dream still playing. I need to tell Kye. I need to see his reaction for real, not as a dream. I’m smiling, feeling serene, and guided by the dream I want to see his smile too. I need to apologise and explain my apprehension. I go to move but the cramps are back and I feel wet. I roll over in bed and see Kye deado next to me. Even in sleep he looks conflicted. He’s troubled and my heart pangs with what I’ve been doing to this wonderful man. I want to reach out and touch him but another cramp slices through me and has me sucking in a breath. Without considering Kye I croak, “Lights on.” I throw back the cover to see why I’m wet and uncomfortable and I see red. It looks wrong. This is the lilac room, red clashes with lilac. Why is the sheet bright red? Am I still dreaming? I stare at it coating the white sheet, not quite grasping what it is I see. It’s like my mind knows but has gone into protection mode, it’s locked down momentarily and locked me out so I don’t have to face the horror.

My face is being stroked and I’m being spoken to gently. It’s such a nice voice, calming and soft, a voice like a cloud. I listen to it through a blurry haze of deafness. It reaches my ears as a lulled version, almost as though I have a protective barrier around me and nothing can penetrate it fully.

Red. Why are the sheets red?

The voice is still trying to get through like an annoying buzzing fly. It won’t stop. The gentle touching of my face becomes more hurried, urgent. The change in pace from gentle to domineering seems to pull me from a trance-like state and it’s as if my ears have popped. I can hear properly again but I have tunnel vision. I haven’t moved, I’m still staring at the spots of red but reality has slammed back in knocking the wind from me. I cringe as I look down at my body. My thighs are red also and seeing that colour on my skin makes me jump from the bed like lightning has struck me. I pull my knickers down which are saturated with small clots of blood coating them. Not a period. Oh my God, this is not a period!

Red. Blood red!

I look down at my bare feet. I’m ashamed. I’m stood nearly naked with blood covering the bottom half of me and I don’t know what to do.
I hear a cry so painful I want to hold my hands over my ears. A high pitched, almost banshee like wail that rips at my heart. A cry of so much sorrow, despair, and hopelessness that it’s as if someone has seen into my shattered soul, witnessed every ounce of anguish, written it down and are now performing it as their masterpiece.

Hands are on my face again and then a face is hovering in front of me. Gorgeous hazel eyes are trying to lock on to mine, to get me to focus. I see his lips, mesmerising me as they part and move. I don’t hear his words but his lips are entrancing, and then I’m not standing. The room passes by me in a flash. The screeching has stopped. I’m placed down again but am unaware of my surroundings as water hits me and still I stand and stare down.

Red.

Red in the water, washing away.

Red swirling around my feet, touching my toes and taunting me as it says its last goodbye.

Why so much red?

This is the last thing I expected. Saunders wouldn’t tell me shit before he left. I went to get answers from Faith instead but she was sleeping so peacefully I didn’t have the heart to and now this. Faith has gone, I don’t know where to but she’s not here right now. She’s gone into complete meltdown. I can’t reach her. She doesn’t react to my words or my touch. It’s as though she has no feelings or sensations left. She’s scaring the fuck out of me. She’s trance-like and I don’t know whether to shake her out of it or coax her gently. I’m just getting my head around what I’m seeing when she makes a sound, the highest octave ever reached and then it goes on and on. A sound of raw emotion that almost brings me to my knees. Her face remains impassive but her vocals are telling me all I need to know.

I get in front of her, she’s surveying her body as though it belongs to an alien. Her eyes are wide and instead of the bright sea blue they usually are, they’re dark like murky water. They’re darting all over her lower half but the rest of her remains fixed in place. Her skin is marred with the stain of blood but I can’t focus on that, if I do I’m likely to lose it also. I place my palms either side of her face and stroke her cheeks with my thumbs. I say her name and she’s nonresponsive. What do I do? I spin around as if the answer will present itself to me. I’m panicking and I do the only thing that makes sense and carry her to the shower. I need to wash her, wash away the focus of her limited attention. In the stream, she still doesn’t move but now I can hear her muttering ‘red’ over and over again almost like a monotonous chanting. It’s as though all she’s aware of is the blood, nothing else gets through. I take the sponge, add a liberal amount of body wash and gently start washing her, shushing her as I do. Tears stream down my face as I run it between her legs ever so gently, down her thighs and legs. Once she’s clean I pull her into me. We stand under the water, silent, lost. One of us worried and the other distant. She doesn’t wrap her arms around me, doesn’t participate in the hug. It’s almost as if I’m holding her hostage in my embrace.