Adventures with the Wife in Space: Living With Doctor Who (22 page)

Whovian:
A
Doctor Who
enthusiast

Whoniverse:
The place where all the Whovians live

Whotoxetter:
Centre of the Whoniverse

Whoniversal Studios:
The place where
Doctor Who
is made

Whoniform:
Clothes worn by Whovians (scarves, fezzes, celery, etc.)

Whoniversity:
The place where Whovians go to learn about
Doctor Who

Whomanities:
Subject studied by Whovians at Whoniversity

WHONICEF:
Whovians’ charity of choice

Whomus:
Whovians’ favourite chickpea-based dip

Whola-hoops:
Whovians’ favourite starch-based snack

Whors d’oeuvres:
Warm-up act for John Levene

Whooping cough:
Crippling affliction suffered by Whovians just as they’re about to ask their favourite Doctor a probing question at a convention

Whonicycle:
When you can’t afford a Whomobile

Whomour:
Cognitive experience which provokes laughter, sense of which is sorely lacking in most Whovians

Whonanimous:
When two or more Whovians agree (very rare)

Whotenanny:
1. Party thrown by Whovians every 23 November. 2. (
slang usage
) Whovian’s childminder

WhoTube:
A place where Whovians flirt with copyright law

Whooters:
The place where Whovians go to get drunk

Whomiliation:
Season 24

Whoniqueness:
The dissimilarity of
Doctor Who
to any other television programme (as in ‘the whonique appeal of
Doctor Who
’).

Pet Shop Boys:
Whovians’ favourite pop group

Whotopia:
A mythical place where brand-new episodes of
Doctor Who
are endlessly and continuously broadcast

Whomanoid:
Someone resembling a Whovian (but you’re not quite sure)

Whogenot:
Sixteenth-century French Protestant Whovian

Who and cry:
Historically, what Whovians raised when pursuing a thief

Whoer:
A Whovian prostitute;
see also
Whonisex, Whorinary infection

‘An Unearthly Child’:
The Doctor doesn’t get a look in. He’s horrible.
7/10

‘10,000 BC’:
Stone Age nonsense.
4/10

‘The Daleks’:
They should have called the show
Ian. 3/10

‘The Edge of Destruction’:
It wasn’t boring.
2/10

‘Marco Polo’:
It’s a shame it’s missing.
6/10

‘The Keys of Marinus’:
The acting was dreadful
. 4/10

‘The Aztecs’:
Pretty good.
7/10

‘The Sensorites’:
If that’s the worst you can throw at me we’ll be fine.
5/10

‘The Reign of Terror’:
If I want to see a revolution, I can turn on the news.
4/10

‘Planet of Giants’:
I like it when the story is self-contained.
7/10

‘The Dalek Invasion of Earth’:
I’m really torn over this one.
7/10

‘The Rescue’:
The plot was practically non-existent.
3/10

‘The Romans’:
Definitely the best one so far.
8/10

‘The Web Planet’:
I would have given it a 0 if it weren’t for the Spanish episode.
1/10

‘The Crusade’:
It was very well made and it didn’t outstay its welcome.
7/10

‘The Space Museum’:
It was too ahead of its time.
6/10

‘The Chase’:
I’m getting a bit bored of the Daleks.
5/10

‘The Time Meddler’:
It’s the most enjoyable story so far
. 9/10

‘Galaxy 4’:
Not very good.
2/10

‘Mission to the Unknown’:
It reminded me of
Babylon 5. 6/10

‘The Myth Makers’:
The fans should spend more time looking for this one.
8/10

‘The Daleks’ Master Plan’:
Some of it was rubbish and some of it was good.
5/10

‘The Massacre’:
A confusing story with a really stupid twist
. 2/10

‘The Ark’:
The Monoids let it down; they were too silly for words.
5/10

‘The Celestial Toymaker’:
Complete shite.
0/10

‘The Gunfighters’:
We could watch it again!
8/10

‘The Savages’:
For a recon, it was surprisingly engaging.
7/10

‘The War Machines’:
It didn’t really feel like
Doctor Who. 6/10

‘The Smugglers’:
I’ll have forgotten it by next week.
5/10

‘The Tenth Planet’:
Is that it?
3/10

‘The Power of the Daleks’:
Definitely the best Dalek story so far
. 8/10

‘The Highlanders’:
I’ve seen a lot worse.
5/10

‘The Underwater Menace’:
That was bonkers.
2/10

‘The Moonbase’:
The Doctor needs to buck his ideas up.
6/10

‘The Macra Terror’:
I’m not convinced it would be better if it existed
. 7/10

‘The Faceless Ones’:
I finally feel like I’m watching
Doctor Who. 9/10

‘The Evil of the Daleks’:
A game of two halves.
6/10

‘The Tomb of the Cybermen’:
A bit racist.
4/10

‘The Abominable Snowmen’:
I feel sorry for the Yeti.
7/10

‘The Ice Warriors’:
Enjoyable.
7/10

‘The Enemy of the World’:
A bit silly
. 6/10

‘The Web of Fear’:
Pretty scary.
8/10

‘Fury from the Deep’:
Good script, good performances, and scary monsters.
8/10

‘The Wheel in Space’:
Flabby, drawn-out rubbish.
2/10

‘The Dominators’:
Dreadful.
1/10

‘The Mind Robber’:
It’s the dog off
The Thing! 7/10

‘The Invasion’:
Probably the most enjoyable story so far
. 9/10

‘The Krotons’:
It was only four episodes and it moved.
6/10

‘The Seeds of Death’:
They’ve got this ‘base under siege’ thing down pat, now.
7/10

‘The Space Pirates’:
Well, that was shit
. 1/10

‘The War Games’:
Epic
. 9/10

‘Spearhead from Space’:
Wonderful
. 10/10

‘Doctor Who and the Silurians’:
Excellent
. 9/10

‘The Ambassadors of Death’:
Too long!
6/10

‘Inferno’:
The alternative reality was fascinating.
8/10

‘Terror of the Autons’:
Short. Colour. Nice.
8/10

‘The Mind of Evil’:
The Master is rubbish.
5/10

‘The Claws of Axos’:
This would definitely work today.
7/10

‘Colony in Space’:
It went a bit mad towards the end
. 6/10

‘The Daemons’:
It didn’t know what it wanted to be.
4/10

‘Day of the Daleks’:
What’s not to like?
9/10

‘The Curse of Peladon’:
Peladon is a shit-hole.
4/10

‘The Sea Devils’:
One of the better Pertwees.
7/10

‘The Mutants’:
I enjoyed that.
7/10

‘The Time Monster’:
A good end to the season.
8/10

‘The Three Doctors’:
I need to watch it again.
5/10

‘Carnival of Monsters’:
Very good indeed.
9/10

‘Frontier in Space’:
I can’t believe it isn’t over yet.
6/10

‘Planet of the Daleks’:
Average
. 5/10

‘The Green Death’:
Very adult in places
. 9/10

‘The Time Warrior’:
Just stick your finger in his vent!
7/10

‘Invasion of the Dinosaurs’:
Quite edgy.
8/10

‘Death to the Daleks’:
The music killed it.
5/10

‘The Monster of Peladon’:
Tedious
. 2/10

‘Planet of the Spiders’:
I won’t be disappointed to see him go.
7/10

‘Robot’:
The story was pants.
5/10

‘The Ark in Space’:
Tom Baker was brilliant.
7/10

‘The Sontaran Experiment’:
Too short.
5/10

‘Genesis of the Daleks’:
Excellent
. 9/10

‘Revenge of the Cybermen’:
A load of old rubbish.
3/10

‘Terror of the Zygons’:
It had a lot going for it.
7/10

‘Planet of Evil’:
The guy who played the commander was hopeless.
5/10

‘Pyramids of Mars’:
I’d like less gobbledegook and more drama
. 7/10

‘The Android Invasion’:
It fell apart at the end.
5/10

‘The Brain of Morbius’:
Some of the dialogue was priceless.
8/10

‘The Seeds of Doom’:
It can’t get any better than that.
10/10

‘The Masque of Mandragora’:
Very accessible.
9/10

‘The Hand of Fear’:
Good, very good, good, shit, really shit, then excellent.
6/10

‘The Deadly Assassin’:
The first three episodes were perfect.
8/10

‘The Face of Evil’:
Something was missing
… 4/10

‘The Robots of Death’:
It didn’t make any sense.
5/10

‘The Talons of Weng-Chiang’:
I’ll knock some marks off for the casual racism.
8/10

‘Horror of Fang Rock’:
I really enjoyed that
. 9/10

‘The Invisible Enemy’:
A terrible mess.
4/10

‘Image of the Fendahl’:
I’ve forgotten it already.
2/10

‘The Sun Makers’:
The script was very witty.
6/10

‘Underworld’:
Am I allowed to give negative scores?
1/10

‘The Invasion of Time’:
Oh dear.
0/10

‘The Ribos Operation’:
It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty close
. 9/10

‘The Pirate Planet’:
An imaginative mess.
6/10

‘The Stones of Blood’:
I really enjoyed that
. 8/10

‘The Androids of Tara’:
I don’t think there was a bad performance
. 9/10

‘The Power of Kroll’:
If K9 had been in it I might have given it an eight.
7/10

‘The Armageddon Factor’:
They had months to get that right
… 4/10

‘Destiny of the Daleks’:
I hated that.
2/10

‘City of Death’:
That was faultless.
10/10

‘The Creature from the Pit’:
Killed by a giant cock and balls
… 2/10

‘Nightmare of Eden’:
The premise was great and it kept me guessing.
7/10

‘The Horns of Nimon’:
I think they all need a good lie down.
5/10

‘The Leisure Hive’:
Too much style and not enough substance.
6/10

‘Meglos’:
Well, that was shit.
2/10

‘Full Circle’:
I like Adric. So there.
7/10

‘State of Decay’:
I loved the set design.
7/10

‘Warriors Gate’:
I didn’t understand it, but I don’t care
. 8/10

‘The Keeper of Traken’:
Tedious
. 3/10

‘Logopolis’:
Disappointing
. 4/10

‘Castrovalva’:
Quite profound in places
. 8/10

‘Four to Doomsday’:
Tedious bollocks.
1/10

‘Kinda’:
I liked it but I didn’t understand it.
7/10

‘The Visitation’:
That was crap
. 3/10

‘Black Orchid’:
Rubbish
. 2/10

‘Earthshock’:
Excellent
. 9/10

‘Time-Flight’:
I’d like to give the captain one.
1/10

‘Arc of Infinity’:
I can’t forgive the chicken but I’ve seen worse
. 7/10

‘Snakedance’:
Nothing special
. 5/10

‘Mawdryn Undead’:
Very, very good
. 9/10

‘Terminus’:
A shambles.
3/10

‘Enlightenment’:
Hire more women
. 9/10

‘The King’s Demons’:
Rushed
. 5/10

‘The Five Doctors’:
That was fun
. 7/10

‘Warriors of the Deep’:
It pulled itself together at the end
. 4/10

‘The Awakening’:
The plot wasn’t good enough.
3/10

‘Frontios’:
They were trying to do something different.
7/10

‘Resurrection of the Daleks’:
Needlessly complex but fun.
8/10

‘Planet of Fire’:
One of the better Master stories
. 7/10

‘The Caves of Androzani’:
Fabulous
. 9/10

‘The Twin Dilemma’:
What were they thinking
? 1/10

‘Attack of the Cybermen’:
All over the place.
6/10

‘Vengeance on Varos’:
A nice change of pace
. 8/10

‘Mark of the Rani’:
A boring mess.
3/10

‘The Two Doctors’:
Very funny.
7/10

‘Timelash’:
Horrendous
. 2/10

‘Revelation of the Daleks’:
The Doctor did bugger all.
4/10

‘Trial of a Time Lord – The Mysterious Planet’:
I’ve seen it all before.
6/10

‘Trial of a Time Lord – Mindwarp’:
Shocking
. 8/10

‘Trial of a Time Lord – Terror of the Vervoids’:
Mel was great
. 7/10

‘Trial of a Time Lord – The Ultimate Foe’:
I don’t get it.
5/10

‘Time and the Rani’:
Irredeemable
. −1/10

‘Paradise Towers’:
The concept was better than the execution.
6/10

‘Delta and the Bannermen’:
It got on my tits.
2/10

‘Dragonfire’:
Cheap
. 3/10

‘Remembrance of the Daleks’:
I’d happily watch that again.
9/10

‘The Happiness Patrol’:
That was very profound
. 7/10

‘Silver Nemesis’:
Worse than dreadful
. 0/10

‘The Greatest Show in the Galaxy’:
I can see what they were trying to do.
8/10

‘Battlefield’:
Shame
. 4/10

‘Ghost Light’:
Very clever
. 8/10

‘The Curse of Fenric’:
Exciting
. 8/10

‘Survival’:
Almost perfect
. 9/10

The TV Movie: Brilliant.
9/10