Adventurous Me (23 page)

“Yeah, but nobody was worried about me, especially the one person who should’ve been. I guess now you’re going to tell me that he’s in love with me.”

“Yes, he is. He’s admitted it to me. More than once. Trish, that’s rare. We only get so many chances at happiness.”

That’s when I start laughing. I know part of it is the liquor, but it just strikes me so damn funny. “Happiness? Seriously? You know, Dave, what I saw when I was there was a man who wasn’t happy. He was a man who wanted the woman in his home gone. Guess that’s just a pattern with him, huh?”

The minute the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. A pained expression flashes across Dave’s face. When he speaks, he cuts right into me. “Gee, Trish, I never had you pegged as someone who could be so cruel. I guess I didn’t know you at all.” He throws down the cloth he’s been wiping the bar with and stalks off, leaving the two younger guys to manage the drinking crowd.

Shit. Now I’ve hurt Dave. I didn’t mean to do that. I head out the side door to find him and apologize and, when I do, I hear a phone ring around the corner of the building. I stop to listen before I round it.

“Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, I’m outside. I really don’t want to . . . yeah, she’s here. I did, but she’s made up her mind. Look, if you want to have a relationship with somebody, you’re going to have to be open with them.” Then I hear him say, “Can I ask you something? I know what you said, but what was so important about her staying out of the office? So important that you’d do something like that to her when all she did was try to help you?” There’s silence, and I wish I could hear the answer to that one because Dave responds with, “Well, that’s the damn dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s what it was? For god’s sake, Clint, this was supposed to be a relationship, not a goddamn emotional obstacle course! The woman is wounded down deep, maybe too deep. She doesn’t trust anybody now, not even me, and I don’t blame her. You need to know that I rigged the drawing. I wanted the two of you to be . . . Oh, shit. Does she know too? Damn. No wonder she doesn’t trust me either. I don’t have any right to call you stupid. I’m pretty damn stupid myself. Now I know why she kept saying that I was wrong to throw the two of you together.” He stops, then says, “I don’t know. I’m trying to get her to come, but I doubt she will. Her heart’s frosted up pretty good. She said some things a little while ago that were so mean I couldn’t believe they were coming from her. I think there’s been too much damage done, son. You need to just get over her and go on, but I think you need to wait a while longer, maybe get some professional help. You’re not ready.” There’s a long silence. “Yeah, son, I’m sorry too. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I love you, you know that. Yeah. Okay, talk to you soon.” I hear him let out a deep sigh and I hightail it for the door before he can know that I’m there.

I go straight to the locker room, change into my street clothes, and walk back out. Dave’s not back at the bar, so I don’t have to say anything to him as I leave. I just get in my car and drive away.

At about two o’clock on Saturday afternoon, I decide I’m going to the collaring ceremony. I’m not sure why; I have no intention of saying yes to anybody. Next thing I know, I’m in my car, driving to the fetwear shop. I want something new to wear.

The girl who’d waited on me before is there. She seems glad to see me, and she helps me go through the racks. I find a pretty peacock-blue dress that’s cut very low in the back, ass cleavage low, and has cutouts in the front. The color is beautiful, and they even have some platform stilettos to match, so I get them too. I’m looking for jewelry to go with it when I notice that the expensive collar is gone. “Hey, did someone buy that collar?” I ask her.

She smiles. “Yeah, they sure did! I couldn’t believe it. Some lucky sub is going to be very, very happy.”
Not me
, I want to scream.

I pay for my outfit and head back home. By six, I’m ready to roll. The collaring ceremony is at seven, so I climb into my car and head downtown. I still have no idea why I’m going.

I’m guessing I’ll find out when I get there.

I
’ve never seen the place so crowded. We’re elbow to elbow all over the club. I sit at the bar, drinking a cosmo served to me by a cute young guy. Dave is nowhere in sight.

Before I can get half of it down, I hear a voice beside me. “Well, well, well – don’t you look beautiful!” It’s Steffen, and he’s all smiles.

“Hi, sir.”

“Hi yourself.” He looks me up and down. “That’s quite a body you’ve got under that dress. Oh, wait – I’ve seen it before, haven’t I?” he whispers as he leans into my ear. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. And again. And again and again.”

“Uh-huh. Okay.” That’s all I say, my voice flat and face blank.

Apparently I’ve stunned him so badly that he can’t speak. He finally croaks out, “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later.” When I turn, he’s gone. Did I scare him off? I have no idea.

There’s still a problem with getting my drink down because next in line is Gary. He sidles up to me at the bar and says, “Well, hello there! Remember me?”

“Yes, I do, sir,” I say, looking down into my drink. “As I recall, you work in a grocery store.”

“I
manage
a grocery store.” He looks quite proud of himself. Nothing like produce to give a guy the big head.

“That’s right. I remember now.”

“I remember you
well
,” he assures me. “So rumor has it you’re here for the collaring ceremony.”

Wow, genius, how did you ever guess?
“Well, I’m here. And I think there’s a collaring ceremony going on tonight. So yeah, I guess I’ll be here while the collaring ceremony is going on, sir.”

“Good! I hope I see you later tonight,” he says. Before he walks away, he takes my hand and kisses it. I think that was supposed to score him some points. It does not.

A couple more guys are watching me from a distance. One of them is a gorgeous young guy, maybe twenty-four to twenty-eight, not quite thirty. Ah, Trevor, I’m betting. The guy Dave told me about. That’s all I need, a man to raise. He is cute, though, but I don’t think I could be a sub to a guy young enough to be my son.

I just sit there, sucking on my drink, when I feel a presence beside me, and I know who it is before I even look up. “Good evening, Dave,” I say into the glass.

“Hey, honey. I didn’t think you’d be here.”

Before I can stop myself, I snort, “I didn’t think I’d be here either.” I hesitate for a second, then say, “Hey, about the other night, I . . .”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Really. It’s okay. And by the way, I know you know about the pairing. I’m sorry, really I am. I had no right to do that.” There’s a long pause, and then he says, “Trish, you don’t owe me anything, and the same goes for Clint. But please, honey, if he shows up tonight, could you at least be kind to him? Sorry, but I’m begging here. If not for him or me, do it for yourself so you have no regrets later on, okay?”

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t have to be kind. I’ll just leave.” My cosmo is gone, so I hand the glass to the bartender to refill. “I don’t think either of us should have to be that uncomfortable, and he was here first, so I’ll gladly step aside.”

Dave’s sadness wraps around me, and I wish I could turn back time. I wish I’d never opened that door, wish I’d just let Clint lose that account, wish I hadn’t cared so much, but I can’t take any of it back. “Trish, honey, just do what you think you have to do.” I turn to tell him I don’t feel like I have a choice, but he’s gone.

In a little while they begin the ceremony. One by one, subs go up and stand on the stage. Each one waits and eventually a Dominant comes forward and asks her to accept his or her collar. Some of them are obviously very much in love, and some look like this is their last hope and they’ve been backed into a corner. Vance comes up when his name is called. An older, very attractive Domme starts toward the stage, but out of nowhere, the big Domme comes rushing up, pushes her away, and runs onto the stage to claim him. He looks like he’s going to burst with joy. I guess it’s true – there really
is
someone for everyone.

We all get a surprise about halfway through. The mean-looking Dom who got the pretty young girl in the pairing? He offers her the pricey collar from the fetwear shop and, to my relief, she looks thrilled. When he puts it on her, his features soften, and I see the man she probably saw during her two weeks with him. They look very happy, and I’m glad for them both.

There’s a hand on my shoulder, and I turn. The guy standing there is someone I’ve never seen before. “Hi. Can I help you with something?” I ask him quietly so as not to interrupt the ceremony.

“Yeah, uh, yes ma’am. A guy asked me to give this to you.” He hands me a box and, before I can thank him, he’s gone.

It’s a flat box, about twelve inches square and less than two inches tall, with a wooden hasp and a hinge. I look around but I don’t see anyone I know. There’s a card on top of the box, so I pick it up with shaking hands and open it. The spotlights above the bar are my only source of light, so I move into one pool of brightness to read it. As the words come off the page and into my mind, my heart breaks all over again.

Dear Trish,

Words can’t begin to describe the way I feel. I’m so sorry and so broken that I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow. I already had enough regret for one man, and now I have enough for two. I know you can’t forgive me, and I don’t expect you to. Just know that what happened wasn’t what was in my heart. It was just a man trying desperately to not love a woman and failing miserably.

The item in this box doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to you. It has since the day I first saw it. I won’t tell you when that day was because you wouldn’t believe me anyway. But know that every day for the rest of my life I’ll think of it and what it would’ve looked like on you. And I’ll remember how badly I messed up and hurt you. If there’s anything I learned in my time with you, it’s that I don’t deserve a woman like you, and I’ll never try to find another.

I also think I should tell you that Mr. Norsworthy called. He went on and on about how appreciative he was for your help that day. Then he offered me a contract, not just for his own office but for all of their offices. It’ll wind up being about $600,000. That’s not a fortune, but it will help me start the girls’ college fund, something I’ve wanted to do for awhile but couldn’t afford. So the thing that I punished you for will allow my girls to go to college. And I don’t even know what to think about that except to be sorrier than before, if that’s even possible.

Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say, except that I love you and I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. I know I didn’t act like it, but it’s true. When you think of me, please try to remember something good, something fun, something sweet that we did together and not just the bad things. Don’t worry, though. The bad things won’t be forgotten. I’ll remember them forever. They’re seared into my memory like a nightmare I can’t wake from.

Find someone who’ll love you for the beautiful, precious woman you are, someone who can do a better job of it than I could. I’ll love you always, my Vännan.

Forever,

Clint

My hands are trembling so wildly that I can’t get the box open. I look at a guy sitting next to me at the bar and ask, “Would you help me, please? I can’t get this open.”

“Sure, honey. Here,” he says as he takes it from me. He opens it and, before I can even get a glimpse inside, he murmurs out, “Whoaaaaaa. That’s really something.” I reach for it and turn the open box to see.

It’s a collar. It’s not just any collar. I thought the one I’d seen at the fetwear shop, the one the Dom gave his new sub, was the most beautiful collar in the world.

I was wrong.

There’s a narrow band of yellow gold top and bottom, and the wide band in the middle is white gold, I presume, maybe even platinum. Around each side, the white is cut out to show the yellow gold backing it. It looks to be laser cut, very lace-like, delicate, and intricate. I take a closer look and I can see hummingbirds, butterflies, and dragonflies. There’s a turtle, a frog, and a tiny mouse looking out of the lacework. Right in the center front, there’s a solid, uncut expanse of white gold about three inches wide, and there’s something engraved in it. In the light of the bar, in the very seat I was sitting in when I saw Clint for the first time, I see one word engraved on the collar.