"What do you do for food up here? I've heard rumors that folks are… well, eating one another."
Roy and Darlene looked at each other, a little embarrassed. "Well, there's not much else
to
eat…"
"Mercy! So it's true." He puzzled over it for a moment. "What do you do? Pan fry 'em, put 'em on a spit, chop 'em up and make a pot of chili?"
"Do you really want to know?"
Big E shook his head. "I reckon not. But let me tell you right here and now… I ain't never gonna chew on somebody's filthy ass."
Soon, they found themselves standing in a garage hidden out back. He motioned toward a vehicle draped in a black velvet tarp. "Well, here she is," he said, pulling the cover away with a flourish. "The Pink Lady."
"I've seen this car somewhere before," said Roy.
"It was my mama's car," said Big E. "Bought it for her after the money started rolling in. She couldn't drive a lick, but, hey, if anyone deserved a Caddy it was her. After she died, I had it tricked up. Reinforced plating in the panels and fenders, bulletproof glass, solid rubber tires that won't deflate. As solid as a Panzer, man."
Before they left, Big E went to a gun safe and, unlocking it, passed out the firepower. "Lock and load,
hoss
," he said, tossing Roy an Uzi submachine gun. He took a MAC-10 for himself. Then he turned to Darlene. "Here you go, darling. You can carry Big E's personal gun." He laid a gold-plated .357 Magnum in the woman's hand. It had music notes engraved down its ribbed barrel and the initials EP on the sides of the cylinder.
"I've never fired a gun before in my life," she confessed.
"Well, here now, let me give you a quick lesson." Big E leaned in close behind her and showed her how to line up the sights of the big revolver. At one point, she felt his hips grind against her ass and she closed her eyes with a shudder that was not unpleasant. She thought of how many thousands of teenage girls had screamed their lungs out over the Pelvis and here it was grinding against her hindquarters.
Roy cleared his throat, a little annoyed. "Uh, shouldn't we be going?"
"Right!" said Big E with a sheepish grin. "Climb on in and we'll head out."
Soon, they were taking an access road past the horse pasture and around the Memorial Garden where Big E's sausage carcass lay moldering in its grave. A moment later they were on the main road outside. Big E spun the wheel with a squealing of tires and they headed downtown.
They hadn't gotten a few blocks, when they passed the black Hummer with the piano keys on the side. It roared past them, then made a U-turn and sped toward them in hot pursuit.
"Aw, not that nut!" grumbled Big E.
"Who is it?" asked Darlene. A burst from an automatic pistol echoed from behind, sending a bee swarm of 9mm slugs careening harmlessly against the back windshield.
"The Killer."
Roy thought about it for a second. "You don't mean…?"
"One and the same," he replied. "He always was jealous of me. Hell, he would have probably been just as popular, if he hadn't done a darn fool thing like marrying his cousin and bragging about it."
"He's gaining on us," said Darlene. "What are we going to do?"
"Watch this," said Big E. He tripped a lever under the dash. Black oil began to spray from spigots in the rear bumper, coating the road in crude. The Hummer hit the slick and went into a spin. The driver lost control and ended up taking down a telephone pole at the side of the road.
Big E laughed loudly. "How'd y'all like that. I pulled a James Bond on his silly ass. Right out of
Goldfinger
, man!"
They drove through the deserted streets of Memphis for a while longer, then Big E turned the wheel, heading off the main stretch.
"I thought we were going downtown," said Roy.
"Just hold your horses. We'll get there," he assured him. "First, I gotta stop by and see someone."
"Who?"
Big E smiled in the green glow of the dashboard light. "The Zulu Woman."
Purgatory Heights had once been three blocks of housing projects on the south side of Memphis. The brick buildings were six stories high, surrounded by scrubby lawns and basketball courts. Before the Burn they had been a haven for crack dealers and gang-bangers. Now they were a short step from the gates of Hell.
As they cruised between two of the buildings, they looked through the windows of the Pink Lady at the chaos around them. The glass from all the windows was gone and flames crackled from the empty orifices. A human head dangled within the net of a basketball goal, its eyes glassy and unseeing. It stared at them as if saying "Better get out of here while you can."
"Doesn't look like the better part of town," said Roy, cradling the Uzi in his lap.
"Exactly who is this Zulu Woman?" Darlene wanted to know.
"A little gal I've known for awhile," said Big E. "Been corresponding with her on the internet since she was twelve or thirteen. Her mama was one of my backup singers in Vegas."
"How do you know that she's even here?"
"Oh, she's around somewhere." He stopped the car and cut the engine. "Watch my back."
Big E stepped out of the car, holding his MAC-10 at the ready. "Zulu!" he yelled out, studying the windowless buildings. Out in the open, it looked as though the bricks and the mortar in between had been smeared with blood and brain tissue. "Zulu Woman! Come on out and say hi to your Sugar Daddy!"
Suddenly, movement drew his attention. He looked up to the rooftop of a building and saw a dark form standing there, tall and willowy. She held a compound bow at the ready… aimed directly at him.
"Seems to me a Sugar Daddy has a stick in it," she said coldly. "Best get on
outta
here or I'll put this arrow down your throat and out your white ass!"
"Aw, come on, Zulu," he said. "You know me. It's your ol' pal, Big E."
"Liar!" accused the woman. "The King ain't gonna leave his kingdom and show up unannounced at the Heights. Hell, there's all kinda nuts running around, looking and sounding like him." At that moment, Roy stepped out of the car. "Damn! There's one right there!"
"Hey, I'm the genuine article, baby doll," claimed Big E. "Why don't you come on down and see for yourself?"
Zulu stood there, poised to fire, for a long moment. Then she slowly relaxed her grip on the bow and slung it over her shoulder. "Okay. But if you ain't who you say you are, I'm gonna be mighty pissed off. And you don't even wanna know what I'm gonna do to you then."
Darlene left the Pink Lady and stood next to Roy. They watched as the woman dropped a nylon rope from the rooftop and rappelled six stories to the courtyard below. A moment later, she stood before them.
Okay,
thought Darlene.
So that's why he calls her Zulu Woman.
The woman was taller than most professional basketball players, perhaps six foot nine or more, thin and sinewy, and as black as pitch. Around her neck and wrists were a necklace and bracelets made of teeth and denuded finger bones. She wore a halter and loincloth that looked to be made of human flesh… Caucasian in nature. The makeshift garments were decorated with Aryan prison tattoos. Her afro was tied tightly into buns on both sides of her head, making her look like a cross between Princess Leia and Mickey Mouse, although no one on God's scorched earth would have had the balls to tell her that to her face.
She stared hard at the man in the black leather outfit. "Hey… it
is
you." A frown crossed her lean face. "Damn, you're old!"
"Just because there's snow on the rooftop, don't mean there ain't fire in the furnace," said Big E. He studied her attire. "Looks like you've been skinning skin-heads, Zulu."
The woman grinned, showing strong, white teeth. "Yeah. A bunch of the rednecks came down here in a pickup truck a month ago, looking to pull a train on me and get themselves a piece." She drew a long-bladed skinning knife from a sheath tied to her right calf. "But, instead,
they
ended up in pieces.
Sorta
tough and gamey, but they made good jerky."
"Aw, Zulu," groaned Big E. "Don't tell me you've been eating folks, too."
She glared at him, fists planted firmly on her narrow hips. "Well, I reckon I didn't have any freaking peanut butter and banana sandwiches to feed my face, so I had to eat honky instead!"
The King shook his head. "Girl, you've got a tongue like a viper. Just like your mama."
Zulu's face softened a bit. "Tell me something, E. Was she really a good singer?"
"The best songbird who ever worked for me," he told her. "Why, when she backed me up on "My Way" or "Suspicious Minds",
Lordy
, her voice was so sweet it made my pubic hairs stand on end."
Zulu rolled her eyes. "Mama always did say you were too horny for your own good."
Big E winked. "I reckon she'd know better than most, wouldn't she?"
Darlene held her breath. She half expected the woman to step forward and disembowel Big E with that wicked knife of hers. But nothing of the sort took place. Instead, they seemed to trade an expression of mutual understanding. Suddenly, Darlene began to detect a distinct similarity in their facial features. The same shape of brow and
jawline
, the same smoldering blue eyes.
"So what brings you
outta
the bowels of the earth and down here to Purgatory, Big E?" asked Zulu. "I know you ain't just paying a social call."
"Remember that Caribbean island I've told you about? Well, that's where we're heading. Just wanted to know if you'd like to join the entourage. Sure beats this jungle-bunny warrior crap you've been living."
Zulu considered his offer. "You know, I could sure go for a warmer climate. I might just take you up on that, E."
It was at that moment, that they all noticed a sound echoing from the distance. A sound like hundreds of hoof beats on asphalt. It was low at first, then began to increase in volume.
"Dammit!" said Zulu. A frightened look shown in her dark face. "It's the Herd!"
"What's the Herd?" asked Darlene. She heard a hoarse bellowing, full of rage and menace. It was followed by a dozen more, just as furious.
"Load your big ol' butt in the car, Blondie, and I'll tell you later," she said. "Right now, we gotta get the hell
outta
here!"
Soon, they were in the car, heading back downtown. Big E glanced in the rearview mirror as he pulled away. He tried to make out exactly what was pursuing them, but all he could see was a pale wave of fury filling the courtyards of Purgatory Heights taking down everything in its wake… trees, basketball posts, streetlamps.
"Better grow yourself a lead foot," Zulu urged. "They can book like a Kenyan marathon runner."
Big E floored it and they sped onward toward the city. "Exactly what are we running from?"
Zulu relaxed and settled against the pink leather seat of the Caddy. "There was a Mennonite farm across the river in Arkansas before the Burn. Had a big herd of cattle, couple of thousand head. Well, it was only a few miles from Ground Zero when one of the bombs blew. Killed the Mennonites and their families, but a lot of the cattle survived. The radiation drove them crazy, made their hair fall out, and covered them with sores and boils. And they don't eat hay and shit anymore, either. Got a taste for meat. That's why they crossed the bridge to Memphis. They'll chow down on anything with two legs."
That loud bellowing came from behind them again, like a battle trumpet calling the ranks to follow. "Doesn't sound like any cow I ever heard," said Roy.
"That's
Studmuffin
," Zulu told him. "The leader of the Herd. A thousand pounds of Brahma bull with a chip on his shoulder and a 24/7 hard-on. Saw him take down a gang of bikers once. Screwed the leader – a big ol' Viking-looking dude – and then ate him, boots, bones, and all. You sure don't want him getting hold of your ass."
Big E checked the mirror again. He could detect a larger entity ahead of the pink-fleshed stampede; massive, almost demonic in nature. His rectum puckered as he stamped the gas to the floor. "Let's get to the boat."
Fifteen minutes later, they were tooling through the deserted streets of downtown Memphis.
On their way down Beale Street, Big E's belly growled. "I could sure go for some good barbecue ribs right about now… but I reckon I couldn't stomach what passes for the stuff these days."
Zulu licked her lips. "You know, skin-head ain't half bad if you use the right sauce…"
"Hush!" said E, giving her a warning look. "Just hush up."
It wasn't long before they reached the riverfront. They parked the Pink Lady near the Pyramid and headed toward the river. In the distance they could see Mud Island, a tourist attraction that was now a colony for lepers.
"I think we lost those cows," said Roy.
"Don't worry, Little E. They're still coming. We just outran 'em, that's all," said Zulu.
"You're awful sure of yourself, aren't you?" There was something about the woman that rubbed him the wrong way. "Sure got a mouth on you, I'll say that for sure."
Zulu whirled and wagged a dark finger in his face. "Listen up, you bargain basement hip-slinger! You
dis
me one more time and I'll scalp off those muttonchops and wear them for pasties. Got that?"