Authors: Ella Morris
28
Wednesday morning seems like it couldn’t go by slow enough. Taylor hasn’t spoken to Nicole or Chad since their blowout and without classes in session during exams, Taylor is forced to sit in her lonesome of Chantelle’s living room with her thoughts. She has no one to turn to. She knows that she can’t talk to any classmates about this because the word would spread like a wildfire and James would certainly lose his position. She can’t call her parents, because they would literally disown her and neither James nor Chad are viable options for her to turn to. This is the first time in her entire life where Taylor has felt alone.
As her English exam with James approaches, Taylor can feel her emotions hitting her like a ton of bricks. As she walks to the classroom, she fights back the tears. When she comes around the corner to the classroom to write her exam, Janessa stands there and greets her. “Hey, Tay. You ready for this?” she asks, eagerly anticipating the exam. “I’ve been in such a groove lately that I’ve got a good feeling about this!”
Taylor opens up her mouth to speak but when she does, a tear escapes from her eye. It takes a moment for Janessa to stop babbling before she even notices. “Tay, you alright? What’s wrong?”
Not wanting to get into it right now, Taylor sucks it up and makes up an excuse. “I just got into a fight with my parents, but I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”
Janessa tries to offer her some comfort and to alleviate her pain. “Hey, I know how overbearing parents can be, but you’ll make it through. You’re a smart girl and the perfect student. You got this!”
The word
perfect
sends chills through Taylor’s body. At one time, that was all she strived for. Now, all she wants is for things to go back to the way they once were. She looks to Janessa. “Thanks for the support, Jay. I appreciate it.”
The two girls head into the classroom and Taylor braces herself to see James sitting at his desk, but can’t make him out as the sea of students flood the exam room. Taylor finds herself looking over and through people to try to find James.
“Dude, are you alright?”
Taylor ignores Janessa and continues to look for James. She sees an older man, heavier set and those familiar thick-rimmed glasses but it is paired with a full-grown white beard. It’s not James. It’s someone else.
Taylor feels distraught. Even though she knows that she is locked into this exam either way and is guaranteed a perfect grade, her nerves get the better of her. Where was James? Why didn’t he show up today? Was he okay?
“Please seat yourself where an exam is placed and sit quietly for further instruction,” the older gentleman instructs the class.
“Good luck!” Janessa whispers to Taylor as she leaves her in the first row of seats, sitting right in front of an exam.
Taylor continues walking up the stairs to a new level. She walks past a few students and then eventually finds herself away from the crowd and separated. She sits quietly with an exam placed in front of her, turned upside down. She does her usual exam routine by placing a highlighter, pencil and pen on either side of the exam, as if she is laying out cutlery for a meal. Everything has a place and needs to be there. It is her good luck charm, despite not needing it.
Everyone settles in room and the room gets quiet. They wait for the next instruction from the teacher.
“Now, my name is Mr. Smith and I am here filling in for Mr. Zakarak. He will be grading your exams and you should receive your final marks within a few weeks of writing the final. As instructed to you before, you understand that you have 2 and a half hours to complete the exam. Please use only a pencil for this exam for all three parts. Again, manage your time properly and I will keep you all updated on how much allotted time you will have left. We will start sharp at 2:30pm and end at 5:00pm. Are there any questions?”
No hands in the class rise. The clock is at 2:29pm.
“Then at 2:30pm sharp, you may begin.” He sits back at the desk and grades papers of his own class.
The class all sits quietly. Some of them signal to their peers in the class with a good luck thumbs up or smile. Janessa turns around and smiles to Taylor. She smiles back, unwillingly. Her mind is elsewhere right now.
Everyone’s pencils are shaking in their hands. The anticipation is killing them. All of the studying, all of the hard work, all of the hours they put in, it all boiled down to this.
The digital clock changes over and it’s go time. Everyone flips over their exam in unison, Taylor is the last one to go. Everyone starts reading and writing away, some of them starting on the essay portion first while others get busy filling out the multiple choice selections as fast as their pencils can allow.
After some thought and staring at the front of the classroom and not seeing James, it hits her. She has to write this exam to prove to him that she didn’t just sleep with him for the grade. She did feel something for him. She just didn’t know exactly what that was.
Finally, Taylor looks down at her exam and begins to read the first part of the exam – multiple choice based on a novel study they did in the beginning of the year. Easy enough.
She flies through the first portion of the exam with ease. Taylor feels a sense of relief come over her. This was much easier than the midterm she wrote a few months ago. She felt like she knew every question. She went on.
Up next, reading comprehension based on a Shakespearean sonnet they had studied in class. Taylor paid extra attention in class that day, as any piece written by his brilliance captivated her and pulled her in. Done. Onto the essay.
With hours left in the exam, Taylor began to write the essay. First, an introduction on the topic. Her thesis came to her with ease. Up next, some concrete ideals filled in with her argument. She even found herself filing through excess information in her head. She was surprised in herself and how simple this exam was. Why was she so worried in the past? All she had to do was believe in herself and her abilities. She was as smart as she thought she was. She just didn’t have the confidence before.
With a half hour left in the exam, Taylor completes it in full. That is when she notices an extra page attached to the exam. What was this? An additional question she wasn’t prepared for? Her nerves start to get the better of her again. Maybe she did need all of the extra help she could get.
She flips the page. On a single sheet of paper with loose-leaf lines reads at the top three simple words. “What is love?”
The question stops Taylor in her tracks. Was this a message from James? Was this intended all along? Was this just some joke? She didn’t know.
“Class, you have 30 minutes left.”
With a 2% marked beside it, she knew if she didn’t answer it, it wouldn’t weigh too heavily on her mark. Then again, maybe if she didn’t answer it, she would lose him forever. She couldn’t take that chance.
With a half an hour to rack her brain, with this question, she writes down as much as she can before she hears “Time’s up! Please hand in your exams at the front of the class on the desk. Also, please remember to write your name on the back of the exam on the blank page to let Mr. Zakarak know whom he is grading. Thank you and good luck with the rest of exam week.”
The students all stand up from their chairs and all of them are relieved that the exam is over, but more importantly, that they can get up and stretch their legs. Everyone heads down to the desk to drop off their papers and as soon as some students cross the threshold of the classroom door, joyous cheers can be heard.
Janessa beats Taylor to the punch and hands her exam in first. She waits by the door for her classmate.
Taylor hands off her exam to the professor and smiles at him and a strong sense of relief come over her; she did it and she did it better than she ever thought she could.
“So, how did you think you did?”
Taylor and Janessa exit the room together.
“I think I did really well actually!” Taylor exclaims.
“What the hell was up with that last question? I had no idea what to write! I don’t know what love means. I’m only 21!”
Taylor laughs. “You know Zakarak, always keeping us on our toes.”
“True that,” Janessa replies. “So what’s next? More exams? Done for the year? Wait, isn’t Chad coming to see you?”
Taylor stops walking dead in her tracks. Janessa walks a few steps ahead of her until she realizes that Taylor hasn’t caught up to her. She turns around. “What’s up?”
Taylor swallows her words. “Nothing. Hey listen, I gotta run. See you around?”
Janessa smiles at her. “I hope so, bud. Take care and let’s hang out before we head home for the summer, okay? And just so you know, if you ever need someone, I’m here for you.”
She hugs Taylor and Taylor welcomes the warm embrace. Despite her flightiness, maybe Janessa was a great friend and someone that she could rely on. She was going to need a new roommate next semester and Janessa might just be the perfect fit.
“Thanks, darling. I’ll text you soon!” Taylor lessens the embrace and walks past Janessa. She smiles as Taylor passes her and stands for a moment, reflecting on their friendship blossoming.
“See you soon,” Janessa says to herself, as the warm summer air teases with her hair.
29
Taylor flies through the campus quad and head towards James’ office. Will he be there? Will he be waiting for her? She had to find out.
She gallops in her step and looks very reminiscent of a gazelle, running through the plains, with the eyes of prey all over her. Yes, she is a beautiful young woman and you can bet that all of the young men on campus take notice and do they ever. Eyes follow her throughout the entire campus quad as Taylor makes her way, unbeknownst to the attention, to James’ office.
Just as she is steps away from turning the corner to hit his office, she runs into none other than her newfound mortal enemy and the douche bag himself, holding hands and walking together.
“Taylor!”
She falls quiet and doesn’t acknowledge either of them. Their hands snap out of the other’s and fall by their sides.
“Tay,” let’s talk about this, Chad says to her.
“Talk about this? What is there to talk to about?” Taylor snaps back. “It’s done. It’s over. I said I want you both out of my life and I couldn’t be happier.”
Nicole and Chad are speechless. However, Taylor feels like she has nowhere to go. She can’t head into James’ office, not with them so close. Yes, she was unfaithful but did she really owe it to Chad to tell him? She thought not.
“I have to go,” Taylor says as she struggles to force herself to go in the opposite direction.
“Taylor!” Nicole calls out after her. She runs to head to Taylor’s side and stops her with her hand on her arm.
Taylor freezes and looks at Nicole’s hand before meeting her gaze. “What do you want?”
“I just want to explain. Please. Just give me a chance!”
Taylor just stares at her. “I thought you were my best friend. I thought I could trust you, but now I know the truth. You are just a no good dirty slut who can’t be trusted.”
Nicole’s eyes well with tears. “Tay…”
“I’m done, Nicole. I’m done.”
She looks in Chad’s direction with the same stern gaze. “I’m done.”
Taylor snaps her head back around and heads towards the main strip to take a cab back to Chantelle’s, where she had been staying. Never before has she has the courage to stand up to someone like that. She always was the one people walked over. She always was the one that got hurt in the end, but no, not today. She had to stand up to them and she had to say something. Even though it hurt, it felt good. It felt right.
Chad walks up to Nicole to bring her comfort. She accepts the embrace and the two hold each other in the middle of the hallway.
Just then, a man peeks his head out from his office and it is none other than James. He notices Nicole and Chad embracing and wonders if he heard Taylor’s voice in the distance. Was he just hearing things? Maybe he was just making up things in his mind. He couldn’t tell the difference anymore. He looks at Nicole and Chad for a brief moment and then pulls his head back into his office, hoping she will come greet him, but she never does.
Taylor continues walking in the opposite direction back to her dorm when she gets a call on her cell phone. Was it James? She picks it up immediately and doesn’t even bother to investigate who is calling on the other end.
“Hello?”
“Sweetie! How is my baby girl?”
It’s her mother. Perfect. What impeccable timing.
Taylor rolls her eyes. “Hi, mom.”
“Are you okay, baby?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
The question hits Taylor hard and it is no use trying to deflect it. A mother can always tell when something is wrong and Taylor knew either way, her mother was going to find out.
“I don’t know anymore…” Taylor tucks herself away in a cozy corner of the campus quad, so no one can see her or hear her. She sobs quietly to herself.
“We got a call from Chantelle last night and she said that you were going through a pretty rough time. We haven’t heard from you in a few days and we were worried.”
Taylor swallows hard. What did Chantelle tell them? She braced herself for the worst.
“Chad was a nice boy, but honey, you need a nice man. You are so mature beyond your years and he just wasn’t going to be the right one for you. We are so sorry about what he did for you and what happened with Nicole, but soon you will be home with us and we will protect you.”
Taylor sobs some more. She could care less about Chad and Nicole at this point and returning home for the summer was one of the worst options she had. She didn’t want to leave. With only a few more exams left in the semester, and barely a week left on campus, she didn’t have much time to smooth things over with James. What if she never saw him again? What if all of this wasn’t even worth it in the end?
“Oh baby girl, you’ll be home soon. Just a few more exams. Remember, your dad and I are very proud of you.”
That was the first time Taylor had ever heard those words come from her mother’s mouth. It stunned her. Just when she needed to hear it, it came and was it ever soothing.
“Thanks mom. I love you.”
“I love you too. Call me whenever you need me, okay? I’m always here for you, even if we are miles apart.”
Taylor smiles into the phone as her emotions start to clear. “Thanks ma, love you too.”
She hangs up the phone and holds it in her hands for a while. Should she text him? She wasn’t sure. What would she say? She didn’t know.
With all of the emotions flooding her these past few weeks, she knew the best thing for her was to go back to Chantelle’s, hit the books and maybe, just maybe, this nightmare called reality would finally go away.