Authors: Lori D. Johnson
Nora looked over at the pair and, with a scowl on her face, said, “I wonder just how spicy she likes her dip?”
Figuring she was just out to poke fun, I chuckled but didn’t comment.
Then Nora looked at me real serious-like and said, “You think Betty’s got any jalapeno?”
I said, “Jalapeno? Girl, if you make that stuff any hotter you’re gonna be sick as a dog up in here.”
That’s when Nora winked at me and took off. Next thing I knew, she had Betty by the arm and they were making their way to the kitchen, grinning and bobbing heads all the while.
It wasn’t hard to tell that the fit was about to hit the sham. Not wanting to wind up with any mess on me, I decided
to be an adult about the situation and just go on over and speak to dude and Ms. Thang.
As it was, Carl kept glancing over at me with this weird, almost pained expression on his face. I couldn’t tell if he was growing increasingly uncomfortable with my presence or, like me, was simply trying to figure out a way to navigate the distance between us.
But before I could make my move, Nora was out of the kitchen and making room for herself on the sofa next to Carl’s date. There was a brief exchange of words before Nora raised up the bowl of chips and doctored dip and offered sistergirl a taste.
As mean a stunt as it was, girl, I couldn’t help but laugh. I’m saying, a bug-eyed catfish fresh out of the water and headed for the nearest frying pan is what the poor chile reminded me of.
Nora, with her crazy self, waited until the girl’s huffing and puffing turned into some straight-up coughing and gagging before she summoned Betty over to escort their unassuming mark to the bathroom.
Even though Carl appeared genuinely concerned about sistergirl’s well-being, as soon as she was safely out of sight, he was off the couch and headed in my direction.
When she spread her arms and offered me a hug, I pulled her toward me and squeezed her tight, savoring as much as she’d let me of her warmth, her scent, and the leaner-than-I-remembered contours of her sweet, brown frame.
Upon pulling back and checking her out up-close and personal, the most I could get out of my mouth without
slinging slobber every which-a-way was, “Damn, girl, you look good!”
I’m saying, man, in spite of the damage she’d done to my ego, I couldn’t help but be happy to see her. She did a little spin for me and said that in addition to counting calories, she’d been working out at the gym four to five times a week.
I said, “I guess that means you and ol’ boy are still tight then, huh?”
She said, “Now, why you want to start up with that? Besides, it hardly seems like you’re hurting for company. Didn’t you come here with somebody?”
Wasn’t nothin’ I could say but “Yeah, I guess I did.”
Faye said, “She’s cute—your girlfriend, I mean.”
I was like, “Who? Victoria? No, see, we aren’t, like, together, together. I mean, she’s just somebody I hooked up with from school.”
She looked at me with a grin and said, “Oh, she’s college-age, is she?”
“See, now you wrong for that, Faye” is what I told her. “Dead wrong.”
Those dimples of hers got even deeper as she batted her eyes and she said, “Am I?”
Yeah, shucking and jiving with Faye took me back and almost made me forget that anything foul had ever happened between us. The whole time I was standing there, all I could think was that maybe her being there was a sign—you know, a sign that possibly she’d changed her mind about ol’ boy and was ready to pick up where she and I had left off. After all, I didn’t see any sign of that big-ass ring Nora had told me about. With the vibe between us growing thicker by the second, I finally just broke down and cast my line, “Look, baby, why don’t you come hang out with me and the girls next weekend? Alvin Ailey’s American Dance Theatre is gonna be in town and—”
She put her fingers to my lips to keep me from finishing
and motioned with her eyes for me to turn and look. When I did, I saw that Ms. Vic had come back into the room. But Nora and my ex were doing their damnedest to keep her hemmed up in a corner.
When I turned back around, Faye was like, “You should probably go and rescue her.”
To show ol’ girl I wasn’t about to run scared, I stood my ground and reached for her hand before stepping to her again. Without a shred of amusement in my voice, I asked her point-blank, “Why you so worried about her, when it’s obvious that I’m the one who’s drowning here?”
Girl, when he took my hand and put it on his face, all I could think was,
Lord, please don’t let this man try to kiss me.
First of all, I knew if his lips came anywhere near mine, I’d hardly be able to resist the urge to kiss him back. And secondly, I wasn’t at all looking to get into some nasty cat-fight with the slim he’d arrived there with.
I tried to ease away from him, but that only made him move closer and hold me tighter. He pressed his mouth to the heel of my palm and said, “Do you at least plan on saving a dance for me?”
I stroked his jawline and fingered one of his earrings before I caught myself. I cleared my throat and told him, “I don’t know. That might not go over so well with, you know, your new girl.”
He locked his gaze with mine and said, “I told you already, she’s not my girl.”
‘Round about that time is when slim finally managed to slip free from the tight clutch Nora and Betty had her in.
And in the blink of an eye, she was right back at Carl’s side, hanging onto his arm for dear life. Thinking she had something to prove, girlfriend went so far as to plant a noisy kiss on the brother’s cheek and say, “Hey, ya miss me?”
Instead of coming right out and telling her the truth, which would have been, “Not one durn bit,” Carl introduced us. “Victoria, I want you to meet Faye. Me and Faye used to be … neighbors.”
Before reaching out for slim’s hand, I smiled at Carl, who was standing between us looking like his drawers had suddenly become violently twisted. Girlfriend, for her part, grinned and greeted me cordially enough, even though it was clear that she’d done peeped the deal between me and dude.
Carl opened his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Renita and Renee, who busted in on the scene and temporarily stole the show. “Daddy! Daddy! It’s Bow Wow! Remember, you said you’d dance with us when his song came on?” With a look of resigned relief on his face, Carl shrugged before letting the twins drag him off.
Not knowing what to say to each other, me and slim stood there for a moment and watched as Carl and the girls danced. In an attempt to try to break the ice, I said, “I guess we know who has his heart, huh?”
Girlfriend looked at me real funny-like and said, “So, exactly how long were you and Carl … neighbors?”
I don’t know if she was simply digging for information, trying to start something, or what, but just as I was about to give her the goods on me and dude, Carl’s Uncle West-brook came over and launched into an interrogation of his own.
“You ladies doing all right?” is what he started with, before turning on slim and saying, “Excuse me, but don’t I know you from somewhere? Didn’t you used to go with a tall, gray-haired cat, owned a red Caddy? Went by the name of, ah, Sonny Boy?”
She grinned and said, “Yes, sir, I most certainly did. I haven’t seen him in ages, though. How’s he doing these days?”
Mr. Westbrook was like, “Who? Sonny Boy? Oh, he’s dead.”
Looking right shocked, girlfriend hollered, “What?!”
“Yup.” Westbrook nodded. “Passed away ’bout four, five months ago. A massive heart attack is what I heard.”
While they danced back and forth around the details, I snuck my butt on away from there and slid up next to Nora, who was busying herself at the buffet table.
She smiled and said, “What’s up, girl? Don’t tell me you need me and Betty to buy you some more time.”
“Thanks, but no thanks” is what I was quick to tell her.
She glanced over at slim and said, “So, what she talkin’ ’bout?”
Nothin’ besides the number of old-ass men she done put out to pasture
is what I almost volunteered. But not wanting to get Nora all riled again, I just said, “Honey, please, you don’t even wanna know.”
Women are funny, man. If ol’ girl showing her face up in the place wasn’t shocking enough, not in a billion years would I have ever banked on Nora and my ex teaming up to run a doggone screen on my behalf. And Ms. Vic … man, had anybody told me baby girl had it in her to cut up sideways like she did that night, I’da called them and their mama both a liar. But I was an eyewitness, if not a reluctant participant, in some of her tricked-out madness.
Take the li’l stunt she up and pulled when somebody made the mistake of treating me to some of Al Green’s
“Love and Happiness.” I’d just finished proving to the twins that their ol’ pops was still capable of busting a move or two when I heard those smooth, rhythmic strings segueing into the last few notes of Bow Wow’s spastic hip-hop beat. Yeah, man, you know how it goes. Bump-bump-bump, bump-bump-bump-bump, bum … bum … bum.
I’m saying, dog, it’s just something about those licks that make the hair rise up on a brother’s back. And it wasn’t like I needed a partner. It’s one of those songs I’m just as content to groove to all by my lonesome. But as my quote-unquote date for the evening, Ms. Vic obviously somehow felt obliged to join me—which I probably wouldn’t have minded all that much had the circumstances been different. Say, for instance, had the audience watching us do our thing not included my two highly impressionable little girls, my already pissed-off ex, my fickle former lover, and her scheming-demon of a best friend. Or, let’s say, if Ms. Vic hadn’t been out there grinding her butterfly all up in my groin, dropping it like it was hot, and whatnot. I’m telling you, man, the girl was popping that little butt of hers every which way but loose. And anybody who’s ever heard “Love and Happiness” knows it ain’t even that kind of jam.
I thought for sure at any second my girl Bet was gonna fly into a stomp-footed rage and snatch both our asses off the floor. And it wasn’t like I didn’t have a good mind to pull baby girl aside and tell her to slow her doggone roll. But hey, all my boys were there—my cousin Squirrel, my Uncle Westbrook, and all the rest of ’em. Short of letting myself be seen getting straight punked, wasn’t nothin’ I could do but go with the flow.
And even after all was said and done, I might have still been okay with it if at a certain point I hadn’t looked up and seen what looked for all the world like hurt in Faye’s eyes.
Come on, baby. This ain’t even about you!
is what I
wanted to yell across the room at her, even though on Ms. Vic’s part, I’d dare say it most certainly was.
To my surprise, we managed to get through the song and finish the dance without any subsequent loss of life or limb. But it was right about then that I realized if I kept hanging out with the likes of Ms. Vic, the chances of me making it to yet another birthday unscathed and with all my wits about me were somewhere between slim and none.
After bowing to the round of cheers and applause I got from most of the fellas, I joined Ms. Vic in downing another glass of punch. Of course the whole time I was drinking, I was looking around for Faye, in hopes that she’d be open to hearing me out about what had just gone down.
With ol’ girl nowhere in sight, I made up my mind to go off in search of her. But in order to facilitate a clean getaway without Ms. Vic feeling the need to trail me, I had to drum up a lie about having to go take a leak.
On my way across the room, I ran into Squirrel, who said, “You know something, man? Since Big Red lost all that weight, she kinda puts you in mind of a nice voluptuous cross between Faith Evans and Toni Braxton, don’t you think?”
“Sure, man, whatever” is what I told him. “You seen her anywhere?”
He was like, “Who, Red? Yeah, she just left. What, you didn’t know?”
Man, that’s when I saw Nora. She swung a hand up on her hip and shook her head in my direction as if to say, “Umm-hmm, you know ya blew that, don’t cha?”
Ordinarily, that kind of mess doesn’t even phase me. Wasn’t like I didn’t know exactly what girlfriend was trying to pull with her pointedly nasty imitation of Lil Kim, Foxy Brown, and Beyoncé all rolled into one. But I’m here to tell you, “bootylicious” it wasn’t. More like a whole lot of booty-stank.
Even so, I might have halfway understood it had I said something nasty to the chile or done something to indicate that I was out to claim her man. I almost stuck around just so I could tell her that she needn’t waste her time worrying about me, because for all practical purposes I’d already been there, done that, and moved on to other things.
I guess more than anything, what really irked me was just how much Carl seemed to be enjoying the whole trite Player’s Club set, especially given the fact that just seconds before he’d been all up in my face talking that yang.
Now, how was I supposed to believe anything he’d just said to me after seeing him let little Ms. Hot Draws back that thang up on him? Like I’m really gonna want to stick around, much less dance with his silly behind after having stood by and watched him get his jollies with this girl. Honey, please. Had I been in the mood for a freak show, I’da stayed at home and watched the durn Spice channel.
So, yeah, I left. What else was I supposed to do? I told you, girl, I’m not even trying to waste my time like that. But if it makes you feel any better, then fine, I’ll admit it. Yeah, I was a little hurt, but only because I’d momentarily let myself buy into the con that Carl really cared.
Soon as she realized Faye had split the scene, Ms. Vic went ahead and loosened the choke hold she had on my leash. I was standing ’round with a group of the fellas, soaking up the praises they were showering on me for having bagged such a hot, young cutie, when the ex walked up and dragged my airborne ego back to the ground. “Yeah, go ’head, ‘Mr. Big Stuff.’ Out there in front of your children showing your natural black ass, like you ain’t got good sense the first. I swear, when the barber shaved off all your hair, he must have taken a damn good chunk of your brain right along with it.”