After the Ending (25 page)

As I stood by the pond,
brooding,
the charcoal-gray s
ky continued to
dim,
and thunderclouds churned ferociously. The first drop
of rain landed
on my chee
k,
quickly followed by others
. I welcomed the rain, wanting it to wash away
all of my troubles, but I was too cold to stay outdoors any longer. I turned to
leave…and jumped. Jake was standing almost directly behind me. I had no idea
how I hadn’t heard him.

“I thought you went to find Biggs,” he said, taking a
step closer to me. He seemed unconcerned by the increasing rain.

I really didn’t want to talk to him—his mere presence
made me combative. “I needed some air,” I said icily.

His eyes narrowed. “Are you okay?” he asked sharply.

His “concern” was infuriating. “It doesn’t really matter,
does it?” I snapped, turning my back on him and wandering closer to the water.
I didn’t want him to see the seething play of emotions on my face.

Hearing his heavy footsteps approach, I blurted, “Why
didn’t anyone tell me we were staying here
indefinitely
? And when did
you
decide to stay?”

Jake’s silence aggravated m
e
even more,
and I rounded on him. He was too close,
and
I had to step
back
to avoid bumping
into him. His eyes were filled with an emotion I had no interest in understanding.
I pushed his feelings away and resolved to stop trying to figure him out.
Unable to look at him
, I started to walk away, b
ut
his hand grasped my forearm before I could move out of his reach.

“It’s not safe there.”

Oh, now he wants to talk,
I thought caustically
but took the bait.
“It’s not safe
where
?”

“Colorado.”

I sensed his earnestness
but
was too stubborn to consider his warning. “Well, it’s not safe anywhere.” I
tried to tug my arm from his iron hold, but his hand squeezed tighter.

“You don’t understand.”
Jake’s
voice was grave, but I barely heard his words. He was apparently oblivious to
the water running down his clenched jaw, to the rain-drenched shirt clinging to
his torso.

But
I
wasn’t.
I struggled to prevent my eyes from scanning his sculpted
body. My attraction to him was like lighter fluid on my fiery rage.
“Of
course I don’t understand,
Jake
. How could I? You never explain
anything, and I’m sick of trying to figure you out!” I shouted.

“I’ve been there!” His words were like forbidden fruit. I
straightened and awaited the explanation I desperately hoped would follow.
Finally, he said, “I’m
from
there.” The pain in his eyes was obvious.
What
happened to him there? Why won’t he go back?

“And that has
what
to do with the Colony, exactly?”

Jake’s free hand clenched into a fist. “Dammit, Zoe! I’m
from Colorado Springs…that’s practically on Peterson’s doorstep. I left when
all this started for a reason.”

I staggered back in surprise, and hope surged through me as
I considered what he might know. “Have you been to the Colony?”

He shook his head, and my sudden hope evaporated. “No.
But if it’s what I think it is, we don’t want to go there—
especially
not
you.”

“Why? What happened?”

Jake hesitated, but then seemed to come to a decision.
“My sister was like you…changed by the Virus. Soldiers came for her near the
beginning, and she thought killing herself was better than being taken away by
them.”

“The woman dying in your arms,” I whispered sadly,
suddenly feeling the need to comfort him.

For the first time, his silence told me everything I
needed to know. He wore grief and regret like an invisible scar—always there to
remind him, to punish him.

My voice cracked as I asked, “What were they gonna do to
her?” Despite the rain dripping down my face and over my lips, my mouth grew
dry at the thought of being held against my will…of being experimented on.

“I don’t know, but they had assault rifles and were ready
to use them. They weren’t giving
Becca
a choice…and
she refused to go with them the only way she could.” As an afterthought, he
added softly, “She saw something, and whatever it was…it was worse than killing
herself.”

Maybe I should reconsider…
I wiped the rain from
my eyes as a sudden realization filled me with terror.
Dani and Jason are
headed there.

“I’m really sorry for what happened to your sister, but—”

Jake dropped my arm. “I didn’t tell you that to make you
sorry. I told you so you could protect yourself. Staying here might be the only
way to do that.”
It
was the most emotion I’d
ever heard in his voice, and it frightened me.

“I appreciate your concern for my safety, Jake. I really
do. And I understand why you think I should stay here, but I can’t. I have
people waiting for me. I have to go, with or without you guys,” I said honestly
and walked passed him, heading toward the ba
rracks.

Questions about Jake’s past fought to escape my lips, but
I held them back
. I knew if I lingered to ask, to
get to know him better, he might succeed in convincing me to stay.

Zoe

After dinner that night, I sat on a couch in the common
room, basking in the warmth of the fire. I felt numb. My body was like an
icebox—frozen from the inside out—my bones felt brittle, and even in a
long-sleeve shirt and sweatpants, I was shivering uncontrollably. Emotionally,
I was raw. The Crazies’ memories were seared into my mind, and their emotions
had felt more severe and unsettling than any I’d ever experienced before. I
felt fractured and exposed, and the fire provided much-needed comfort after a
day of unwanted surprises.

On the floor at my feet, Cooper snoozed peacefully. He’d
taken a sudden interest in me—following me around and staring at me with
concerned, watchful eyes—like he knew what I’d seen and how dead I felt inside.

Focusing on my drawing, I critiqued the likeness of the
pond. I was struggling, my hands and mind working disjointedly to convey what I
remembered. The drawing was a weak version of the image I saw so vividly in my
head—it was drab and boring compared to the life I knew hid in the hibernating
landscape.

I hadn’t felt like myself for weeks, but I was having a
particularly disconcerting evening. My eyelids had grown increasingly heavy
over the past hour, but I resisted the urge to turn in for the night. I dreaded
the nightmarish images that awaited me whenever my eyes closed. Instead, I’d
nested in the corner of the couch, armed with a book, my drawing pad and
pencils, and a steaming cup of Chai tea to keep my mind occupied for as long as
possible. Unfortunately, thoughts of leaving the group continued to fill my
consciousness.

“Hey,” Clara’s chirping voice jolted me from my restless
mind chatter. She flopped down beside me, smirking as my pencil hand jumped
across the page.
I didn’t want an extra branch there, bitch
.

Clara was one of the last people I wanted to talk to. She
creeped
me out, especially her bright, vivacious blue
eyes—despite their angelic color, they seemed to house the soul of a devil. Her
lips were too red, her smile too wide.

Sighing and attempting to smile, I looked over at her,
reluctant to give her much attention. “What can I do for you, Clara?”

She situated herself comfortably beside me and analyzed
my sketch. “Oh nothing. I just thought I’d come check on you.” She looked at
me, mimicking the disingenuous smile I’d plastered on my own face. “You’ve been
so quiet since you and the others got back…I just thought I’d see if there was
anything I could do to help.”

Corralling all the patience I could possibly muster, I
turned back to my sketchbook. “I’m peachy, Clara. Thanks for your concern, but
I’m really not in the mood to chat tonight.” I hoped my sarcastic tone would
send her on her way.

“Oh, don’t be shy.” She batted my arm playfully. “I can tell
something’s wrong. You have been pouting since you got back from your trip into
town. I can tell you’re suffering. Just a woman’s intuition, I guess.”

I shook my head dismissively. “Well I’m sorry to break it
to you, but I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Out of nowhere, Clara’s mood
shifted, and hostility fogged my senses, even though her feigned concerned
expression remained intact.

“Jake told me what happened,” she said, sounding
sympathetic.

Glancing at her, I wondered if she was full of shit or if
Jake really would’ve told her about our conversation by the pond.
How close
are they anyway?
“Oh yeah? And what exactly did he tell you?” Part of me
hoped he
did
have a big mouth, just so I’d have one more reason to get
as far away from him as possible. But…another part of me felt sick at the idea
of Jake talking to Clara about me at all.

At my question, her coy smile faded, and her eyes
hardened. Apparently that hadn’t been the response she’d been looking for. I
could feel betrayal and animosity radiating from her as she resituated herself
on the couch beside me.

Clearing her throat, she straightened her blouse and
avoided meeting my gaze. After a moment, she looked at me with empty eyes.
“Oh,
don’t worry about it,” she said. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Confused, I shifted on the couch to face her. I could
feel myself getting sucked into her conniving trap, but both exasperation and
curiosity lead me to ask, “And which secret is that?”

Clara’s eyes darted around the room. Her face was
flushed, and she seemed extremely anxious. I had to fight the urge to make a
wise-ass remark about her seven personalities. My mind reached out to hers,
trying to understand her sudden discomfort, and it was an effort to reel it
back in.

“Are you okay?” I asked, watching her face redden before
my eyes.

“I’m fine!” She shrieked, standing abruptly. “I just hope
you know he’s with
me
. You’re damaged goods, to say the least. I
wouldn’t get too attached if I were you.” For reasons I didn’t understand, her
scathing words were like claws raking down my flesh.

“Whatever,” I snapped. “I’m really not in the mood for
mind games right now. Just leave me alone.” I just wanted her to go away.

“Everything okay?” Sarah asked as she strode up behind
the couch, glancing worriedly between us.

“I’m fine!” Clara shrieked again. “Cooper, come!” When
Copper only looked up at her blankly, she huffed and stomped away.

“Wow.” Sarah sat down beside me as she watched Clara
stalk off. She folded her legs under her, mirroring my position on the couch.
Her warmth beside me was comforting—a pleasant relief from Clara’s chilly
antagonism. “She’s really got it out for you, huh?”

“Apparently,” I mused. “I’m not really sure what she
thinks is going on, but she was clearly a mental patient even before all of
this,” I joked.

Sarah giggled. “True.” She leaned her head on my shoulder
and shifted my sketch pad so she could see it better. “
Whatcha
drawin
’?”

“It’s
supposed
to be the little pond down the hill
by the woods. I’ve been going there a lot lately.” I thought of Jake—he seemed
to be a steady fixture there, but I refrained from adding him to the drawing.

“Oh yeah, Riley and I took a walk over there the other
night. It’s
sorta
peaceful, isn’t it?”

I grinned at the warmth her voice held when she mentioned
Biggs’s first name.

“Why are you smiling, Zoe?” Sarah blushed and looked
away, calling Cooper up onto the couch. He jumped up eagerly, settling in
beside Sarah.

“How’s it going with you two anyway?” I asked.

“It’s good,” she said casually.

“Good? That’s all you have to say? I saw him come out of
your room two mornings in a row!” I whispered, pretending to be shocked.

Sarah only had time to giggle before Harper came in and
said, “Everyone in the mess hall. We have to talk.” His expression was more
serious than usual—troubled—and he looked exhausted. I knew they’d planned on
setting fire to the other hospital, but I wasn’t sure how they’d fared,
especially with the rain.

Sarah and I slowly extricated ourselves from the plush
couch, both of us comfy in our pajamas. Seeing Harper in his fatigues made me
feel guilty for lounging around.

“Come on, people!” he called out as we entered the dining
room. Finally, Dave, Tanya, and Stacey strolled in behind us with pool cues in
hand, and we all sat down at one of the long, cafeteria-style tables. Harper
positioned himself on a neighboring table top, one knee up with his arm resting
over it. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“Alright, listen up…” He started by telling everyone the
condensed version of what had happened in the hospital off-base and reassured
us that the situation was being taken care of. Normally Sanchez would’ve led
the meeting, but she was still recovering in her room—she’d been lucky the
bullet hadn’t hit any organs.

“Let this serve as a reminder to everyone—if we face
dangers like these in Fort Knox, think about how dangerous it is everywhere
else.”

I knew it was true, but as he continued speaking, I found
myself distracted by the rain pounding against the windowpanes. It was oddly
soothing, even though I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be
facing the elements alone. The idea didn’t bother me as much as I thought it
should have. Instead, I wondered if the combination of howling wind and
torrential rain was the closest I’d ever come to hearing the sound of rhythmic
waves washing over the beach again—a sound I’d grown up listening to.

“Zoe, did you hear me?” Harper asked.

I looked away from the windows, surprised to see everyone
staring at me expectantly. Even Jake had appeared at some point during Harper’s
speech. He was leaning against the wall in the back of the mess hall. His
clothes were wet, though he didn’t seem to care.

I glanced at Harper sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“I said, ‘We’ve decided to stay here for a while.’”

“I know, to wait out the winter,” I responded, knowing
full well he’d meant we were making Fort Knox a more permanent home. I wasn’t
sure why I was playing dumb, but I found satisfaction in making it difficult
for him to break the news to me.

“No, I mean, we aren’t even sure we’ll leave then. We’ve
decided to stay here…indefinitely.”

I just stared at him. Part of me was hurt because he
hadn’t told me sooner. Foolishly, I’d expected more out of our friendship. But,
another part of me didn’t feel much at all. “Okay,” I said, wanting the
conversation to end. The longer he stared at me, the closer I came to crying.

Harper’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I snapped. “You
thought I’d be pissed that you didn’t tell me sooner? Well it would’ve been
nice if you had.”

Harper’s confusion melted into exasperation. “Zoe…”

I stood quietly and said, “It’s fine, Harper. I know
you’re looking out for everyone’s best interest.”

His eyes fixed on me for a few heartbeats before he
spoke. “Really?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Agreeing was all I could do to avoid an argument.
“I’m sure they’re all okay with staying, especially after what happened out
there today.” I paused, looking around the room at my uncertain companions
before returning my gaze to Harper. “Is there anything else?” I asked weakly.

“No, that’s it.” He scrutinized my face, trying to read
the inner-workings of my mind.

“Stop staring at me like that,” I said. I smiled to
deflect my prickling tears.

“Tell him the truth,” Jake said. The moment I heard his
baritone voice, I felt the color drain from my face.
Please don’t
, I
silently begged. At the sound of him walking up behind me, I turned around and
glared at him. I willed him not to say anymore…I didn’t want to fight.

“What do you mean?” Harper asked, and I silently cursed
Jake.

Meeting Harper’s eyes, I tried to keep my composure, but
I was too mentally exhausted—on top of everything else, the day’s events proved
too much for me to handle. “I understand why you want everyone to stay here—”

“But?” he interrupted, his tone sharp and disapproving.

“But, I’m still leaving to find Dani and my brother. I’m
sure you understand.” Tears blurred my vision, but I feared blinking would only
encourage their flow.

“Zoe, you can’t—”

“Please don’t argue with me,” I pleaded. “I really can’t
do this tonight…I have to go.”

“No you don’t, you can—”

“Yes I do!” I shouted. Acute frustration and loneliness
consumed me. “You don’t understand!” My tears were unstoppable, pouring down
like water over rocky cliffs.

“You’ve been through a lot today, Baby Girl. Let’s talk
about this tomorrow.” His placating, friendly tone returned as he tried to calm
me down.

“I’m not going to change my mind,” I sobbed. I was cracking,
afraid I would shatter completely.

“You’re not going alone,” Jake said, the conviction in
his voice thick and resolute. Trembling, I looked at him. He was standing at
the far end of the table where everyone else sat. They all stared at him, but
he didn’t seem to notice.

“I won’t let you come with me,” I told Jake, wiping my
eyes. Thinking of how much pain he’d experienced in Colorado, I knew going back
was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Jake!” Clara cried, her shrill voice startling me. “You
can’t leave me! You said you’d take care of me!” She tossed her plastic cup
across the room. Everyone looked to her in surprise. Realizing she was suddenly
the center of attention, Clara added, “We’re all safer here.” Desperation
dripped from every word. She glanced at me with searing hatred in her eyes.

“She’s right,” I said. “There’s no way you’re coming with
me.”

“Who’s going to stop me?
You
?” he asked snidely.
“We leave in a week. You better be prepared.” He turned and stalked away.

I didn’t want Jake’s death on my conscious, not to
mention his personal misery. Too many emotions bombarded me—my own despair and
frustration mixed with the others’ worry, confusion, and fear. My body
quivered, and I lost all emotional control.

When Sarah rushed over to me, I fell against her and
cried. The emotions drowned me, but crying felt good—like the vice gripping my
heart slackened just a little, and with it, another wave of exhaustion weakened
me further.

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you to bed.” At Harper’s
warm whisper, my heart broke a little more. I thought of my father—his
seemingly insignificant terms of endearment had told me he loved me even when
he couldn’t say it outright.
I’ll probably never see him again.
Crying
harder, I collapsed to my knees on the floor.

Harper crouched down and gathered me into his arms. “It’s
okay,” he said as he stood, holding me close. Calmness filled me, pushing away
my embarrassment from breaking down in front of the entire group.