After We Collided (The After Series) (41 page)

“Thank you for bringing me home, I think you should go now,” I politely say to Zed. Hardin is too drunk to be around Zed.

“Noooo-ho-ho . . .” Hardin exhales. “Come on in! Let’s have a drink together!” He grabs Zed’s arm and pulls him through the doorway.

I follow them in, protesting, “No, this is not a good idea. You’re drunk.”

“It’s fine,” Zed tells me, waving me off. It’s almost like he has a death wish.

Hardin stumbles over to the coffee table, grabs the bottle of dark liquor standing on it, and pours the liquid into a glass. “Yeah, Tessa. Chill the fuck out.” I want to yell at him for speaking to me that way, but I can’t find my voice. “Here you go—I’ll get another one. One for you, too, Tess,” Hardin mumbles and walks into the kitchen.

Zed sits in the chair, and I take a seat on the couch. “I’m not leaving you here alone with him. Look how drunk he is,” he whispers. “I thought he didn’t drink?”

“He doesn’t . . . not like this. This is my fault.” I put my head in my hands. I hate that Hardin is drunk because of what I did. I wanted us to have a civil conversation so I could apologize for everything.

“No, it’s not,” Zed assures me.

“This one’s . . . for you,” Hardin says loudly as he bursts back into the room and hands me a glass half full of liquor.

“I don’t want any more. I drank enough tonight.” I take the glass from his hands and set it on the table.

“Suit yourself, more for me.” He smiles at me something evil, not the same as the smile I’ve grown to adore. I’m honestly a little frightened. I know Hardin would never hurt me physically, but I don’t like this side of him. I would rather him be screaming at me or punching a wall than sitting here drunk off his ass and being so calm. Too calm.

Zed gives a little “cheers” and brings his drink to his lips.

“This is just like old times, isn’t it? You know, back before you wanted to fuck my girl,” Hardin says, and Zed spits his drink back into the glass.

“It’s not like that. You left her there, and I just brought her home,” Zed says in a threatening tone.

Hardin waves his own drink in the air. “I’m not just talking about tonight, and you know it. Though I am pretty annoyed by you taking it upon yourself to bring her home. She’s a big girl, she can fend for herself.”

“She shouldn’t
have
to fend for herself,” Zed fires back.

Hardin slams his glass onto the table, and I jump. “That’s not up to you! You wish it was, though, don’t you?”

I feel like I’m in the middle of a gunfight, and I want to move, but my body won’t allow it. I watch in horror as my Mr. Darcy begins to transform into Tom Buchanan . . .

“No,” Zed responds.

Hardin sits down next to me but keeps his glassy eyes focused on Zed. I look down at the bottle, which is at least a fourth gone. I pray that Hardin has not consumed all of it tonight, within the last hour and a half.

“Yeah, it is. I’m not stupid. You want her; Molly told me everything you said before.”

“Leave it alone, Hardin,” Zed growls, only egging Hardin on. “Your first problem is talking to Molly.”

“ ‘Oh, Tessa is so beautiful, Tessa is so sweet! Tessa is too good for Hardin! Tessa should be with me!’ ” Hardin mocks.

What?

Zed avoids looking at me. “Shut the fuck up, Hardin.”

“Hear that, babe? Zed thought he could actually have you.” Hardin laughs.

“Stop it, Hardin,” I say and get up from the couch.

Zed looks humiliated. I shouldn’t have asked him to drive me home. Did he really say those things about me? I had assumed the way he acted toward me had to do with shame over the bet, but now I’m not so sure.

“Look at her, I bet you’re thinking about it right now . . . aren’t you?” Hardin taunts him. Zed glares at Hardin and sets his drink
on the table. “You will never have her, kid, so give it up. No one will have her except me, I’m the only one who will ever fuck her. The only one who will know how good it feels to have her—”

“Stop it!” I yell. “What the hell is wrong with you!”

“Nothing, I’m just telling him how it is,” Hardin answers.

“You’re being cruel,” I tell him. “And disrespectful to
me
!” I turn to Zed. “I really think you should go.” Zed looks at Hardin, then back to me. “I’m fine,” I assure him.

I don’t know what will happen, but I know it won’t be as bad as what will occur if he stays. “Please,” I beg.

Finally Zed nods. “Fine, I’ll go. He needs to get his shit together. Both of you do.”

“You heard her, get the fuck out. Don’t be too sad, though, she doesn’t want me either.” Hardin takes another drink. “She likes those clean-cut pretty boys.”

My heart sinks even lower, and I know I’m in for a long night. I don’t know if I should be afraid, but I’m not. Well . . . a little, but I’m not leaving.

“Out,” Hardin repeats, pointing, and Zed heads for the door.

Once Zed is no longer in the apartment, Hardin locks the door and turns to face me. “You’re lucky I didn’t beat his ass for bringing you here. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I agree. Arguing with him doesn’t seem like a good idea.

“Why did you even come here?”

“I live here.”

“Not for long.” He pours more alcohol.

“What?” The air leaves my lungs. “You’re going to kick me out?”

When the glass is full, he cocks one eye at me. “No, you’ll leave on your own eventually.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Maybe your new lover has room at his place. The two of you looked really nice together.” The hateful way he’s speaking to me
takes me back to the beginning of our relationship, and I don’t like it.

“Hardin, please stop saying those things. I don’t even know him. And I’m incredibly sorry for what I did.”

“I will say what I want, just the way you do whatever the fuck you want.”

“I made a mistake, and I’m
sorry,
but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me so cruelly and drink like this. I was so drunk, and I really thought something happened with you and that girl, I didn’t know what to think. I’m so sorry, I’d never hurt you purposely.” I say it all as fast as I can, with as much emphasis as possible, but he isn’t listening.

“You are still talking?” he snaps.

I sigh and chew on my cheek.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“I’m going to go to bed and we can talk when you aren’t so drunk.”

He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even look at me, so I take off my shoes and walk into the bedroom. As soon as I go to close the door, I hear glass shatter. When I rush into the living room, the wall is wet and glass litters the floor. I watch helplessly as he grabs the other two glasses and slams them against the wall. He takes one last swig from the bottle and then uses all of his strength to shatter it against the wall.

H
e grabs the lamp off the table, causing the cord to rip out of the wall before smashing it on the floor. Then he grabs a vase and breaks it against the brick. Why is his first instinct to break everything in sight?

“Stop it!” I scream. “Hardin, you’re going to break all of our stuff! Please stop it!”

“This is your fault, Tessa! You fucking caused this!” he shouts back and grabs another vase. I scurry into the living room and snatch the object from his hand before he can break it.

“I know it is! Please just talk to me,” I beg. I can’t hold my tears back any longer. “Please, Hardin.”

“You fucked up, Tessa, so badly!” His fist slams against the wall.

I knew this was coming, and honestly, I’m surprised it took this long. I’m thankful he chose the drywall to hit—the brick surely would have damaged his hand much worse.

“Just leave me alone, dammit! Go away!” He paces back and forth before slamming both palms against the wall.

“I love you,” I blurt. I need to try to calm him, but he’s just so drunk and intimidating.

“Well, you don’t act like it! You kissed another fucking guy! Then you bring Zed to my fucking house!”

My heart lurches at the mention of Zed’s name. Hardin humiliated him. “I know . . . I’m
sorry
.” I fight the urge to call him out for being a hypocrite. Yes, I know what I did was wrong, so wrong—but I have forgiven him for hurting me repeatedly.

“You know how fucking crazy, how absolutely fucking mad it makes me to see you with anyone else, and you go and do this shit!” The veins in his neck are turning a deep purple, and he’s beginning to resemble a monster.

“I said I’m sorry, Hardin.” I speak as softly and slowly as I can manage. “What more can I say? I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

He tugs at his hair. “Sorry doesn’t erase the image from my mind. It’s all I can see.”

I walk toward him and stand directly in front of him. He reeks of whiskey. “Then look at me, look at me.” I put my hands on his face, directing his gaze.

“You kissed him, you kissed someone else.” His voice is much lower than it was seconds ago.

“I know I did, and I’m so sorry, Hardin. I wasn’t thinking. You know how irrational I can be.”

“That’s not an excuse.”

“I know, baby, I know.” I’m hoping those words will soften him.

“It hurts,” he says, though his bloodshot eyes have lost their edge. “I knew better than to have a girlfriend, not that I ever wanted one, but this is what happens when people date . . . or get married. This type of shit is why I need to be alone. I don’t want to go through this.” He pulls away from me.

My chest aches because he sounds like a child, a lonely, sad child. I can’t help but picture Hardin as a child, hiding away as his parents fight over his father’s alcohol abuse. “Hardin, please forgive me. It won’t happen again, I will never do anything like this again.”

“It doesn’t matter, Tess, one of us will. That’s what people do when they love each other. They hurt each other, then break up or get divorced. I don’t want that for us, for you.”

I step closer to him. “That won’t happen with us. We’re different.”

He shakes his head lightly. “It happens with everyone; look at our parents.”

“Our parents just married the wrong people, that’s all. Look at Karen and your dad.” I’m relieved that he’s being much calmer now.

“They’ll get divorced, too.”

“No, Hardin. I don’t think they will.”

“I do. Marriage is such a fucked-up concept: ‘Hey, I sort of like you, so let’s move in together and sign some paperwork promising to never leave each other, even though we won’t stick to it anyway.’ Why would anyone do that willingly? Why would you want to be tied down to one person forever?”

I’m not mentally prepared to process what he’s just said to me. He doesn’t see a future with me? He’s only saying this because he’s drunk.
Right?

“Do you really want me to go? Is that what you want, to end this now?” I ask, looking straight into his eyes. He doesn’t answer me. “Hardin?”

“No . . . fuck . . . no, Tessa. I love you. I love you so fucking much, but you . . . what you did was so wrong. You took every single fear that I have and brought them to life in one action.” His eyes begin to water, and my chest begins to cave in.

“I know I did, I feel terrible for hurting you.”

He looks around the room, and I can see in his eyes that everything we’ve built here was him trying to prove himself to me. “You should be with someone like Noah,” he says.

“I don’t want to be with anyone except you.” I wipe my eyes.

“I’m afraid you will.”

“Afraid I’ll what? Leave you for Noah?”

“Not him exactly, but someone like him.”

“I won’t. Hardin, I love you. No one else, I love you. I love everything about you, please stop doubting yourself.” It hurts me to think that he feels this way.

“Can you honestly tell me that you didn’t start seeing me to piss off your mum?”

“What?” I say, but he just watches me and waits for an answer. “No, of course not. My mother has nothing to do with us. I fell in love with you because . . . well, because I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t help it. I tried not to because of what my mother would think, but I never had a choice. I’ve always loved you, whether I wanted to or not.”

“Sure.”

“What can I do to make you see that?” After everything I’ve been through for him, how could he think me being with him is a way to rebel against my mother?

“Not kiss other guys, perhaps.”

“I know you’re insecure, but you should know that I love you. I have fought for you from day one, with my mother, Noah, everyone.”

But something I’ve said strikes him wrong. “ ‘Insecure’? I’m not insecure. But I’m also not going to sit around and be played for a fucking fool.”

With his sudden turn back to anger, I’m starting to get angry myself. “
You
are worried about ‘being played’?” I know what I did was wrong, but he has done much worse to me. He really did treat me like a fool—and I forgave him.

“Don’t start that shit with me,” he growls.

“We’ve come such a long way, we’ve been through so much, Hardin. Don’t let one mistake take that from us.” I never thought I’d be the one begging for forgiveness.

“
You
did it, not me.”

“Stop being so cold to me. You’ve done a lot of things to me, too,” I snap.

Anger returns to his face, and he storms away from me, yelling over his shoulder, “You know what? I’ve done a lot of things, but you kissed someone right in front of me!”

“Oh, you mean like the night you had Molly on your lap and kissed her in front of me?”

He spins around quickly. “We
weren’t together then
.”

“Maybe not to you, but I thought we were.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter, Tessa.”

“So you’re saying that you aren’t going to let this go, then?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying, but you are getting on my nerves.”

“I think you should go to bed,” I suggest. Despite the glimpses of understanding that have appeared in the last few minutes, it’s clear that he has his mind set on being cruel.

“I think you shouldn’t tell me what to do.”

“I know you’re angry and hurt, but you can’t talk to me that way. It’s not right and I won’t put up with it. Drunk or not.”