Again (38 page)

His mouth suddenly softened and love shone radiantly in his eyes.
 
“Can you not see?”
 
Jonathan said.
 
“I, too, have pledged my heart and soul to you.”
 
He lowered his voice so only she could hear.
 
“What we did, what we shared, was more than making love.
 
We became one.
 
When I travel across the seas, I feel you here,” he said, splaying a hand atop his heart.
 
“You are a part of me now.
 
You complete me.
 
There can be no other.”

She fought to close her heart against his words, but she had felt it too, the blending of their souls.
 
She quickly strengthened her resolve.
 

“You either loved us both or you loved neither of us.”
 
Her voice quivered.
 
“I will not tolerate either.”

He moved closer.
 
His eyes held her with such intensity, she gasped.
 

“Your head denies what your heart knows,” he said softly, but with conviction.

She tried to step back, but his voice was a silky balm over her battered heart.

He spoke again, bridging the distance between them by gently grasping her hand.
 
“A love like ours knows no time or distance. You will remember my words, Catherine.
 
You will remember the night we bound our souls together for eternity, and when you do, you need only to whisper my name and I will come.
 
I will be your sun, your moon, and every star in the heavens.”
 

Jonathan looked past her shoulder as Galen stepped forward, a look of impatience on his stern face.

“Even if I were to believe you,” Catherine said, staying Galen with an upraised hand, “there is no choice now.
 
I am to marry Galen.
 
Today, before nightfall.”

A shadow darkened Jonathan’s beautiful face.
 
His back stiffened as he regarded her. “But you always have a choice, Catherine.”
 
Jonathan tapped his chest.
 
“Listen to your heart.
 
Do not leave it to others to decide which path you take.”

She shook her head.
 
Her heart begged her to listen, but Catherine quickly pushed it down to a place where it would no longer have a voice.
 
She must stay strong for Galen, for her father, and for Sara.
 
Her eyes stung with despair.

Jonathan’s chin fell to his chest and stayed there for long moments before he raised his face once again.
 

He reached up to wipe the tears that trickled down her cheeks.
 
“Do what you must, Catherine.
 
I want only to be cause for your joy, not your sorrow.
 
You may turn me away, but know this.
 
It matters not how much time or space separates us.
 
You will always have my heart.”
 
His hand dropped to his side as he drew a deep breath.

Jonathan signaled to the others to follow him and with one last look at Galen, his eyes narrowed in warning.
 
“Have a care with her.
 
Make her happy.”

Catherine turned and ran away, unable to see Jonathan walk out of her life.
 
She ran up the steps to the great hall, past her father, past a silently weeping Emelie, and fled straight to her chambers.

≈

One last time Catherine watched the sails silhouetted against the setting sun.
 
The ocean was ablaze with the colors of hot, fiery passion, reminding her of the passionate heat she no longer felt.
 
Perhaps with time, though, she could feel it with Galen.

Only an hour earlier, a brief ceremony had bound them together for the rest of their lives.
 
Before God, family, and friends, she had vowed to be a good wife to Galen.

She raised a goblet of wine to her lips and drank deeply.
 
Galen would be here soon, but first Emelie would see to it that she was readied for her wedding night.
 
From this night forward she and Galen would share a bed.
 
She would be naked to him in body, if not in soul.
 

Catherine finished the wine.
 
She had no illusions about tonight.
 
Galen would never wholly forgive her for giving herself to Jonathan.
 
How much more would she put Galen through?
 
How much more will he tolerate?
 
She hung her head.
 
It would take a lifetime for her to make amends to him.

The door swung open and Emelie hurried in, pulling Elizabeth behind her.
 

“Milady!
 
Elizabeth overhead something that I think you should know.”
 
Emelie’s cheeks were flushed with excitement.

Catherine was in no mood for surprises.
 
“What is it, Elizabeth?
 
Speak quickly.”

Emelie elbowed Elizabeth’s ribs.
 

Grimacing, Elizabeth spoke.
 
“The babe that Lady Sara carried was Lord Oakley’s, not Master Jonathan’s.”

Catherine paled and struggled to breathe as the words hit her like a blow.
 
She looked to Emelie.
 
“Does she speak the truth?”

Emelie quickly nodded.

Catherine grabbed Elizabeth by her shoulders. “How do you know of this?”

Elizabeth scrunched her face.
 
“I was at Lord Oakley’s castle, milady.
 
I heard him and Lady Sara arguing in the garden.
 
He threatened her life if she told anyone of it.
 
He called her a whore!”

“Milady!”
 
Emelie said excitedly. “’Twas but a lie that Lady Sara spoke!
 
Master Jonathan never betrayed you!”

Catherine released Elizabeth’s shoulders and dropped her hands to her side.
 
Dear God.
 
What have I done?
 
She stepped back, seeking a chair to lean upon.
 
Jonathan, her Jonathan, told her what her heart did, indeed, know to be true.
 
If she thought she could feel no worse, she found she was wrong.
 
She had denied his truth and turned a deaf ear on his pleas.
 
She gave him no reason to fight for her.
 
She let out a small whimper of agony.
 

“Catherine.”

Her hand covered her quick intake of air as she turned to the door.
 
She had not heard Galen come in.
 
How much had he heard?

The girls picked up their skirts and bobbed a curtsey before slipping out the door.

Catherine turned quickly to the window, swiping at the tears that fell.
 

“Galen, I fear I am not yet ready.”
 
She said with a shaky laugh.
 
The ache welled up again.
 
If the lie was hard to bear, the truth now crushed her.
 
Catherine had sent Jonathan away.
 
She was wed to Galen.
 
And now, there was no going back.

Galen quickly crossed the room and gathered her in his arms, pulling her back against his chest.

Straining for a glimpse of the horizon, she said a silent prayer and sent her love on wings to Jonathan.
 
She gathered the memories of what they shared, his touch, his laughter, the intense and passionate glint in his eyes, and held them in her heart for a moment before lovingly bundling them together and placing them in the dark place within her broken heart.
 
There they would stay, safe for the rest of her life.
 
There they would stay until she needed to draw upon them for strength, for light, and for love.

As if reading her thoughts, Galen pressed his cheek against hers. “All I have ever wanted was the chance to love you,” he said quietly.
 
“I vow to make you happy.
 
I vow to make you forget him, and I will do whatever is in my power to make your heart mine.”

Catherine closed her eyes.
 
Though that will never be enough, it will have to do.

Chapter 37

“You’re going to love living here, Eryn.”
 
Melissa pushed open the freshly-painted pale-yellow door and led the way into the two-bedroom beach cottage.

Eryn stopped just inside the doorway, soaking it in.
 
The scent of lemon cleanser lingered in the air, mingling with the fragrance of port-wine magnolias and Sterling Silver roses stuffed into wide-mouthed vases.
 
A soft light bathed the entranceway, drifting down from the skylight above them.

“You called at exactly the right time.
 
The former tenant just moved out.
 
He decided he needed the Arizona heat.”
 
She beamed at Eryn.
 
“It’s like it was meant to be.”
 

As Eryn gazed around the room, she realized that this was the first time she had ever lived on her own.
 
Right out of high school, she’d stepped from her parents’ home into the house she shared with Bryce.
 
She had molded herself to him and his life.
 
But now, this was hers.
 
Her space, her life, her choices.
 
This was her space that she would soon fill with her own music, her own thoughts, and her own dreams.
 
Most importantly, her photography will adorn the walls.
 

Melissa took the camera pack Eryn held and placed it on the polished hardwood floor.
 
Straightening up, Melissa let out a soft breath, concern etched in her brow.
 
Her knuckles grazed Eryn’s arm.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

Catching her friend’s hand, Eryn gave it a reassuring squeeze.
 
“Yeah.
 
I’m going to be just fine.”
 

She looked around at the chic furnishings, the varying shades of brown and pastel colors that soaked the walls, the over-sized pillows stacked in the corner, and the built-in bookshelf with its collection of shells.
 
The cheery mango-yellow of the kitchen peeked out from around the corner, brightened by the sun blazing through the bay window above the sink.

Eryn walked in further, her satisfaction growing with each step she took.
 
She released a contented sigh as she stared through the picture window in the living room.
 
It offered a view of a long stretch of beach, the pier off to the right, and the waves straight ahead falling eagerly over themselves onto the sand.
 
Boogie-boarders and surfers slid down the waves and children played at the edge of the water.
 
Eryn tasted freedom.
 

“This is so perfect,” she said, emphasizing each word.

Melissa looked relieved.
 
“Good.
 
I’ll give you a few days to get settled and then I’ll be by with a bottle of wine to give you a proper housewarming, okay?”
 
She placed the keys in Eryn’s hand and closed her fingers around them.

Eryn hugged her friend hard.
 
“I’d like that.”

When the door shut behind Melissa, the silence settled in.
 
Eryn smiled and let the coolness inside the cottage drape over her skin.

Now, she thought, her decisions no longer had to be measured by what kind of impact they would have on someone else.
 
They would not have to be filtered through others’ feelings or beliefs.
 
Every corner had been swept clean.
 
No baggage was left behind.
 
No cobwebs from the past crowded the corners of the rooms.
  
She looked around at a totally clean slate.

With a satisfied clap of her hands, she took a deep breath.
 
The boxes stuffed into the back of her car could wait, she thought.
 
She had taken so little with her; some clothes, dishes, and her photographs.
 
The rest she would buy.
 
Start fresh.
 
For now, though, it was time to start documenting her new life.

She grabbed her camera out of the case, kicked off her sandals, and headed out into the afternoon.
 
The warm on-shore breeze met her at the door and teased her hair out from under the sunglasses perched on her head.
 
For so many years she lived at this beach, running miles and miles of it back and forth.
 
She thought she knew every nuance, every smell, every color of the water, and the texture of the sand.
 
But today it all felt different.
 
The sand seemed to sift slower through her toes and seemed, somehow, sandier.
 
The seaweed lying twisted here and there filled her nostrils with its pungency.