Against The Darkness (Cimmerian Moon) (24 page)

No matter how
scared I am, I can’t let her see it. I have to stay strong for her. “They had
to get to safety, Mia. They couldn’t stay here.”

She turns back
to the ruins. “They left me all alone.” Her voice shakes and cracks.

“No they didn’t.
They left you with me, Ian, Wade, MJ and Ms. Burgess. You are not alone.”

“Honey, do you
want us to help you find anything?” Ms. Burgess asks.

We all look at
what’s in front of us. I’m sure that if she really wanted to, she could find
some of hers or her parents’ things, but I don’t know where we would even
begin.

Mia shakes her
head. “No. I just want my mom and dad.”

I spot the
landscaping rocks off to the side. I break away from the group to go to them.
Grabbing a handful, I begin to position them strategically in the ground.

“What are you
doing?” Ian asks.

“Leaving her
parents a note. ‘I’m alive. Gone to Sinta’s house’.”

Everyone
pitches in to finish the note, with Mia writing, “I love you Mommy and Daddy,
Mia” at the end.

Mia leaves
with a piece of wood from her house. It’s a small sliver that can fit easily in
her pocket. No one asks her why she has it or what she plans to do with it. We
all know that it’s a part of her home and the only thing she has left of her
mother and father.

We make our
way down Geddes and to Huron River Drive. The short walk from there to our
school, Ann Arbor Huron High School, isn’t exactly on our route, but it’s one
that we need to take. For some reason we need to see the school, even though we
can already assume what we’ll find in its place.

The school is
a pile of mess.

The buildings
are crumbled, part of it appears to have been bombed. The famous Arch is now
caved in. Bricks dot the landscape, individually and in piles. We walk around,
over and, when we can, inside our old school. It doesn’t appear that anyone is here.
Parents and students are not camping out waiting for us to return from our
trip.

A sad chord
strikes within me. After everything I’ve been through, common sense tells me
that waiting here would be a death trap, but my heart wanted to believe that
they had.

We spend less
than an hour sweeping the school, making sure that we’ve gone to all the
buildings that could have housed survivors. Winston had his nose to the ground,
leading the way.

And that’s
when he leads us to the unbelievable.

One of the
kids from band.

Masana Saan
.

Ian is the
first to spot her. She is huddled in one of the corners that used to house the
gym area. Her once glossy black hair is matted and filled with knots. Her brown-toned
skin is dusty and sprinkled with open sores. Her clothes are in worse shape
than ours because she’s wearing the same outfit from when I saw her last, seventeen
days ago.

She has her
legs pulled up to her chest and doesn’t say a word. She just watches us with a
feral glare.

“Masana?”

She doesn’t
answer Ms. Burgess. Her eyes dart wildly from Ms. Burgess to the rest of us.
She’s gripping a knife in her shaking hand.

“Masana, honey,
it’s Ms. Burgess. Are you alone?”

We all watch
her in disbelief. She can’t possibly be alone. The last time I saw the ninth
grader was when Wade and I had left for our last scouting trip. She had always
been so quiet, so reserved. She kept to herself, seeming to not have many
friends since moving to Ann Arbor from her native India.

Ms. Burgess
takes a cautious step toward her. Masana lets out a feral growl.

“Whoa.” Ms.
Burgess takes a step back. “You’re safe. You’re safe with us. Who are you here
with?”

Winston put
his head down and lets out a whimper. Masana lets her eyes focus on him, a hint
of sanity registering behind them. When he began to creep slowly toward her, I
grabbed a hold of his collar. “Stay.” The last thing I want is for Masana to
kill my dog.

Winston looks
up at me, as if he’s wondering why I’m holding him back from the crazy looking
girl with the knife.

“I’ll check
around,” Wade says. “There has to be someone else here with her.”

As Wade turns
away, Masana lets the knife drop from her hand. “No one,” she says. Her voice is
scratchy and hoarse. “Just me.” She puts out her hand. “Can I play with your
dog?”

Winston starts
for her again, pulling out of my grasp. After the second tug I let him go. He
licks her hand and then nudges himself into her arms. It doesn’t appear as
though she’s going to hurt him and he doesn’t act as if he’s in danger, but I
keep a close eye on them just the same.

MJ shakes his
head in disbelief. “That can’t be right,” he says. “She couldn’t have done it
by herself.”

“I was with
Deja,” she says, talking about the African-American girl who played the flute.
“We ran away together.”

“Where is
she?” Ms. Burgess asks. “Tell us where she is now.” Ms. Burgess’ voice cracks.

I stare into
Masana’s eyes, which go from wild to sorrowful. And that’s when I know what
happened to her. I cover my ears, trying not to hear what Masana has to say.
But I do anyway.

“They got her.
They got her in Tennessee.”

“Wh…who?” Ms.
Burgess asks.

“Ms. Burgess,”
MJ says. “We don’t need to hear it.”

“But there
were survivors,” she says, her voice rising. “There are other children out
there and they’re coming here.”

Wade puts a
hand on Ms. Burgess’ shoulder. “You can’t stay here and neither can Masana.”

She clasps her
shaking hands together. “But…the children. I can save them.”

“What are the
odds of their being others? Masana is a one-in-a-million miracle, Ms. B. It’s
not safe and you know it.”

“No, no, no,”
she repeats over and over again, seeming not to want to believe what MJ is
telling her.

MJ pulls Ms.
Burgess into his arms, where she melts and begins to cry. A sound so sorrowful
it makes my heart twist.

I hold out a
hand to Masana. “Time to go.”

Masana assesses
me before she finally stands and comes to me. “I was waiting for someone to
come and find me. I thought I would die here,” she whispers.

“Have you gone
home?” Wade asks.

Her lips
tremble. “I went there first.”

A strong hand
clasps my shoulder. Even without looking, I know it’s Jason. There’s a crackle
that fires against my skin whenever he touches me. I place my hand over his and
rest my cheek against it.

I allow for
just a few seconds of warmth and joy before I straighten and move away from his
grasp.

“We have to
split up now,” Wade says. “It’s getting late. Masana can come with us since we’re
meeting up at my house anyway.”

Masana nods. I
give her one last hug before I release her to Ms. Burgess. I’m sure she has
plenty of stories to tell, but until she feels like opening up, they are hers
to keep.

Although we
plan to only separate for a couple of hours, that doesn’t stop us from passing
out hugs. Ms. Burgess is crying. I know she’s so afraid that something will
happen to us, but I don’t think anything will. We’ve come this far, we can
survive a few more miles.

I think one of
the hardest things to do is to turn around and walk in the opposite direction from
the people who have been like my family for what seems like an eternity.

“Sinta!”

I turn to see Wade
trotting toward me. When he reaches me, he pulls on my sleeve, ushering me off
to the side. “I wanted to speak to you alone.”

“Don’t worry
about us,” I start. “I know Ms. Burgess is a little nervous, but we’ll be
fine.”

He shakes his
head. “It’s not that. I just wanted to tell you…well…I don’t know…”

I put a hand
on his arm. “We didn’t come this far to get caught. I’ll see you in a couple of
hours.”

Without
warning and catching me completely off guard
, his strong hands
cradle the back of my head, angling me up and forward. Catching a breath, I
hold onto it, too afraid to breathe as he gently presses his lips against mine.
I part my lips and welcome him.

His tongue
invades my mouth. Instinctively I meet it with mine, circling, dancing,
exploring. As if having a mind of their own, my arms lift and wrap around his
neck.
His arms wrap around my waist and draw me close. I melt
against him without a fight. His hand presses firmly against my back, rubbing
me.

As he draws
away from me, I open my eyes. His grey eyes search mine intently.

“I’ll see you
in a few hours, Sinta Allen.”

I nod, because
talking right now isn’t something I can do. I wasn’t expecting a kiss from Wade
Hill would make me have that kind of reaction.

We’re only
supposed to be friends.

He turns to
trot away, leaving me to watch him.

Mia tugs on my
arm, pulling my attention away from him. “Umm…I didn’t see that coming. But it’s
time to go.”

“Right.” I do
everything I can to avoid looking at Jason. He’s watching me. I can feel his
eyes boring through me. “I’m so embarrassed. I forgot about everyone else. Were
they watching?”

Was Jason
watching?

“
Everyone
was watching,” Mia whispers to me as we join Ian, Jason and Jasmine.

I inwardly
groan, embarrassed that all eyes had been on Wade and I.

We reach the
others and I’m sure my face is as red as it’s ever been before by now. All I
want to do is leave and go home. But we all stand there for a couple of seconds
of awkward silence. I try to appear normal, while Jason continues to stare me
down.

Ian whistles
low. “So are we going to stand here all day or go home?”

“Go home,” I
say.

* * * * *

I can’t believe
what I see. My townhouse isn’t standing anymore. One of the townhomes on my row
had been hit with a blast and, since they are all connected, a blast to one
might as well have been a blast to them all.

I’ve never
thought of seeing my home like this. It just never occurred to me—crazy,
I know. But reaching home was what kept me going this entire time. I didn’t
think of the possibility that I wouldn’t have a home to go back to.

As soon we get
here, Jason holds me back at Mia’s request. She doesn’t explain herself, but I
know why. She doesn’t want me to stumble across my mom, just in case she is one
of the victims scattered about.

Thank God she isn’t.

That’s one
thing I can be grateful for. My mother isn’t one of the poor souls sprawled
across the parking lot.

But still,
these were people I knew. People I saw every day. I try not look at them for
longer than I have to. They’re so bloated and decomposed that I have a hard
time making out their faces. I wonder if loved ones had come here looking for
them, as I’m looking for my mother, and the thought makes my heart drop to my
stomach. No one should have to see a loved one like this.

I don’t know
how long I stand transfixed in place, staring at what is before me, in a state
of shock.

This is it.
All this way for nothing

“I’m sorry,”
Ian had said.

“We’ll find
her,” Jason had added.

But those are
empty promises. I know, because I’ve made them to Mia and to Ian too, after we
had gone to his house and found it empty and in about the same state as mine.

“I have to make
sure that she’s not in there,” I declare.

And against
everyone’s wishes, I try to get inside. I try the door, but no matter how hard
I push it, wouldn’t budge. Something on the other side is blocking it. Jason
hoists me up to the kitchen window, so I can try to go through there, but there
is too much glass, and part of the ceiling has fallen too and blocks it, making
that way inaccessible. Next I want to go through the basement window, but one
look inside and Jason and Mia pull me back.

“Sinta,” Mia says,
trying to reason with me. “Even if she is in there…” I stare at her blankly,
trying to comprehend what she wanted to say. “Even if she is in there, she
wouldn’t be alive.”

“I didn’t come
all this way to turn around on a ‘what if’.” I say. “I have to know. I have to
see.”

Mia gently
pushes my hair away from my face. “No. You don’t have to see.”

That’s when I
ease myself to the ground, sitting cross-legged and with my hands folded in my
lap. I’ve made it this far, but now I’m so lost. I expected my mother to be here,
waiting for me. Winston plops down next to me, resting his head on my thigh.

Without a plan
B I don’t know what to do next.

Jasmine and
Jason slowly made their way around the building, picking at this and that. Mia
and Ian have gone to another row of townhomes, trying to find water and other supplies
to take to Wade’s.

Mom, where
are you?

I blow out a
hard breath.

“Over here,”
Jason calls out.

You are not
my mother,
I think sadly.

I don’t make a
move. I don’t even turn in his direction.

Jasmine passes
me, stepping over a window frame. I hear them talking to each other. Their
voices aren’t rising so I can’t really tell what they’re saying. It’s just as
well. I can’t bother myself with anything else besides waiting for my mom.

“Sin, you’re
going to want to see this,” Jason says.

A void fills
me, making it almost impossible to want to do anything, especially get up to
see what he’s talking about.

After a few
minutes, I hear footsteps coming to me.

“Come on. Your
journey isn’t over just yet,” Jasmine says. She reaches her hand out for me to
take. The void is so great that now I don’t even have the energy to lift my
hand to take hers.

When she
realizes I’m not going to move she huffs and then steps behind me. She hooks
her arms under my armpits and with a grunt, tries to lift me to my feet. “You
sure are heavier than you look,” she mutters in complaint.

“I don’t feel
like moving. I’m sure you and Jason can handle anything that you find.” I make
my body heavier, imagining that I’m a stone and I belong on the ground.
Immediately Jasmine’s hold on me weakens and she lets me drop.

“Fine then.”

Fine
,
I repeat silently, mimicking the snarky tone in her voice.

She starts to
walk away. “I thought you would want to see the message your mother left you.”

My mother.

All the air
leaves my body. Swiftly I roll to my side and to my feet.

“Thought that
would get your attention,” Jasmine says, over her shoulder.

I bolt past
her and around the corner to where I see Jason standing, facing a piece of wall
that hadn’t fell.

There are five
distinct messages, written in spray paint and markers that have been left on
the ground at the base of the wall. I search, looking for the message for me.
My eyes dart across the words. I can’t seem to focus on one word or even the
message. “Where?”

Jason points
to a spray painted message.