Against the Wall (4 page)

Something’s off though. His touch feels the same. His body feels the same in my arms. We still mesh together like two parts of a whole. Even with all these things that seem so familiar, something is definitely wrong.

I tilt my head up and he bends down to nuzzle my neck. I brush my nose against his cool skin and inhale the man who has been mine for years. And that’s when I figure it out. His cologne. It’s different. It’s still the same sweet smell of Eternity, but mixed with another odor. A hint of jasmine. The scent I have pressed against my lips right now isn’t Chase’s. It’s her perfume. Or maybe her body lotion. Her shampoo, or body wash. A fragrance I never want to smell again. Not while the man I still love is telling me he wants me back.

I muster up all the strength I have to push him away so I can look into his eyes for answers. For the truth.

“
Chase?”

He looks down at me, rests his arms on my shoulders, and kisses the top of my head. I wish I could just let this go and enjoy the moment, but I can’t.

“
Chase?” I mutter.

“
Yeah, hun. What is it?”

My throat tightens, but I ask anyway. “What about Summer?” Saying Ms. McGallian’s first name makes her more than just a teacher I see in the halls on a daily basis. More than just the person I’ve seen snickering at me during lunch. Saying her name makes her a real woman. The woman who my fiancé left me for.

“
What about her?” His body goes rigid.

“
Well, you said you wanted me back. It has to mean you guys aren’t together anymore, right?” The guilty expression in his eyes breaks what's left of my bleeding heart all over again. I’m such a fucking idiot.

“
Well … ” he hovers on the word. Instantly, I back away from him.

“
Well, what, Chase?” I want to kick my ass for asking. Why can’t I summon my bitch façade right now? My evil twin?

“
I can’t break up with Summer, Shel. “

“
Well then explain to me how we can get back together.” I snarl at him. I need Duct tape. A gag. Something to keep me from making myself look even more pitiful. Why do I let him do this to me?

He raises his hands and rubs them up and down my arms. “Well, I was just thinking maybe … ”

I see the conniving look in his eyes and I know exactly what he is thinking.

Okay, I may as well turn green and tear off my clothes. This bitch is back. I’m not taking anymore shit from this fucker.

“
Maybe what? That we can just hook up and
I
can be the other woman this time.”

“
Well, yeah. I mean, no. I don’t know. I just came in here to see how your lunch date went. It’s all over school you and Fuller are fucking. And then I saw you violating that Rice Krispie and I swear, I got hard just watching you. I need you. He needs you,” he says, pulling me into his erection.

He
needs me? I don't know what the hell for. If he enjoyed having sex with me as much as I did with him, wouldn’t we still be together? He makes my cooch hotter with just the anticipation of sex more than the act itself. Never again will I allow this poor excuse for a man to make me twitch down there. So fuck what
he needs
.

Fighting the urge to knee him in the balls, I back away from him once more. He has to be kidding me. Glaring at him, I search for the words to tell him he’s a bastard and I never want to see him again. He’s a total ass and I can’t believe I stayed with him as long as I did. I should be grateful he finally showed his true colors and ditched me before the wedding. Yet, I still don’t feel so lucky.

This jackass just continues to break my heart over and over again. Just when I think I can move on, he sweeps in and screws that up too.

I take a deep breath, look straight into his eyes, and dig my pointer finger into his chest.

“
Chase, I need you to understand something. You need to walk out that door and not come back in here or I’ll file a grievance against you for sexual harassment. Get the fuck out and …Leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone.”

“
Shel Belle,” he mutters, taking my hand from his chest.

“
I mean it, Chase.” I shout, trembling from head to toe.

“
But ... ” he begins to protest for a second time.

“
She said ‘get out’,” Matty’s voice booms. I’m happy for anyone to save me from this mess, or from myself. But not Matty. Instantly, I wonder how long he’s been standing there. I wonder how much he’s seen or heard.

Chase whips around. His face hardens when he sees Matty. “Fuller, this has nothing to do with you.” He takes a step forward, almost pushing me aside.

Matty slowly walks toward us. “Uh maybe not, but if Shelly wants you gone, you better get out before I call security.”

Chase lets out a chuckle. “You fucking pansy. Can’t handle me yourself, so you have to call for back up,” he says, closing the gap between the two of them.

Oh shit.

“
I can handle you just fine but we’re at work, and I’m trying my hardest to be professional,” Matty responds.

Rushing to jump between them before they hit chests, I plant my feet in front of Chase and plead with him, “Just go, Chase. Just go.” For the first time, I notice their difference in height. Matty is much taller than Chase, and outweighs him as well. Matty is muscular, Chase is fit but not chiseled.

“
You’ve been sniffing around her ass for I don’t know how long, Fuller. Shel’s finally single and you just couldn’t wait to start screwing her, huh. It won’t last though. She still loves me. She always will. But if you don’t mind tasting me every time you’re with her, be my guest.” Matty lunges at him and Chase quickly steps around me and out of his way. “Now now, Mr. Fuller, don’t forget to be professional,” he says before leaving the room. I should have let Matty pummel him.

“
Holy shit! That son of a bitch!” I yell.

Matty takes me in his arms and runs his hands up and down my back. “Shhh! There are still kids out there.”

“
When in the hell did Chase turn into such an asshole?” I ask. It’s like he has multiple personalities or something. When he came in, he was totally smooth and flirty, but then he morphed into a total dickhead. I can’t believe he just said that too. He can’t possibly think Matty and I are sleeping together. The rumor mill must be on heightened alert or something, and obviously, totally inaccurate.

Matty chuckles. “He’s always been an asshole.”

I step back from him. “Really? He was always great, until Summer came along.”

“
Love is blind,” he says, chuckling again.

“
I guess,” I tell him. Trying to make light of things, I add, “Hey, so according to C-High’s very own gossip channel, I hear we’re fucking each other’s brains out.”

“
Cool. Are you enjoying it as much as I am?” he jokes.

“
Oh, so much more,” I tease. “You’d think people would have something better to do than make shit up.”

“
Yeah, but this is high school. A juicy piece of dirt is so much better than the truth.”

I consider this. “Yeah, I guess super hot sex with a good looking guy is better than watching Lifetime movies alone in your sweats.” Did I just admit I watch movies in sweats all night? Aloud? I must look like a sad excuse for a woman.

“
So you think I’m good looking?” His eyes crinkle in the corners. Very cute.

“
Oh. Sure. Of course you are. But I was just making a generalization. Not necessarily talking about us and hot sex or something.” Boy, it’s getting hot in here, and the air conditioning is running full blast in my classroom.

“
Well Chase did mention us screwing, but I like the way you make it sound so much better.” He flashes his sexy smile at me and his blue eyes pierce through me like a spark of electricity.

“
Alrighty then,” I say, fanning myself.

“
Am I making you blush?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair.

“
Probably,” I concede. “Anyway, I’m sorry you had to deal with Chase.” Looking at the floor trying to avoid eye contact, I feel the need to move the conversation past the sexy talk.

“
No worries, Shel. I’m glad I showed up when I did. I was just coming by to see if you wanted to have dessert together.” He holds up his little blue package.

“
Ahh. I was enjoying it when the bastard came in. Sorry.”

“
I can share this one with you.” Earlier, I would have taken him up on the offer. It wasn’t long ago when I was practically having a wet dream at my desk at the thought of Matty. And it also wasn’t long ago that I was looking up into Chase’s eyes from zipper level before he so rudely asked me to be his side dish fuck buddy.

I pat Matty on the arm and tell him, “You go ahead and have that one for yourself. I have to get going.” I turn to go back to my desk, but Matty catches my hand to stop me.

“
Shel, don’t let him ruin this. We had a great time today at lunch, right?” He looks at me for reassurance.

“
Right, I really enjoyed it. It’s probably the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” I admit. He deserves to know the truth. I can’t bullshit him.

“
I have no doubt you would still be thinking about it if Chase hadn’t come in here, which I’m sure he did only because he heard about us and was jealous.”

“
You’re probably right. But…” I pause, trying to find the words. I want to be honest, but I don’t want to be heartless either. “I still have feelings for him, Matty. You made me forget all about him today, and then he came in here and took it all away. He said he wanted me back and I was ready to jump at the chance. You don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

“
And neither do you,” he tells me. “He’s going to keep coming back and playing with your mind, as long as you let him. He doesn’t want to see you happy with anyone else, yet he won’t commit to you either. If he just let you go, you could move on and be happy.”

With my head down, I kick around some dirt on the floor and chew on my bottom lip. I know he’s right.

“
You can either wait around for him to let you go, or you can move on without his help. It’s up to you. It’s your life you’re letting someone else control,” he says with a shrug.

I really don’t know what to say. He totally has me pegged.

The silence must get to him because he shakes his head, and says, “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said anything. I’ll talk to you later.”

Within seconds, Matty is gone too. And within minutes, I wish he wasn’t.

“
This is exactly why I don’t want to date anyone from work,” I yell into the phone at Mel.

I hear her dogs barking in the background. She probably just got home and they’re attacking her for attention. “Shel, I’m sorry. Why don’t you come over? Nick is working late again.”

“
Sounds good, I’ll be there in a few.” I pause to check my rearview mirror, so I don’t run over any kids. “Hey, do you have beer?”

“
Of course.”

“
Talk or beer first?” Mel asks as I walk into her house without knocking. I stopped dealing with those formalities in junior high, when we practically started living at each other’s houses. Not much has changed since then. She’s married now, but we still have plenty of bestie time.

“
Beer!” As if there was any doubt.

“
That bad, huh?”

“
Yes, that bad.” Thinking about Matty, I change my mind. “Well, part of it was good. But still, give me a frickin’ beer.”

I watch as Mel pours me a Hefeweizen—my drink of choice at home—into a chilled pint-sized glass. She slices up some oranges and squeezes a few into my drink before dropping them in. We should’ve been bartenders. Making drinks for people while listening to their problems sounds so much more appealing than having issues of my own.

I guzzle half the beer before putting it down. “Yum. That hit the spot.” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and settle in at her dining room table.