Agatha Parrot and the Floating Head (7 page)

Miss Wizzit pulled the sort of face that you can only pull if you're Miss Wizzit and you're told to organise an emergency mop and bucket operation. She did a long yawn then she picked a walkie-talkie off her desk and spoke into it.

‘Mr Motley, could you come and do a mop and bucket operation in reception?'

Motley's grumpy voice crackled out of the walkie-talkie. ‘What for?'

‘It's an emergency,' snapped Miss Barking.

‘It's an emergency,' repeated Miss Wizzit into the walkie talkie.

Motley's voice crackled out again. ‘Tell her to go and stick her head in a jelly.'

Miss Barking went red in the face, but she was still standing there with her arms out saving the whole world from the dangerously damp bit of carpet. She might be mad but she means well. Little round of applause for Miss Barking clap clap OK don't overdo it.

Meanwhile I went to check what was happening in the hall. Mrs Twelvetrees already had Motley lying on the floor next to the puddle,
looking up at the bottom of the radiator.

‘The radiator in our class has done that too,' I told them helpfully.

‘So has the one in the store room,' muttered Motley. ‘And now the one in reception.'

‘And the one in the library!' said Miss Bunn sticking her head round the corner. ‘I just came to tell you.'

‘Oh golly,' said Mrs Twelvetrees. ‘What a frightful bore.'

(Sorry I should have told you. Mrs T is the headteacher, very tall, plays cricket and tends to slap
people on the back when she's being jolly. She once did it to her husband at sports day and his false teeth flew out and landed in the sand pit ha ha!)

‘It must be something wrong with the heating boiler,' I said. ‘You better turn it off.'

‘That will do thank you Agatha!' said Mrs Twelvetrees. ‘I'm sure Mr Motley knows what it is.'

Motley thought very hard. He tapped the radiator with his screwdriver and wiped the pipes with his cloth. He rolled over and sniffed the puddle on the floor and then he sat up. ‘It must be something wrong with the heating boiler,' he said at last. ‘I better turn it off.'

‘If anyone feels cold, they can go
and put their coat on,' I suggested.

‘Agatha, that will DO!' snapped Mrs Twelvetrees. ‘I'll make the decisions, now you go back to class. Oh, and tell Miss Pingle that if anyone feels cold, they can go and put their coat on.'

‘That's a good idea,' I said. ‘No wonder you're the headteacher.'

‘Why, thank you!' said Mrs Twelvetrees feeling pleased with herself.

And I was feeling even more pleased with myself! They had both said exactly what they were meant to say. Gosh some days I'm just so brilliant.

O
nce we had got through registration and keeping our coats on, everything was fine apart from one little problem. The Other Martha turned out to be a lot cleverer than the real Martha.

The morning had started with
Miss Pingle giving us all a spelling test. Ivy and Bianca had got Martha's books open in front of the Other Martha. Ivy's really good at spelling and so she sneakily wrote all the answers into Martha's book at the same time as she was doing her own.

Next lesson was art, and that's Bianca's speciality. Everybody had to do a jungle drawing, then at the end they were all collected up and Miss Pingle looked through them. ‘That's
a really nice elephant Bianca,' said Miss Pingle. ‘Oh, but look at this!' She held up a brilliant picture of a tiger up a tree. ‘Who did this one?' Ivy glanced at Bianca who got hold of the Other Martha's arm and raised it in the air. ‘Well done Martha!' said Miss Pingle. ‘And you did it with your gloves on too!'

Next it was playtime. Everybody went outside, and me and Bianca put our arms round the Other Martha to
take her with us as if she was walking. Ivy and Ellie crowded round so it wasn't obvious that the shoes were just dragging on the ground. We sat down on the bench with the Other Martha between us.

‘It's numeracy next,' said Ivy. ‘Miss Pingle's testing us on the six times table today. Does anyone know it?'

‘Six times four is twenty-four,' said Ellie. ‘That's my favourite because it sort of rhymes. And six
times six is thirty-six rhymes even more. And then six times eight is forty-eight so that rhymes too.'

And so Ellie ended up offering to do Martha's times tables test.
Yahoo
, go for it Ellie! After that it would be quiet reading time, then in the afternoon we were going to have a class history project. I couldn't see what could possibly go wrong but then . . .
arghhhh panic panic!
Guess what I saw outside the railings?

It was the real Martha waving at me.

I ran straight over. ‘Move you clot! Quick, go before somebody sees you!' We both ran along the railings until we got to the high wall at the end where we could whisper round the corner to each other.

‘Why am I hiding?' asked Martha.

‘Because you're already here!' I pointed at the Other Martha in the bright spotty anorak on the bench. ‘You're supposed to be sick.'

‘I'm better now,' grinned Martha. ‘I'm meant to stay off but Mum's dropping me into school sometime after lunch because she's got to go out.'

‘But you can't walk into class if you're already sitting there!' I told her. ‘When you come into school, you'll have to hide in the toilets.'

‘What, for the whole afternoon?'

‘It's not my fault,' I told her. ‘If it hadn't been for you and your pineapple and olives and octopus
paste . . .' Martha's face suddenly looked green again, so she wasn't
completely
better. ‘OK OK!' I said. ‘When you come in, get to the toilets. I'll try and switch you over. But now go, before anyone sees you.'

After playtime Ellie managed to stay brave and keep her promise to do Martha's times tables which was a bit brilliant. Halfway through she whispered to me:

‘Doing this times tables test is THE most exciting thing I've EVER done in my WHOLE LIFE.'

YO!
GO ELLIE! After that it was reading time so we just got a big book and propped it up in front of the Other Martha. For one happy moment I thought I could relax but . . .

Miss Pingle was sitting at the front marking everybody's tests and writing the results down in a big book.