Air Kisses (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

‘So, let me get this straight – you’ve just come home from shagging Dan, Dan, the Orgasm Man all week, and you run into Jesse?’ Jay’s voice was high with disbelief as she took in the coincidence of it all. I had decided not to tell them about Iz yet, instead focusing on the whole Jesse thing.

‘Yeah, weird, huh?’ I could tell the girls were disappointed that I wasn’t able to give the story the animation it deserved.

Marley piped up. ‘How good that you looked hot when you saw him, though.’

‘Uh, yeah…’

‘Do you think he figured out you’d been away with another guy?’ asked Jacinta.

‘Don’t be dumb, Jay – how would he know that? He would’ve just thought she was away for work or something.’

‘Well, smart-arse, considering she looked so hot and he now wants to date her again, his paranoia would’ve kicked up a notch, so it
does
make sense.’

‘Um, guys? None of that really matters. I’m not interested in Jesse any more.’

‘You’re funny. So, what will you say when he calls? Or is he more of a texter?’ Jay, being a hopeless romantic, was the most interested and excited I’d seen her. I was increasingly worried about her having a car accident, as she kept looking at me for reactions that matched her questions.

‘What a fairytale. You wouldn’t read about it, not even in
Gloss
. The ex breaks your heart, screws around, then realises he only wants you. Jesus. It makes me sick when I think about it.’ Marley corrected herself after having temporarily forgotten romance was for wimps and losers.

‘Guys, I don’t want to date him. I’ve moved on.
Seriously
.’

‘Are you on crack? You have to go. There is no option but to go. You are going.’ Marley was getting bored.

‘I agree. We’ve seen how he’s tortured you. And how much it’s hurt. And now you’ve won! This is your time to shine.
You must go on a date with him
. If only to make sure. Because, God, you’ve just come back from a week with Dan, so of course you’re a little confused, but when your tan fades and Dan stops contacting you like he did last time – sorry, Han, but he did – you’ll start thinking of Jesse again. You know you will.’

I was irritated that they thought they knew me better than I did. I was also annoyed at the comment about Dan. Probably because on some level I knew it was true.

I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, but couldn’t reach it
in time because my hands were full with my take-home-to-try box of make-up. Ha! It was probably Dan, proving them wrong. Or Iz, finally apologising.

‘Okay, so say I go, and it stirs up a bunch of feelings I had finally got rid of? Life’s complicated already without him tap-dancing back in to shake things up. I’m fine without him. And I’m staying fine without him.’

I checked my phone. There was a missed call from a number I didn’t recognise. Which ruled out Iz. And it wasn’t a private number, so it wasn’t Dan.

‘But what if this is the biggest mistake of your life? What if he’s genuinely sorry and wants you back, and you meet for dinner and then fall in love again over a glass of wine? How can you live knowing that is a very real possibility?’

‘All right,
all right
. Does that mean you’ll get off my back?’ I sighed and shook my head. It was easy for them to say all of this; they weren’t the ones trudging around in head-screw swamp.

Before they had a chance to say anything more, I finished off the conversation. ‘Right-o. Whatever. Thanks for the lift, Jay.’ I struggled to rebalance my take-home box before getting out. I’d bet Jesse wouldn’t call anyway. I hoped he wouldn’t. Or that he would, but only so I could reject him. Shit, I was confused and irritable and hungry and dangerously close to losing the entire contents of the box; I needed to get inside and into bed.

I leant the box precariously against the lift’s mirror, and almost lost the lot unlocking the front door before urgently dumping it onto my kitchen bench, two seconds away from the whole bottom falling out. A text message chirped, breaking the first moment of quiet I’d had all day. I sighed and got my phone out. If this wasn’t Iz or Dan…

So Dec was the unknown number. Of course he was – anything that might simplify the day would be too much to ask for.

I stripped off, chucked on an old T-shirt and baggy undies and got under my covers. The light coming in under my blinds was so bright; there was no way I could sleep. I yanked open my bedside-table drawer to get my eye mask. I looked around furiously with no luck. Fuck! Where was it? Why was everything so fucking hard?! It was in my suitcase. My suitcase that was out in the lounge room. Fuck it, fuck it, FUCK IT.

I burst into tears of exhaustion, exasperation and frustration. As Iz would say, this was one mega Come Apart. Oh, Iz…

And I still hadn’t heard from Dan.

Fuck them. Fuck them all. Who needed them? Not me.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The next morning, after twelve hours of sleep, I woke up thoroughly confused. My body had crept around so that I was lying horizontally across my bed. All of my pillows were on the floor. My location baffled me, and the time of day – 6.30 a.m. – seemed impossible. I rubbed my eyes and noted that I felt refreshed and revolting at the same time. I’d had way too much sleep.

I reached for my phone.

I grabbed it after much heaving. Seven missed calls, six text messages. Shit.

Three calls from Jay, plus one from Dec, one from no number, one from Yasmin, and one from Marley.

The messages were mostly voicemail notifications, aside
from one from Dec asking if I was okay, one from Marley telling me she was drunk and did I want to come to Lizard Lounge, and – behold – one from Dan.

I smiled. There he was. Dan was back. God, one text was all it took and I was smitten again. I wrote back a silly response without even thinking. All of the wrongness that had just crept out of me bolted back in, slamming the door behind it.

I knew from experience that getting a decent reply from him would be a miracle.

The last text was from ‘I Suck’, aka Jesse.

I had to call Iz…
Shit!
I couldn’t. Damn her! Damn this fight. It was stupid. I suddenly realised how dumb it was to carry on like this: she was leaving soon; I should be making the most of the time I had left with her. She was clearly still pissed at me, though, if she’d had all this time to call and hadn’t made a move. It occurred to me that maybe that was part of the reason she wasn’t calling: she wasn’t actually in the wrong. I felt awful, realising my attack on her yesterday was entirely selfish. She deserved so much better from her supposed best friend.

Maybe calling Dec would be the best way to go about fixing everything. He would tell me how to best approach her and how she was feeling.

I called his number without for a second considering the time of day. It rang out. I called again. Third ring in, a groggy Dec answered.

‘She’s alive.’

‘Hi Dec… Shit, did I wake you? Oh God, I’m so sorry; I didn’t even check the time before I called. Go back to sleep, I’ll call back later. So sorry, Dec.’

‘No, no, I’m up.’ He cleared his throat. ‘So, how you feeling?’

‘Thousand times better than yesterday. Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier, but I was feeling monstrous. Wasn’t coping at all. Probably would’ve hung up on you in tears, that kind of caper.’

He laughed; I loved his laugh. It was one of those infectious laughs that made me want to laugh along with him.

‘So, will you speak to my sister today, do you think? I’m pretty sure she wants to hear from you. In fact, I
know
she desperately wants to hear from you. She’s really upset…’

‘I want to hear from her, too, Dec, but I guess, I mean, it’s up to me, I’ve realised that now.’

‘She’s scared of you, Han. She knows how angry you are that she’s going, and she feels like, well…’

‘What?’ If he said anything about me avoiding her, or running away from things that caused me pain, I was hanging up.

‘She feels like you think she’s making a mistake, I guess. The whole Kyle thing, and how fast it’s all happening, and all
those plans you two had to move over there… I guess she just feels like you think she’s making the wrong decision. And you know how much your opinion means to her…’

‘She really thinks that?’ I was stunned. Here I was, thinking she was being venomous, and all she was worried about was my approval?

‘But how? Why?… I didn’t say anything to that effect… All I said was, well, I don’t even remember to be honest, but I know I was pissed. But who wouldn’t be if their best friend of forever had just told them they were leaving for New York?’

‘And you can’t see how she might interpret that as disapproval?’

‘It’s not disapproval, Dec, it’s… I just feel like…you know, we were supposed to move overseas
together
, that had always been the plan, and now she’s gone and decided to go without me. It’s not disapproval, Dec. It’s just sadness.’ My voice broke on the last few words. I was embarrassed; I didn’t want Dec to hear me cry. I sounded like a bad soap star when I tried to talk and cry at the same time.

‘Han, of course you’re sad…it’s okay to be sad, I’d be devastated if my best friend was heading off overseas to live, too. All it will take is one phone call and you two will sort it out. She needs to explain her feelings, and you yours, and then you two can get on with enjoying the next two weeks. I told her she needs to forget about Kyle for now, and focus on getting her life sorted, so if you’re worried he’ll be clouding her timetable, you needn’t; she’s all yours. And she always will be, Han – we Morrisons always fly back home. I’m living proof.’

‘Oh, you’re a good brother, Dec. She’s lucky to have you.’ I sniffed and wiped my eyes. I felt lighter already.

‘She’s lucky to have you. She’ll miss you like crazy, you know that.’

‘Not as much as I’ll miss her,’ I couldn’t resist. ‘Anyway, thanks so much, Dec. And sorry to wake you. I’m such a nong.’

‘Pleasure, Han. Always enjoy our chats. Hey, have you got some function at the wharf this morning?’

‘Yeah, I think I have…’

‘I might see you there – my mate Chris is making me chaperone him.’

I felt a flutter of nerves. Dec at a work function! I made a mental note to look outstanding today.

‘Great. Then you can see how glam these early-morning functions
really
are.’

‘Excellent. Don’t be too cool to chat to me, now, will you?’

‘Hardly, Dec.’ I giggled. ‘Bye!’

I put the phone on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I smiled. He was so right. This was just a silly misunderstanding. And I needed to fix it.

Jesse would have to take a backseat for now.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

‘Hi…is Isabelle around?’

The old guy placing napkins on the table stared at me as though I were some form of predatory insect.

‘Why?’

‘I’m family. I need to speak with her.’ I wasn’t in the mood for games. Plus, the coffees I was awkwardly nursing were incredibly hot.

Old Guy didn’t care. He looked me up and down and, mumbling, walked through swinging doors to the kitchen, presumably to find some insect-killer.

I tried not to feel nervous. It was ridiculous to feel nervous. Iz was my best friend. It was all just a misunderstanding.

A minute later, she walked out wiping her hands on a tea towel. Her face was twisted in confusion, but when she saw me her face became neutral and she stopped dead.

She said something to Mr Sourface, and, after looking me up and down again – what was his problem? – he went back into the kitchen.

She walked over, still fiddling with the tea towel, and stopped just in front of me. She looked at the floor.

‘Hi,’ my voice croaked.

‘Hi.’ She remained staring at the floor.

‘I, um, I just wanted to know if you had time for a coffee and a quick chat?’

She said nothing. Tough crowd.

‘It’s okay if you can’t, of course, I understand if you’re too busy.’ Perhaps she couldn’t look at me was because her eyes were going to shoot laser beams into mine, blinding me for life.

Suddenly she looked up. There were no laser beams, just tears. She sniffled and wiped her nose with her finger, looked straight at me and let the words hurtle from her mouth.

‘Han, I’m so sorry. I was scared that you thought I was making the wrong decision and, you know, maybe deep down I thought you were right, because I don’t want to leave my life, I love my life and I love you, but then part of me knows I have to do this, and make a go of it, and I may only get a chance like this once, and I don’t want to be a bitter old woman who looks back and thinks “What if?”, you know? And I so badly wish that you were coming too, and that it would all work somehow…’

‘Oh, Iz!’ I was crying now too, and laughing at how
pathetic we both were. I dumped my bag on the floor and put the coffees on a white tablecloth (my old mate was gonna have a seizure), and walked over to give her a big hug.

With that, she burst into full sobbing, pressing her face into my shoulder and hugging me tight.

‘Iz, I’m not mad at you, I’m not. I love you and of course I support you. I was just so scared you wouldn’t talk to me before you left, and then you’d be overseas and we’d never get a chance to patch it up, and then you’d get all famous and have your own cooking show, and I’d sit in my lounge, all alone and miserable and friendless, and watch you whip cake batter and cry at how stupid I was not to fix things before you left, and, oh, I couldn’t bear it!’ She laugh-cried with me at that, and we both sobbed and hugged, relieved that such a vile scenario would never eventuate.

Finally, we broke apart, both discreetly trying to fix our running make-up.

‘I’m so, so glad you came, Han.’

‘If Dec hadn’t told me where you were today, I was totally going to stalk you tonight.’

‘He mentioned you two had spoken. He’s got a bit of a crush on you, you know,’ she said as she wiped her eyes.

Excuse me? Pause, rewind, play again in slow motion: Dec has a crush on
me
? This was monumental. This was the first time Iz had ever mentioned Dec liking me and not the other way around. Trying not to be obvious about my delight at this lovely little conversational missile, I searched Iz’s face for a clue as to whether this was an appropriate time to make more of this topic. It wasn’t. Dammit.

‘So you’re not still angry with me?’

‘Of course not, Iz. I mean, here you are telling me your big
exciting news, and I am a total bitch…’

We both stopped and reflected on how wrong it had all gone.

Iz broke the silence. ‘Phwoof. Well. What a couple of days! I’m still in shock, Han, it’s all so, well, scary.’

‘Is Kyle being good and supportive?’ I hoped that hadn’t come out wrong.

‘Totally. He’s organised all of my stuff to be moved, and my flights, and is just being awesome. Poor love is freaking out, but is just beside himself with excitement. He’s already completely changed his MySpace to reflect the New Him.’ She smiled like a proud mum.

I laughed. Trucker would’ve done exactly the same thing. Silly little monkeys.

‘Good on him. You two are going to have a ball. Truly. And, you know, it’s nice that you’re going into this whole new world together.’ In the back of my mind I was fretting in advance for the moment Kyle became hugely famous, and realised he could have, be or do anyone, and Iz was just the loyal, before-he-was-famous girlfriend who stayed at home and waited for him to get back from the Emmys after-parties. I’d seen enough gossip magazines to know what happened over there. But Iz could handle it. She wouldn’t hang around to be treated like shit – I hoped.

Iz shook her whole body and jumped up and down a few times. ‘Enough of the sad shit! Man, can you imagine the airport scene? There’ll be Oscar-winning performances, you can bet on it. Now, Jesse?’

I shook my head slowly, breathing out. ‘He texted again, asking me to meet up. Oh, Iz, I really don’t want to. I’m just starting to feel fully over him, and he’s come in and shaken everything up. It’s so like him.’

She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips to one side, in the way she did when she was thinking really hard.

‘I think you should go,’ she said triumphantly. ‘Just to know for sure. And, you know, if Dan is the one you really want to be with – even though that seems a bit unlikely considering his location – or if Jesse is the one you want, or if you don’t want either of them, a date with Jesse will tell you instantly.’

Somehow, hearing it from my dearest friend held a million times more gravitas than all of Jacinta’s and Marley’s arguments combined.

‘Do you not think it kind of goes against all my rules?’ I asked, already knowing it did.

‘Completely. Maybe you should torture him for a few weeks before going, or be late to the date, or even cancel at the last minute, but do go eventually. Selfishly – it’s about you, not him. He’s just a prawn in your hand.’

‘It’s pawn, Iz, like in chess.’ I took a deep breath and grabbed my bag. ‘I guess you’re right. It will be good closure. And I’ll definitely be administering some torture first. I’ll start by not replying to his text for a few days. In fact, I’m putting his number under “Don’t Answer” right now.’ I changed his contact details, grinning. ‘So glad we had this talk. Maybe we could have dinner tonight?’

‘Oooh, I’d love to, but Kyle and I are going to his parents’ place for dinner.’

I felt a stab of jealousy. I faked a smile. ‘Maybe tomorrow, then. I’ll call you later.’ I gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked out.

I checked my phone for the time. Holy shit. I was so late for my breakfast function. It was for a new men’s skincare range
by a dermatologist based in London. Apparently, celebs were all over it like white on rice. I was happy enough to go, as Gabe would be there. Not to mention Dec.

As I walked out into the sunshine, I saw a cab with a light on heading my way. I threw my coffee in the bin next to me and hailed furiously. Finally, things were starting to go my way. I jumped in, gave brisk directions and began reapplying my make-up frantically. I didn’t want Dec to see me looking anything other than amazing in my natural habitat.

When I walked into the restaurant, which was gleaming in the morning sunshine, its glass walls reflecting the bay foreshore, I couldn’t see Dec or Fi or Gabe or Yasmin anywhere. The only person I could see was Jill, and there was no chance I would be chatting to her. As I’d never met the PR before, I didn’t know who to find, and so I sauntered over to make myself a cup of tea.

The beauty girls, whose chirpiness wasn’t even diluted by the obscene time of day, surrounded me as I stirred my tea. I enjoyed the warmth of the sun on my back, the fragrance of tuberose gently scenting the room, and the delicious food being handed around by waiting staff with cosmetically whitened smiles.

‘Mmm. What’s that you’re drinking?’ Fi had arrived and was peering over my shoulder.

‘English breakfast. What’s yours?’ Her tea was a red colour and there were suspicious bits floating around in it.

‘Some hippie tea they’re handing around. Foul. Of course, you haven’t got a Hindu’s chance in heaven of getting an espresso round here. Even though it’s the crack of dawn. Honestly.’ She shook her head and took another sip, scrunching up her nose as she swallowed.

‘How weird is it having men here?’ She was referring to
the five or so men who awkwardly mingled with the beauty pack. ‘Ooh, he’s cute.’

I followed her gaze to see Dec and, I presumed, Chris walking in.

‘Dec!’ I said happily.

‘You know him?’ Fi looked at me in amazement.

‘He’s my best friend’s older brother. Lovely, lovely guy…’

‘Are you blushing? You’re blushing!’

This was becoming boring. ‘No I’m not. Shut up. I’m just happy to see him.’

‘Apparently you are,’ she said slyly.

Yasmin appeared from nowhere, clanging with bracelets and charms.

‘Any espresso?’

‘Nope, just tea. Fiona’s really enjoying it…’

But Fi had gone.

‘Starving too – any good food? Please tell me there’s bacon of some description… Oh, look: horse doors.
Finally
.’ Yasmin was clearly famished, and had spied some miniature food on a tray coming our way.

A cute young guy with an urban mohawk presented us with a tray of salmon and cream cheese on mini brioche bagels. The smell alone made me want to vomit – I couldn’t handle fish sandwiches in the morning, no matter how hungry I was. It was just wrong.

‘Can I get you a drink, madam?’ Mohawk’s eyes twinkled as he looked at me, holding his silver tray out for Yasmin to attack and destroy.

‘Um, what do you have?’

‘The drinks menu is just there on that board… I highly recommend the pomegranate and rosehip tea.’

I decided on a fierce forest-berry cocktail – I liked the idea of menacing fruit.

‘Certainly, madam, anything else? We have vegetarian options for breakfast. Shall I bring some to you?’

Again, his eyes twinkled as he spoke. Was he flirting? Bizarre.

‘Um, yes please. That’d be great.’

‘As you wish.’

He spun around dramatically and disappeared into the mass of people. I saw Fi’s face bob up in the crowd, and was surprised to see it was next to Dec’s. She was flicking her hair and smiling, and he was smiling back as they spoke.

Was she flirting with Dec? I watched her long enough to see her tuck her hair behind her ear eleven times in thirty seconds, and laugh hysterically at everything Dec said, and surmised that yes, she most certainly was flirting. When women play with their hair, show off their neck and laugh at nothing, they are hunting.

I felt a pang of jealousy. Why would she do that? Why would
he
do that, knowing I was here?

Gabe’s voice cut in. ‘Hannah, that mischievous young man with the stupid hair wants to ravish you.’

‘Gabe! Look, everyone, his royal gayness has graced us with his presence.’

‘Hey, Gabe.’ Yasmin kissed him on the cheek, not stopping to finish her mouthful first. ‘Who wants to ravish Han?’

‘The waiter! Wants to pour honey all over her and lick it off, from the way he’s carrying on!’

‘Oh, I didn’t notice. Hair was kind of cool, though.’

Gabe stared at me with one brow cocked. ‘What’s with you? You’re all vagued out. Do you need to eat? Let’s get you some food.’

‘Okay…’ I followed his lead to the kitchen area, where we liked to intercept the waiters as they left the food preparation area. I was confused. What was Fi’s caper? Latching on to Dec like that, knowing I clearly thought he was…what? Where was I heading with this? I was confused at my jealousy and tried to shake it off.

‘So, um, see that guy in the navy top?’ I steered Gabe towards Dec’s direction. ‘That’s Dec.’

‘
The
Dec?’ Gabe looked at me wide-eyed. I nodded, mouth closed. ‘He’s so Polo Ralph Lauren it’s disturbing. Are you sure he’s into girls? I could make him a very happy husband. What’s Fiona doing draped all over him like a cheap throw on an expensive sofa?’

‘Who knows. She spotted him the second he came in and beelined for him not long after.’

‘Silly girl, she has no chance with you around, but it’s entertaining to watch her try. Have you spoken to him yet?’

I shook my head.

‘Why not…? Oops! No matter, he’s on his way over now!’

I saw Dec apologising to Fiona and making his way over to Gabe and me. I nervously fluffed my flat hair and quickly dabbed on some gloss I’d left in the external pocket of my handbag for these exact situations.