Alaska Twilight (34 page)

“Nope.” Tank thrust his hands in his pockets. “I’d better let you get back to work.” A soft answer might turn away wrath, but it was hard to do when he wanted to tell Bixby what he really thought. A small part of him wondered if the trooper was right.

Haley sat in Tank’s cabin and looked out the window into the yard. Oscar was curled up on top of Miki’s back. She grabbed her camera and stepped to the door. Easing it open, she snapped some pictures, then went back to her seat at the table. Libby handed her a cup of coffee, and she took it with an absentminded nod.

Libby sat in the chair beside her. “You seem deep in thought. Are you okay?”

“I guess.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Now might be a good time. The film team had gone off to produce a TV special of the last days of bear activist Kipp Nowak, Augusta had flown to Anchorage with Joy to buy the girl some new clothes, and Brooke was down for a nap. This time, nothing could keep the girl awake. Haley could use some woman-to-woman advice before Tank came back from town. “Tank told me he loved me. Do you think he means it?”

A smile began to play around Libby’s mouth. “I knew it,” she said with a triumphant clench of her fist. “Why on earth would you even doubt it?”

“He told me during an emotionally charged moment. I thought he might be reacting that way because of Brooke’s disappearance.” She ran her hand over the blue-and-white gingham tablecloth to avoid looking at Libby.

“Tank doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. Have you two talked since?”

Haley shook her head. “There’s been no time. He had to document the kill and turn over the carcass to the State, give a statement to the troopers. It’s just as well. I don’t know what to do.” She raised her gaze and directed it at Libby. “I love him, but I don’t know if I can live here, Libby.”

“I thought you got over your fear when you went into the mine.”

“I did, but I’m still a city girl.” She pulled on her shirt. “Rebecca Beeson silk tees. Joe’s jeans. I love shopping and dining out. I like going to plays and museums.

There’s nothing like that here.”

“You’d have Tank and Brooke.”

“I know, and that’s a strong draw, but is it enough for a lifetime? I’ve been praying about it, but I’m not getting any clear direction. I would hate for him to end up being unhappy with me because I’m so different from him. I’d be giving up who I am inside. I’m afraid I’d resent Tank after a while.”

“I see what you mean, but I’ve never seen two people more right for one another. I’m sure you can work it out.”

“I just don’t see how.”

“Talk to Tank about it. Here he comes now.”

Haley heard the rumble of the truck, and her heart slammed against her ribs. Would she always react this way when Tank appeared? She stood and rubbed damp palms against her jeans. Oscar began to bark, and she saw Tank scoop him up as Miki lumbered away.

“I’ll be in the garden,” Libby said with a wink. She crossed the wood floor and exited the back door.

The way Tank’s face lit up when he saw Haley made her feel even more nervous. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi yourself.” He dropped Oscar to the floor and approached her with a confident grin. He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her.

She leaned into him and kissed him back. He smelled like the wilderness—fresh air, sunshine, and spruce. Leaving him would be the hardest thing she ever did. She broke the embrace and stepped back. “We need to talk,” she said.

“Somehow I don’t like the sound of that.” His gaze searched hers, but he dropped his hands and stepped back. He folded his arms across his chest. “I’m listening.”

“Can we sit down?” Without waiting for an answer, she walked to the sofa and sat on it with her good leg tucked under her. She patted the spot beside her.

He approached slowly. “Before you start, let me say that I love you, Haley. I love your spirit that surges up no matter what the adversity, I love the way you tilt your head when you’re listening, I love the color of your hair when the sun strikes it and it shines like a new penny. I love everything about you. And if you think having only one leg bothers me, you’re mistaken.”

A glow started somewhere inside at his words. She wet her lips. “It’s not that, Tank. I love you too.”

He straightened and slipped his arm around her. “You do? I was afraid you were about to tell me to buzz off.” He nuzzled her neck. “I know I’m rushing you. We can take it slow. I can wait. We could get married in October maybe.”

She laughed and pushed him away. “That’s slow? And how can we have a serious conversation when I can’t think?”

“Thinking is highly overrated.” He sat back and laced his fingers together over his crossed legs. “Okay, spill it.”

“We’re so different, Tank. I don’t think I can live here forever. I’ve only been here a month, and I’m already missing the malls and the theaters.”

He regarded her with a sober expression. “I’m a bear biologist, Haley. I have to work where the bears are. I guess I could work in a zoo or something, but I’d sure stagnate in a place like that after all my work with wild bears.”

“I know. And I’d stagnate here. I don’t think there’s an answer. If you gave up your life for me, you’d grow to resent me, and if I gave up everything for you, I’m afraid I’d grow to resent you.”

He rubbed his forehead silently. “I don’t want to lose you, Haley.”

“I don’t know what the answer is, Tank. I think I should go back to Phoenix.”

His smile was wry when it finally came. “What a blow to my ego. If you can forget me by going back home, then we didn’t have much.”

“I don’t think I can forget you,” she said softly. “But I think I have to try.” Her vision blurred, and pressure filled her sinuses. She sniffled, and he handed her his handkerchief. “Thanks.”

“You’re afraid of really living, Haley.” He flicked his finger at her camera. “You hide behind your camera instead of stepping out and engaging life. You’re so afraid you’ll fail at something that you won’t even try.”

“Maybe. I’ve failed at plenty of things, Tank, and I’d hate to fail at the most important thing.”

“I think we have something special, Haley. Will you agree to pray with me about it for a month? I believe God will show us the way if we ask him.”

“Okay. I’m still learning about this praying stuff, but I’m willing to listen to what he has to say.”

He took her in his arms. “Just for a little while, let’s forget that you’re a city girl and I’m a country boy.”

His lips found hers, and she found she was very willing to forget all their differences, at least for now.

Haley leaned against the headrest of the car. The parking lot, otherwise known as I-10, stretched as far as she could see. The bright Arizona sunshine beat through the windshield of her Mazda Tribute in a blinding curtain of light. She fanned her face, still hot though she had the air-conditioning going full blast.

“I’ve never seen so many cars,” Joy said in awe. She squinted. “I should have brought my sunglasses.” Joy had been with them for two months now. She’d agreed to move in with Augusta and see how she adjusted to Arizona. She hated the heat but loved the sunshine.

Haley missed Tank with an ache that dogged her every minute of the day. She kept telling herself it would get easier, but even taking Joy to the Scottsdale ArtWalk failed to lift her out of the doldrums, even though she’d gotten some great pictures. She sighed and fingered the camera around her neck.

“I miss Alaska,” Joy said, unconsciously echoing Haley’s thoughts.

“So do I.” What was she doing here? Haley’s gaze swept her beloved Valley of the Sun. This was a place, not her life. She glanced at the visor where she’d jotted a verse from Psalm 56:3.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust
in You.
Fear of making another mistake had ruled her life for so long. The thought of change terrified her. Stepping out to a new life was like looking down into a pit of black water. It was easier to go through life one day at a time on the bank without stirring the waters.

The thought struck her in a way she’d never considered. If she did that long enough, she might forget she was alive. Was she going to let her fear of living ruin her chance for happiness with Tank? Her life was what she allowed God to make of it, the path she chose to follow. She could stay here in Phoenix with her life in a nice, controlled, linear path, or she could step through a doorway that led to hills and valleys, joy and despair.Was the joy worth the threat of pain?

She edged onto the shoulder and drove to the exit. Hope began to spring up in her chest like a plant reaching for the sunshine. She’d watched the plants do that in the Alaskan springtime. Maybe spring had finally come to her heart.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to quit plodding on a familiar path. I’m going to go home and pack.”

“Pack for what?”

“I’m going to Alaska to tell Tank I’ll marry him.”

“Yahoo!” Joy bolted upright in the seat. “Can I come too?”

“I thought you loved the sunshine.”

“I do.” Her smile dimmed. “I wish I could live there in the summer and here in the winter.”

“Don’t we all?” Haley turned onto Estrella Parkway toward her subdivision. Fear still slicked her palms, but she would always regret it if she didn’t at least try. She parked in the concrete driveway and ran toward the front door. Joy followed her. Oscar met them at the door.

“Call the airline and get me a ticket while I pack,” Haley told her.

“What about Augusta?”

“She’ll be home from shopping soon. I’ll tell her then. The two of you can join me for the wedding.” Haley hurried across the tiled floor to her bedroom. She dragged the biggest suitcase she owned down from the shelf and began to pack. The doorbell rang, but she ignored it. Joy could get rid of whoever it was.

Oscar nosed among the clothes and grabbed a pair of socks in his mouth. He crouched over it as if it were his personal toy. She turned at the sound of heavy feet on the tile. Tank stood in the doorway, his massive shoulders nearly spanning the doorjamb.

“Hi,” he said. He shuffled and stared at her as if he’d like to gobble her up.

Haley started to tremble. She wet her lips. “I’ve never seen you without a flannel shirt.” He didn’t look like Paul Bunyan today. His pale but muscular legs stretched out impossibly long from under denim shorts. “And I’ve never seen legs that white. I think I’d better get my sunglasses before they blind me.”

He grinned. “Woman, the things I go through for you. I might even get a suntan if you give me time.” He took a step closer to her. “What would you say if I told you I figured out a way for us to live in Alaska part of the year and here part of the year?”

“How? Your job requires you to be on call.” It was enough to see him and know she was right to make the sacrifice. She didn’t want to hope for more.

“I took a seasonal job in the park, and I got another job with the Phoenix Zoo. I’ll be in charge of constructing a new bear habitat. It will be the first one of its kind in the world. They’re excited to let me continue my research in Alaska in the summer. I think it’s the perfect compromise.” His gaze went to her suitcase. “You’re packing.” His voice held a trace of disappointment.

She took a step toward him. “I had a yen to see Paul Bunyon.”

His eyes widened, and his gaze went to the book on home canning that lay on top of her warm clothing. “Me?”

She nodded, and the words she wanted to say caught in her throat. Instead, she reached up and slipped her camera from her neck, then held it out to him.

Tank’s eyes widened, and he began to smile. He took the camera and laid it on top of her suitcase. “Step out from behind that camera, Haley, and experience life with me. You won’t be sorry.”

“I could never be sorry for loving you.” He opened his arms, and she stepped into them. “I’ll marry you on one condition.”

“Anything,” he murmured, his lips in her hair.

“Tell me your real name.”

He raised his eyebrows and grinned. “After the wedding. I don’t want you to back out.”

“Nothing could make me back out. Give.”

Amusement lit his eyes. “It’s Elmer.”

“Come on, your real name.”

“I’m telling you, it’s Elmer. You still want to marry me and be Mrs. Elmer Lassiter?”