Alias Thomas Bennet (7 page)

“Mr. Darcy, won’t you join our little party? It is so refreshing to walk about the room,” Miss Bingley drawled.

“I must decline your invitation because I can imagine but two motives for ladies choosing to walk about the room together, and my joining you would interfere with either of those.”

“What could he mean? I am dying to know what could be his meaning! Miss Elizabeth, pray, can you understand him?”

“I rarely comprehend Mr. Darcy; his logic baffles me,” said Elizabeth, looking directly at him. “Perhaps he will relent if we ask nothing at all about it.”

“Do tell, Mr. Darcy!” Miss Bingley said with a flirtatious smile. Darcy chose to remain silent while watching the ladies calmly without expression. “Sir, you must tell me! I demand to hear your views on the motives of young women walking about a drawing room!”

“I have not the smallest objection to explaining them,” Darcy responded as soon as she allowed him to speak. “You either have secrets to share or you are conscious that your figures appear to the greatest advantage in walking. If the first, I should be completely in your way, and if the second, I can admire you much better as I sit by the fire.” Darcy was triumphant in his teasing as smiles and chuckles came from those who had been attending Miss Bingley’s efforts at flirtation.

“Oh! Shocking!” cried Miss Bingley. “I never heard anything so abominable. How shall we punish him for such a speech?” she asked Elizabeth, clearly considering her a co-conspirator in gaining Darcy’s attentions.

“Nothing so easy if you have but the inclination,” said Elizabeth, with a mixture of sweetness and archness. “We can all plague and punish Mr. Darcy. Tease him, laugh at him, and challenge his opinions.”

“But upon my honour, I cannot tease calmness of temper and presence of mind. As to laughter, we will not expose ourselves by attempting to laugh without a subject.”

“Mr. Darcy is not to be laughed at?” cried Elizabeth. “That is an uncommon advantage, and uncommon I hope it will continue, for it would be a great loss to
me
to have such an acquaintance. I dearly love to laugh.”

“The wisest and the best of men—nay, the wisest and best of their actions—may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke,” Darcy retorted with a hint of a smile. He knew from Elizabeth’s verbal battles that she enjoyed any opportunity for intelligent argument, even at the expense of his pride.

“Certainly,” replied Elizabeth, “there are such people, but I should hope I am not one of
them
. I hope I never ridicule what is wise or good. Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies
do
divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can. But these, I suppose, are precisely what you are without.”

“Perhaps that is not possible for anyone. But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule.”

“Such as vanity and pride. With excessive pride, one may be unable to bear a challenge.”

“Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.”

Elizabeth turned away to hide a smile.

“Your examination of Mr. Darcy is over, I presume,” said Miss Bingley. “Pray what is the result?”

“I am perfectly convinced that Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise.”

Darcy protested he had made no such pretension. “I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding.”

Elizabeth thought this an absurd show of vanity, and rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to make a sharp rejoinder, but knowing her will to challenge him, Darcy interrupted. “My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever.”

“
That
is a failing indeed!” cried Elizabeth. “Implacable resentment
is
a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well. I really cannot
laugh
at it; you are safe from me.”

“There is, I believe, in every disposition, a tendency to some particular shortcoming or flaw—a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.” Elizabeth thought Darcy was once again trying to best her in a quarrel using the argument that his knowledge was superior.

“And your defect is a propensity to argue when your position has no merit,” she replied acerbically but realized she had gone too far when she noticed her father’s stern look and crossed arms.

“And yours,” he replied with a smile, “is to take a position other than your own to wilfully misunderstand everyone for your own amusement.”

“Do let us have a little music,” said Mrs. Bennet, eager to quash the exchange, which had gained the curiosity of all in the room and the disapprobation of several.

Miss Bingley was glad of the diversion from a conversation in which she had no share. She was applied to play the pianoforte and gave acceptance to the request with alacrity. Darcy, after a few moments recollection, was not sorry for it. He began to feel the danger of paying Elizabeth too much attention.

Miss Bingley played well, if not a little too studied and careful in her expression. Subsequently, Miss Mary Bennet was persuaded to play, and her extensive work with a music master was apparent. Elizabeth and Lydia then joined her: the former singing and the latter playing the violin. Darcy was impressed with the emotion the threesome brought to their performance and the beauty of Miss Elizabeth as she sang.

Later that evening, Mr. Bennet took his daughter aside to chastise her poor conduct in company and especially her ill manners towards Mr. Darcy. Somewhat abashed that her adversarial feelings had been so obvious, Elizabeth owned to making a scene and agreed to behave with the decorum expected of a Bennet. However, in her own mind, she was still determined to show up Mr. Darcy.

Chapter 5:
The lovely and proper Bennet sisters meet the charming and rakish Mr. Wickham.

November 1811
Longbourn, Hertfordshire

Mr. Collins was resolute in making a visit to Longbourn to proffer the renewal of the family acquaintance articulated in his letter sent the month before. Thus, promptly at 3:54 in the afternoon on November 18, said cousin arrived at the Bennet home. He effusively greeted his hosts, commending their generosity in accepting his “olive branch,” and exclaiming on the beauty of the daughters and everything he saw within the manor house. He sang the praises of his “affable and condescending patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh,” rather too enthusiastically, pleased she allowed him to leave his parish to visit his relations.

Thomas and Fanny Bennet shared several looks as Mr. Collins expounded outrageously about his illustrious career as a clergyman and his intent to pay special attentions to his fair cousins to remove any foreseen hardships. During dinner, Mr. Bennet chose simply to listen, but when the ladies withdrew, he thought it time to have some conversation with his guest. After more than a few minutes listening to Mr. Collins’s good fortune in his patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and her attention to his wishes and consideration for his comfort, which included gracious approval of the sermons he had the honour of preaching before her, Thomas Bennet was convinced his cousin was in dire need of guidance.

He took it upon himself to suggest gently that gentlemen were more discreet in their general observations, compliments should be handed out carefully, and flattery in excess could be misinterpreted as insincerity. Mr. Collins tried to protest, referring to the generosity he obtained from his patroness and her condescension on advising him to marry as soon as he could, provided he chose with discretion. He further intimated he had come to Hertfordshire to select a bride who would meet her ladyship’s approval. At this point, it was all Bennet could do to control the urge to eject the man from his home, but he reminded himself he had nearly a fortnight to reform him and hoped his family would not feel too importuned by his project.

At teatime, Mr. Bennet suggested his cousin read aloud from a history book the family was enjoying, but Mr. Collins chose instead to read from Fordyce’s
Sermons
. The subsequent discussion bordered on criticism, causing Mr. Collins to suggest the Bennet ladies did not prefer serious literature. Lydia Bennet made to object; however, her father changed the subject by inviting his cousin to a game of backgammon.

***

The following day, the gentlemen of Netherfield called upon the Bennets, and as was his custom, Mr. Bingley chose to spend the visit in quiet conversation with Jane while Mr. Darcy joined in a discussion with Mr. Bennet, Mary, Lydia, and Elizabeth.

Mr. Collins was touring the gardens with Mrs. Bennet and Kitty, and when Kitty commented on the identity of the visitors, Mr. Collins promptly left their side to rush into the drawing room and interrupt Darcy with a dramatic obeisance. He proceeded to address Darcy with an air of sycophantic self-importance, making him aware that his patroness, Lady Catherine, who was aunt to Mr. Darcy, was in good health. With hardly a break to breathe, he provided ample opinions on the respect he felt for her high rank and his veneration of her as his patroness, mingled with a very good opinion of himself, of his authority as a clergyman and his rights as a rector.

Darcy was astonished by Collins’s audacity in addressing him with such familiarity without waiting for a proper introduction and bore the officiousness with irritation. He could be excused for his silence as it was impossible to speak during Collins’s protracted speech; consequently, when an opportunity arose as Collins paused to fill his lungs, Darcy tartly enquired of his identity and then regarded him with austerity before barely acknowledging the cleric with a slight bow of his head.

Mr. Bennet’s embarrassment on behalf of his cousin was only exceeded by his exasperation, which he struggled to stifle. Later in the day, he took Mr. Collins aside to express reproof at his breach of etiquette and remind his cousin that, were he to rein in his effusions, he might be better received by Mr. Darcy. Although he made no protest, Mr. Collins was less than convinced that his obsequiousness was inappropriate for the nephew of his esteemed patroness. In his mind, his position in the clergy, along with his expressions of humility, established him on footing with those of higher rank and allowed him to be above the forms of ceremony that regulated the laity.

***

The Bennet girls graciously included Mr. Collins on their walk to Meryton, which was undertaken several mornings each week for exercise, society, shopping and visiting the circulating library. Their lively discussions always punctuated the walk, but this day, some part of the conversation unfortunately had to be sacrificed to the exclamations of Mr. Collins. Although he was beginning to heed Mr. Bennet’s admonitions regarding his tendency to monopolise conversations, he still tended to go on at some length in his opinions.

The young ladies had a system they used whenever one of them was in need of gentle extrication from an uncomfortable situation. Thus, when one sister seemed near her wits’ end as the centre of attention of the foolish man, another would silently acknowledge the situation and engage Mr. Collins away from his exasperated victim. As such, Mr. Collins had equal society with each of them and was in a quandary as to which of the three elder sisters he should choose as his wife.

The happy group was greeted in Meryton by an officer of the militia, Lieutenant Denny, who had made their acquaintance not one week prior. Lt. Denny introduced his friend, a Mr. Wickham, who was to join the regiment. A tall, handsome man with light brown hair and ice blue eyes, Mr. Wickham was charming in conversation, and the sisters soon found they enjoyed his company.

While they were agreeably engaged with their new acquaintance, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy arrived on horseback and greeted the group, revealing their intention to call at Longbourn. Jane responded they would be pleased to accept the call once their errands were concluded and they returned home. Bingley suggested he and Darcy accompany the Bennets on foot. Lt. Denny then introduced the gentlemen to Mr. Wickham.

Elizabeth noticed during the exchange that Mr. Wickham and Mr. Darcy seemed uncomfortable. Upon seeing Darcy, Wickham reddened with embarrassment and contrition, but quickly donned a somewhat smug look. In contrast, Darcy blanched with shock and seemed upset before assuming a stony expression, deigning only a brief nod to Wickham’s bow. Had Elizabeth not seen Mr. Darcy so frequently at Longbourn and become familiar with his expressions, she would have missed his fleeting discomfort. She was impressed that a man who was already quite reserved could affect an even more inhospitable countenance. She was curious about the men’s strong reactions to one another but, as she did not expect an explanation, soon dismissed the thought.

When the Bennets concluded their business in Meryton, the gentlemen were waiting to escort them home. Mr. Bingley offered his arm to Jane and joined the discourse with ease. Mr. Darcy walked alongside Elizabeth, and she was grateful not to have Mr. Collins for company. At first she did not mind Mr. Darcy’s silence, but her good breeding required her to exert herself to those less inclined to converse in company, and she attempted to engage him with a question.