Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (13 page)

‘You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: ‘crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they
have
their tails in their mouths; and the reason is –' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. ‘Tell her about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.

‘The reason is,' said the Gryphon, ‘that they
would
go with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails
fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's all.'

‘Thank you,' said Alice, ‘it's very interesting. I never knew so much about a whiting before.'

‘I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. ‘Do you know why it's called a whiting?'

‘I never thought about it,' said Alice. ‘Why?'

‘It does the boots and shoes,'
the Gryphon replied very solemnly.

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. ‘Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated in a wondering tone.

‘Why, what are
your
shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. ‘I mean what makes them so shiny?'

Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her answer. ‘They're done with blacking, I believe.'

‘Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, ‘are done with whiting. Now you know.'

‘And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.

‘Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently: ‘any shrimp could have told you that.'

‘If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running on the song, ‘I'd have said to the porpoise, “Keep back, please: we don't want
you
with us!” '

‘They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: ‘no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'

‘Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.

‘Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: ‘why, if a fish came to
me,
and told me he was going a journey, I should say “With what porpoise?” '

‘Don't you mean “purpose”?' said Alice.

‘I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added ‘Come, let's hear some
of your
adventures.'

‘I could tell you my adventures – beginning from this morning,' said Alice a little timidly: ‘but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.'

‘Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.

‘No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone: ‘explanations take such a dreadful time.'

So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so
very
wide, but she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about her repeating
‘You are old, Father William
,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said ‘That's very curious.'

‘It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.

‘It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. ‘I should like to hear her try and repeat
something now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.

‘Stand up and repeat
“‘Tis the voice of the sluggard” '
said the Gryphon.

‘How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!' thought Alice; ‘I might as well be at school at once.' However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:

“Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
 
“You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.”
 
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
 
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'

‘That's different from what
I
used to say when I was a child,' said the Gryphon.

‘Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; ‘but it sounds uncommon nonsense.'

Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if anything would
ever
happen in a natural way again.

‘I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.

‘She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. ‘Go on with the next verse.'

‘But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. ‘How
could
he turn them out with his nose, you know?'

‘It's the first position in dancing,' Alice said; but was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.

‘Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: ‘it begins
“I passed by his garden.” '

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:

‘I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
 
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie –'

‘What
is
the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle interrupted, ‘if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most confusing thing
I
ever heard!'

‘Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was only too glad to do so.

‘Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went on. ‘Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'

‘Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, ‘Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her
“Turtle Soup,”
will you, old fellow?'

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this:

‘Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,

Waiting in a hot tureen!

Who for such dainties would not stoop?

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

 
Beau – ootiful Soo – oop!

 
Beau – ootiful Soo – oop!

Soo – oop of the e – e – evening,

 
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

 

‘Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,

Game, or any other dish?

Who would not give all else for two p

ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

 
Beau – ootiful Soo – oop!

 
Beau – ootiful Soo – oop!

Soo – oop of the e – e – evening,

 
Beautiful, beauti – FUL SOUP!'

‘Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of ‘The trial's beginning!' was heard in the distance.

‘Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.

‘What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only answered ‘Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:

‘Soo – oop of the e – e – evening,

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them – all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them – ‘I wish they'd get the trial done,' she thought, ‘and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. ‘That's the judge,' she said to herself, ‘because of his great wig.'

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.

‘And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, ‘and those twelve creatures,' (she was obliged to say ‘creatures,' you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) ‘I suppose they are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, ‘jury-men' would have done just as well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. ‘What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. ‘They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'

‘They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, ‘for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'

‘Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, ‘Silence in the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down ‘stupid things!' on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell 'stupid,' and that he
had to ask his neighbour to tell him. ‘A nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course, Alice could
not
stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.

‘Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:

‘The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

 
All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

 
And took them quite away!'

‘Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.

‘Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. ‘There's a great deal to come before that!'

‘Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, ‘First witness!'

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. ‘I beg pardon, your Majesty,' he began, ‘for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'

‘You ought to have finished,' said the King. ‘When did you begin?'

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. ‘Fourteenth of March, I
think
it was,' he said.

‘Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.