Authors: Nicole Deese
“Now that’s what I like
to hear!”
He threw me a life
jacket.
In the mere seconds it
took me to get my tank top off, he was already buckled-up, ready to go, and
waiting. My fingers fumbled with the latches. Giving me much resistance with
each tug, I tried in vain to pull the straps tighter. I bit my bottom lip in
concentration. Hearing his low chuckle, I narrowed my eyes at him. Kai was unfazed
by my evil glare. Instead, he leaned back casually on his Jet Ski and watched
the show of my complete and utter failure at
Life Jacket 101
.
“What are you laughing
at?” I asked, kicking sand in his direction. My stubborn determination was
beginning to break down. I sighed heavily.
“May I?” Kai asked as
he stepped toward me. With one quick draw of his arm, he cinched each buckle
tight. Smiling, he tipped his imaginary hat to me and bowed.
“Is that your specialty
move for all the girls you take to the lake, Kai?” I asked. Now that my pride
had already been damaged, I didn’t feel an urge to repress my sassiness.
Kai busted with
laughter, “Ha! Oh Tori, you kill me. First of all, I don’t take girls to the
lake. Secondly,
if
I had a specialty move it wouldn’t be getting a girl
into a life vest!”
His laughter continued
and I found myself wanting to join in. Amused as I was by his response, I
realized his admission only reaffirmed his thoughts about me. If he didn’t
bring his dates to the lake, then his explanation to Bev had been quite
accurate yesterday. I was just a
family friend.
The good news was that family
friends
shouldn’t make me nervous.
If only these stupid
butterflies in my stomach would follow that same logic.
He just wanted to be a
friend. Better yet, he wanted to
befriend
the younger sister of his
friend, to be the nice guy—the hero. That was part of his genetic code after
all, wasn’t it?
With new determination
I sat down on my Jet Ski. Kai explained the four main points of driving. He
leaned over me to demonstrate as he spoke, securing a safety lanyard to my life
jacket. If I crashed, the Jet Ski would shut off immediately and the key would
stay attached.
“First, plant your feet
on the foot wells like this. Second, always keep your both hands on the handle
bars whether going straight or making a turn. Third, you’ll want to ease into
the throttle or it will take off from underneath you. Try and keep it at less
than twenty miles an hour until you’re comfortable. Fourth, lean into your
turns. Feel ready to try it?”
His instructions
whirled around in my mind. I hoped they would come naturally when I was out on
the water. I nodded in agreement as he pushed me in. Then he jumped onto his
beside me. We sat afloat for a few seconds until he gave me the gesture to turn
it on. The engine roared to life and all my senses came alive with it.
I pushed the throttle
slowly, feeling a jolt of energy rush through me. Suddenly, I was driving on
top of the water. My first few turns were shaky at best, but Kai kept giving me
a thumbs-up. He stood effortlessly, circling my path while seeming to keep an
eye on every move I made. The steering handle didn’t have much play in it, so
that took some getting used to. But once I was comfortable, I pushed the
throttle deeper, increasing my speed.
THIS IS AMAZING!
I glanced back at Kai.
He was beaming like a little boy on Christmas morning. Obviously, he loved this
hobby and was happy to share it with someone. I was happy, too. At least as
happy as someone recently diagnosed with a brain disconnection could be.
Kai signaled for me to
come over to the middle of the lake where he idled.
“Race?”
He both yelled and
signaled the guidelines for our race. Our finish line was a tree on the far
side of the lake, he pointed to it. He also indicated that 40mph was our
cut-off speed. I nodded.
We were off a second
later.
We raced on the water
over and over, Kai winning every time, although he would usually let me get
ahead at least once during the lap. After a good solid hour of racing and
spraying each other with lake water, it was time to eat.
Kai had brought a
blanket and a cooler filled with Subway sandwiches, chips, drinks, and fruit. I
had to admit—even if just to myself—that this type of kindness didn’t exist in
my life outside of Stacie. It was a strange feeling to be the one being
served—a bit of an uncomfortable one.
“You were awesome out
there,” Kai said. “I think you were lying to me earlier. You’ve definitely done
this before.”
“No, I swear, that
really was my first time. It’s a lot of fun…being on the water like that is
really amazing,” I said, surprised at the ease in which I spoke to him. He
handed me a sandwich bag.
The water must have
knocked something loose in my crazy brain. Did I just really say the words fun
and amazing in the same sentence?
Kai smiled at me as he
took another bite of his sandwich. He leaned onto his left forearm, propping
his body up at the elbow as he ate. He extended his legs on the blanket
casually, lying on his side. My eyes grazed briefly over his bare chest and
arms. He had the kind of body I had only ever seen on a protein shake
advertisement.
Photoshop had nothing
on Kai.
I averted my gaze
quickly, shifting to stare down at my apple instead.
“I knew you’d like it,”
Kai said.
“
What
...like
what?”
Embarrassment burned my
face and neck. A second later, I realized what he was referring to.
Oops.
“Whoa there...I was
just agreeing with you. It really is quite breathtaking.”
Which part, your arms
or your chest?
“Uh, yes. The
lake
is
gorgeous,” I said.
I smiled weakly,
ashamed of my internal dialogue—okay, maybe ashamed was too strong a word.
Family friend...keep
that in mind, Tori!
“I grew up on the water.
On my island in Samoa there’s not much distinction between land and water. You
live on both. It’s funny to see older kids here getting swim lessons for the
first time, I swear the parents on my island just throw their little ones in
and hope they’ll figure it out.”
Kai laughed, and handed
me a soda.
“When did you move to
the States? How old were you?” I asked, briefly touching his hand as I grabbed
the drink.
“I was twelve...so
about fourteen years ago now. My father passed away when I was ten, from cancer.
He had always wanted his only son to be in medicine. He and my mother saved for
years so I could be educated in the States. Before he passed, he made her
promise that she would still take me. It was a pretty hard transition at first,
but we’re both happy to be here now,” he said.
“Your mom lives in
Texas, then?” I asked.
He sat up straighter,
clearly pleased by my interest.
“Yes, she bought a
house in Richardson. She has a great community of friends at her church and has
found peace with herself and with God. She’s a remarkable woman, very strong
and brave. She’s my hero in more ways than one.”
My heart pounded hard
in my chest. Hearing a son speak that way of his mother was not just uncommon,
it was touching—even for the emotionally disturbed like myself.
“What about you, Tori?
Tell me about your family.”
My family?
What do I say after
that story?
“
It seems like you know
them already. I don’t have much to say, I guess. It’s just my parents, Jack and
Stacie, and me.”
He smiled knowingly and
said, “But that’s more than double the amount of family I have, so I’m sure
there’s plenty more you
could
say.”
No, because
relationships make family...not just warm bodies.
“Tell me about how you
know Jack and Stacie,” I said, redirecting.
“Let’s see...Jack and I
met at a softball game when both the umpire and the batter ended up with
bloody, broken noses. Jack was the one who led us to the dugout to assess their
injuries. We struck up a conversation and it turned out we both went to the
same church. It’s just so large we had never met before. I saw him there a few
times after that. I guess our friendship just grew from there. Stacie was
always inviting me over for dinner...I think she must have felt bad for me
being a bachelor and all. You really have a great family, Tori.”
And there it was again,
beating me over the head.
My family.
I stood up, ready to be
done with this conversation in every way possible. I challenged Kai to another
round of Jet Ski races. He did not refuse.
Back on the water I was
free.
We circled the lake
several times, jumping each other’s wakes. I pushed the throttle harder feeling
the rush of adrenaline surge through my veins. My hair whipped violently in the
wind, having lost the tie that once held it back. Each minute I drove, my
inhibitions dissipated.
With a newfound
bravery, I stood, like I had seen Kai do earlier. I could see him now to the
side of me, pushing his Jet Ski forward to keep up with my increasing pace.
Soon the world around me started to fade. There was no Kai, no motor sound, no
trees, no rocks, no boats, and no water.
There was only me. Alone.
In an instant, I was
trapped, reliving my nightmare again.
Alone, I sat up, dazed
by the buzzing and the lights around me. Cords tugged at my body and my ribs
were aching from my shallow breaths. I tried to place my surroundings.
Looking down at my
hands, both bandaged and taped, I threw the blankets off my legs in a panic. I
was in a hospital. The confusion was overwhelming, but not nearly as
overwhelming as the memories that flooded just seconds later when the doctor
walked into the room.
He was followed by
Stacie and my parents. Their voices were muddied and thick, asking questions as
they pet my hair like some stray animal.
I ignored them all.
Reaching out my hand to the doctor, my mind burned with only one question.
“How is she—the little
girl?” I asked. My throat was so dry and scratchy, the words were hard to force
out.
No one answered.
Their efforts to
distract me were futile. I pushed them off me with every bit of strength I had,
and asked my question again. This time my voice broke with violent emotion.
“How is she? How is the
little girl?” I demanded.
The doctor came to the
side of my bed, his head bowing low, eyes down.
I didn’t hear his words;
I didn’t need to.
My body went limp and
cold all over. I closed my eyes, sobbing into my bandaged hands. I willed
myself to fall asleep, hoping I’d never wake.
I wanted to stay in the
dark, where I wouldn’t have to feel—ever again. But the nightmare stayed with me
no matter if I was awake or asleep.
It was always the same,
always.
The Jet Ski was at its
peak speed now, zipping through the blurs around me. I wanted it all to be
over. I wanted the nightmare to end. No matter how many lives I had hoped to
save in the future, it would never replace the one I took.
Anna was
gone...forever.
I heard a muffled
scream somewhere in the distance, but I couldn’t find its source.
Instinctively, I turned the Jet Ski—sharply.
And then, I was flying.
The flight itself was
only a few blissful seconds in length. Then gravity pulled me down onto the wet
concrete-like surface. The water slapped every part of my exposed skin as I
tumbled end over end.
I missed the rock wall
at the water’s edge, but just by a couple of feet. I tried to cry out in pain but
only managed to swallow a mouthful of water. Even though I survived, I was
certain my skeleton was all that remained. No skin could possibly be left
intact after such a beat-down.
My life jacket kept me bobbing
on the surface while ten thousand stinging needles poked at me. My ears
throbbed as I coughed over and over trying to catch one full breath without
tasting the lake. With my eyes pointed up toward the sky, I waited for the fog
around me to clear.
Stop running.
My head snapped up in
attention.
Who said that?
I looked to my right.
Kai slowed his Jet Ski as he got close.
“Tori...are you okay?
What on earth happened?” he asked as he slipped into the water in front of me.
“Did you...did you say
something a minute ago?” I asked softly, just inches from his face.
“What? Yes! I said lots
of things...I’ve been screaming at you to slow down for the last five hundred
yards. What happened?” he asked again, this time his tone much firmer than the
last.