All for Maddie (22 page)

“Love you too,” I said in a
cloud. Hospital?

“Hello,” I answered the next
call.

“Is this Whitley Bradshaw?”
the strong voice asked.

“Yes, this is Whitley. I’m
sorry to bother you. I just didn’t know who else to call.”

“It’s okay. I’ve recently
been in contact with Alex Wesson. He told me you may be calling. If there is
anything I can do to help. I would love to be there for you. I have contacts
with the best hospitals and outpatient facilities in Nebraska. Is there
anything you need?”

“Yes. I need for someone to
listen to me and believe me. This is all a lie. I’m not crazy. He’s trying to
take my daughter from me.”

“Don’t worry about it. Okay,
Whitley? You’re going to be okay. And you’ll be happy to know there is no
mental illness in my family. You’ll come out of this. Take care and don’t
worry.” That was it. That was my one and only life line to any power. He
covered his tracks like a cat covers shit. He had me. He was going to take
Maddie. Everyone was on his side. They all believed him. I couldn’t believe
that he contacted my mother.

<><><> 

I was released to the custody
of Dr. Shawn Pierce the following morning and flown home first class with him
right next to me. I was sure Alex was behind my first class flying
arrangements. I already didn’t like Shawn. He wouldn’t answer any of my
questions and kept telling me to relax. He would evaluate me once we were at
the clinic. I just wanted to know where Maddie was. I knew, I guess. I just
needed reassurance. She had to be scared. She watched her mommy being man
handled and taken away. I couldn’t imagine what was running through her little
mind. It broke my heart.

Even though Alex had soul
custody of Maddie, because of our living arrangement and the fact that we were
a couple raising our daughter together all charges were dropped. I could go
home to my living arrangements as soon as Dr. Pierce thought it was safe. My
dad showed up at the lovely hospital that afternoon. I was actually a little
sick and not in the head. He treated me as though I was five and just had my
tonsils removed or something.

I sat there in my given gray
sweats and yellow t-shirt, dressed like everyone else in the activity room.
Visitors weren’t allowed to be in your rooms. We sat at round tables with
plastic chairs. I still hadn’t seen Alex or Maddie. I needed to see Maddie. I
needed her to know that her mommy was okay. I hadn’t seen my room yet and
looking around the room, I prayed that it was private.

One girl, as young as me
even, sat at the next table baking imaginary cookies for a bake sale. I ignored
her when she offered me one. One girl was playing checkers by herself moving
from one side of the table to the other as she took turns with….herself. One
girl sat with her arms crossed and stared out the window. She seemed to be the
only normal one there. She looked pissed, like me, like she didn’t belong there
and was being forced against her will. Some of the girls were watching an old black
and white movie. I wondered if there were other sections of the hospital. All
the girls there seemed to be young. Were there other women somewhere else? I
knew all of these girls seemed to be around my age, and they all seemed to be
crazy except for the one who looked pissed off. I didn’t belong there.

Dr. Pierce stood off to the
side, monitoring me as my dad and Dana treated me like a child. I wanted them
to leave. They wouldn’t tell me anything. Alex had them fooled. They believed
everything that he had told them. My dad even asked what I was thinking when I
had my breakdown and ran on Christmas day with Maddie being sick.

I was finally shown to my
room and given something to help me rest. I didn’t need medication. I wasn’t
sick but I took it. Maybe if I slept I wouldn’t think. I wouldn’t think how
screwed up all of this was. I was being portrayed as the bad guy, and there was
nothing I could do about it.

“I’m not sharing a room, am
I?” I asked Dr. Pierce, seeing the other bed.

“Yes, we like to keep our
visitors in the company of others. It helps with learning to socially deal with
others.

“Whatever, are you staying
too?” I didn’t need to learn how to socially deal with others. I was raised
around strangers. I was socially flooded.

He snickered. “No, I’m going
to let you rest awhile,” he replied and left me to my gray wall room with
yellow border matching my dedicated attire. These people were crazy, not me.

I walked over to the caged
window, looking out to a courtyard with high concrete walls. I wasn’t getting
out of there that way.

“Planning your escape?” my
new roommate asked from the door.

I turned seeing the pissed
off girl from the activity room. “I don’t think I’ll be escaping this way,” I
acknowledged, shaking the metal bars.

“I’m Alissa,” she offered,
taking the bed furthest away from the door. I wanted that bed.

“Whitley,” I replied.

“What are you in for?” she
asked with a smile, insinuating the prison cell that we would be sharing.

“Kidnapping,” I smiled.
“You?”

“Oh, just grand theft auto,
but it was my dad’s car, so it doesn’t really count. Does it?” she asked
teasingly, scratching her head as if she was wondering.

“I would say no,” I agreed.

“Yeah, me either. He thought
this would be easier on his career than having me sent to prison, you know ‘my
daughter is sick,’ she said, rolling her eyes.

I’m not sure what I was
given, but I slept for four hours straight. Maybe it wasn’t the pill at all.
Maybe it was just the fact that I was emotionally exhausted. I looked to see
Alissa air drumming with ear buds stuffed in her ears.

 I was pretty much left alone
that night, other than Alissa seemed to be a chatter box. I didn’t care about
her problems. I had enough of my own. I wanted to see Maddie. Nobody would let
me see Maddie. I wasn’t allowed to use the phone or walk outside. Hell, I
wasn’t even allowed to shower alone. I’m not sure if they were afraid of me
trying to commit suicide or what the hell that was all about. Some lady that
could have passed as a man stood crossed armed waiting for me to finish. I was
fed something that I can’t even describe, maybe Salisbury steak or something. I
didn’t eat it.

I spent three days talking to
Dr. Pierce. I’m not sure what his diagnosis was, but I was put on
antidepressants. I wasn’t depressed. I just wanted my daughter and for Alex
Wesson to die a horrific, slow, painful death. I didn’t think I was asking too
much. Of course, I didn’t disclose my need to watch Alex die an agonizing death
to Dr. Pierce. I wanted out of there.

Thanks to the noble bastard
himself, I was released to his custody three days later. I dropped to my knees
as soon as I saw Maddie. She ran as fast as her little legs would let her and
threw herself in my arms. She cried like she couldn’t believe it was me.

“Dem bad guys let you leave
now?” she asked, remembering the cops taking me to the ground.

“They weren’t bad guys, sweetie.
They were just trying to make sure that you were okay.”

“You come home wif me now, k?”

I smiled and looked up to see
Alex staring down at me. My smile faded, replaced by a scowl. The hate that I
had for him before didn’t come close to how I felt about him now. I felt
victimized….again. And to think I was actually falling for him. That wouldn’t happen
again. His pretend little party when our families were around wouldn’t happen
again. I wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with him when they were around. Hey, I
was crazy, right? They could understand why I didn’t want to be in the same
room as the fuck head that was dictating my life.

I picked Maddie up and walked
past him, stopping to glare at him as I felt his hand on the small of my back.
“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again, you got that?” I asked in an extremely
pleasant tone.

I wouldn’t even sit in the
front seat with him. I rode in the back with Maddie listening to her three-year-old
chatter, really listening. I missed her so much and every word out of her mouth
was important to me.

“I did water all a twees,”
she explained.

“You watered all the trees?”
I asked. It was January. What trees?

“She watered the plastic ones
inside with apple juice,” Alex explained, laughing about it. I ignored him.

“Dem was gonna get dead,” she
clarified.

And so that cold day in
January set the stage for what my life would become. I continued to ignore
Alex, spent all my time with Maddie or in my own room. I refused to go out of
my way to be social toward him at all, not even when my dad and Dana visited. I
had nothing nice to say to him, it was best I didn’t say anything at all. This
continued for almost four months. I did nothing, said nothing, refused to go
out with Regan, sat alone, quietly at his family gatherings, and refused to
shop for groceries or anything else that we needed. He did it or sent his
housekeepers. I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to spend one penny of his money and
mine had been gone the first week I ran with my daughter.

I did talk to Regan on a
regular basis, I just wasn’t going to give Alex one thing to use against me,
like a biker bar. I would have shopped too had he not been a dick about it. I
didn’t mind getting groceries. Either I had to go alone without Maddie or he
had to go with me. I didn’t go at all.

Maddie and I sat out by the
pool a few days into spring. It wasn’t warm but not cold either. We were
comfortable in jeans and sweatshirts. She crawled onto my lap, flipping through
a toy magazine that had come in the mail. She wanted everything in the
catalogue, but kept going back to the same page that really piqued her
interest. It was a zoo with plastic cages, rocks, watering troths, and every
kind of animal possible. There was even a small little aquarium with fish. The
whole zoo came complete with a massive rug where you could set up your own zoo.
It was expensive. Three hundred and forty nine dollars. I knew Alex would buy
it for her if I asked. I wouldn’t ask. She had almost two months before she
would turn four. I’d figure something out.

The next day was just as
nice, the sun was shining and it was gorgeous out. I needed out of that house.
I sat Maddie on the bench by the door and tied her shoes.

“Where are you going?” Alex
asked, coming from whatever he was doing in his stupid room. He never left
anymore. He worked from home, afraid that I would run with Maddie.

“For a walk,” I said, not
looking up.

“Um, I don’t think that’s
such a good idea.”

I looked up giving him a
hateful expression. “I am going to take my daughter, walk three blocks into
town, maybe get ice cream, and go to the park. If you feel the need to get in
your car and follow me, then by all means, go for it.”

I took Maddie’s hand and left
him standing. He could go to hell. Oh my God, I hated him.

“I want chocolate ice cream,
okay?” Maddie said as we walked down the sidewalk.

“You can have chocolate,” I
said, looking over my shoulder to see if we were being followed. We weren’t. I
listened as Maddie talked about Chelsea from pre-school. I smiled down at her
describing Chelsea getting sick during reading time, throwing up in her lap.
The rest of the class ran to the other side of the room. She was getting so
big. I missed her baby talk. I liked her not being able to say her R’s and L’s
right. She didn’t do that anymore. Of course Alex helped with that as well.
Every time she would say it wrong he would correct her and make her say it
again.
Bastard
.

Maddie and I walked into the
ice cream shop and ordered. She no longer wanted chocolate. They had gummy
bears and sprinkles. She wanted vanilla.

“Stop kicking the table,
Maddie,” I demanded as the lady at the next table gave me a dirty look.

“I gonna to set my farm up
where my desk is. You like that idea, Mom?” she asked. She had mentioned the
very expensive zoo several times. I had to buy her that stupid zoo for her
birthday. I could ask my dad, but didn’t really want to do that either. I could
barely stand to call him anymore. I got so sick of him asking me how I was
doing, how I was feeling, or if I was taking my meds. It got old real fast.
Hell no, I wasn’t taking my meds. I didn’t need antidepressants. But of course,
I appeased everyone and pretended to take the stupid things. I took them every
day with my morning pee, right down the toilet.

“We go to the park now?”
Maddie asked as we walked the sidewalk back towards home.

“Yeah just a minute, sweetie,”
I replied distracted, looking across the street to the help wanted sign in the
coffee shop. I could work there. It was brilliant. It would get me out of the
house and give me my own money. I couldn’t walk in there with Maddie though,
could I? Would that look bad, me bringing my daughter with me to apply for a
job?

“Let’s walk across the street
and get something to drink to take to the park with us,” I suggested when she
looked up with a strange look.

There were only a few patrons
sitting around the little coffee shop. I loved the feel of the atmosphere.
There was a section with round sofas, tables in front with electrical sockets
for laptops, Kindles, or your cellphone. A young girl, probably studying, sat
with her feet propped to the table with her laptop and papers strung about. An
older gentlemen sat across from her, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee.

“Welcome to Java Jake’s,” a
young man smiled from behind the counter. “Would you like to try our flavor of
the week? Strawberry shortcake,” he smiled.

“Strawberry shortcake
coffee?” I asked. I was a plain old black with just a little cream kind of girl.
Strawberry shortcake coffee sounded off. Yuck.

“It’s to die for. You’ve got
to try it,” he assured me, busying himself with the coffee I never agreed to.

He sat it on the counter and
smiled down at Maddie. “And I bet you would love one of my famous strawberry,
no, you don’t look like the strawberry type. I bet you’re a chocolate kind of
girl. How about a chocolate cheesecake smoothie?”

“Do I like that, Mom?” she
asked, looking up to me.

“I bet you do, but just a
small one. You’ve already had ice cream.”

“I will have you know, Mother,
my smoothies are high in four B vitamins and are a good source of six other
vitamin and minerals,” he said, holding up a small cup, asking my permission. I
smiled and nodded. He handed it down to Maddie and she sipped it.

“Mmm, this is better than
chocolate ice cream,” she decided.

“Are you Jake?” I asked,

“Who wants to know?” he
asked, looking around inconspicuously. I laughed.

“I saw your sign in the
window.”

“Oh, you looking for a job?”

“Maybe. Nothing to demanding
like long hours or anything, but yeah I guess so.”

“I’m not Jake. I’m Jake’s
son. I’m Matt,” he said offering his hand.

“Whitley,” I replied taking
his hand.

“And you must be Penelope,”
he said, shaking Maddie’s hand.

“Nooooo!” she giggled.

“Oh, that’s right, it’s Rumpelstiltskin.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Crystal Clearwaters?”

“Nope.”

“Princess Truthful?”

“No, it’s Maddie, silly.”

“Hmmm, you don’t look like a
Maddie to me. You’re too cute to be a Maddie. You know why I say that?”

“Uh-uh.”

“Because my name is Matt. My
mom calls me Matty, You’re way cuter than me. I’m thinking we should call
you….” Matt, looked up to the ceiling, tapping his chin for Maddie to think he
was deep in thought. “Daisy…You look like a pretty little Daisy to me. Is that
okay? Can I call you Daisy?”

Maddie nodded with a big
smile.

“I’m looking for someone
three days a week. I have some classes that are kicking my… my shins,” he said,
watching his language in front of my daughter. “I need someone that can open up
and stay until I get here around two. Does that sound like something you could
do?”

“Yes, that would be perfect,
actually.”

“When can you start?”

“Really? Don’t you want to
know if I have any experience, an application, references, anything?”

“Can your mom make coffee,
Daisy?” he asked, looking down to her.

“Uh-huh, she drinks it too.”

I snickered at her reply.

“Do you think she can work
here?”

“Her has to ask my dad,”
Maddie assured him. What the hell? I didn’t want her having the impression that
I had to ask her dad permission before doing anything.

“Maddie!” I exclaimed. Matt
laughed.

“Do you need to discuss it
with your husband first?”

“No, I don’t have a husband,
and if you are offering I am accepting.”

“I am offering. Can you come
in the morning, say around nine, and I will show you what you would be doing.
You can hang around for three or four hours, and decide after that if you’re
still interested.”

“Sounds great. Thank you,
Matt.”

“You are welcome, Whitley. And
I’ll see you around, little Daisy,” he joked with a smiling Maddie.

<><><> 

“What are you doing, Ms.
Maddie?” Alex asked, walking into the kitchen.

“I make a cookies for
school.”

“I am making cookies for
school,” he corrected her, making her repeat it. I gave him a dirty look.
Leave
her the hell alone
.

“Here, sweetie,” I moved
around him to Maddie, handing her the measured cup of sugar.

“Do you have to sit on top of
the house to make cookies?” he asked Maddie, sitting cross legged, in the
middle of the island.

“I too wittle,” she
explained, dumping the sugar into the bowl.

“Little, I’m too little,” he
corrected again.

“Can you take her to
preschool in the morning?” I asked, cutting him off from his English lesson to
my three year old daughter.

“Why? Do you have big plans?”
he smartly asked.

“Yeah, actually, I do.”

“And what big plans to you
have?”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t
concern you. Here, Maddie,” I said, ignoring him as much as possible and
handing her the chocolate chips.

<><><> 

Maddie wanted hot dogs and
macaroni and cheese for supper. I loved it, only because Alex hated hot dogs. I
was hoping he stayed in his room and didn’t join us. He didn’t. He warmed up
the leftovers from the night before and sat at the island with us as Maddie
talked about her new zoo.

“You’re getting a zoo?” Alex
asked.

“Uh-huh, for my birfday.”

“Bir-th-day,” he corrected. I
was ready to punch him for his constant speech therapy. She was three for
Pete’s sake.

“Is there bunnies in a zoo,
Mom?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure, but I bet
we can find some bunnies if you want bunnies in your zoo.”

“Me do.”

“I do,” I said before Alex
could say it.

“Is there moo cows?”

“We’ll have to look at the
picture again. I’m not sure.”

“What’s she talking about?”
Alex wanted to know.

“Something she saw in a
magazine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

<><><> 

I didn’t have to explain to
Alex where I was going the following morning. He left with Maddie at 8:30. I
left right after, walking.