All I Ever Wanted
Authors: Francis Ray
Lovingly dedicated to all of my loyal readers who waited so patiently for Richard and Naomi’s story. I couldn’t do this without your support and love. You are the best!
Acknowledgment
To Carolyn M. Ray for being so good at what she does.
Contents
Prologue
Long before dawn, Naomi Reese awoke in a panic. Cold sweat beaded her skin. Her heart pounding, her mouth dry, her one overriding thought was getting to her daughter, Kayla.
Shivering with fear, she fought back a whimper as she struggled to untangle her legs from the bedding. Seconds later her bare feet hit the carpeted floor. In two steps she was running.
Terror nipping at her heels, afraid she’d find the twin bed empty, she burst into Kayla’s room next to hers. The butterfly night-light she always left on illuminated the bed. Seeing Kayla sleeping peacefully, her slim arm wrapped loosely around the waist of Teddy, her favorite toy and teddy bear, Naomi swayed, then briefly shut her eyes in relief.
Slowly, her fear receded. She moved closer to the bed to touch her daughter, to reassure herself that it had only been a bad dream. Her ex-husband wasn’t in Santa Fe. They were still safe.
No matter how hard she tried to shake the fear that he knew where they lived, she couldn’t. Perhaps she should have moved when he found them the last time, but she had friends here. Good friends. They knew her worst secret and didn’t think less of her.
But it was difficult not to think less of herself.
She’d been such easy prey for a sweet-talking man like her ex-husband. She’d swallowed every lie, believed his possessiveness was love instead of what it was, a way of controlling her. His overbearing ways became steadily worse after they were married. If she wasn’t working, he wanted her home.
One night she’d wanted to go to a movie with girlfriends and he’d forbidden her to go. She thought he was joking at first. She quickly learned differently with his shouts and accusations that she was going to meet some man.
Insulted more than angry, she’d picked up her handbag and headed for the front door of their apartment, ignoring his orders for her to come back. She had few friends and was looking forward to a girls’ night out. When she kept walking, he’d thrown the glass in his hand at her.
The glass shattered against the wall, missing her head by mere inches. Defensively, Naomi had covered her head with her arms and hands. The flying shards had cut her arm. He’d begged her forgiveness on seeing her bleeding arm. He’d had a stressful day at work. He’d been the first policeman on the scene of a horrible automobile accident. He couldn’t stop thinking that the woman he’d been unable to save could have been her. She tried to understand as he bandaged her arm. She’d forgiven him that time and those times that followed.
Leaning over, her hands trembling, Naomi straightened the bedcovers, brushed her hand across her daughter’s head, gently pressed her lips to her hair. Straightening, she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and stared down at the most precious gift in the world to her. Her daughter. Safe. It had only been a dream.
Crossing the small bedroom, Naomi took a seat in the rocking chair. Last night she’d sat in the same chair, holding Kayla while reading her a bedtime story. Tucking her bare feet under her, Naomi pulled the long cotton gown over her legs and watched Kayla sleep. Naomi knew she’d put her daughter through so much misery because she had chosen the wrong man to love. She had been so blind and needy that she’d been easy prey for a cruel, deceptive man like Gordon Reese.
Her older parents were social butterflies and never understood their shy only child, who preferred to read rather than join school clubs or play sports. She’d always been a disappointment to them and something of an oddity.
She met Gordon when he came to her church to speak about safety. She’d been naive and flattered by the attention of such a handsome man. Her few friends and co-workers were actually jealous that she’d caught the eye of such an athletic, articulate man. She couldn’t believe he wanted her when he could have had almost any woman. She’d never dated much and had turned him down twice when he asked her out. His persistence, his interest in her and how her day had gone as a fifth-grade math teacher, his easygoing manner, had won her over. He’d even agreed to wait to be intimate until after they were married.
Naomi closed her eyes and briefly placed her forehead on her updrawn knees. Their wedding night had been a disappointment for both of them. She thought he’d be just as patient and loving as he’d always been. Instead he was demanding and demoralizing.
Frigid
was one of the nicer names he’d called her.
Ashamed, with no close friends or family to talk to, she’d thought it was somehow her fault that she couldn’t make him happy, just as she carried the burden that she couldn’t make her parents love her.
To compound her untenable situation, her parents liked her ex-husband. When she tried to talk to her mother about his possessive outbursts, his unfounded jealousy, her mother immediately blamed Naomi. Her father agreed. She should try harder to make him happy. She never brought it up again, not even when he began hitting her. With nowhere to turn, she’d remained in the abusive marriage.
Things became worse when she became pregnant with Kayla. Naomi’s eyes closed as she recalled becoming physically ill when he told her to get rid of the baby. He’d later said it was because he was afraid for her, but she hadn’t believed him. After Kayla was born, he’d been jealous of the attention she gave their daughter, and even more jealous about Naomi as well.
When Kayla was two, fear for her daughter’s safety had finally given Naomi the courage to leave and file for divorce. The situation came to a head the night Kayla was crying and fretful because she had an ear infection. He’d complained that “the brat” was keeping him awake. Naomi should be in bed taking care of his needs instead of watching over a sniveling baby. He wished she’d never been born.
His cruel, unfeeling words still had the power to hurt. Tears glittered in Naomi’s eyes, but none fell. Kayla deserved the love of both parents. Naomi’s bad choice had taken so much from her daughter.
He’d never loved Kayla, had never been concerned about her. Instead he always considered her an inconvenience and ignored her unless Naomi was taking care of Kayla instead of doing something for him. She’d never been able to relax when he was around them. Naomi had hoped and prayed he’d change, but that night she’d accepted he was never going to love his child. She’d left him the next day and filed for divorce a few days later.
She’d gotten the divorce and full custody, but her ex had made her life hell, coming to her house at all times of the night, smashing her car windows, breaking into her apartment and stealing all her furniture. A couple of times she’d gone to the courthouse to have a restraining order issued against him, but his policemen buddies always called him and he’d show up, promising Kayla would pay if she “embarrassed” him in front of his friends.
One afternoon when Naomi had gone to pick up Kayla from day care, he was walking out the door with their daughter despite Naomi having told the staff that he was never to have contact with Kayla. She realized she had to leave San Antonio to be safe. Her parents had retired to Orlando, but even if they had been there, they wouldn’t have helped. She’d been on her way to California when her car broke down in Santa Fe.
Untucking her legs and coming to her feet, Naomi neared the bed once again. They’d been homeless and sleeping in the broken-down car with nowhere to turn, no money. To this day she had no idea what would have happened to them if Catherine Stewart, now Catherine Grayson, hadn’t befriended them. Even knowing she was lying about her identity, Catherine’s future husband, Luke Grayson, had put her and Kayla up in a hotel, then helped her find a job as a receptionist with Luke’s veterinarian friend Richard Youngblood. She smiled softly.
Richard was as much a part of the reason her life was turning around as Catherine was. He’d saved her when her ex-husband showed up at her hotel room, taking Kayla and ordering her to leave with him. They had only gone a few miles when they were stopped by a police car. Richard had notified the authorities and come for her and Kayla. His presence gave Naomi the courage to tell the truth, and obtain another restraining order against her ex.
Their life had been quiet since then. Still, the fear wouldn’t stay away. She’d have weeks where she thought she was doing better, then something would trigger her unease. Perhaps this time it had been the story on the news of a woman in Santa Fe who hadn’t been able to get away. She’d been severely beaten by her husband in front of her children. She remained in a coma: her children in foster care, their lives irrevocably damaged.
Naomi often wondered if she’d ever be truly free to live without fear, to live a normal life. Her ex was a cruel, vindictive man. He wouldn’t want her to be happy. She worked hard to hide her nightmares that Gordon would return and kidnap Kayla, worked hard not to let her fear keep Kayla from being a happy, outgoing child.
Not for anything would Naomi have her daughter live in fear. Naomi just had to keep trying until it wasn’t forced. Her daughter would have the happy childhood and life her mother never had.
Adjusting the covers again, Naomi promised herself that she wasn’t going to let her fears ruin things for them. Straightening, Naomi left her daughter’s room, praying with each step that this was one promise she could keep.
Chapter 1
Naomi couldn’t sleep. She jumped at every sound, even ice falling from the automatic ice maker. Finally, around 7:00
AM
Saturday, she couldn’t stay in bed any longer. Throwing back the covers, she went to take a bath and get dressed.
In well-worn jeans and a T-shirt, she sat at the kitchen table and worked on lesson plans for the coming week for her students. She loved teaching and she loved her students. They eagerly returned the affection with hugs and smiles. They soaked up learning like little sponges.
She’d taught fifth grade in San Antonio, but at that age students could be defiant. After the past years dealing with her ex-husband, Gordon, she wanted as much peace as possible. She’d jumped at the chance to teach a lower grade level. Now, since Kayla was a kindergarten student, they were on the same hall and Naomi could watch over her. As expected, Kayla made friends easily and loved school. As Richard had said when they first met, Kayla was a loving and affectionate child.