All I Have to Give (19 page)

This calmed her. If the police were looking after the properties, none of those likely to thieve from her house when she wasn’t there would dare go near it. But she wouldn’t rest
properly until she had all her things here with her.

Exhaustion took over her, as the worrying wearied her. Her eyes closed without her bidding them to. But there was something she was determined to say. ‘Joe, I want you to know that I love
you . . .’

His kiss on her lips was gentle and only lasted a second, but it sealed her feelings and brought a smile to her that hurt her face. She didn’t care. She felt safe. But that feeling had
only just settled in her when Paddy’s voice shook her.

‘What the feck are you doing, eh? That’s me wife! I knew there was something between you.’

Joe’s body shot away from her. Paddy must have grabbed him.

‘Naw, Paddy, naw. Don’t! Leave him alone!’ But as her words died, it was Paddy she saw being flung past the end of her bed. His landing shook the bed, as his head hit the iron
bedstead.

Screaming as loud as her dry throat would let her, Ada called for help. Footsteps came running. A male voice shouted at Joe to back off.

Ada held her breath. Turning her head gave her pain, but enabled her to see Joe. His face looked shocked as he stared down towards the floor.

‘Get a porter, Nurse. Let’s get him onto a stretcher and into a treatment room!’ It was the same male voice, which she was convinced belonged to the doctor. It had an urgency
to it that increased her feeling of trepidation. Still Joe didn’t move, but he did speak.

‘He attacked me.’

No one took any notice of this. But the male voice asked, ‘What is the injured man’s name?’

‘He’s me husband. Paddy O’Flynn.’

Coming over to her, the man, whom she could now see dressed in a doctor’s uniform, looked down on her. ‘Your husband?’ His question held disdain as he looked from her to
Joe.

She closed her eyes against the accusations she knew he was forming in his mind. A tear squeezed through her eyelids. It ran down her cheek, leaving a cold trail, but she wouldn’t let
others follow it. That would mean an avalanche of them, so she swallowed hard and told herself that it didn’t matter what folk thought. What did anything matter, any more?

But this changed to a deep anxiety as the doctor said, ‘Nurse, go and fetch one of the policemen here.’ Then turned to Joe and said, ‘This looks serious – he could die. I
advise you to stay here until the policeman arrives, which shouldn’t be long, as the hospital is crawling with them. They are dealing with the aftermath of the explosion. I am sure they will
want to talk to you.’

As they left the room with Paddy on a stretcher, Joe sat down heavily in the chair he’d vacated. Ada didn’t know what to think or feel, and even less what to say. All that had
happened in the last twenty-four hours had left her stunned. Now Paddy, her husband of twenty-odd years, could die! God, what next? What next?

‘I’m sorry, Ada. I only acted in self-defence. I – I didn’t mean to hurt him badly. It was just one of me throws that I’d learned. You see, I often get called names
for being here and not over in France, and on occasions it gets nasty and someone will attack me. If it’s a bloke – say one in middle age that hasn’t been called up, and they look
strong enough – I defend meself by throwing them and then, when they are disabled, I tell them why I can’t go and what I am doing instead. That seems to sort things out. I promise, I
never meant—’

‘I know. I saw what happened.’

‘I doubt anyone will take your word. You only have a small amount of vision in the one eye. And it is well known that I am sweet on you, Ada. They will say I attacked your husband because
of that!’

‘It’s alreet, Joe. Nothing can happen – it was self-defence. Paddy’s strong; he’ll come through. It’ll take more than a blow on the head to do my Paddy
in.’

‘You said “my Paddy”. I thought you didn’t have any feelings for him, lass, I thought . . .’

‘I do have feelings for him, but nothing like I have for—’

The ward door opened and a policeman marched in. ‘You. What is your name?’

‘Joe Grinsdale, sir.’

Turning to her, the policeman said, ‘Ada O’Flynn?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘I understand the man attacked in here just a few minutes ago is Paddy O’Flynn, your husband?’

Something in his voice frightened her. She could only nod her head.

‘Well, I’m sorry to say he died of his injuries as they were carrying him to the emergency station.’ A painful gasp choked Ada. Her ears wouldn’t give her the truth of
the words the policeman was saying. But the reality of it hit her as she heard him say, ‘Joe Grinsdale, I am arresting you for the murder of Paddy O’Flynn . . .’

Murder! Paddy dead! Naw – naw!
Her voice took on a mind of its own as, following a low, agonizing moan, she said, ‘Naw, he didn’t do it. Paddy swung at him. Joe just
threw him in self-defence!’

‘More concerned for your lover than your husband, eh? Sounds like the poor chap had a reason for taking a swing. Anyway we’ll let the judge and jury decide whether he’s guilty
or not. All we know is that we have one dead man, and standing in front of me is the man who is responsible for his death.’

The clink of the handcuffs resounded around the room. Joe looked at her. His expression showed both fear and sorrow.

‘It’ll be alreet, Joe. I’ll tell them it was self-defence, I’ll tell them!’ But before she had finished saying it, the policeman had manhandled Joe out of the
door.

Resting her head back, Ada looked upwards and cursed God.
Why? Why? What have I ever done to deserve all you throw at me? Well, you can take this as me last prayer, ’cause all me
others have fallen on your deaf ears. From now on, it’s me. Me, on me own, but I’ll show you. You’ll not beat me!

Her tears, and the desperate feelings inside her, didn’t go with these words, but she meant every one of them. God had taken the last of her family, and in circumstances that meant the man
she loved had gone as well. She dared not think about how she would face the future, if Joe hanged.

Without Paddy? Oh, aye, I’ll feel his loss, but he deserved what came to him. Now he’ll be with the boys.
This thought gave her more pain.
All of them together.
A
deep loneliness settled inside her and brought forth a cry of, ‘Naw . . . naw. I can’t bear it, I can’t!’

‘Now, now, you have to keep calm. Crying will give you more pain and may exacerbate your condition.’ The posh voice of the nurse held kindness, but what she said next sounded
judgemental. ‘I have heard it said, up here in the North, that you can’t have your chips and have a pie, too. I don’t know your circumstances, but from what is being said . .
.’

‘I didn’t have naw pie, and I had very few chips, come to that. All I’ve ever had since this war broke out has been heartache. You don’t know me, lass. When you’ve
given three sons to your King and country, been beaten from pillar to post and raped by your husband, been blown up, and dared to seek a little happiness from the man that loves you, then –
and only then – can you stand in judgement of me!’

The nurse was quiet for a moment. When she spoke her voice sounded shocked. ‘I – I’m sorry. Oh, that is awful. I have never had anything like that happen to me. I – I
shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I had no right. My name is Irene, but I am called Rene. I hope you will forgive me, and if there is anything that I can do to help you, I
will’

‘There is: take care of me. Make me better. And then I can cope and can help me Joe to cope. It ain’t that I am saying I’m not sorry about me husband – I am. I feel his
loss, though it pales on top of the loss of me lads. A body and soul can only take so much. I have no reserves. But, even if I had, I wouldn’t waste them on Paddy, but use them to help me
free Joe.’

Rene patted her gently. ‘Tell me all about it. Then I will see what I can do.’

Though the telling caused pain, it also helped. Rene had that air about her that made you want to trust her and confide in her. And, though it seemed unlikely as they were worlds apart, Ada felt
as though she had found a friend, someone who would be on her side. ‘Where are you from, Rene? You ain’t from round here.’

‘No, Leeds is a long way from my home. I’m from London. I came to work here, as this is a training hospital. I want to go to France to help, but as a fully qualified nurse. I
didn’t want to be a VAD.’

‘What’s that?’

‘It’s short for Voluntary Aid Detachment. There are some spiffing girls working for them – some of my friends are attached to hospitals over in France. They try their best, but
they told me in their letters that more often than not they are ridiculed by the real nurses. I wouldn’t be able to take that. I am a fiery person. Besides, the war has given me a chance to
show that I am really talented at something, and I have found that I love being a nurse. My parents would never have agreed to me training as a nurse in other circumstances. They just wanted to
marry me off.’

‘Well, I think you will be an asset to them out there and will save many lives. And you will do so brilliantly, without causing pain or suffering, which is how you’ve just treated
me. Ta, love. And while I’m on, you’ve a good bedside manner, as they call it, as you’ve soothed me. Though I could still scream and scream at the injustice of it all.’

‘Well, you just do that, if you have to. I will make sure everyone knows that you should be allowed to, and they should just offer you quiet comfort, not words of chastisement or anger. I
won’t tell them your story – it is yours to tell – but I will say that you have been to hell and back, and that you deserve our respect, not derision.’

‘I can’t say as I’m back from hell, Rene, as I am still living it! Every day I’m seared with a hotter and more intense pain than any hellfire could inflict on me. But I
turn the pain into strength. I draw from it to sustain me, so that I can carry on.’

‘You are a remarkable woman, Ada. And an inspiration.’

Aw, I don’t know about that. But ta, lass. Do one thing for me, will you? Will you try to find out what happens to Joe? I need to know.’

‘I’ll try. Now I’m going to give you something to make you rest. The doctor prescribed it for you. Here, take these.’

With Rene’s help, Ada swallowed the tablets. After a while she found it difficult to keep awake.

As she drifted off she noticed the moment when Rene left her bedside, but somehow she thought Rene would never leave her, not really. Because, even if she never saw her again, she would never
forget the slim, pretty girl with the beautiful dark, kind eyes.

London, beginning of September 1916
Everyone’s shoulder to lean on

Leaving her Aunt Muriel’s side wasn’t easy for Eloise as her dear aunt was distraught. It had been seven weeks since Edith had gone missing, and still no news of
her had filtered through. Coping with her aunt’s constant breakdowns was difficult, not least because she didn’t seem to register that Eloise herself was grieving – and for Edith
as well as Andrina. And now she carried the burden of Jay’s birthright, too.

Her father was the only person she could talk to. For him, Jay’s story had been a confirmation of his suspicions. Father had told her that he remembered an incident that had taken place at
Hastleford Hall when he was a young man.

Father had visited Hastleford Hall, Aunt Muriel’s home, with his brother Christopher and his parents since a young boy, as their ancestral homes were in nearby villages. Their families had
socialized a great deal. Father had been very vague in his knowledge, but said that what Eloise had told him fitted with what he had always suspected, even though it shocked him to the core.

‘You see, Eloise,’ he’d said, ‘we all knew that your Aunt Muriel’s father, Lord Daverly, was carrying on with Lady Amelia, though we were all surprised when she
went off to India not long after Lady Daverly died. Some said it was to give propriety to them marrying when she returned, as there would be a suitable lapse in time and, being apart, they
couldn’t be accused of acting improperly during the mourning period. But a few months after Lady Daverly’s death I was visiting my father on our estate in the next village and went for
a walk. I was a week off marrying your mama and I wanted to have a little space to myself. Your Aunt Muriel and Uncle Christopher were already married and had their three children. I was late in
meeting the love of my life. I walked over to Hastleford Hall and went into the grounds through the back gate near the river. It was dusk by the time I reached there. Not expecting to see anyone
but the servants, I was surprised to see a lady walking across the lawn. She was heavily pregnant, and I thought it was Lady Amelia. I was shocked rigid for a moment, but then got my wits about me
and made myself scarce.’

Father had gone on to tell her that, a few weeks after their wedding, he and Mama had spent time in the country, and had heard that a baby had been left on the step of the butcher’s shop,
and that the butcher and his wife were of a mind to keep the child. It was talked about by everyone – the vicar, the gentry and the peasants – as all things that happen out of the
ordinary are, in such tiny villages as Stanford, where Hastleford Hall is, and Market Bosworth, where their own ancestral home was. Father even knew the tale about the gypsies being the
culprits.

Father’s suspicions had eventually led him to give Jay a position on his estate, but not to speak out or do anything further.

This lack of action made Eloise feel angry and frustrated. Nevertheless, her father had reasoned that he couldn’t prove Jay’s parentage one way or the other, and he hadn’t been
able to challenge anyone about it, because such accusations would have been deemed scandalous.

These thoughts went round and round Eloise’s mind as she walked the five hundred yards along Holland Park from her aunt’s house to her own. As she reached the gate she had a sudden
urge not to go inside and instead instructed her maid, who accompanied her, ‘Dorothy, follow me. I’m going for a walk, but please don’t attempt to engage my attention in any way,
or stop me from anything I may be doing.’