All I Need Is You (20 page)

She moved closer, snaking an arm around his waist. “Would you have joined if you knew the things you know now?”

“Of course not.”

She squeezed him, her arm pulling him against her hip. Her hand rested lightly on his chest as she gazed up at him. “I know that. I wasn’t asking for me. I was asking for
you
. Because I think you needed to say it out loud. You made a mistake, yes but it wasn’t something you did purposely. I know you’d never want to hurt anyone if you could help it.”

He swallowed against the giant lump that had formed in his throat. Talking her out of her hero worship wasn’t something he wanted to do, but it was the only fair thing. There was so much available to her; the entire world was wide open at this point in her life. She’d never have to know the despair of losing her sense of self or being afraid to look in the mirror because you didn’t like what you saw. She was pure and good. He wanted her to keep that sense of peace, and she wouldn’t be able to with him in her life.
 

“You always look at me like I was the hero. But I’m not the good guy. I’m just a guy who’s trying to make up for doing bad things.”

“That’s just it, Eli. You’re trying to make it up because you care. Only good guys care about atonement.”

Eli wouldn’t have thought it possible for love to be as evident as it was in her eyes just then. The way she looked at him, damn if it didn’t make him feel invincible. Like he could do anything, bear anything, for her sake. To protect her.
 

Now she knew the good, the bad, and the unforgivable, and yet she still
saw
him. Still wanted him. He couldn’t believe it.
 

No one was this blessed.

“Kay, you can’t have the kind of life you deserve with me. The government monitors me. The people I used to associate with are the kind who hold grudges. I usually don’t sleep in the same location more than a few nights in a row just in case. This is not the kind of life for a family.”

“Tell me one thing. If it wasn’t for all of this, would we be together? I mean, would you give us a chance?”

He would have given anything to be able to lie to her. To tell her what she needed to hear to let him go. But he knew then that he was just as selfish as he’d always been because he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say the words that would allow her to walk away.
 

“Nothing would be able to keep me away.”

As soon as their lips met, he knew it was over. She clung to him so sweetly, pressing soft kisses over his face, his lips, his throat. Anything she could reach. Eli gave up and kissed her back, the cold reserve he kept in place melting beneath the warmth of her embrace.

He vowed then and there that he’d never hurt her or give her any reason to change her mind. His mind flashed to all the stuff in his closet before he could shut the thought down. Kay would freak out if she knew about the things he liked to do. He could find other ways to get the control he needed. He’d have to.

Having her in his bed would be enough. It filled him with a possessive satisfaction, the thought of her in his bed, wearing his clothes with his scent all over her skin. There were other ways he could get inside her mind, possess her thoughts, and control her body. She liked the way he touched her, he could tell. Over time, he could introduce her to new things, slowly push her boundaries. As long as she never knew how deep his desires ran, how all-consuming his need to control and possess her was, then she’d stay with him.
 

She’d never have to know just how twisted he really was.

KAY COULDN’T TELL what changed, but something did. Suddenly, Eli wasn’t just in front of her but he was
there with her
, looking into her eyes like he wanted to climb inside her skin. He turned and nuzzled his face into her palm and she knew. After tonight, there was no going back.
 

He was going to make love to her and she’d be forever changed by it.
 

“I will never hurt you,” Eli whispered, his voice carrying the weight of a sacred vow.
 

“I know that. I’ve always known that.”

Kay shivered as he buried his face in her neck. She felt like every touch, every whisper, held secret meaning, and she could barely contain herself. It had been almost two years since she had gotten pregnant with Hope, and that had been the end of any semblance of romance she had shared with Tim. She had a feeling that her lackluster experiences with her ex would pale in comparison to the erotic promises she saw reflected in Eli’s eyes.

Her breath caught as he dropped a wet kiss on the curve of her collarbone. The hair on her arms stood up as he trailed his fingers gently over her skin. She inhaled and let her breath out in a quick gush as his arms encircled her. His warmth seemed to pervade every inch of her until her skin was on fire.
 

He stood in a swift motion, scooping her up in his arms. She gripped his neck, expecting him to carry her back to his room. Finally, he would let down the walls he’d erected between them and allow her into his private space. But he didn’t carry her to his room. Instead, he dipped his knee next to the fireplace, laying her gently on the rug. The heat of the flames fanned over her skin, ratcheting the burn in her blood even higher.
 

He eased down on the floor next to her, cradling her head in his hand. She relaxed into his hold, allowing him to pull her closer and fit her body to his. He didn’t speak, instead using those quiet moments to look at her. It should have been uncomfortable, lying in his arms while he drank in every inch of her skin with his eyes. But every sweep of his gaze, every glance contained such reverence.
Such heat
. As if what he beheld was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
 

No woman could feel anything but perfect when a man looked at her like that.

“You take my breath away,” he whispered. He lifted his hand, slowly, like he was afraid to spook her. He popped the first button on her shirt, his eyes fixed on the line of skin revealed. Finally, the two sides of her blouse fell apart and he was practically nose deep in her cleavage.
 

Kay tried to close her arms over her chest, self-conscious now. Gravity wasn’t her friend.

“Oh no. You can’t hide these from me.” Eli slid an arm under her shoulders and held her still. Then he grabbed one of her bra straps with his teeth and slid it down.
 

“Wait. What about you?” If she was going to get naked, she wasn’t doing it on her own. Plus, she wasn’t going to deny that looking at Eli naked would definitely distract her from her own insecurities. She couldn’t think much at all when looking at him.

“You want me to take my clothes off?”
 

“Yes, please.”
 

Eli grinned and yanked his shirt over his head with one hand. “Whatever the lady wants.”

She looked down at his jeans and quirked an eyebrow. He threw his head back and laughed, the full, rich sound turning her on even more. He stood and pushed his jeans down. The front of his boxers stood away from his body. Kay gulped.
 

“I think I’ll leave those on for a while yet.”

“Okay,” she squeaked.
 

Eli knelt beside her. “Your turn.”

She lifted her hips obediently and allowed him to slide her jeans off and over her ankles. He looked up at her, his features pinched with strain, and then back at the lacy panties he’d just revealed. Kay thrilled at the possessive look in his eyes. He wanted her.
 

Their lips met and before long she forgot about being self-conscious or who was wearing what. His fingers trailed over her skin, slow circles that were driving her insane. Every touch was so careful, so tender, that Kay finally just grabbed him and pulled him on top of her. His lower body pressed onto hers until the fullness between his legs settled into her thighs. His groan came out as a harsh sound in the quiet room, and she glanced up at him uncertainly.

“Easy, now.” He kept most of his weight on his arms and smoothed her brow with his free hand. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Relief and joy bloomed in her chest, the emotions so big she wondered how one person could contain them. Everything she’d ever dreamed of was finally happening, and she was on the verge of passing out from oxygen deprivation.

Going completely on impulse, Kay leaned up and kissed him. He smiled, his lips moving under hers, and it only made her want him more. She wanted to be filled with him in every way but didn’t know how to ask for what she wanted.
 

Luckily Eli seemed to know without words.
 

His knee inched between her thighs and parted them, and she felt completely exposed. Despite her vulnerability, she wasn’t afraid. She was more excited about the things he had in store for her. Sex with Tim hadn’t been anything to write home about. She had a feeling making love with Eli would surpass anything she could dream up.

His gentle fingers caressed the insides of her thighs, tracing their shape all the way down to her calf. A few seconds later, his lips followed the path of his fingers. She closed her eyes against the assault of sensation. It was too much to take in, too hard to breathe.
 

“There were so many nights I dreamed of this. Of touching you. Tasting you. Making you scream.”

Kay’s breath caught as he moved higher and his lips dragged over her belly button. “You did?”

He looked up at her. The sight of him hovering between her thighs was so erotic but also so shocking that Kay instinctively tried to close her legs. The action accomplished nothing except locking him closer to her core. He looked down, his lips curling up in a private smile.
 

“I think you’d be worried if you knew some of the things I’ve dreamed about you,” he muttered. Then he leaned down and dragged his teeth over the lace between her legs.

KAY TENSED AS the first shock of sensation flowed through her. A scream rose then stopped, trapped in her throat as he lapped at the wet satin. She shivered beneath him, the motions of his quick tongue setting off a wave of convulsions. She grabbed at his shoulders, tried to move away, and then tried to move closer. Eli ignored her moans, her cries, and her fingers tugging at his ears. He gripped her thighs, his strength evident in how easily he held her still while she shook and trembled beneath him.

When she could breathe again, Kay looked down and couldn’t believe he was watching her, a look of intense satisfaction on his face. She instantly tensed and tried to cover herself with her hands. Wordlessly, he grabbed her hands and held them out of the way as he dipped his head and licked her again.
 

“Oh my,” she sighed and allowed her head to fall back.
 

“Kaylee. I need you to know something.”

“Yes,” she mumbled.

“I want you with an intensity that might be a little frightening. I don’t ever want to do anything that scares you. But when I want something, I take it. And there haven’t been too many things I want the way I want you.”
 

Kay let out a breath, overwhelmed and overjoyed by his words. “I want this. I want you.”

Her words unleashed something in him, a wildness evident in the unbridled desire in his eyes and the firm grip of his fingers as they tightened on her hips. His thumbs slipped beneath the sides of her panties, and Kay huffed out a shocked breath at the first brush of his fingers on her bare skin.
 

He pulled back and reached over to where his jeans lay crumpled on the floor. When he pulled the silver packet from his wallet, her heart drummed a sudden insistent rhythm that echoed all the way to her ears. This was it.
 

He wasn’t going to stop this time.

Their eyes met and he dropped it on the floor next to her. Then his hands were on the sides of her face and his tongue was in her mouth. She wrapped her legs around him, holding his big body against her, reveling in the sensation of all those muscles rubbing against her. He ground his hips between her thighs, getting into a rhythm that had her crying out for him. She needed him inside her, would die if he didn’t soothe the ache he’d created.