All In (16 page)

I
nfuriating
, frustrating, ridiculously irresistible woman! How could she have kept him out of the loop for something as important as the redesign? The senior partners would’ve seen that piece of crap, and it would have reflected poorly on him. Did she have no idea what a chance they’d taken on him? Maddox Paul was the youngest COO in the history of the organization. They were looking to him for innovation, for ways to take them into the future. That website would’ve blown up in his face.

Sure, she’d been doing as she was told, and he had given her strict instructions to play nice with Phil, but she knew better.

So did Phil.

It hadn’t gone well in his office, and Phil had pissed Maddox off, too. He’d told Phil in the beginning to leave the redesign to Cass. He knew Phil would overanalyze it and that his micromanagement would keep Cass’ team from creating something amazing. Phil didn’t listen, and instead they’d wasted a huge amount of time doing double the work. Instead of arguing that point, Phil pouted and yelled about how Cass was out to destroy him, and how of course Maddox took her side, because he had “some sick fascination with that bitch.” It took everything Maddox had not to hit him.

Phil had accused Maddox of a lot of things in that meeting, all of which were true. He favored Cass. He had even before he realized he had feelings for her. It was true, and it was right. Cass was a fucking great employee. She went above and beyond what was asked, and she requested little in return. She never let him down. Not once. That didn’t mean they agreed all the time, but she never made him look bad, and she had the respect of almost everyone around her. Phil was jealous of that. He couldn’t replicate the devotion she inspired in him and her team. He ruled by fear and bullying while Cass ruled by, well, a little fear, but a lot of love, too.

The thing that stuck in his craw most, though, was that Phil could be amazing. The guy had so much potential, and he was whip smart. He just needed his own team—to start from the beginning and not feel buried under Maddox’s shadow. Phil just didn’t realize what he needed to do to step out of it.

Maddox chewed on another bite of spaghetti and watched Cass. She was so careful about her pasta to sauce ratio, twirling her noodles on her fork with such precision as to achieve the perfectly balanced bite. She grinned at him, her brown eyes sparkling with mischief.

“What?”

“Just thinking of all the ways I’m going to wipe that crease between your eyes off your face.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m still mad at you, you know,” he twisted more pasta around his fork.

“Well, I’m still mad at you, too. Doesn’t mean I can’t compartmentalize.”

He stopped mid-bite. “What do you mean you’re still mad at me?” Okay, he was ready to fight this out now. “You’re the one who almost screwed me over!”

“No. I wasn’t. That was Phil. I, however, had a plan. A good one, too, and you ruined it.”

“Was your plan to embarrass the shit out of me and Phil, because that seemed to be what was going on.”

“No, and now I’m even angrier that you think so little of me.” she stabbed her pasta, her playfulness gone. Guess they were going to do this now, because there was no moving forward without getting through it.

“I don’t, I-“

“Stop. You think I was sitting there planning some big scheme to let the moron present a terrible design to the senior partners where I would then swoop in and save the day with my second design. Honestly, Mad, do you think me that horrible?”

His eyes widened. That’s exactly what he’d been thinking. Why had he thought that? Oh, yeah, because that’s what he would have considered doing. “Then what…what were you going to do?” He just couldn’t see the plan.

“Phil isn’t stupid, and I like my job. I don’t want his. I don’t want yours. I want mine. So my plan was to present him the final website and let him decide that it was shit. He would have, you know, decided it was shit. He knows better. And when he did, I would have had the other design ready. He would have still been able to present something worthy to the senior partners, and no one would have been the wiser.”

Maddox was at a loss for words. She had thought it through, and knowing Phil, that’s exactly how it would have played out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think I needed to. It all would’ve worked out.”

“But-“

“But what, Mad? But nothing. You rushed in—had to be the hero. Is that what you want to hear me say? That you’re my hero? Thank you for saving me? I didn’t need your rescuing. I needed your trust,” she stated, picking up her plate and taking it to the sink.

He was an ass, wasn’t he? He hadn’t trusted her. He just jumped in and took over.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in her ear as he stepped behind her and pulled her to his chest.

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered back as she relaxed into him. “I know this mattered to you a lot, and I should have told you what I was doing. I should have trusted you, too.”

Maddox reached around and shut off the water. God, she was amazing. This woman knew him too well. She saw things he couldn’t see. Cass turned to face him, her hands on his face. “You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Not on purpose.”

“Nor I, you,” he whispered back, their noses touching.

“Then, is it okay if I erase that frown line now?” She ran her hands down his arms, her fingertips resting on the band of his pants.

His hands brushed the side of her neck, pushing back her hair. His lips trailed lightly to her ear, “I’d like that very much,” he told her before suckling on her earlobe.

“Mmmm,” she sighed as her hand reached in and stroked his hard length. He couldn’t help moaning at the feeling of her feminine hands wrapped around him, one pumping up and down, the other cupping his balls.

Before he could say anything, she was on her knees, taking him into her mouth—the warmth of her lips, followed the the long strokes of her tongue, almost sending him into oblivion. For a moment he forgot where he was as he began to take her, hitting the back of her throat hard. He felt her suppress a gag, and eased up. Fucking woman could make him lose all control.

“Fuck, Cass, I’m going to come,” he groaned, trying to pull out, but she just hummed something, the vibration taking away the last bit of control as he filled her mouth with his seed.

He fell to his knees, taking her into his arms. Her lips glistened with the last of his come, and her eyes twinkled again with that mischief. “What?” he asked.

“The line is gone,” she grinned, her finger touching between his eyes. “I did that.” He laughed.

“Only you could,” he grinned back.

“I need to go home, Maddox,” she sighed.

“No, stay.”

“We have work tomorrow,” she reminded him. Work. Dammit. All he could think about was how nice it was to wrap his arms around her. Feel her close. Be with her. That’s all he wanted.

“Stay. We’ll stop by your place before work so you can change your clothes,” he pleaded.

“I can’t,” she resisted.

He looked he in the eyes. He didn’t want this to end. He wanted her here, in his arms, forever.

Forever.

Could that really be it? Could he want this forever? He kissed the top of Cass’ head that was pressed so comfortably against his chest. He was Maddox Paul. He didn’t do forever.

C
ass breathed
in the familiar scent of pear and mint as she stepped back into her own apartment. She loved how her candles, even unlit, soothed her senses. She threw her keys down on the table near the door and wandered into her bedroom to change into her nighttime uniform: PJ bottoms and a ratty, old tee.

She poured herself a large glass of wine and settled onto her couch before she let the whirlwind of thoughts assault her. She’d been putting them off, busying herself with emails, news, and whatever else she could use as a distraction since she’d called the cab to pick her up and take her home. Maddox had tried to convince her that he could drive her, but she knew that, had she spent any more time with him, he’d do something to convince her to stay, and she really needed the time to herself.

She knew what he was doing. He was keeping her busy, keeping himself present to prevent her from getting lost in her own anxieties. It was working, a little. But he could only do it for so long, and eventually he’d have to leave her alone to deal with her own issues. It wouldn’t make it better if she waited. In fact, it would only make it worse. She’d be entrenched in his life and her panic would serve to make her feel trapped and alone. She’d feel the weight of all the reasons why she shouldn’t be with Maddox, but without a way out of it.

She took a swig of wine and let the heaviness of her situation settle on her. How had she overcome this before? She’d had boyfriends. Hell, she’d had a serious enough boyfriend that at one point she considered marrying him. She let her mind race back to that time when she’d thought she found the One. The time before she realized that Blaine just wasn’t that into her, and honestly, she wasn’t that into him, either. Sure, it had started off hot and heavy with Blaine, getting serious fast. He’d taken her to meet his family after dating only a month. She was the one who’d held back. She couldn’t figure out why he was so into her. He was shaped like a baseball player, and had a brain like a neuroscientist. But even then, a part of her had known she needed more.

Blaine started off sweet, buying her flowers, surprising her with picnics and taking her to her favorite movies. He’d doted on her. When they’d finally had sex, he took it slow. But that was the thing with him. He took it slow in the bedroom and too fast emotionally. Eventually they found an easy rhythm that settled into boredom. Their sex life always bordered on adventurous, but never really got there. In six years, she’d had maybe three orgasms, and only one when he was inside her. They’d talk about being more daring, talked about fantasies, but they never acted on it. The blandness of their relationship turned into blandness in the bedroom. She was bored.

That’s when she knew it had to end. Once they both realized they were bored, bitterness set in, and that’s when he started making her feel bad about herself. He’d fueled her insecurities, telling her when she was gaining weight, eating too much, acting too smart. He’d criticized everything about her. She wasn’t much better, either. Even when she’d tried, she never went all out like she had in the beginning. Their romance faded, and finally he took control and broke it off. She knew she should have done it. Hell, she’d tried a million times to work up the courage, but she would chicken out every single time.

She growled and dropped her head into her hands. She’d gone over that failed relationship a hundred times in the years since, and she still didn’t have an answer for how she’d gotten over her anxiety. How had she let him in? Maybe it was that Blaine was safe. He didn’t pose any sort of challenge, and if anything, Maddox was a challenge and a half.

God, how was she going to do this?

He was her boss for goodness’ sake! She’d worked for years to get to where she was, and if the company found out, she’d be so far out on her ass without a reference. He’d probably still be COO, but all the respect he’d built up would be destroyed. And yet…

The way he made her feel. Even before the weekend, he’d made her feel beautiful whenever she was with him. Yes, when he’d been with those other women, she’d felt diminished, but never when he was there with her. Feeling small was her problem, and he never said a word to make her feel less than those women. In fact, he always made a point of telling her how wonderful she was.

She’d fantasized about Maddox—more often than she would have liked. Doing things to him they hadn’t even gotten to yet. Yet. That was the key point, wasn’t it? She could still think of a “yet” with him. Yes, she still felt inadequate, no matter what his words may say to the contrary. She may have felt fat and ugly, but he never called her that. She may have worried about her job, her career, and what people would think when they found out she was with him—because they would find out at some point. Secrets like this never stay secret forever. Then what?

Yes, he said he was all in. That sounded good, but Maddox never stayed all in for long. How could she possibly be different?

She took another swig of wine.

Dammit.

She was a grown adult. It was time she stopped dwelling on the past and got the fuck over herself.

Another swig of wine.

This was her life, and did she want to spend it being all vanilla and boring, always leaning on the side of safe? Never living satisfied? Never taking a chance? What would give her more heartache: living with the regret of never having taken this chance or living with the pain of having had him and lost him?

Lo would say it’s the pain of regret. Hell, most philosophers and psychologists would say that. Even stupid Tennyson with his “Better to have loved and lost…” poetry.

Could she really do this? Could she be all in with Maddox Paul?

Another sip of wine and another bout of staring at her ceiling.

To be loved, even for a short time, by Maddox…could she do it? She ran her fingers over her lips where he’d kissed her. The ghost of his kisses and bites still lingered there. His eyes flashed in her mind, pleading with her to stay. The way he took her in the kitchen without a care for the pasta. Okay, that was dumb. No one likes to clean up burned pasta water on the stove later, and…

Oh, hell. She was in this.

She swilled the last drop of wine in the glass.

Even if she tried to talk herself out of it, Maddox would stare at her with those soulful blue eyes, and she’d be lost. No, she’d just fall further down the rabbit hole. But even Alice eventually got back up. Part of her may have always missed her Wonderland, but she found her way home. Changed, but was change so bad?

Rabbit hole, meet Cassidy Moore.

* * *

“
W
ell
, it seems like the dickwattage has just gotten more intense,” Lo sneered. “He’s no longer just an ass, he’s a, well, what’s worse than an ass?”

“Maybe a dung beetle? I mean, they eat shit and have a crappy name,” Cass commiserated.

If Cass had thought her work life with Phil was bad before the redesign incident, it didn’t compare to the shit storm that smacked her in the face when she came into work the next day.

“If you think for one second that your little boyfriend is always going to save you, think again,” Phil spat as she shut the door to her office. She knew better than to speak up, because the fire in his eyes meant nothing good would come from saying anything.

“I mean, that little stunt you pulled? Don’t think for one second that it’s over. One word from me, and your career ends, little girl.”

Little girl? She was older than that cocksucker. No. No. Calm, level head.

“Since your redesign is done, here’s your next assignment,” he smirked and threw the file on his desk, storming out without another word.

Okay. Temper tantrum done and…oh, hell no.

“Lo, what do I do with this? He’s not going to be okay with it,” Cass dropped her head into her hands. No, Maddox wasn’t going to be okay with her working on the web design for his ex-wife’s practice. Few people knew what had happened there, Cass included. It wasn’t as if Marissa had taken the time to get to know anyone who worked for Mad, so it wasn’t like there was a lot of love for the woman which led to the rumor mill running rampant, including loud whispers of an affair. She wasn’t sure if it was Maddox or Marissa who had cheated, but infidelity supposedly played a part in the divorce.

“Well, it’s not like you have to meet with her or-“ Lo stopped. “No! He’s making you take the sales lead on this, too?”

“Yeah,” was all she could say.

“Fuck that. You need to take it to Mad. He has to fix this, pronto. You can’t do this, honey,” Lo grabbed her hand.

“I have to. I really do. It’s my job!”

“Fuck that. Fuck him. You know he went after this on purpose. He suspects what’s going on, and he’s doing this as payback. To both of you!”

“Don’t you think I know that? But he’ll destroy me. I already put myself on the line with the redesign. Do you think he won’t have further ammunition if I blow this?”

“But Maddox…”

“I’ll tell him, okay? I’m not going to keep Phil’s dick move from him. He’d find out eventually, and that’s a shitty thing to do. Really shitty. I’d want to know if I were in his shoes.”

“What do you think he’s going to do?”

“Not what I know he’s going to want to do.”

“Which is?”

“Fire the asshole.” Cass sipped her beer. Phil toed this line very carefully, and yes, it was him being a dick, but he didn’t cross any ethical or legal lines. He was within his rights as the department manager to go after the client, and he got it. Would it matter to the senior partners that the weasel tried to hurt her or Maddox? Maybe a little, but the money Marissa’s practice would pay for the site would mean more to them than a couple hurt feelings.

“Fuck him.”

* * *

I
f there was
one thing to make her anxiety flare, it would be having to discuss his ex wife with Maddox. He never talked about her much. He’d mention her from time to time, but it was usually brief and never anything deep or insightful. Cass knew there was more to their story, but they had just recently divorced when she started with the company. It wasn’t like she was there for all the fallout, and somehow the thought of not being there for Maddox during one of the most difficult times in his life made her sad.

She knew Maddox well, though, and he tended to avoid bringing up things that hurt him. When it came to business, the man was vicious, heading straight into confrontation without fear. When it came to his personal life? He was like a skittish kitten, avoiding anything that could potentially hurt him. So what happens when the two end up mixed? Her stomach clenched.

“Mad?” She peeked her head into his office, losing her words at the glorious view of him staring at his computer, his hair a little floppy on the top. It was both adorable and beautiful. He needed a haircut, but if she was being honest, she liked it when his hair grew enough to show it’s natural wave. She had to suppress a desire to walk up behind him and start running her fingers through those dark locks.

He caught her looking, and smirked. His eyes burning as he met her lust-riddled gaze.

“Whatcha want?” He motioned for her to step in.

“What do I want, or what do I need?” she asked, her voice deep and breathy.

“Is there a difference?” He laughed, his own voice husky as his volcanic perusal tried to do her in.

She sighed. “No. But now isn’t the time for that, Mister,” she chastised, though she’d have to run to the bathroom after this to dry off her wet panties before they turned uncomfortable.

“Mmmm…I think there is always time for that,” he teased as she shut the door behind her.

“Slow your roll. I’m about to tell you something that’ll make those very eager balls shrivel back up inside you.”

No, no one ever said she was a lady.

“Well, that doesn’t bode well.” He pursed his lips, leaning back in his chair.

“Did Phil tell you about the new client?” She jumped right in. She always believed in pulling off a band aid rather than dragging out the misery.