All My Tomorrows (17 page)

“Alexandra, I know you have never wanted to tell me
why you and your mother are estranged from your brother, so I didn’t know how
you would feel about him coming here.”

“Here?”

“Yes, they would like to keep the visit private. It
sounds like perhaps your brother has never spoken of your estrangement in
public, and they thought it might look peculiar if he were to come to England
and not see his sister.”

“I…see.”

“What shall I tell them? Shall we invite him?”

I only thought for a moment. “Yes.”

☼

Another day passed with still no word from Giselle
– or Peter. Alice stared at her phone and willed it to vibrate, but she
couldn’t decide who she wanted to hear from more.
No, of course Giselle!
The show, her career, her life were all in jeopardy.
But why won’t Peter
call?

Come to think of it, he’s never called or
texted me
. Maybe he didn’t have her number. Of course, if anyone could get
her number, he could. She played with her phone and toyed with the idea of
calling him herself, but she couldn’t understand what had happened to make him
leave so abruptly that morning. He wasn’t distracting her that much from packing.
After this incredible night of lovemaking, for him to walk out like that made
no sense. She could not have misinterpreted what happened between them that
badly.
Could I?

The way he touched her and talked to her –
had
it all been an act?
She would have to go back and watch all of his movies
to be sure. Had it all been some elaborate scheme to get her into bed?
But
why me? I’m nobody. He could have beautiful women lined up for him. He
certainly went to an awful lot of effort. Rich would have had to be in on it
too.
She rolled her eyes at herself.
Yes, it’s this great conspiracy to
bed you, Alice! He probably followed you to Napa and hired an actress to play
his daughter. The Illuminati is probably involved as well!

No, something had happened that morning to make
him walk out.
Was he afraid he would be caught up in this All My Tomorrows
drug scandal? Does he think I am a terrible person for letting this happen?
Does he…does he think I slept with Rich?

She couldn’t think about any of that right now.
She had a show to rewrite. She stuffed her traitorous cell phone in her pocket
and strolled out of her office to where the others were sitting Shiva for the
show.

“I don’t suppose anyone has heard anything.” The
glum faces rendered her statement redundant. “Okay, enough moping. Let’s get
busy! I think this murder mystery is a great idea! We haven’t had a good murder
on the show in a couple of years.”

“What are the other characters going to say about
Sienna?”

“That will be part of the mystery! Everyone will
ask if anyone has seen Sienna, dramatic music, viewers are hooked!” She
exaggerated her enthusiasm and optimism in hopes of energizing the crew, but
their expressions reflected her true feelings. If something didn’t happen soon,
they were going to start jumping ship, saving themselves before they all lost
their jobs.

“What if Giselle never comes back?”

“Then during sweeps, they will find a decomposed
body. Everyone will be glued to their TVs while waiting for the dental
records.”

“And if she does come back?”

“Sienna’s been through a lot – she needed time to
think. She went on a religious retreat. She was going to be a nun, after all.”
They remained unconvinced. “Come on. This is not over! It’s not over until we
say it’s over! Was it over when the German’s bombed Pearl Harbor?” No response.
“Really? None of you has seen
Animal House
?” They looked at her as if
she were covered in purple spots. “I give up.”

Alice marched on toward the writers’ room when she
spotted Mrs. Jellyby in her path. She almost turned around to avoid her but
then thought better of it.

“Hi, Mrs. Jellyby. How’s everything going?”

Mrs. Jellyby shook her head and quivered, and her
eyes threatened an onslaught of tears. “Oh, Alice. I just don’t know. I don’t
know. I was just talking to the writers. Do you really think this serial killer
will work?”

“Well, if I didn’t think it would work, I wouldn’t
have thought of it. Would I?” Before Mrs. Jellyby could consider the logic of
that statement, Alice asked, “Have you heard anything more about Peter Walsingham’s
lawsuit?”

“No, dear. Not since the last continuance.”

“So you haven’t heard anything about it being
withdrawn?”

“Withdrawn? No. Why would…oh, you poor dear. Yes,
I saw the videos and
The Intruder.
I’m afraid you are going to have to
let that go. He’s not coming back. In time, you’ll be able to move on.”

Mrs. Jellyby squeezed Alice’s arm with a
sympathetic frown before walking away. A week before, Alice would have
corrected Mrs. Jellyby’s assumption about the pictures and laughed at the
notion she hoped Peter would come back to the show for her. Only now, it was
true.

☼

The Edge
of Darkness

Chapter
21

When Tony’s eyes met mine, neither of us could control
our tears or resist pulling each other into a tight hug as Robert stood back,
blending into the background.

“God, I’ve missed you, Lexie,” Tony said against my
ear.

“Why wouldn’t you answer my letters?”

“I couldn’t. Annette said…oh, forget what Annette
said.”

“Whatever she said, it wasn’t true.”

“I know. I know now.”

“But now it’s too late.” I pulled away from him and
stepped back for Robert to join us. “Robert, this is my brother Tony. Tony,
this is Robert. My husband.”

“Senator.”

 “Your grace.” They shook hands. “I hope you’re good
to her. She is the most important thing in the world to me.”

Knowing we had not spoken in eight years, Robert was
clearly confused by this. “You needn’t worry. She is to me as well.”

After he and his two assistants were shown to their
rooms, they were to join us in the parlor in the east wing. Tony arrived early
and found me alone, and I began to think our warm reunion had been an act on
his part for the benefit of the others.

“You have done well for yourself,” he said tersely as
I handed him a glass of cognac. “Duchess. I suppose not everything Annette told
me was a lie.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“This marriage! To a Duke! He’s old enough to be your
father.”

“Age is not important.”

“Especially with enough funds to offset it.” I could
not believe his harsh words and was too shocked to reply. He grabbed my wrist tightly
and pulled me closer and snarled in my face. “Is that why you did it? Was it
for his money? Or was it to rub my face in it?”

I gathered all my reserves not to burst into tears. “I
didn’t think you cared.”

Then we heard footsteps, and he released my wrist just
as his assistants joined us. I turned around and took a large sip of my cognac
in hopes of making my hands stop shaking.

Tony’s assistants chose not to dine with us, although
I was certain that Tony had helped them in that decision. I felt strange at
dinner, being married to one man when I was in love with the one a few feet
away from him. The feeling was pain, and I reacted to it by inflicting pain on
the origin of mine.

“Why haven’t you gotten married, brother dear?”

He looked at his plate but paused in his eating. “I
have only been in love once, but I lost her.”

“Oh, really?” I asked in the most innocent voice I
could. “Please tell us what happened to her,” then added with my teeth
clenched, “brother dear.”

He looked at me with cold eyes. “I think she died.”

“Really? And how do you think she died?”

“I killed her.”

Robert choked a little on his dinner and drank down
the rest of his wine.

“I use the term figuratively, of course,” Tony told
him. “Actually, I killed the part of her I loved, and she went on to marry
someone else. But it’s just as well.” He looked at me. “I am not sure she ever
loved me. She never told me she did.”

He was right. I never had told him, but I had felt it.
My eyes were stinging, but I held back the tears. “I’m sure she loved you,” I
said, my voice no longer tinged by anger. “Do you still love her?”

“I will always love her.”

“If she weren’t married, would you let her go again?”

“It’s complicated. We were too much alike, had
too
much in common. We could never be together.”

Perhaps Robert felt left out. After a moment of Tony
and me returning our attention to our plates, Robert said, “When I first fell
in love with your sister, she made me leave for a year to be sure I really
loved her because someone had abandoned her and broken her heart.”

“Oh, really?” Tony sounded almost happy, pleased with
himself for causing my pain.

I spoke up. “But it was a good idea, because now we
are very happy and we are both very much in love.” It wasn’t really a lie. I
just wasn’t in love with my husband.

The rest of the dinner and a nightcap passed politely
and awkwardly, and I think we were all glad to end the evening early.

Later in our room as we got ready for bed, Robert
said, “Darling, I thought you were rather cruel to your brother the way you
talked to him about his former lover.”

I was sitting at the vanity brushing out my hair.
“They never became lovers.” Then I added quickly, “Tony told me all about it a
long time ago.”

I looked into the mirror and reflected on my past. “At
first, they did not get along well at all. But then both of them lost someone
very close to them. That was the summer that our brother and his father died.
They held onto each other at first to relieve their grief and sorrow, but then
their feelings grew into something so much more. They were so in love, and he
had even proposed to her. Then a lie came between them. Tony believed the lie
and abandoned her.”

“How sad.”

After a long moment of silently staring at my
reflection, I stood up and put on my robe. “You’re right. I should go apologize
to him.” I left the room before he could say anything.

I walked through the long corridors to the guest wing
and knocked on Tony’s door, but before he answered, I walked in and closed it
behind me. He dropped the book he had been reading and got out of bed. I took a
step closer, but he put up his hand.

“Please stop.”

“Why did you come here?”

“I…I had to see you again. When I found out you were
getting married it was a stab in the heart. I have never stopped loving you, Lexie.
I even deluded myself that we could be together anyway. I didn’t know if you’d
be willing to move to Sweden, but I couldn’t do that to you. I thought maybe
now that you are married, I could move on, accept that you and I could only be
brother and sister. It hasn’t worked. I need you to go.”

I gasped. “Oh, God. You still don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“I cannot believe she still hasn’t told you. I was
adopted by the Haywards.”

The significance seemed lost on him. “Oh, really. I
didn’t know that.”

I said it again. “Tony, I was adopted.”

He started to shake his head, but then, as
understanding dawned, his face changed, displaying a rapid sequence of
emotions. “You mean you and I aren’t…Oh, dear God. Jesus fucking shit. Why
didn’t you tell me before?”

I turned away to conceal my tears, but I couldn’t stop
them from coming out in my voice. “I did, hundreds of times. Why wouldn’t you
read my letters?”

“Jesus Christ.” He started walking towards me.

“No, stop. I can’t. I’m married now. I can’t betray
him.”

But he hadn’t stopped and now grasped my arms and
pulled me to force me to face him. “You came to me. You left your husband’s bed
in the middle of the night to come to my room. Why are you here?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. We were both so angry
at dinner, I didn’t want to go to sleep with that between us.”

“Is that the truth, Lexie? Then let me kiss you one
time. Just once and I’ll let you go back to your husband.”

He brushed my hair from my face and held the back of
my head. And then we kissed. His breath within me made me tingle all over and
sent a surge of excitement through my body, and I knew I couldn’t stop with one
kiss.

But that first kiss took us all the way to the bed,
where we kissed and discovered each other’s bodies as we never had before. He
kissed and touched all over my body, and then, at last, he and I became one.
One solitary being merged by love. Making love had never felt like this with
Robert. I guess for it to be like this, you have to love your lover. I wanted
him to stay inside me forever, to sleep inside me. I had to be content to sleep
with his body wrapped around me.

The next morning, I told Robert we had stayed up all
night talking, working out our problems.

As Tony was leaving, we were left alone to say
goodbye, but he did not want to leave it at that.  “Lexie, come with me. I’ll
go now, but you can meet me in London and we’ll go back to the States
together.”