All Night Woman: A Contemporary Romance (16 page)

He knew she was in there; if he held his ear close enough to the door he could hear the television.  Unwilling to give up so easily, he repeated the gesture several times until she responded. 

“Go away, Miles.”  Even muffled as it was, her voice sounded weary.  It tugged at his heart, an actual physical pain.

“Please, Liz.”

Nothing.

“At least give me the chance to explain.”

Silence.  A pair of older women passed by, shooting curious glances his way until the elevator doors opened and they stepped in.

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” he tried.  Cliché, perhaps, but at least it got a reaction. 

“You mean you
didn’t
pick up two women at the bar and invite them back to your room to have sex with them?”

“I did, but I changed my mind.”  He blew out a breath, leaning his head closer to the door.  “I knew it was a mistake.  I couldn’t go through with it, Liz.  I didn’t want them.  I want you.”

Miles held his breath as the seconds ticked by in silence.  “Liz?”

“I don’t want to talk to you.  I’ve already said everything I have to say.”

Miles tried several more times, but to no avail.  With a heavy heart, he finally admitted that he wasn’t going to make any more progress and went back to his room.

* * *

L
iz smiled and hugged Holly, now officially Mrs. Adam Grayson.  Holly was absolutely glowing, looking beautiful in a traditional, but simple wedding dress.

“Adam cleans up pretty nice,” she teased through the sniffles, making Holly laugh.  It was true.  Adam was a handsome man, but even in a tux, there was no mistaking his rugged masculinity.  Now Miles – he was a different story.  He wore his tux like a Savile Row model... 

Liz shut down those thoughts immediately.  After a sleepless night filled with visions of those two bimbos molesting Miles in the elevator, she’d just as soon not think about him at all. 

Despite the previous day’s trials, the wedding had gone off without a hitch.  After the service, they slipped into the waiting white stretch limo, toasted the newlyweds (Holly had sparkling juice instead of champagne) and had a lovely celebratory meal at a five-star restaurant.

Miles had been charming, polite, and a perfect gentleman, if subdued.  Liz thought he might try to “explain things” to her again, but he didn’t.

On the surface, everything was perfect.

Inside, Liz felt incredibly empty and numb.

––––––––

A
fter the meal, Holly and Adam went back to their room and Miles headed for the airport.  He was cutting his stay short in order to fly back to be with Brandon.  It was the right thing to do, but personally, she couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or relieved that she wouldn’t have to face him again.  She tried not to think about it too much, at least not until she was alone.  She only had to make it through one more day pretending that everything was okay, then she could release the forced smile and breathe normally again. 

Liz declined the offer of a late supper with Adam and Holly, feeling more than ever like a third wheel.  When Adam went to his room, Holly hesitated and hung back with Liz.

“Are you sure?” Holly asked, biting her lip, something she always did when she felt uncertain.

“Yeah.  I already ordered room service, and you’ve got a honeymoon to be getting on with,” Liz said with a smirk.  “With your little love child on the way, you two need as much newlywed time as you can get.”

Holly blushed.  “I feel bad.  This was supposed to be a fun weekend for you, too.”

“It is,” Liz assured her, summoning what she hoped was a passable smile.  “I got to stand beside my best friend and see her marry her five minute man.  Plus I got a facial, a massage, and a mani-pedi.  What more could I possibly want?”

Holly sighed, reaching out to stroke the petals of one of the white bud roses Liz held.  As Holly’s only female wedding guest, she got the bouquet by default.  Traditional wedding folklore said that whoever caught the bouquet would be the next one to get married.  Since Holly had just handed it to her (as opposed to tossing it into a sea of desperate single women), Liz figured it didn’t apply.

“Adam makes me so happy, Liz.  I want that for you, too.”

“If it’s meant to be, it will happen,” Liz said.  She didn’t hold out a lot of hope, though.

“It will,” Holly said with conviction.  “I
know
it will.”

––––––––

B
y the time she boarded the plane the next day, Liz couldn’t wait to get home.  She loved Holly, and thought the world of Adam, but hanging out with the lovebirds was awkward.  She knew Holly was making an extra effort to include her, but truthfully, Liz just wanted to be alone to lick her wounds in peace.

She had been right to cut Miles’ loose, no matter how wrong it felt.  Weddings did strange things to people; tapped into bizarre romantic ideals of soul mates and right ones and happily ever afters.  As soon as she got home and returned to reality, the warm and fuzzies would fade and she would be able to accept the truth:  that to Miles Grayson, she was nothing more than a convenient hook-up.  And he’d done a stellar job of proving that if she wasn’t willing, there were plenty of others who were. 

Leaning back into the roomy, comfortable first-class seat, she closed her eyes and thought about just how close she had come to changing her mind that night.  Of throwing away every logical reason she’d come up with why it was not a good idea to continue to sleep with him, just to have another night in those strong, capable arms.  She was so weak.  If Miles had shown up at her door, she wouldn’t have been able to turn him away a second time.

But he hadn’t.  No, he had actually gone down to the bar and picked up not one, but two, floozies.  Both had been extremely attractive, and much younger than she was.  Bigger boobs, tighter bottoms, and no rebellious strands of silver starting to appear along their temples.  The sad truth of it was that if Brandon hadn’t been in an accident, Miles probably would have spent all night doing to those two women what he had done with her.

“I didn’t want them.  I want you.”
  Miles’ words echoed in her head.  Had he been telling the truth?  Had he really realized it was a mistake, or was he just saying that to get back into her room?

Then she realized it didn’t matter, because either way, she was done with Miles Grayson.  It made her want to cry and scream and
destroy
something, all at the same time.

She closed her eyes and took deep breaths.  It was for the best.  Better she see the truth now rather than later.  Yeah, it still hurt like hell, but that was just part of life. 

Sometimes life sucked. 

Liz tried to think positively.  She would count her blessings, put things in perspective. 

One – she had a good job.  She had started at the company right out of college, and had risen in the technical ranks.  Her position afforded a steady paycheck, decent benefits, and six weeks of paid vacation every year.

At least for now, that was.  Nothing was guaranteed.  She had survived the last two rounds of lay-offs, but there were already rumors of another coming down the pike when the fiscal year ended in September, only a few months away.  And if the last two were any indication, it wouldn’t be that much of a relief.  While they were cutting the work force in record numbers, the actual work load had increased, which meant longer hours and a hell of a lot more stress (and no paid overtime) for those who made the cut.

Of course, she was the only one adversely affected by her long hours at the office.  It wasn’t like she had a husband or kids or family she was neglecting by staying late and working weekends.

Frowning, she moved on to blessing number two:  a roof over her head.  But how long would she be able to keep up the payments if she lost her job?  Yeah, she had a nice nest egg built up for a string of rainy days, but chances were she wouldn’t be able to find another job in the area and would be forced to move anyway. 

That might not be a bad thing.  Travelling, experiencing new people and places and things, had always appealed to her.  When one door closed, another one opened, right?

Her frown deepened as she tried to find a third blessing.  What else did she have?  No close family.  Her parents lived in Florida; she hadn’t seen them in almost a year.  Her only brother Nick was God-knew-where, fighting his own demons, and she hadn’t heard from him in a long time.

There was Holly, of course, but she was married now and starting a family...

Well, she sighed.  At least she had her health.

The flight attendant came by.  Liz passed on the meal and ordered a drink instead.  So much for counting her blessings.  She felt worse now than when she’d started her internal pep talk.

What was she missing?  Why did everyone else seem to have their shit together?

Because they had taken charge of their lives, she realized.  Instead of settling, they had gone after what they wanted.

Holly wasn’t happy at her job, so she quit and took a chance at her dream – writing full-time.

Adam didn’t like working for someone else, so he started his own renovation business.

They weren’t rich, but they were happy.

Even Miles, who was seemingly well-off, was leaving his job and going back to school to pursue his dream of being an architect.

Hmmm
.

Liz decided to play the what-if game.  If she could do anything, what would she do?  She had to think about that one for a while.  She was so accustomed to doing what she had to do, what was expected, that she had stopped dreaming a long time ago.  Maybe that was part of the problem.

Well, she wasn’t independently wealthy, so not working was not an option.  But she didn’t have to work in Covendale, did she?  She knew a couple of people who had gone into private consulting.  They got to pick and choose clients and jobs, which sounded pretty good. 

Liz had enough knowledge and skills to do something like that, and she’d made some good contacts over the years.

Travel.  Liz had always wanted to travel.  To walk through the Highlands of Scotland.  Visit a Faerie mound in Ireland.  Tour the castles of Austria...

That was just the beginning.  The more she thought about it, the more ideas occurred to her.  Cruising in Alaska.  Surfing (okay, maybe sunning) in Hawaii.  Booking a safari tour in Africa.  Gambling in Monte Carlo.  Doing a walk-about Down Under.

And why couldn’t she?  The very things that seemed like “downs” only an hour ago now seemed like “ups”.  No close family, no binding commitments.  She could do what she wanted, go where she wanted.

Hell, no one, save Holly maybe, would probably even notice.  Or care.

By the time the plane touched down, a plan was already forming in her mind.

* * *

W
ell, it was official.  Miles handed in his resignation.  He’d endured the back slaps and handshakes as they all told him how much he would be missed, but he didn’t kid himself.  They didn’t care about him; it was the money he brought in that they would mourn.

He didn’t feel bad about it.  There were plenty of young, eager cutthroats lining up to take his place.

Less than a week later, he was already beginning to feel like a new man.  There was far less weight on his shoulders.  He was waking up each day with a sense of possibility, of hope.  And, of course, a healthy fear of failure.  Doubt was a cunning bastard, sneaking up on him when he was most vulnerable. 

What if he’d really screwed up?  Who walked away from a six-figure salary to go to college at the age of forty?  What if this was all nothing more than some kind of masochistic mid-life-crisis?

He didn’t dwell on those kinds of thoughts.  Complacent just wasn’t his style.  He needed to grow, to change, to evolve.  He wasn’t happy anymore, and he had the opportunity to change things, so he did.  Period.

Niggling doubts aside, things were going well.  Brandon went with him to register for fall classes.  The look of pride in his son’s eyes that day alone made the risk worthwhile.  What father didn’t want his son to look at him like that?  And they were growing closer, something that pleased Miles immensely.  It would take time, but hey, he wasn’t going anywhere for a while. 

He was spending his days on-site with Adam, too.  It was hard work, but he loved it.  Fresh air.  The smell of wood and plaster and stone.  He came home at night exhausted and sore, but happy.  An added bonus – he and Adam were becoming
brothers
again.

Yep, life was good.  There was only one thing missing:  Liz.

He was still working on that one.

Each night, he lay in bed, thinking about her.  He was going to fix things, he just wasn’t sure exactly how to do that.  He knew he wanted her.  Hell, if he was honest with himself, he more than wanted her.  He was in love with her.  And he was fairly certain that she had some strong feelings for him, too. 

But life was a cruel teacher, and the lessons he’d learned were etched deep enough to make him cautious.  Quitting his job, going back to school – they were really big steps, but only where he was concerned.  If he failed, he wasn’t hurting anyone but himself.

Admitting that you loved someone, wanting a life with them, was completely different.  There was more at stake.  Miles knew he would always land on his feet, but he hated the idea of bringing someone else down with him.  Because of him, Mandy had lost her scholarship.  She’d had to put her dreams on hold.  For ten years, she’d been unhappy, and it was all because of him.

He didn’t want to be responsible for another person’s happiness like that again.  Granted, the situation with Liz was completely different.  Liz was a successful, professional woman; a woman who had proven that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. 

But what if it didn’t last?  What if it wasn’t him that Liz liked so much as the expensive suits and wealthy playboy image?  His gut clenched at that last thought.  No, not Liz.  She saw more than that when she looked at him.

He hadn’t called her once since they got back, though not an hour went by that he didn’t think about doing so.  They hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms; she had been pretty pissed, and understandably so.