“I don’t think you understand what I’m telling you, baby,” Shane whispered.
Baby? Why is he talking like this?
Only Jagger calls me that.
“My feelings go way beyond friendship, and now that you and Jagger are over, maybe I will finally have my chance to show you how much you mean to me. I know how I must sound right about now. How could I even think of betraying my best friend? The truth is, I can’t hold it inside any longer. It’s as if fate has finally stepped up and now this is my one shot to tell you how I feel. I love you, Tenley. Not a friendship love, I mean crazy, stupid love. The kind of love that I will lay my life down for you love. I can’t believe I’m doing this right now, but I have to. I was so afraid to tell you the truth and fear you may reject me. I had so many chances to tell you, but once you fell for Jagger, I thought I would never get my chance. He’s like a brother to me. We have an honor code, a line you never cross, but fuck it. I can’t let you go again.”
He loves me?!
No way. My brain is fuzzy with Tequila waves sloshing around up there. Shane’s my friend…my best friend. I’m drunk and not hearing him right.
“Shane, you’re my best friend. I’ve already destroyed Jagger today, please don’t make me hurt you too.”
“You won’t, baby, I promise my heart is safe. I love you. Please give me a chance to show you how much.”
His hands were cupping my face and drawing me closer to his lips. As soon as I felt them on mine, electricity shocked my body, surprising me and knocking me off balance.
“Open up for me, baby. Please let me in. I love you so much.”
Drunk or not, I kissed Shane.
I knew what I was doing and just didn’t care.
Jagger had made it perfectly clear that he no longer wanted me if I didn’t want what he wanted, so once again, I let my reckless side guide me. Jagger and I reached an impasse of our relationship I never thought was possible. His words replayed in my mind, as I took in the beautiful man in front of me. Here was Shane, willing to do anything to make me happy. I let my inhibitions go and gave him what he desired most…me.
He swiftly had my shirt off and slowly made his way to unbuttoning my jeans. My hands found his, and I said, “Stop!”
What the hell was I doing?
I was living up to everything Jagger accused me of being.
How is this even happening?
A few hours ago, I was happy and looking forward to beginning my new adventure with Jagger, and now I’m about to bed his best friend, our best friend.
“Shane, this is wrong. We can’t do this. Jagger is like a brother to you, and you to him. I love him, Shane. I’m in love with him. This is wrong. I can’t do this.”
He continued to kiss me, touch me, awakening all of my senses.
What he said next stunned me into silence. “Tenley, he never has to know. Please give me tonight to show you how much I love you, and if in the morning when you wake and your heart is still leading you to him, then this will be as far as it goes. It will remain between you and me. I swear I will never tell him.”
“How will I ever be able to look him in the eye again? Or you for that matter?” I asked.
He ignored me and slid his hand inside of my jeans and straight toward my panties. I was wet for him. I couldn’t believe my traitorous body. I belonged to Jagger, and here I was giving myself over to Shane so willingly. He never stopped kissing me. He was everywhere. His fingers were gently rubbing my clit. Every instinct in my body was screaming at him to stop, but then his fingers fucked me again, and I was screaming out my first orgasm. His lips were on mine. His tongue was invading my mouth as if it belonged there. He tasted like sweet mint and smelled incredible. I could feel his dick get harder and harder against my body. I closed my eyes and let Shane take my body to the edge again, but before I could experience yet another high, he stopped.
“Open your eyes, Tenley, and look at me. Tell me to stop, and I will. I want you so badly, but it’s up to you baby, what do you want?”
Looking deeply into my eyes, he saw my answer. I kissed him back and let Shane make love to me. He quickly ripped his shirt off and his boxers and jeans followed. He undid my bra and practically tore my panties from my body.
“Condom,” I whispered. He had one in his wallet and quickly covered his heavy erection with it. I closed my eyes as Shane entered me. He held my hands to the bed and parted my knees with his own. He was big. I gasped as he entered my body and then my eyes closed again and relished the pure pleasure he was giving me. Over and over again, our bodies were joined and we became one.
“Open your eyes, baby. Please look at me as you come with me buried deep inside of you,” he whispered.
I did what he asked of me as he took me deeper and faster. I screamed out his name as the walls of my vagina tightened around his cock. I don’t know who came first, but I was slipping into a blissful oblivion. I had just made love to my best friend and betrayed not just Shane, but Jagger. And Jamie!
What will my brother think? God! I feel so fucking ashamed.
My heart belonged to Jagger. I never questioned it. Shane was a brother to him and a best friend to me. Now this act shared between us had now changed us forever.
This wasn’t on Shane. This was my fault. I could have said no, but I didn’t. Did I want to hurt Jagger for rejecting me? I would hope I wasn’t that cruel, but maybe I was. Shane held me for the rest of the night as I let him. Nothing would prepare us for what happened next…
“Get up!” I heard as the door slammed shut.
My head was spinning and my stomach was retching. I drank way too much Tequila last night. Even in my dazed state, I couldn’t miss the angry form of Jagger Parrish standing above me, with a shotgun pointed directly at Shane.
“What the fuck, man? You! Here with my woman. I’m going to kill your betraying ass.”
Still naked, Shane leaped out of the bed and threw his boxers on. I stayed where I was under the thin sheet that served as my only barrier from Jagger and his rage. He looked at me with disgust. How could I blame him? It’s exactly how I felt.
“Calm down, Jagger. This is not what it looks like,” Shane pleaded.
“Are you fucking with me? How can I confuse what this is? I just caught you naked and in bed with Tenley, my fucking girlfriend! Am I wrong, brother? How the fuck do I confuse what my eyes just witnessed?”
“I love her, man. I couldn’t let her leave without letting her know that. You said no to her. I saw my chance and took it. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“Sorry? Oh my God! I can’t believe this is happening. You love my girlfriend and you’re sorry that you hurt me. Fuck you, Shane, and your apologies. We’ve been like brothers our whole life and for you to hurt me like this is just inconceivable to me. I can take just about anything, but you with Tenley is just something I will never be able to move past. What did you think was going to happen? Confess your feelings, pour out your heart to her, and she just magically chooses you? Well, wake the fuck up brother, because Tenley is a cold, selfish bitch. And now add whore to the list! She only chooses Tenley, and the hell with the rest of us. Fuck you, and fuck her. You two deserve each other.”
Whore.
He called me a whore. I stayed where I was in disbelief as to what I just heard Jagger call me. It was then that Shane charged at Jagger, knocking the shot gun out of his hand. They were entangled with each other. Fists were flying as they hit the other. Shane was screaming at Jagger to take back his hurtful words, but Jagger remained silent and continued to fight Shane. They nearly measured the same in height and weight. I doubted one could take out the other. Jagger swayed to the right, but missed the next attack from Shane. Shane lost his balance and Jagger delivered one final blow to his jaw, and slamming Shane’s body down to the ground.
“Fuck you Shane! I loved you! How could you do this to me? And why my girl? Why motherfucker…why?” You could hear Jagger’s pain with every word spoken.
At that moment of clarity, I wasn’t even hurt anymore. I was everything he said I was. After what I did with Shane, I didn’t deserve either one of them in my life, let alone one ounce of happiness. But after all that, I still tried.
“Jagger! Wait, please.” I scrambled out of bed and quickly got dressed. I ran after him, but he was already gone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. What did I do? What the hell am I going to do now?
I paced around with nervous energy. I was running on pure adrenaline now. Shane was now up on his feet and wiped the blood away from his mouth. The sight of him hurt made my stomach retch. My entire body was shaking, and then I was throwing up with Shane behind me holding my hair back. I emptied my stomach and when I had nothing left to expel from my aching body, he carried me back into the cabin.
“I’m so sorry, Tenley. Let him cool off and then I’ll talk to him,” Shane said.
“And what will you say? ‘Sorry I fucked your girlfriend?’ You’ll be lucky if you get past his front door. This was a mistake, Shane, and I will never forgive myself for hurting him like that, or you for that matter. Don’t you get it? I used you last night to make me feel better about my decision to leave Wyoming. I’m everything Jagger accused me of.”
“Stop it, Tenley. I don’t see it that way at all. I love you, and if you give yourself a chance, I know you can love me too.”
“I do love you, Shane, but not in the way you want me to. I’m so sorry I did this to us. I compromised our friendship, and destroyed your relationship with Jagger. You deserve so much better than me. I’m not worthy enough to be called your friend. I hope one day you can forgive me for what I’ve done here today.”
I left him there and drove my betraying ass home. Jamie was waiting for me with a beer in hand. I stepped up on the porch and he handed me one. He knew. Jagger must have told him, or Shane called him. The way he was looking at me made me sink lower in my shame.
Jamie said to me, “Go on. Take a sip, it looks like you need one. Or did you get your fill last night?”
Now my circle of hell was complete. He didn’t say the words, but he didn’t have to. I had just slept with his best friend and betrayed the other. He finished his beer and reached for my hand. I didn’t take it at first, and then his eyes softened. No matter what, Jamie was my brother, my hero. He had to forgive me. It’s in the handbook for siblings.
He said, “For what it’s worth, I am very sorry. If I would have kicked his ass on the day I caught you two together, I may have saved you all this hurting you are going through now. I’m your brother. It’s my job to protect you and defend you, even when you fuck up.”
“Gee thanks, bro. You should have heard him, Jamie. Jagger said so many cruel things, too hurtful to repeat. He even talked trash about you.”
My brother took my hands in his and tried to smile, but he wasn’t the best when it came to hiding his feelings.
I asked, “What is it? What are you not telling me?”
“My cancer is back.”
“No! You’re in remission, and you’ve been doing so well. What the hell, Jamie? Have you been lying to me? Did Jagger know all this time? Is that why he said what he said? Oh my God! He knew. You all fucking knew, and you didn’t tell me.”
“Will you calm down and listen to me? It’s complicated, Tenley.”
“What’s complicated about it? You’re sick again, and I have failed you. I was the one that saved you, Jamie, and now after years of remission, you swig back a beer and tell me your cancer is back?”
“Tenley, please Tumbleweed, sit with me and we will talk this out.”
He reached for my hands, but I pushed at his chest, nearly making him trip. I ran from him. I couldn’t stand to look at my brother. I trusted him above all others to tell me the truth.
He was better. He looked like Jamie. How could he be so sick inside?
I ran as quickly as my feet could take me. It was no secret what I would do next. I saddled up Jazzy and took off like a rocket. I trained Jazzy. I taught her to know me and react the way I needed her to be. My horse knew I needed to fly, and that’s exactly what we did. I worked her hard up and throughout the terrain that led me to my thinking spot. She was panting between her breaths, and needed to rest. We stopped by the river where she could get a drink, and me? Time to think.
I sat there and stared out into the darkening sky. The sun was getting ready to go to sleep for the night. I had been gone all day. It wasn’t as if anyone would be concerned about me being gone anyway.
Jamie was right.
I fucked up…big time.
I deserve this pain I’m feeling right now. It can’t even come close to what Jagger must be feeling. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear him behind me.
“You need to pick a better hiding spot.”
“You scared the shit out of me.”
“Doubtful, baby sister, you knew I would come for you. And I did. I just wanted you to take some time to sort out your shit. Have you done that yet?”
“Go away,” I said.
“Not a chance, baby sis. Come on, let’s go home. You’re lucky it was me that found you and not daddy. You know the parents hate when you take off without telling them.”
“Lucky for me, they have you to keep me in check.”
“Are you done yet? Because I’m ready to take it. Let me have it Tenley, practice those pre-lawyer skills on me. You know you want to hand me my ass. It’s not like I wanted to be sick. I’m so sorry you are hurt, but me being sick doesn’t give you a free pass to be irresponsible, especially on this fucking ranch where you can get hurt.”
“Watch your mouth,” I retorted.
“You first.”
All the fight was out of me, and my brother gave me a much needed hug.
“I’m so sorry Jamie. I know you are ashamed of me,” I said.
“Never. No matter what, Tumbleweed, that is one feeling I will never have when it comes to you. They will get over it in time. You’re my sister. I will always have your back.”
“I know.”
We rode back to the main house in silence. I was wrecked. Life pretty much continued on after that. After Jamie and I talked the next day, I was ready to simply walk away from school and stay with him, but he wouldn’t hear of it.