All She Wants for Christmas (11 page)

They had dinner, then spent the evening playing board games and cards, then watching
How The Grinch Stole Christmas
, both the half-hour cartoon version and the movie version because Zoey loved both. And so did Riley. She and Zoey snuggled together on the sofa, laughing at the Grinch, then feeling bad because he was misunderstood.

As Zoey scooted closer and held Riley’s hand, it occurred to her how much she’d missed out on, and how much she craved a family of her own someday.

Or now.

Family. She fell into it and welcomed it for as long as she had it.

This wasn’t her family. Zoey wasn’t her daughter, and Ethan wasn’t hers to keep. After Christmas she had to head back to Nashville, and Ethan and Zoey’s lives were here.

She couldn’t have everything.

***

There were no television cameras, no photographers, and as Ethan watched Riley snuggled up on the sofa with his daughter, his heart clenched. Riley had scooped her hair up into a ponytail, kicked off her boots and thrown a blanket over her and Zoey, both of them yawning as they watched television.

She’d wriggled into his family as if she belonged there, as if she’d never left. She threw Brody’s zingers right back at him, ignored Wyatt’s bad moods, and helped out with cooking and serving dinner and then the dishes, never once acting as if she were a superstar or a diva.

And then she’d sat on the floor cross-legged and played with his daughter. For hours. Not out of any sense of obligation, but as if she’d truly enjoyed playing with a seven-year-old. They’d done puzzles, sang together, read together, played dolls and even make-believe fairies. Riley hadn’t once acted as if it were a chore to play with his kid. She’d seemed to be having a great time with Zoey.

Now they curled up together on the sofa watching a movie. Riley stroked Zoey’s hair as his daughter’s eyes drifted closed, and so did Riley’s. They looked comfortable together, right together, as if they belonged to each other.

Shit.

He was making something out of nothing. Riley was being polite, was being herself. And Zoey had a monster case of hero worship. Though she didn’t take to women all that well. Ethan had tried dating a few times, had included Zoey once or twice, and while Zoey was friendly, she didn’t have mad love for the women like she did with Riley. And despite Riley’s star status, he didn’t think Zoey would be snuggled up against her like this if she didn’t have feelings for her, considering Zoey’s bullshit meter and all, which was outstanding. The kid just knew whether someone genuinely cared or not.

Which was just making the fact Riley would leave them both even harder. He should separate them before his daughter got hurt. He could handle it. Zoey wouldn’t understand it.

Coward that he was, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee, and found his mother pulling down plates from the cabinet.

“Let me help you.”

He reached the top cabinet and pulled the plates down.

“Thank you. And why aren’t you in there watching television with Riley and Zoey?”

“They’re both asleep. Or almost asleep.”

“Aww, how sweet. Zoey really likes her.”

“Too much, I think.”

His mother frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It means when Riley leaves town it’s going to hurt her. I need to put a stop to the two of them getting any closer.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Don’t you dare, Ethan Kent. I never thought of you as a coward before.”

He backed up a step. “What do you expect me to do, Mom? Riley will be leaving after the holidays. And by then Zoey will think she can keep her.”

“Oh, I see.” She pushed the plates to the side and pulled out a chair, then pointed to another. Ethan sat. “We’re not really talking about Zoey now, are we?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Okay, we’re not talking only about Zoey. You’re afraid for your own heart, too.”

He shrugged. “I’m a big boy. I can take it. She’s just a kid. She won’t understand.”

“You still love her.”

“I’ve always loved her. I never stopped.”

She laid her hand over his. “It’s okay to feel that way. Have you told Riley how you feel?”

“What good would that do? She still has to leave.”

“But you never told her before. Maybe it’s time you do. Maybe it’ll make a difference.”

He laughed. “No, it won’t.”

“See, that’s always been your problem, Ethan.”

“What’s my problem?”

“Guilt. It’s been your best friend for so long you don’t know how to live without it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you? First it was guilt over the whole Amanda thing. It kept you from seriously trying to find Riley. Then it was Amanda’s pregnancy, so you ended up staying married to her when maybe you shouldn’t have.”

“If I hadn’t stayed married to Amanda, I wouldn’t have Zoey.”

“That’s true, and we’re all grateful for Zoey. But what about what you want, Ethan?”

“I have everything I want.”

“No, you don’t, and you’re once again going to let guilt decide for you. You feel guilty for letting Riley down. You’re still feeling guilty about it, and it’ll keep you from thinking you’re good enough to ask her to stay.”

“It’s not the same thing at all this time, Mom.”

“Isn’t it? You’re going to let her go without letting her know how you feel. To me it’s the same thing.”

“I need to take her home.”

His mother nodded, then stood and came over to him, wrapped his face in her hands. “I have faith in you, Ethan. I think it’s time you had faith in yourself and what you have to offer.”

“I can’t compete with what she already has.”

Her eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Can’t you?”

She kissed his cheek and let him go.

When he walked in to the living room, his heart turned over at the sight of Riley’s head lying on top of Zoey’s, both of them sound asleep.

And then he thought about what his mother said.

Riley was going to spend the holidays alone. She had no family. How many Thanksgivings and Christmases did she do that? What must that be like for her, to send her crew home to their families, then go home to an empty house for the holidays?

Ethan had his mother, father, brothers, and he had Zoey. He was wrapped up in the warmth and love of family surrounding him, not just at the holidays, but every single day of his life.

As he looked down at Riley and Zoey huddled together, he realized maybe there was something he had to offer.

But would Riley even want that? Maybe she was content with the life she’d created for herself.

He swept his daughter up and took her upstairs to the bedroom where she slept at his mom’s. They were going to have Christmas over here in the morning, so she’d spend the night here anyway. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead and swept her hair away from her face.

“I love you, Zoey,” he whispered, then turned out the light. She pulled her snuggly bear close to her and he smiled, then closed the door partway.

One beautiful girl down, one to go.

Riley was still out, so he slid on the sofa next to her. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

She moaned, then turned on her side.

“Time to wake up.”

“Don’t wanna.”

He laughed, then nuzzled her neck with a kiss. “You want to sleep on the couch tonight? You might get a peek at Santa. Or is it the cookies and milk you’re after?”

She giggled. “You’ve spoiled my master plan.” She turned over and tunneled her fingers into his hair, pressing her lips against his.

“If you’re going to start something, we should head to your place.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re at my parents and my mom is in the kitchen.”

“Oh. Good point. Okay.” She pushed off his chest, yawned and stretched.

With her hair half sticking out of her ponytail and a sleepy look on her face, she was devastating to his senses.

She stumbled into her boots, went into the kitchen to say good-night to his mother, and they climbed into their coats. But instead of heading over to the B and B, he took her to his house.

She turned to look at him when he pulled into the driveway.

“I wanted you to see my place.”

She smiled. “I’d love to.”

“It’s nothing fancy. Nothing like your house in Nashville.”

She reached for his hand. “Ethan. Don’t compare Nashville and here. It’s never about money. It’s about home and what makes you happy.”

She opened the car door and stepped out, staring at the house. “I wish it was daylight. Did you build the house?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s lovely. I’m sure Amanda loved it.”

“This isn’t the house where Amanda and I lived.”

She turned to him, frowning. “It’s not?”

“No. After she died I wanted a fresh start, didn’t want those memories clouding mine and Zoey’s life. Plus the house we had was tiny. So I built this place.”

He tried to imagine what Riley would think of it. It wasn’t oversized. It was a two story, gray and white, with a nice-sized back yard.

“I love all the trees. And the porch. I love porches.”

He opened the front door and turned the lights on, let Riley walk in.

“Oh, Ethan, this is nice. The marble tile is beautiful.”

“Being in construction has its advantages. I get a lot of stuff at cost, or not much markup. So I got to upgrade a lot.”

She was already steps ahead of him. “This kitchen is magnificent! Double oven, granite counters. Ethan, I can’t believe you built this. It’s every woman’s dream.”

He smiled at that. “Glad you think so. My mom had some input into what she called a woman’s dream kitchen.”

Riley turned around and leaned against the counter, folded her arms. “She was right. The island, the pots and pans hanging over it, the sink in the island, the sub-zero freezer. Everything you could want in a kitchen is in here.”

He couldn’t help but feel pride at the work he’d done on the place. “It’s big enough for more than me and Zoey, and the yard is huge.” He clicked on the back porch light. “Zoey wants a dog. I’ve waited until she’s old enough to be responsible.”

“Oh, the yard is huge. I love the playset. And yes, it’s perfect for a dog or two. I love animals, always wished I could have some.”

He looked at her. “I remember.”

“I used to love playing with Jack, your lab.”

“Yeah, he died a few years ago.”

Her smile vanished. “I’m sorry. That must have been so hard on everyone.”

“He was an old dog, and he lived a great life. We buried him in my parents’ backyard by the big oak tree.”

“Jack would have liked that. He loved sleeping under that tree.”

He took her hand and showed her the living room with its oversized couches and chairs and the giant television.

“Definitely a man’s room,” she teased.

“Hey, Zoey likes to watch Disney in here.”

She snorted.

He led her upstairs. “Only two of the bedrooms are in use. Oh, and there’s a full bath and another bedroom or possible office downstairs. Haven’t decided yet.”

“So five bedrooms, three bathrooms?”

“Yeah.”

She stopped in the hallway. “You planning on a couple more kids, maybe?”

“I don’t want Zoey to be an only child, so yeah, I’d like to have more kids someday.”

Something flickered in her eyes. “That would be nice. Zoey would be a great big sister.”

“This is Zoey’s room.” He opened the door and turned on the light.

Riley laughed. “Somehow I knew it would be pink. Very, very pink. I love her bed. Did you build that yourself?”

“I did.”

She put her arm around him. “It’s beautiful, Ethan. Every little girl dreams of a canopy bed, with a pink tulle canopy and fairy sparkles on the ceiling.”

“Zoey loves her room, and thanks.”

She stepped in and took a look at the Noah’s Ark of wooden carved animals on Zoey’s dresser. “These are amazing. Where did you get these?”

“I made them.”

She swiveled, her mouth agape. “You carved these?”

“Yeah. I started when she was a baby, before she was born. I made the Ark first, then started on the animal pairs. I add to them every birthday.”

“Oh, Ethan. They’re gorgeous. The intricate workmanship in each piece and the level of detail.” She ran her finger over the elephant’s trunk. “I hope Zoey treasures them. What a wonderful gift from father to daughter.”

He felt his cheeks burn hot, but admittedly enjoyed the praise. “Thank you.”

She lingered at the Ark exhibit for a while, then stepped out of the room.

He led her down the hall to his room. “It’s kind of sparse. Just a giant bed and a dresser.”

She turned to him and smiled. “How utterly perfect.”

“Tired?” he asked as he helped her remove her coat.

“I didn’t think I was. I think little girls who snuggle against you have some kind of sleeping dust attached to them.”

“Yeah, she does it to me, too. It’s the cuddle factor.”

“Lethal. I was out before I knew what hit me.” She held out her hand and he followed her to the bed.

“We didn’t get much sleep last night,” he reminded her.

Her lips quirked. “Guess what? We aren’t going to get much tonight, either.”

He pulled her against him, knowing he’d never tire of the feel of her curves pressed to his. “Who needs sleep?”

He took his time undressing her, the frenzy of last night somewhat satisfied. Plus, there was something about taking a woman’s clothes off, piece by piece, like unwrapping a gift without tearing the paper.

He lifted her sweater over her head, had her sit on the bed and slipped her boots off, then her socks, before gently pushing her to the bed so he could pull off her pants. When he spied the golden silk and lace panties that matched the bra, he arched a brow.

“Prepared yourself tonight?”

“I wasn’t ready for you last night. I am tonight.”

“These look expensive,” he said, tracing his fingers around the tiny bows at her hips, then snaking his finger up her belly to the matching bow between her breasts. “I’ll try not to rip them.”

He felt the pounding of her heart beneath his fingers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I have plenty of lingerie.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah.”