All That Remains (19 page)

West sits forward, leaning his elbows on his knees and folding his hands; Jules moves forward with him, mimicking his pose.

“Problem was, I’d been drinking. I wasn’t drunk by any means, you know that, right? I never would have driven if that had been the case. I had two drinks.”

“Of course. I know you wouldn’t have gotten behind that wheel with me if you were.” Jules acknowledges honestly with a nod of her head. West was never careless with her, it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

“I wasn’t drunk, but there was alcohol, and of course I was underage. My dad probably could have smoothed things over, but something happened.”

She holds her breath and waits for him to explain.

“Your parents rushed into the hospital that night and the fear in their faces -” West stops abruptly and Jules wants to touch his shoulder; she wants to console him as he hunches farther forward.

“I remember when my parents sat my brothers and I down to tell us about Mom’s cancer, how it was terminal. The pain, the hopelessness hidden in the creases along their mouths and eyes; even while they tried to remain optimistic.” Jules eyes sting with tears as West’s voice cracks.

“That’s what your parents looked like when they came in that night. They spotted me standing there in the ER covered in your blood and I swear your mom almost fainted on the spot. She ran to me, scanning over my face and arms, asking if I was hurt. She was crying and she hugged me so tightly, like my own mom would if she’d been there. Your dad, on the other hand, gave me one grim look and went straight to the desk for answers. They were still running tests and doing whatever it is they did with you… there was nothing to do but wait at the moment.

“I hadn’t been seen yet; I only had a few scrapes and cuts, but they wanted to take me back to run a few x-rays. They were worried about internal injuries, I guess. When I returned, your parents were sitting in the corner and I approached them, trying to explain what had happened. Your dad asked me to wait until they’d seen you. I tried a few times to talk to them after that, but your mom seemed to be in shock and your dad was, uh.”

He sits back, turning to Jules with a wry smile. “Let’s say he was scary calm and scary angry and leave it at that. My dad finally pulled me away from the area and down to the cafeteria. By that time, Mindy and Carson had arrived and we left them in the waiting room to wait for news.”

“They didn’t tell me any of this. I can’t believe they would shun you like that, they really liked you.” Jules says, feeling physically ill with her parent’s actions. She leans forward, shaking her head, as West continues.

“Well yeah, that was before you ran out on them, went to a party, and drove with your drunk boyfriend,” he points out sarcastically.

“Once they knew you were going to be okay, though, that’s when things got uglier. Your mom took pity on me after you were finally put in a room and she allowed me to see you the following day, but when your dad walked in he went ballistic. He blamed me for your behavior, said you’d been drinking and partying ever since we’d met. How you’d never snuck out before, how your grades were slipping, you were short tempered and too clingy… I forget what else he said, but he laid all the blame at my feet.”

The tears in her eyes quickly dry up as anger begins to build up. Jules leans into West’s side lightly, trying to give him what little comfort she can, though it feels like too little too late.

“He ordered me out of your life.”

“I can’t -”

“I let him believe I was to blame, Jules.”

“What! Why?”

“I guess I let myself believe it for a while, too. I shouldn’t have been at that party that night. I should have stayed home when you told me you couldn’t go out or I should have met you back at my place when you did call me.”

“I begged you to go to that party. It’s not your fault.”

“Jules, I could have said no to you.” He bumps her shoulder with a small laugh. “It was possible, upon occasion, to say no to you.”

“So what happened to make you leave and go to the facility?”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? In the end it was the right decision for me,” he waffles, pushing off the bench and taking a few steps forward.

Jules examines his back and replays all he’s said while sitting here. She recalls the warning of how she doesn’t know the full story and the aversion her father had to talking about West, or the wreck, with her. Knowing her parents most likely played a role in him leaving hurts. She steps up behind him and leans into his back, her head resting right under his shoulder blades, and she feels him stiffen at the contact.

“I missed this,” she murmurs as she feels his muscles rise and fall as he takes a deep breath. “I missed the way you always felt so strong when I needed you to be strong.”

“You make me stronger,” he whispers low. He turns slowly and she falls away from leaning against him until they are facing each other. His hand brushes her cheek and her arms wrap around his waist automatically, as if she’d been doing it daily for the last ten months. “Here’s the thing, Buff, I don’t want to hurt your relationship with your parents, I swear I don’t. But, I’m going to put us first here. I can live with them hating me, but I can’t live without you.”

She melts against him and looks up into his face as he continues to explain the past.

“When the cops told our parents about the alcohol and the other couple wanting to sue us all for liability, I flipped. I didn’t want you to get in any more trouble than you already were, so I asked my dad to work out whatever deal he could to get you, and your family, off the hook. He was pulling strings with a judge and talking with the couple, asking them to back off. Things seemed as if they might actually work out and then…”

West blows out a breath and gives Jules a sad look. “Then your dad paid mine a visit. At this point, your parents weren’t seeing or speaking to me. They’d actually asked me not to come to the hospital at all.”

Disbelief at their behavior floors Jules. “Why did my dad go to see yours?”

“He raised serious doubt with the judgment my dad made at getting all the charges dropped against us, or me more specifically. He didn’t want me to go to juvie, but he told my father he should consider getting me help. I guess he convinced my dad I was unstable. I was a mess, filled with guilt and worry for you, and add that to what your parents thought was PTSD from the tornado, and then reminding him of my lingering depression from mom’s death… They built a strong case about my mental health. He suggested dad get me help, and whatever he said worked. The judge friend of my dad made it a court order. Six months in rehab for mental health.”

“So you left.”

“The truth is, I wanted to leave.” She frowns at his words. “I couldn’t face you at that point. The moment I almost lost you is a moment I will never forget. Remember when you told me about how seeing me with Aubrey that day at lunch had taught you how easily I could break you?” She nods, recalling the moment easily.

“After my mother’s death, I was able to walk away from everything in my life, Jules. I didn’t form attachments; I didn’t care about people or things anymore. The night of the wreck hit me like a ton of bricks. It brought back my mom’s death all over again.

“You asked me at Carson and Mindy’s engagement party why I quit football, remember?”

“Yeah. You said you had practice that day and it pissed you off, so you quit.”

“Ha, well that’s partially true. The truth is, the day she died I’d promised her I would be there for her. She was getting weaker and weaker and we knew the time was getting closer. I wanted to be by her side when she went. I’d taken to sleeping on a pallet on the floor so I wouldn’t lose her.”

“God, West,” she whispers as tears roll from her eyes and she tightens her arms around his back.

“I promised, and then I went to football practice. Football! She ended up dying without me there and I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t fail someone like that again, so I decided to close everyone off.”

His hand swipes a tear from her chin. “Everyone, until you came along in that damn little cheerleading outfit and the tornado hit.”

“I couldn’t walk away from you then, and I can’t walk away now. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, to forget you and move on, but I can’t. I want to… but I can’t.”

West pulls her into his chest, resting his cheek on her head as they hug each other tightly. He strokes her back as she grips his shirt in her fists and swallows back the flow of tears and emotion trying to push its way out of her chest.

“Why do you want to forget?” she’s able to ask after a few moments.

“I don’t want to see you lying on that pavement covered in blood anymore.”

“Then don’t think of me that way. Think of me in your arms watching movies on your mom’s chaise in the game room, or the way we danced in the corn field on my birthday,” she suggests, pulling back and looking up into his face. “Or think of me and all the new memories we can make now.”

“You want to make some more memories?”

“I think we owe it to ourselves to try,” she offers with a small shrug. “Do you want the same thing?”

He pauses, and she takes in the way his brown eyes melt when he looks down at her and his signature sly grin overtakes his face.

“A wise girl once told me if you want something in life you need a reason for wanting it, or else you will give up when it gets too hard. She said a person with motive and reason will work harder than someone who wants something on a whim.”

She laughs lightly, “Wow, that’s pretty smart. She must have heard it on
Law and Order
.”

West groans, bringing her to his chest and pressing his lips to the top of her head.

“I love you, Jules. That’s my reason. The moment I left Crestdale I wanted to come after you, but I let my insecurities eat at me. I promise you, I’m not walking away again, because I have a reason and a purpose for being here. I want to love you forever. I want to hold you again, and I never want to let you go.”

“That sounds like a damn good reason, Rutledge. Now kiss me,” Jules orders, leaning up on her toes and offering him her mouth.

Twenty- Four

West

When West cannot keep his hands from wanting to roam all over Jules’ body it’s time to stop kissing her. Pulling away from her willing mouth, he sighs and looks around them. Several cars have pulled into the parking lot and there are a few people on the tennis courts now. He noticed none of this as they stood there wrapped in each other’s arms, and lips.

“We should take a step back,” he suggests reluctantly, sliding his hands down her arms slowly until he reaches her hands. West weaves their fingers together giving them a squeeze as he looks down at Jules.

“Okay.” Jules voice is feathery light as she looks up into his face with a winsome smile and he can’t help but bend down to press another peck to her mouth.

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

Jules giggles under his lips and West steps back again.

“Dinner,” he blurts out and she shakes her head. “We should get some, you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“Mindy likes to mother me and feed me well. Want to come back to the house with me?” Jules’ face scrunches up and he slows down. “If you’re not comfortable going there, we don’t have to. I can take you out.”

“No, no. I just. When I saw her last week -” she rambles off.

“Jules, they don’t hold anything against you. I swear. They know nothing happened with you and Austin, and even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t judge you.”

“I just feel as if I betrayed you or something.”

“Betrayed me? What are you talking about?” She shrugs nonchalantly and West tugs on her hands. “Baby, come on.”

He steers her to his truck and waits for her to climb in before he closes her door and moves around to get in himself. Starting the engine and cranking the air on high, he turns to her and reaches for her hand.

“Let’s get past this now, okay?” She nods. “How can you possibly feel as if you betrayed me?”

“We’re talking about your brother, West.”

“Yeah. Whom you did nothing with.”

“But I could have, we could have.”

He blows out a deep breath and runs his free hand through his hair. The truth hurts, but he can’t blame her for it and he tries to come up with a way to make her feel better.

“First, I left you. Cold turkey, babe. If anyone should feel bad, it’s me. Austin is… Austin. He’s a good guy and he tried to take care of you. I can’t get mad at you for that.“

“Can we try to agree to forgive each other for what happened?” she asks, her eyes sending him a soft plea.

“I want to be with you. I will do whatever it takes for us to get past this. What do you need from me?”

“I need you to stop blaming yourself for that wreck. And for this,” she holds her scarred arm up. “I lived with the guilt of what happened to Tanya for months for no reason, so I know what I’m talking about here. We have to stop placing blame for the things that have happened and we have to move forward.”

West chuckles. “I think our shrinks might have gone to the same school.”

“You’ve heard this all before, huh?” She smiles and joins in with him laughing at the poster children for guilt they’ve both become.

“Okay, so I stop blaming myself for the wreck and you let go of any guilt you have about hanging out with my brother.”

“And, we’ll be open and honest about our feelings.” She adds that with a slight raise of her brows.

“Can I be honest now?” he asks, stretching to the side to get closer to her in his large cab. His fingers comb through her hair as he smiles at her. “I never stopped loving you, Jules Blacklin. Those letters, I wrote you every day and sometimes twice a day? I wrote those all the while pretending I was on a vacation somewhere and you were waiting at home for me. I’m going to be nothing but honest with you and everyone else from now on. I know I kinda suck at this love thing sometimes, but I’m going to keep working on it until I get it right. You are that important to me. I won’t give up again, I promise you.”

West blinks his eyes hard, the sudden emotion that swells throughout him taking him by surprise as Jules touches his cheek with tears flooding her own eyes.