All That the Heart Desires (11 page)

“You should only be sorry if he took the boys away from me, but he didn’t … So, don’t be sorry.”

“When did this happen?” I asked her. For the last two weeks we hadn’t seen each other; hot dinners in the oven everyday were the only connection between us.

“Last Friday,” she replied. Five days had passed and I hadn’t known what was going on with her.

“Are you alright?” I asked her carefully. For a moment she looked somewhat lost and she turned away and gazed out over the horizon. She shook her head and laughed.

“Of course I am,” she said. I was not quite sure who she was trying to convince.

“You know,” she continued, “I always loved this house and the connection with the beach.”

“Do you want it back?”

She laughed out loud.

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. Don’t worry; the rent is paid until December. I won’t throw you out.”

“Do you have somewhere to stay?” I asked her. The expression on her face was puzzled.

“The house is mine,” she said slowly. I nodded. I knew that. Dame had told me.

“I don’t mean just this house. The house we are living in is mine too. Philippe had nothing when we married.” Now that was something I didn’t know.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I thought…” but she didn’t let me finish. She waved with her hand.

“As everybody else did … that I am, I was, a rich man’s wife. Well, not quite. Philippe is smart and handsome. I have to give him credit for that. He became a successful financial advisor without my help or help from my family. So I’m not the only one with a secret. I need to know yours.”

Instantly I became cold and could feel myself visibly pale. I wondered what she actually knew about me.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said after a few moments of silence.

“I just need to know why you switched your mobile off. Mr Dame has called me almost every hour. Well, every waking hour. He’s worried sick about what is going on with you … and perhaps even more, where you are.”

I stood up from the swing, and looked across to the beach.

“He can go to…”

“Now, wait a minute,” she interrupted me. ”I can see you two have some unresolved argument. I won’t push you. You can tell me in your own time.”

“Did you tell him I’m home?” I turned around and faced her. She was standing up to collect the cups. She nodded and picked up the tray.

“I presumed you were home. I saw no lights but the car was in the driveway.”

“Thank you,” I said simply.

“Any time,” she replied. “Will you be home as usual this evening?” I nodded. I hoped I would be.

“Right. Dinner will be in the oven…”

“… as usual,” I finished her sentence.

“As usual,” she repeated. “That won’t change.”

It was a beautiful morning and I just couldn’t make myself go back to the house and switch the mobile on. I knew what waited for me, but I had no choice. There was no escape. I wondered why Dame hadn’t rushed to the C
ô
te d’Azur to find me. Anne-Marie must have convinced him I was alright.

I dressed quickly and gathered my things, along with the parcel. I didn’t want to forget that. I’d worked too hard on it. When I spotted the mobile I took it, too, and left the house. I put in my earphone and, only when I was already in the car, I switched the mobile on.

I didn’t manage to get out of the driveway before the phone starting ringing. I answered but did not speak. It was Dame and I listened to him without interruption.

“For heaven sake Desiree, what is going on with you? I was trying to reach you all night, but you’ve disconnected the phone. We have an agreement; our mobiles are on always when we are apart. If Anne-Marie hadn’t confirmed to me several times that you were home, I would already be there this morning.

Not to mention the other agreement we had! You should’ve done it, as I told you! As God is my witness, I will close down the perfumery and you’ll come back to Paris! Why didn’t you deliver the
Demain
to Shore yesterday? I had him on my mobile half the night! He was so pissed off.

He wanted to find you. He insisted that I give him your address. Can you even imagine what have you done? That damn perfume! Everything because of it—and you wearing it constantly. If you would have just sold it to him that first day, we would have peace now and not … not this mess…” He finally lost the ability to yell at me, just as I parked in the railway station.

“Are you there yet?” he asked after I heard him taken in few deep breaths. He had obviously calmed down.

“At the railway station, yes. I just parked,” I answered. “In five minutes I’ll be in the perfumery. Do you need anything else, other than the perfume I made last night?”

There was a short silence on the other end.

“You worked the whole night again?” he asked. “I’ll cancel the order. You can’t live like this.”

“I’ve been living without my son for the five years. Do you think I don’t sleep when I work?”

“I’m sorry Desiree. I’m trying to help.”

“I know you are.” I spoke a little more softly this time. He really was trying to be understanding. He tried all the time. He was almost as much of a wreck as I was.

The British Grand prix in Silverstone that weekend offered no real thrills. The track was wet and Shore was thankful for the pole position that allowed him to escape a major crash in the second round. He won. What a surprise!

But he had some bad luck at the
Grosser Preis von Deutschland
. The old question: ‘
What happened in Monte Carlo?
’ came out again. I was surprised that no one, particularly the press, had forgotten about this. When Lorcan prepared himself to answer the reporter, he was not looking at him directly, but was looked straight at the camera. I turned the television off before he spoke. I didn’t want to hear the answer.

On Thursday, after the race in Germany and almost ten days before the one in Hungary, a package arrived in the middle of the day, delivered by courier. Checking out the sender’s address, I saw it was from Dame’s Paris office. The package was accompanied by a letter. I read it and went to the back office.

The computer was on and Harry was online.

“Why must I deliver this? You said I wouldn’t have any dealings with the clients.”

He sighed.

“I know. But the client wants to talk to you. To make you understand what it is that is required.” I looked at the parcel on the desk.

“I told you that this was the last time I would try to make this perfume. It’s too difficult to please this client. They don’t like anything I do. You said you would cancel the order.”

He sighed again.

“It’s a big client. Yes, I know we are big too, but nevertheless, Desiree, you know yourself all’s fair in love and business…”

“All’s fair in love and war,” I interrupted him. He finally started to smile. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him smiling.

“How is business different from war?”

I rolled my eyes. He knew I was softening again.

“It isn’t,” I answered.

“Will you do this for me?” he asked gently.

I sighed and nodded.

“I will. You know I always do what you ask. But if the client will…”

He was quick with his answer:

“You can leave immediately. Just deliver the parcel.”

“OK, I will, during the afternoon. Perhaps I’ll leave early,” I teased him.

He smiled back.

“It’s your shop. You can do whatever you want. The girls manage great without you, too.”

“Thank you very much,” I said.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I sighed. This was the last thing I needed. I had thought that the matter was closed some time ago. I was slowly beginning to hate my work and the way my life had turned out. I found myself asking the same old question again:
was there anything I could have done to prevent the disaster that had struck five years ago?
I knew deep down that the question would haunt me till the day I died.

I decided to drive to Fonteiville to deliver the parcel, no matter how small Monaco is. I wanted to go home afterwards and by driving there instead of walking I could be on my way right after delivery. I parked in front of a skyscraper. Switching off the engine, I checked the address on the package again. It was only then I realised I’d seen that address before: on my phone. It was the text message from Harry received almost three weeks ago, that I had immediately deleted.

Realisation hit me with full force. There was no client. The parcel I was carrying didn’t contain my latest fragrance creation. NO! In it was
Demain,
and I was sitting in my car in front of Shore’s Monaco apartment.

I couldn’t believe my naivety. Last two weeks I was pressure free. Dame and Shore left me in peace and that was the reason I was off guard and I’d fully fallen into their trap. I had to confess; they were good. I just didn’t know who had instigated it; somehow I doubted it was Dame. I knew he wasn’t like that. Or was I mistaken?

I sat in the car and tried to prepare myself. I had been led here under false pretences but I had promised to deliver the package, and deliver it I would. There was no other way. Otherwise this torture would continue endlessly. I just wanted to get it over with.

The building was near the beach and I knew the apartment on the top floor must have a breathtakingly beautiful view. The surroundings looked peaceful in the crowded city.

I picked up the phone. I needed to know how deep in this Dame was. Was he playing along or was he the mastermind of the plot? Although I hoped he would answer the phone, he didn’t. I was on my own. The decision as to what to do was completely up to me.

Finally, I convinced myself to be brave and took the parcel from the passenger seat. Heading into the building, I decided to leave the parcel in a post box or with the doorman.

Entering the lobby, I realised there were no post boxes and no sign of a doorman. I checked the parcel again and saw that I needed to go to the top floor—as if there would have been any other possibility.

I looked around to see where the elevator was and found its door hidden between two big plants. The place itself was quiet; even breathing sounded like a disturbance.

I pushed the elevator button, feeling like I was calling for the ride to hell. When the doors opened, I just stood there. I couldn’t move. When the doors almost closed, I instinctively lifted my hand and put it between them. The sensors caused the doors to re-open and I entered. I was thankful the lobby was empty. I couldn’t have explained to anyone what I was doing.

The elevator was silent and quick. I didn’t quite expect it to be so smooth, but this was Monaco. You get everything money could buy.

When the doors opened again, I almost jumped out. I found myself standing at the front door of his apartment. I imagined the apartment had to be huge. Raising my hand, I knocked harder than I’d intended to.

No one answered. I almost laughed out of sheer relief. Suddenly I found myself knocking a second time. It was
as if
someone else controlled my hand. I crossed my fingers that there would be no answer again; that would mean I could leave the parcel on the doormat and run!