All the Days of Her Life (15 page)

Monet’s gaze darted anxiously from side to side, looking to see if anyone might be overhearing the conversation. “Are you saying I have a problem?”

Lacey nodded. “You know you do, and it’ll catch up with you sooner or later.”

“Butt out,” Monet said tersely. She turned on her heel and stalked away.

“What was that all about?” Terri asked. Curiosity all but leaked from her pores.

“I can’t say.”

“Why not? What’s going on? Come on … tell me.”

Lacey shook her head. “Let’s just say that Monet is headed for big-time trouble.” Lacey was certain that Monet was bulimic and had been for some time. And she knew from her sessions with Dr. Rosenberg that Monet needed therapy to deal with her
eating disorder. Still, Lacey doubted that Monet would listen to a word Lacey had to say on the subject. All her feelings of dislike for Monet dissolved as she realized how desperate Monet must be to force herself to vomit to remain thin rather than accept herself as she was.

Lacey turned toward Terri and asked, “So, isn’t there anything chocolate at this party?”

“You can still eat chocolate?” Terri asked.

“Sure, as long as I’m smart about it.”

Terri grinned. “Terrific. I’d hate to think you had to go through the rest of your life without chocolate.”

“Me too.” She glanced toward Monet, who was clinging to Todd’s hand. “But there are worse things to go through life without,” Lacey said. To herself, she added,
Like self-respect
.

“You look wonderful, honey.”

“You’re my dad. Of course you think I look good.”

Lacey was sitting across from her father in a restaurant, the aromas of charbroiled steaks filling the air.

“How’s school going?”

“Fine. The stay in the hospital didn’t put me far behind at all. I’m even ahead in some courses. Did I mention that my friend Katie’s coming for a track meet next month? I’m really looking forward to seeing her.” She sensed he wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk and she wasn’t sure she felt like having one, especially in a restaurant.

“I’m sorry if I did anything to cause your problem with your diabetes,” he finally said.

“You’ve been talking to Dr. Rosenberg, haven’t you?”

“We’ve had several discussions.”

“And you’re feeling guilty about my diabetes.” He looked startled, and Lacey said, “I’ve had this same conversation with Mom. Look, I don’t hold you or Mom responsible for passing along bad genes to me. And I don’t feel responsible for your divorce either.”

Even in the dim light she could tell his face had reddened. “I know Dr. Rosenberg feels the marital problems between Mom and me contributed to your failure to manage your diabetes properly. I never thought our problems would affect you so much. It never occurred to me that our fights would cause you grief.”

“They did,” she admitted. “But I didn’t deliberately sabotage my control to get even with the two of you. Although it was nice having both of you with me at the hospital. Like a real family.”

“Lacey, I can’t go back and undo the damage. I only hope that someday you’ll understand.” He lifted her chin with his forefinger. “You do know that no matter what, I love you. And I always will.”

She nodded. “I know how you both feel about me. What bothered me was why you couldn’t ever love each other.” A film of moisture formed in her eyes.

“I have no excuses for you. Only that some people shouldn’t be together. I’m sorry if we hurt you.”

Sorry
. That word appeared to be the most often used to Lacey’s way of thinking. She was a diabetic. Her parents were divorced. Her best friends lived daily with the threat of imminent death. Everyone was sorry, but nothing was going to change the facts. “I’m sorry too, Dad. So, I guess there’s nothing to do but keep on keeping on.” She dabbed her eyes with the corner of her linen napkin.

“What will you do this summer?” her father asked, changing the subject. “There’ll be some openings in my office for temporary help. Would you like to interview for a position?”

She shook her head. Until that moment she hadn’t been sure what she wanted to do. Now she did know. “I got a letter from Mr. Holloway last week inviting me to be a counselor,” she told her father. “That’s what I want to do. I want to go back to Jenny House for the summer.”

T
HE NATIONAL HIGH
school track competition was to be held in the Orange Bowl, and competitors from all over the country began arriving in Miami for the three-day meet early in the final week of May. After Katie called Lacey to say she and her teammates were settled into their hotel rooms, Lacey called Jeff and together they drove to the hotel.

Josh termed the girls’ reunion “earth-shaking” and “eardrum splitting” when the four of them met in the lobby, and after the squealing and hugging stopped, Josh took Jeff to see the beach so that Lacey and Katie could visit with each other in private.

“You look
fab,”
Katie said once they’d tucked themselves away in a corner of the busy lobby.

“Not as good as you,” Lacey insisted. Katie fairly
glowed with good health. Her lean, long-limbed body looked fit and tight. Her long, dark hair was held at the nape of her neck by a tortoiseshell barrette, and her pretty blue eyes sparkled.

“Tell me the truth, is your diabetes really back in good control?”

“I’m struggling,” Lacey admitted. “You’re the only one I’m telling this to, but I did some damage to myself these past few months. My doctors are insisting on extra monitoring of my kidneys and eyes because some of the tests show problem areas. I’ll have another complete workup in the fall to see how I’m progressing.”

A worried frown creased Katie’s face. “I’m sorry.”

Lacey dismissed her concern with a wave of her hand. “No more about me. Let’s talk about you. Are you all set for the big meet?”

“Ready and willing. This is my big chance, Lacey. The coach from Arizona sent word that he’s come especially to see me run. It’s important that I do well.”

“You’ll leave them all in your dust.”

“I want a scholarship offer more than anything.”

“So you’d go away for sure?”

A frown crossed Katie’s face. “It’ll be a hard choice, but I think I can persuade my folks.”

“And Josh?”

“That’ll be harder.”

Lacey saw tension in Katie’s expression. “You still love him, don’t you?”

“I’ll always love him. That’s what makes it so difficult.”

“And Garrison?”

Katie sighed and picked at the upholstery of her chair. “He still makes my knees quiver. But I keep him at arm’s length because Josh is so jealous.”

“A real dilemma,” Lacey observed. “I’m personally acquainted with the knee-quivering effect.” An overhead fan rustled the fronds of the giant potted palm beside her chair.

“Josh wants me to marry him.”

“What!” Lacey bolted upright.

“Not right away. He’s going to the University of Michigan this fall and he feels that if we both go there, we can also work and save enough money to get married by our senior year.”

“But that’s not what you want, is it?”

Katie eyes clouded. “There’s so much I want. I want to run track. I want to live on my own. I want to date Garrison. I want to marry Josh. I want it
all.”

“And I thought I had tough decisions to make.”

“Such as?”

“Such as the best way to make Jeff fall in love with me again.”

“I’m sure he’s still crazy about you.”

“He doesn’t act like it.” Lacey dipped her head, spilling her long blond hair forward. “He hasn’t so much as kissed me since I was in the hospital. Last January—when I had my big chance with him—I flubbed it. Now he’s nice to me, but he doesn’t feel the same way he did last summer at Jenny House. I can tell.”

Katie drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair. “You burned him, Lacey. And he may think
that you’ll run hot and cold on him again. Especially if he has a bleeding episode. Besides, you did brush him off for Todd.”

“I’m not that way now.” Lacey’s plea sounded impassioned. “I really, really like him. I’m all through with Todd and his kind. I want Jeff.”

“At least you live in the same city. What’s he doing this summer?”

Lacey gave Katie a cagey sideways glance. “He’s going to take a counselor job at Jenny House. And so am I.”

“Chelsea’s going back too.”

Lacey smiled. “I’ll bet Mr. Holloway invited you to come also.”

“He did.”

“Will you?”

“I’ve really thought hard about it. It might be the best way to put distance between me and Ann Arbor, between me and Garrison and Josh. Maybe I could sort things out better if I weren’t constantly bombarded with pressure.”

“There’s another reason too.” Lacey poked Katie in the knee with her finger to emphasis her point. “We made a promise to each other that we’d meet there this summer. For Amanda. And for Jillian.”

“I haven’t forgotten.”

In her mind’s eye, Lacey could see the hand-built memorial they’d erected for their dead friends atop the mountain. “I wonder if Jillian’s earring is still in place.” She envisioned the sparkling diamond stud Jillian had put in the faded photograph of Katie, Chelsea, Lacey, and Amanda.

“Or if the fairies have stolen it away?” Katie suggested.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Lacey declared.

“You could write and tell me.”

“Nope. You’ll have to come and check it out for yourself.”

“That’s blackmail.”

Lacey grinned. “I know.”

Jeff and Josh walked up. Josh sat on the arm of Katie’s chair, put his arm around her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head.

Lacey longed for Jeff to be affectionate toward her, but he settled on a nearby sofa table, across from the two chairs.

Josh glanced at his watch. “Curfew time. Coach said team members had to be locked in their rooms by eleven.”

Lacey and Jeff promised to be in the stands for the opening ceremony on Thursday night, and the four of them said their good-byes. Lacey talked nonstop on the ride home, telling Jeff that she was certain she’d talk Katie into coming to Jenny House for the summer. “It’ll be just like old times,” she told Jeff when he walked her to her front door.

“What makes you think so?” Moonlight and shadow flicked over him.

“Because that’s the way I want it to be. Like old times.” Her heart began to hammer. She wanted him to kiss her so badly, she ached inside. She thought about kissing him first, but fought the urge. No … if he wanted her, he’d have to make
the first move. She’d simply have to make him want her.

“But a whole year’s gone past. Things change,” he said quietly. “People change.”

Lacey couldn’t bear to hear the rejection in his message. “Sometimes people change for the better,” she countered.

He shrugged, then said, “Finals begin soon, so I’ll be putting in a lot of study time.”

“No time for me?”

“Not as much,” he admitted. “Once finals are over, I’m going home to see Mom and Dad.”

Lacey’s heart sank. “So I probably won’t see much of you until we both get to North Carolina.”

“I guess not.”

“I’ll write,” she offered.

“You never have before,” he reminded her.

“I will this time.”

He took her hand and placed a kiss in her palm. She wished it had been on her mouth. “I’ll pick you up for the track meet Thursday.”

Feeling frustrated, she watched him drive away. The night grew quiet. Lacey stood on her front porch and gazed up at the sky. Stars gleamed above her, making her feel small, alone, and sad. She wanted Jeff to love her.

But then, so had Amanda Burdick. Lacey remembered Amanda’s bright smile and sunny optimism. “What do you think, Amanda?” she asked looking up at shimmering stars. “Do you mind if I go after your boyfriend?”

Her question hung in the silent night.

As she turned to go inside, she saw a shooting star arc through the darkness. In wonder, Lacey looked up. There seemed to be a glowing trail across the face of the heavens. Was it an answer sent to her from a world beyond rainbows? Lacey felt renewed hope within her heart. She’d been given a second chance for all the days of her life. Beginning now, she’d make the most of it.