All the Way (25 page)

But obviously I can't blame the Red Wings for the behaviour of the opposition in the AHL. Putting on the Red Wings jersey for the first time is a memory I'll have forever. Playing for an Original Six team has been one of the highlights of my career. The fan following that the Red Wings have throughout North America is unbelievable, and I was a part of that. But hockey is a job, and sometimes not being in control of your own destiny is part of it, too. I know I can still play in the NHL. I can't go back in time and wonder why I signed with Detroit. With new beginnings, you take your chances. I thought signing with Detroit was my best opportunity to be in the lineup every night. But it wasn't. And I just have to be grateful for every opportunity that I had to play with them, and try to accept that things just didn't work out.

Hopefully, somewhere down the line, my name will come up and someone will trade for me in the off-season. Unless someone believes in you, you've got no chance. I'm just waiting for that one opportunity where someone believes in me and knows that I can play. And in the meantime, it's about being professional. And I'm grateful that I still get to play this game.

This experience will make me a stronger person and build more character that will help me fight through adversity. I've been through a lot in my life, but in the hockey business you have to understand that everything isn't always fine and dandy. Even if you're in the NHL, it doesn't mean that life is always great. It's one thing to make it to the NHL and it's another thing to stay in the NHL. Playing in the minors is a test of my
willpower, a chance for me to be mentally strong and believe in myself, and I'm going to pass the test.

It is summer in Rankin Inlet again, the short season of long days when Jordin returns home. It is a chance to go out on the land, to hunt and fish with his dad, Barney, and his nephews, to reconnect with his family and friends and his people, to shed the frustrations of life in the south, to forget—and to remember.

As a kid, life in the Arctic was all I knew. I grew up in a community with no high-rise buildings, with not a lot of vehicles around, and with no roads past the edge of town. That was normal to me. Driving around on a Ski-Doo was the most amazing thing you could do, and any time my dad got a new snowmobile or built a new sled for hunting, it was as if that was a limousine. When I go home in the summer, I send pictures to my friends—and hockey players know all about limousines and expensive sports cars. I'll send them a picture of a Ski-Doo or a quad with a sled or trailer on the back, with a note saying,
This is my limousine.
They all get a chuckle out of it. Materialistic things just don't matter in the north. You look at kids down south and they know all about Maseratis and Bentleys and Range Rovers. The kids up north might see those things on television, but they just don't matter to them. They didn't matter to me as a kid and they still don't as an adult. I've worked hard all my life, and I feel like I deserve things that will make me happy, but for me it's more important to have hunting gear or a fishing pole.

When I go home, no one treats me any differently than they
did before I made it in hockey. That speaks volumes about our people. I just want to be treated as the Jordin who grew up there. I don't expect any higher praise or anything like that. The people in my community, in all of Nunavut, are regular folks. That's in our blood and in our nature. You treat everyone else as you want to be treated. I love going home because I can enjoy life without people coming up to me and wanting to be my friend just because I play in the NHL.

It has been a long, tough journey from a small town in Nunavut to where I am now, and so far I'm the only one who has made it. I always tell myself that I'm just paving the way for the next young Inuk to come along and say,
If he can do it, I can do it.
It doesn't matter where you come from. The mental and physical battles I endured growing up only led to bigger and better things. They prepared me for life. I dealt with a lot of family issues along the way but, looking back, I think that everyone has family issues and that I enjoyed a pretty good childhood. I look back on the hunting trips, the fishing derbies we all went out on together, the camping. Those are things not a lot of kids get to experience nowadays.

I wouldn't take back anything that has happened to me in the past. It all happened and some of it was terrible. But it was a building block. I don't hold a grudge against anyone who has done harm to me. Every individual takes a different path. My childhood and my teenage years have made me into the person I am today. I'm glad I got to face those hard times and experience all of those hardships. And in the end, I have to thank my parents. I love them to death. I can't speak highly enough of
them. I know that might seem strange to people, now that they have read about some of the things my parents put us through, but I still believe that they're the greatest people I know. They have their own struggles and problems. I get that. I didn't get that as a kid, but I do now. And there are experiences I've had with them—both good and bad—that I'm never going to forget. You've got to take that and learn from it.

In the end, I found a way to believe in myself. I learned to never give up. It's been embedded in my heart ever since I was a fricking kid. I was always told I was too small and was never going to make it to the big leagues. But I had that drive, that motivation. It's always been there. There were times when I wondered why. It took me years to realize that I was trying to prove something to others—and to myself. I wanted to show the whole damn world that it doesn't matter what other people think. If you put your mind to it, the sky's the limit. I've battled all my life. And I'm not about to stop now.

The difference is that I've become comfortable in my own skin. I'm true to myself, and I'm true to the people I love. I don't use anything to hide anymore. This is me now. I'm just trying to lead by example and show everyone who ever doubted me. I'm going to do that by being honest with myself, first and foremost. I've said a lot of shit to a lot of people that I didn't follow through on, because I thought I had better things to do—including partying to fill the void after Terence died. Now I can go to bed at night with no problem and not have a million things running through my mind.

But I dream of him. I dream of him all the time.

It's weird. The dreams are usually about stuff we used to do. Like when we were out on the land, camping. In one dream, right before I wake up, he's on our boat and I'm on land, and he's kind of motoring away. I'm stuck on the land and he's going off into his own world. I've had that dream on more than one occasion.

In another dream, we are walking around in a mall. I jump on the escalator and he stays at the bottom, and while I'm going up and away from him, he says, “Jordin, you can go your own way now.”

Or we'll be walking down a street and I'll turn a corner and he'll just stop there. I'll say, “Come on, let's go. What are you doing?” And he'll wave at me and say, “Go ahead. Go ahead.”

And then there is the one where we are out skydiving and we jump out of the plane together and we're holding hands and then he lets my hand go and we float away from each other. We're always going our separate ways before I wake up.

I'm not frightened by those dreams. I actually wish that they would happen more often, so that Terence and I could relive the good times we had together. I wake up and say, “Are you here?” Jennifer will ask me if I'm okay, and then I'll tell her about the dream. She never met my brother, and I wish she could experience how I feel after those dreams.

It feels like Terence is still somewhere out there, like he ran away but he's still somewhere in this world.

INDEX

Admirals (Milwaukee),
120
,
133
,
193
,
211

Admirals (Norfolk),
90
–
92
,
94

Alcohol use/abuse.
See also
Partying.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA),
162
–
164

Inuit communities and,
35

Jordin and,
33
,
43
–
44
,
52
–
56
,
60
–
61
,
65
–
67
,
70
–
71
,
77
,
106
,
137
–
138
,
140
,
142
–
149
,
168
–
169
,
178
,
205

Jordin's parents and,
14
–
15
,
29
–
32
,
52
,
57
–
61
,
69
–
74
,
77
,
94
,
103
,
124

money issues and,
71

north vs. south,
53

Rankin Inlet and,
18
–
19
,
53
,
60
–
61

Terence and,
15
,
52
,
54
,
60
–
61
,
70
–
71
,
95
–
96
,
98
–
99
,
102
–
103
,
158
–
160

Victor Tootoo and,
151

violence and,
61
,
74
–
77

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA),
162
–
164

Ambien,
169
,
170
,
186

American Hockey League (AHL),
87
–
88

Abbotsford Heat,
212

Chicago Wolves,
211

Grand Rapids Griffins,
207
–
210

Milwaukee Admirals,
120
,
133
,
193

Norfolk Admirals,
90
–
2
,
94

American Idol
,
136

Anaheim Ducks,
121
,
125
,
198
–
199

Armstrong, Colby,
81

Aucoin, Keith,
211

Babcock, Mike,
192
–
193
,
195
,
198
–
200

Bagwell, Jeff,
154
–
155

Battle of the Blades,
187

Belak, Wade,
18
–
187

Bernard, Mark,
87
–
88

“Best Days of Your Life” (song),
140

Billet families

Murray and Karen Haukass,
45

Neil and Jeanine,
50
–
52
,
54
,
92
,
95
,
97
,
100
–
102

Nigel and Kim,
51

Rose and Ed,
43
–
44

Blackhawks (Chicago),
92
,
199

Blashill, Jeff,
210

Blues (St. Louis),
126

Boogaard, Derek,
132
,
185

Boston Bruins,
82
–
83

Bradley, Matt,
187

Brandon Police,
95
–
98
,
100
–
101

Brandon Wheat Kings,
40
–
41
,
48
–
50
,
61
,
65
,
79
,
84
,
89
,
95
,
106
,
108
,
113
–
114
,
116
,
120
,
175

Brandon, Manitoba,
52
,
57
,
64
,
76
,
83
–
84
,
86
,
90
–
92
,
94
–
96
,
102
,
107
–
109
,
114
,
141
,
177
,
191

Brashear, Donald,
187

Brooks, Garth,
148

Bruins (Boston),
82
–
83

Buffalo Sabres,
109

Calgary Flames,
191

Canadian Hockey League,
41

Canucks (Vancouver),
180

Canyon, The (rehab facility),
152
–
162

Capitals (Washington),
121
,
187
,
191

Central Hockey League,
65

Cherry, Don,
81
–
83

Chicago Blackhawks,
92
,
199

Churchill, Manitoba,
6
,
10
–
13
,
71
–
72

Colaiacovo, Carlo,
111

Columbus, Ohio,
36
–
37

Country music scene (Nashville),
85
,
119
,
136
–
138
,
148

Coyotes (Phoenix),
121
,
171
–
172
,
189

Craig, Ryan,
116

Cronin, Dan,
150

Dallas Stars,
65
,
121

Danton, Mike,
126
–
127

Dauphin, Manitoba,
85

Detroit Red Wings,
189
–
192
,
194
–
200
,
202
,
206
,
209
–
210
,
214

Detroit, Michigan,
193
–
197
,
200
,
206

Devils (New Jersey),
121

Ducks (Anaheim),
121
,
125
,
198
–
199

Dunning, Gerry,
10