ALLUSIVE AFTERSHOCK (30 page)

“The sun is bright. It
feels good,” she said, not noticing how still I was. I swallowed and continued
to gaze into her eyes, watching the golden speckles disappear under her lids as
she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine.

She stopped kissing me
and blushed. “Um … there’s something touching my leg and it’s … pulsing.”

Now I thought I blushed.
“Sorry.” I scooted back from her—a little—so my bottom half didn’t come in
contact with hers. The idea of sex kept me awake most of the night, but I wasn’t
sure how Adela was feeling about it. We hadn’t talked about it at all. But I
did know I wanted her to decide. I wanted her to want it and when she did, I
wanted it to be special for her.
Yeah, sainthood for sure
.

“It’s okay. You don’t
need to pull away.” Court’s vibrant green eyes stared into mine and before I
could blink, he was kissing me. His tongue pushed its way through my lips and swirled
with mine and I suddenly wanted to devour everything he offered. My heart raced
faster and faster as his lips moved to my neck and his dark curls tickled my
cheeks. I closed my eyes as his hand took hold of my right breast. I jerked in
response, not because I didn’t want him to touch me, but because I was startled
that it felt so good.

“Is this okay?” Court’s
voice was deep and husky and something tingled deep inside me as his warm
breath flowed over my ear.

“Yeah.” I reached out
and touched his chest. It felt much better than I had ever imagined. His
muscles were tight as I pressed my fingers against him. I wasn’t sure what I was
supposed to do so I moved my hand down to his stomach and this seemed to make
him flinch, in a good way, I think, because he started kissing me again. I
moaned into his mouth; my body turned into a fireball, heated with passion that
I never knew existed and when he stopped kissing me, I mumbled against his
shoulder. “Have you ever had sex before?”

He stopped everything
and lifted my chin with his hand so that we were eye-to-eye. “No. I haven’t. I
told you I’ve never been naked with a girl before.”

“Yeah, but you can
still have sex without being naked.”

“I guess. I think
though, when I do it, I want it to be special for the girl. I mean, keeping
part of your clothes on just seems … too incomplete.”

“Yeah, maybe sort of
rushed or something?”

Court kissed me again.
The kiss deepened and breathing became very difficult, especially since I had
that stupid cold. His body tensed against mine and suddenly, he stopped kissing
my lips and moved to my neck.

“Court?” I whispered.

“Hmmm?” he said between
fluttering little kisses under my ear, making me tingle and driving me crazy.

“Do you want to?”

He stopped kissing me,
lifted his head and stared at me. “Do you?”

God, I really think I
did. This was crazy. Up until a week ago, I’d always thought Max would be the
one, but here I was with Court and I didn’t think about wanting it to be Max. I
found myself saying, “Maybe. But wouldn’t we need something … you know,
protection?”

He surprised me and got
up out of the sleeping bag as I watched him in all his splendid nakedness walk
over to his pants and reach deep into the front pocket. He all but ran back to
the sleeping bag and slipped back in beside me, yanking the cover over his body,
scooting into the same position we were in as though he had never left.

“What did you do?” I
asked.

“I got one of these.”
He held up a little square, cellophane packet and I knew immediately what it
was. I’d seen a condom before, once, in the bathroom at school. One of the
girls, I remembered, Crystal Walker, had one. I’d seen them at the store in boxes,
too, of course, but Crystal’s was the first one I had seen inside the
cellophane package all flattened out in a little circle. The one Crystal had
was orange.

“Where did you get
that?”

“Cooper gave me some
right when we were leaving.”

“Cooper?” My cheeks
flamed hot and Court touched my hair and said, “It’s okay. I never asked him
for them. I think he just assumed we might need them because you slept beside
me in his barn … I mean, maybe he thought we would do it or did do it. Adela, I
told him we didn’t, but he gave them to me anyway.”

“What color is it?”

He laughed and then
kissed me softly. “I didn’t look.” He held it up to the light. “It’s purple. Is
that okay?”

“Yeah. Purple will
work.”

“Good.” He fell silent
and twirled a strand of my hair around his finger. “Adela, you know I love you
and, well, we don’t need to do this if you’re not sure. I wanted this … I mean
your first time to be special. Are you sure you’re ready?”

I knew Court loved me.
He’d told me, shown me in countless ways over the past week. Even over many
years there were little things—his sudden shyness when I’d get too close, the
way he’d watch me—but at the time, I was too blind to see. Yes, I wanted this.
But something in the back of my mind kept saying no. “I do, I really do …”
But
I’m scared.

Court laid the little
packet down on the outside of the sleeping bag and turned back to face me. He
kissed me again, softly, and his body pressed hard against mine.

He stopped kissing me,
took my face in his hands as he stared into my eyes. “Adela, it’s okay.” He
pulled me in close, nuzzling my neck, right below my ear and whispered, “We don’t
have to do anything.”

I sighed. Relief mixed
with disappointment flowed from every particle, every molecule, every corpuscle
and cell within my body. I wanted to make love with Courtland. But I kept
thinking, would this be happening if we weren’t forced into this situation,
sharing a sleeping bag and trying to keep warm? If we were back at my ranch
tending to Big Blue, would we want this? Would we be doing this? Would we even
be together? I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to find the answers as if the
darkness held some magical solution to my feelings. I did want this. I did love
Court. Through earthquakes and fires, fate had a weird way of making things
happen.

“Let’s just lie here
and … kiss and stuff,” he said.

“We can do that.”

Court stroked my cheek
and lowered his hand back down to my right breast. He kissed me again and moved
back to my neck. I pressed my mouth against his shoulder. His skin tasted salty
and I exhaled when I realized I had been holding my breath.

Court twisted his
fingers in my hair with one hand and massaged my breast with the other. I
relaxed and tangled my fingers in his dark silky curls, breathing heavily into
his shoulder. Was he really okay about not doing it? I may have been scared—of what
I didn’t know—but one thing was for sure, I wasn’t a bit sorry that he wasn’t
Max.

I had wanted
everything, all of this, to be more than perfect for Adela, and I thought I
would explode. She was my world. Now and forever and there was nothing, nothing
in the world that I wouldn’t do for her. If she didn’t want to do anything more
than kiss and a little touchy-feely, then I was down with that. Rolling over
onto my back, I tugged her in close as she rested her head in the crook of my
shoulder. She was lovely. I stroked her hair, totally amazed that she even let me
touch her. “I love you, Adela Castielle,” I whispered. “I will die loving you.”

She squirmed and turned
to face me. As our eyes met, she said, “Court, I’m glad you love me because I
wouldn’t be laying here beside you if I hadn’t been sure of that. I knew how
you felt not just because you told me, but because I feel it, in here.” She
placed her hand over her heart. “The way you treat me, your gentle mannerisms,
I feel you in my soul. Anybody can say ‘I love you’, but not everybody makes
you feel loved … and … all this is good because I feel loved and I … I love you
too.”

I closed my eyes,
thinking I’d died and gone to heaven. She placed her head back down on my
shoulder and I squeezed her tight, kissing the top of her head. “I’m glad. I’m
so very glad.”

I loved the feel of her
smile against my skin and I wanted to remain like that forever. But as much as I
wanted to stay under the sleeping bag with her naked beside me, I knew we had
to get up and get dressed and find some food, or we’d end up lying there next
to each other dead.

“Are you thirsty? I’m
thirsty,” Adela said.

I sat up and reached
for the jug of water. It was only half-full and the last we had. I handed her
the jug and she drank before passing it back to me. “I’m gonna go check the
water faucets. If there’s running water in the tap we can boil it over the fire
if need be.”

“If there’s running
water, we can take a shower!”

“Yeah, and our clothes
are dry now so a shower sounds like a really good idea before we put them back
on.”

We were in luck. The
shower was cold but clean. Adela stood under the freezing water for about a
minute before she couldn’t stand it any longer.

By time I finished in
the shower, Adela was sitting by the fire running her hands through her wet
hair, fully dressed.

I tugged up my pants.
“You stay here. I shouldn’t be too long.” I pulled my shirt down over my head
and ran my hand through my wet hair, spraying water all over the floor. “While
I’m gone it would be better if you didn’t go out, and don’t answer the door
unless it’s me.”

“Who else would it be?
It’s not like we’re expecting anybody, nobody lives here, and I doubt anyone is
going to come visiting.”

I sat on the floor and
pulled on my socks and shoes. “Just in case. You never know.”

“I’ll be fine. You
worry too much.”

“Okay.” I stood and
tucked the knife in my belt and walked to the door. I hated leaving her alone
but I really had no choice.

I opened the door and
turned toward her. “Don’t open the door for anyone.”

“Okay, okay, jeez.” She
waved her hand at me and I slipped out the door.

It didn’t take me as
long as I thought it would to snag another rabbit. I found a secluded little nook
to hide in and waited. I ended up only sitting there maybe ten minutes when the
brown fluffy little critter came hopping out from the bush right in front of me.
Studying me with those big round brown eyes—casting off a little red—almost as
if to say, “Okay dude, here I am. Kill me. I’m tasty.” I waited until its head
went through the snare, aimed my knife and threw. The rabbit fell over on its side
and I walked to it and petted its head. “Thank you.” I yanked out the knife,
chopped off the head, and skinned it there before wrapping it in a towel I’d
snatched from that demolished kitchen so I wouldn’t leave a bloody trail on my way
back to the cabin.

Adela must have stoked
up the fire because the room felt warm and cozy even without any furniture in
it. Just her being in there was enough as far as I was concerned. “I got
another rabbit,” I said, holding it out to her. “Poor little fellow gave his
life for us.”

I placed the rabbit on
the grill that was already sitting in the fireplace.

We sat in front of the
fire eating rabbit, again. It wasn’t as good this time without the marmalade on
it. I thought about Max and wondered where he was. Did he ever return to the
cellar or even have any intention of returning? Where would I be right now if I
had gone with him instead of staying with Court? Would I be somewhere warm and
cozy like this? We might be safe and secure with a large group of people or
maybe we’d be lost.

I glanced at Court and
as usual, I could swear he read minds, because he said, “Do you wish you were
with Max right now?”

“No. Why would you ask
me that?”

“Don’t know. You had
this far-off look on your face and there’s only one person I know who ever made
you look that way, aside from your family.”

Did I really have a
specific look when I thought of Max? I hated that Court knew that look and
associated it with Max. “Well, I was just wondering if I had gone with Max
instead of staying with you if I’d be as cozy as I am right now.”

That made him smile. “I’m
glad you’re cozy. We can’t stay here too much longer, though. We need more than
an occasional rabbit to eat.”

“We could stay here and
make this our home.”

“And what do we do when
the real owners come back?”

I shrugged.

“If we stay here we won’t
ever find your family.”

He knew what buttons to
push, that’s for sure. I wanted to find them more than anything else. God
willing, they were still alive. They had to be. I couldn’t allow myself to
think otherwise and forced a smile. “That’s true. Ambrosia wants to marry you,
so we better find her.”

“Right.”

I studied him as a slow
smile curved his lips. He really was magnificent to look at when he smiled,
much different from the guy in school everyone avoided, which reminded me. “Court,
you never did tell me about how those stupid stories about you got started.”

The smile disappeared
as his lips tightened into a straight line. “Why do you want to know that?”

“Just interested, I
guess.”

He stared at me for a
long, humming minute before answering. “It was Max.”

“What? Max?”

“Yeah, Max started the
rumor.”

“Are you making that up
because you don’t like him? Why would Max do that?”

Court shrugged.

“No, he’s the one that
told me he heard that about you. Why would he say he heard it if he made it
up?”

“Adela, you are going
to believe what you want to believe, no matter what I tell you.”