Jake
stared down at her dubiously before rising to his feet. “Stay there,” he
ordered
,
his voice pure steel and Ally nodded.
He left the room and she took a deep breath, cursing herself.
It was just a little dizzy spell, but now Jake was going to overreact. Especially after last night. Damn. Why didn’t she notice the time? If she’d gotten up earlier he wouldn’t have been home. And she knew exactly why she’d grown dizzy. And it wasn’t because she’d stood too quickly. The rumbling emptiness of her stomach told her exactly what was wrong.
She’d forgotten to eat.
There was no way she could tell Jake that, though. He’d be furious. He had no idea how she watched her weight,
agonized over it. Except for when she was a little girl,
she always
cooked their meals, watching exactly what she put into hers. She made sure that Jake always got more meat, that she used low fat products
and
gave herself small portions
although she tried not to make it obvious by pushing her food out, making it seem like she was eating more than she really was
.
As little Ally she didn’t have a choice in what Jake gave her. But Jake didn’t like to eat junk food and he certainly wouldn’t permit her to eat anything that was bad for her health, let alone feed it to her himself. Besides, little Ally didn’t worry about things like calories and what the scales said.
When Jake
returned
,
he held his doctor’s
bag in his hand. Pulling out the surprisingl
y small blood pressure machine, he
clasped the cuff around her arm.
Ally
tried to breathe evenly
as it tightened.
“It’s low,” he an
nounced, frowning down at
her
, his eyes thoughtful. “It’s
been
nearly
six months since your
last
check-up
.
I’ll take some blood from you and do some tests.”
Ally knew better than to argue. “Can we do it in the morning, please?” she asked tiredly.
“You might be lacking in iron,
” Jake said, obviously thinking out loud. “But
I
suppose it might be best to wait until tomorrow. Besides, it’s Saturday tomorrow and the lab
won’t
open
until Monday.”
Ally let out a sigh of relief
. N
eedles were not her
favor
ite thing.
Thinking th
e conversation over
,
she tried
to sit
up only to have
Jake
push her softly back down.
“I didn’t tell you that you could move,
Ally
,” he said sternly
, his voice still worried. He glanced
over at her desk
and his gaze turned thoughtful.
“What have you had to eat today
?
” he asked.
Uh-oh. How had he guessed?
Ally looked over at her desk and saw the empty yoghurt carton. Damn it. Thinking furiously
,
she debated whether she could get away with a lie. But
Jake
seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to lies, especially when it came to her.
“Don’t even think about lying to me, young lady
,” he said intuitively.
“
We both know I can tell
when you lie. A
nd
that
I will not be pleased
if you attempt to tell me anything but the truth
.”
Ally gulped heavily. “I had yoghurt for breakfast.”
“
And
?
What else?
”
“And nothing.”
H
is eyes widened before his face grew very stern.
“
You need to eat more for breakfast, it’s an important meal. So what did you eat for lunch? And snacks
?”
“I forgot.” Her voice was small, tense.
“Forgot what? Forgot to eat lunch? Ally, that is not good enough. Is
yoghurt
really all you have had to eat today?”
His v
oice rose
with each word
. “
T
hat is totally unacceptable. What were you thinking?”
“I didn’t mean to
,” she said lamely.
“
I just got caught up in my work.”
He raised a brow.
Standing, he started to pace across the room. Uh oh, she knew what that
meant;
he was preparing to scold her.
“I know you’re smart, Ally. You know you need more for breakfast. Didn’t your empty stomach clue you in that you needed to stop and eat
?
What about when you went to the bathroom? It would have been easy to stop by the kitchen and get a snack. No, don’t
tell
me that you forgot or got caught up in your work. It is not a valid excuse, young lady.”
Ally gulped. She knew that look on his face. She was in for a spanking, no doubt about it.
He gazed
down at her and shook his head, sighing. “I can’t have you compromising your health this way, baby. Don’t you realize how it tears me up inside every time you’re sick? Just
the thought of losing you…” his voice trailed off.
“Jake,” she said, alarmed by his pale face, the haunted look in his eyes
, knew he was thinking of
Natalie
, his wife who died
. “I’m fine. I’m not ill. I promise. I just neglected to eat. As soon as I get some food into me, I’ll be all good. I’m not going anywhere.”
She sat up.
Jake leaned down and pic
ked her up in his arms. He
stood and carried her
out of the study and along the passage to the kitchen.
“Put me down,
Jake
, I’m too heavy for you to carry around.” She knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it came out of her mouth. His
stern
look reinforced her thought and she slammed her mouth shut on further protests.
“I can see we need to have a little chat, miss.” He sat her on a kitchen stool and reaching into the fridge pulled out some orange juice. Pouring a large glass
,
he placed it in front of her with
the
order to drink
it all
. Pulling a face
, orange juice was not her favo
rite drink, Ally nevertheless sipped at it slowly
.
S
he watched
Jake
warily as he turned on the oven and stuck a frozen lasagne in to heat.
One of his patients had given it to him.
Ally had frozen it so she wasn’t tempted to par
take of the creamy pasta dish. N
ow it seemed she wasn’t going to have a choice.
Two crackers co
vered
with relish and cheese landed in front of her
.
“Eat,” Jake ordered her abruptly
.
Ally
picked one up and took a bite without protest. She knew that one hint of rebellion from her and she was going to end up with a roasted bottom.
Not that she wasn’t getting
her bottom spanked
anyway, but she’d prefer to avoid
him using
her hairbrush or, she gulped, the paddle.
Her stomach growled loudly
when the
food hit
it
, making
Jake
’s face darken further in anger
.
Ally
gulped, feeling a tiny bit afraid.
Her body
shook
, the trembles catching her unawares as the glass fell from her hand.
“Ally?”
Jake
took a step towards her, his voice concerned
as he held out a hand towards her.
T
he past came rush back, stealing her mind. Old fears rose inside her as she was sucked back in to that terror
. T
hat fear.
Ally fought it back, blinking. This was Jake in front of her. Jake would never hurt her.
Jake would never put her down, make her feel stupid or inferior.
“Ally, baby, talk to me
.
”
H
is voice was calm, soothing. “It’s just me, just
Jake
. You know I would never hurt you. Come on, baby, come back to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Tears ran down her face. Jake
pulled
her into his arms. Ally crumbled against him, burying her face in his chest as his arms surrounded her, holding her tight.
“What have you got to apologize for, baby?” he asked as she cried.
“I don’t know. Anything. Everything. I’m sorry dinner wasn’t ready. I’m sorry I’m such a bother. Please, don’t leave me, Jake, I can be better, I can.”
“Hey, hey now.” He pulled back, his hands grasping her face firmly. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. You could never be a bother. I don’t expect perfect. Perfect would be boring. Perfect would mean I never got to spank you again.
”
She snorted and he grinned.
“
I want Ally.
I want you to be you.
I want
honesty, communication.
I’m not perfect, far from it. Are you planning on leaving me because I work too much and leave my wet towel on the bathroom floor and snore in my sleep?”
She smiled a little. “
No.”
“No. Because life would be very boring if it was perfect, little one. I love you.”
Ally rested her head against his firm chest
again
, letting him soothe her. His heat surrounded her as his arms kept her safe and secure. She never felt as happy or as safe as she did in Jake’s arms.
“I love you too.”
Jake
pulled back and used his
hand to raise her chin so she was forced to
face him.
“
Feeling better now?
?” he asked, his gentle eyes searching h
er face.
She nodded. “I’m sorry, I
—”
“Shh.” H
is finger landed on her lips. “
Enough apologizing. Did I frighten you, baby? I didn’t mean to.” He knew some of her past, knew about her
emotional
scars, her pain.
Ally shook her head. “I’m not scared of you,
Jake
.
I know you would never hurt me otherwise
I wouldn’t
be with you.
I promised myself that I would never be with a man who hurt me again. If I didn’t trust you then
I’d certainly never
let myself be little around you.
I have to trust you to be like that with you.
I-I just seem to be having trouble lately…” she let her voice drift off.
A look of recognition crossed his face.
“Ahh,
this has to do with you waking up last night?
You had a nightmare?”
Ally nodded.
When she’d first moved in with him, she’d had nightmares regularly. Only then, she’d wake up screaming and Jake would hold her, soothe her until she drifted back to sleep.
“Wh
y didn’t you tell me?” he asked
his voice slightly sad and Ally sq
uirmed, feeling guilty for not confiding in
him.
“I thought they stopped a few months ago.”
“
I kind of hoped
they
were
gone. I’ve
only
had a
few in the last couple of months
.
Mostly when you’ve been out.
I don’t know
why I didn’t tell you.
I guess I didn’t want to be a burden. You’ve been so good about this, so
tolerant
of my
-my
problems, I wanted to handle this by myself.”
He gazed down into her face, his voice very f
irm as he spoke. “
You’r
e not alone anymore, Ally,
and you do not have to deal with any problems by yourself. In fact I insist that you don’t. I am here for you to lean on, to be your support. You could never, ever be a burden. You were abused by someone who was meant to love you and that takes some time to get over. I should have realised you were having problems
when you couldn’t sleep last night
, but
it’s
been so long that I thought you beyond that stage.”