Anna was silent and I took it for a small sign that she would perhaps let me speak.
'Anna please...' I said holding my breath. Again Anna was silent. 'Do you remember anything about your past, anything at all before the long sleep.' I said, but still Anna remained silent. 'Anna please.' I asked once more.
'I remember that I was very happy.' She replied bluntly. 'Very, very happy...' She continued. '...Now please go.'
With that I stood slowly back up onto my feet and left Anna's bedroom. What had I done to this poor girl was the only thought running through my mind.
CHAPTER twelve
I sat on the floor at the far end of the control room with my back against the viewing gallery window. Once again I was deep in thought thinking about everything that had happened to me since I woke up inside that pod. All of the new memories that had gradually come back to me. All of the new experiences I had gone through and learned about myself. I was a killer, a murderer, an adulterer, a sinner. I guess when it came down to it I was a very bad man. But I didn't feel bad. I mean I feel bad about myself, sad, depressed, guilty and distressed, but I didn't feel evil bad.
Mark was still seated over at the main computer, but sleeping now, resting his head and arms upon one of the desks. The last time I took any interest in one of his tasks he was scanning through a list of a billion and one co-ordinates still determined to find our location within this dark twinkling abyss and the whereabouts of our home. Suddenly a beeping noise sounded out from the computer and woke him in a dazed snort, while distracting me from my thoughts also. Mark groaned and yawned, wiped his eyes from sleep and focussed upon the beeping computer screen in front of him.
'No location found.' He sighed to no one in particular. He closed his eyes over again and shook his head despairingly. 'We're fucked.' He said grimly. 'All of us are fucked.'
I remained silent. What could I say. If Mark had no hope for us then as far as I was concerned there was no hope. We were doomed to randomly drift through space until the shuttle's power finally ran down and our food and water supply was all consumed and our oxygen supply ceased to exist all together, whichever one came first would be the end of us I guessed. The more I thought about it the more I felt like I wanted to just die, right now, right this very second. Surely death would be easier to cope with than this mundane existence of boredom of sitting around here, waiting for something to happen or another memory to return to me or another ghostly apparition of a crew member I murdered coming back to haunt me. Suddenly Mark stood up onto his feet and stared directly at me. There was a long pause as he stared at me with his cold weary eyes for longer than I felt comfortable with.
'I need to lie down.' He said finally. 'I need some proper sleep. My brain is so tired I can't think straight anymore.'
Again I was silent and just nodded. He then turned away from and left the control room, disappearing into the corridor. I listened to the sound of his tired and weary footsteps plodding away towards the bedrooms. When Mark slept, which was rare, he always slept in one of the other twin bedrooms, never in the same one as Anna which I thought was very respectful of her situation since she was his wife and he loved her so much. I thought I'd give him another few moments to get settled then I would make my way over to the computer that controlled the camera footage and watch him sleep, watch both him and Anna sleep. There was nothing else for me to do here now... and secretly, I think I was beginning to enjoy it, being this secret watcher of the ship.
And then it happened. The beginning of the end. The final doomed nail in our drifting coffin tomb, and quite unexpectedly too. I heard Mark cry out in desperate pain and anguish. Worse than the time before when Anna had lost her baby. Oh it sounded so much, much worse than that. It was kind of like a hollow roar at first. A kind of roaring cry from a man who had nothing left to live for. It chilled me to my very core to listen to Mark cry and scream out like this. So chilling and horrific in fact that I didn't know whether to believe it were real or not. Then he cried out her name with more tragic despair than I had ever believed existed in my small world and entire brief existence.
'ANNAAAAA NO! ANAAAAAA NOOOOOOOO PLESAE GOD NOOOOOOOOO!' He cried. Where to go from here I thought. I stood slowly up onto my feet, trying as much as possible to delay the inevitable if you like. Slowly and painfully I made my way up towards the back of the shuttle, up towards the very end corridor where Mark's torrid cries of sadness and despair were echoing from. I passed the kitchen, the shower room, the pod room and finally Anna's bedroom, but his cries weren't coming from any of them. I glanced further down the corridor and found myself staring morbidly at the open doorway to the medical room. A room I'd only really been inside once before with it's pills, potions, bottled liquids, needles, syringes and sharp medical tools. It was here where Mark's harrowing whaling cries were coming from and it was here that I gradually made my way towards with shear and utter dread. Finally I reached the open doorway and peered inside. Yes, I thought, as I glanced chillingly at the morbid scene laid out in front of me now. It truly was the beginning of the end.
Mark was lying on the floor at the back of the medical room. He was crying out sombrely while hugging into the lifeless figure of Anna with all his love and strength as she lay sprawled out beside him upon the floor. Bottles of opened pills and half a dozen or so various sizes of empty random syringes laid all around her body. Yes she was a doctor in her past life, but she obviously still could remember little about her past occupation as it appeared she had tried and tested as many different pills, powders and syringes on her body as she could possibly get her hands on, desperately trying to end her life along with her emotional and physical pain and suffering. I felt even more dead inside now and had half a random incline thought to pick up one of the bottle of pills and end my suffering there and then with her, but I didn't feel brave enough to do such a desperate act just yet. In my heart, if I had to die, truly had to die, then I'd only want to go out with the last drop of fresh air on board this shuttle. What a coward I truly was. But all I could think about in the moment was that this really was the beginning of the end for us... for me. There was a long and eerie silence as Mark stopped sobbing for a short while and held onto Anna from behind, almost holding onto her for dear life. But when the moment was over he leaned his head back in defeat and quite suddenly and horrifically began tearing at his hair. Blatantly tearing chunks and clumps of his own hair right out from his head, right before my very eyes. It was horrendous to watch, terrifying in fact. Especially when streams of blood began pouring down from these fresh wounds where the roots of his hair should be. Then just as quickly as he started he stopped and roared out in a sickening grief that echoed all around the whole shuttle. I continued to stand in silence over by the doorway watching this, watching Mark raging out and finally loosing himself to the haunting insane madness, the same madness which I think had taken Anna also. Mark placed Anna's head against his chest and gently stroked and caressed over every inch of her ghastly and ghostly pale face before sobbing out uncontrollably once more.
'My Anna... My beautiful, beautiful darling Anna.' He howled and sobbed. 'Why...? If I'm dreaming then I want to wake up now. I want to wake up from this NIGHTMARE.' He shrieked. 'WAKE ME UPPPPP!'
I could only look down and away from him in deep sorrow, pain and regret. Regret that I had ever woken the two of them up from their comatose sleep and peaceful dreams where they lived in a world of utter peace, love and harmony and together with their beautiful, beautiful baby.
'I'm sorry.' I whispered but Mark never heard me. He just chuckled out unexpectedly for a few brief seconds before composing himself.
'She was my beautiful, angel wife.' He said as he looked and touched upon every inch of Anna's pale and motionless face again, gently stroking his hands all the way through her long smooth black hair. 'And now... she's my dead wife... and your dead sister.' He continued without even looking up at me. But he knew I was present. I continued to watch the scene in front of me in a frozen state of silence, while slowly I began to shake my head breathing deeper and harder. Finally I couldn't take this horrifying scene in front of me any longer and the emotion of losing my sister who meant very little to me only a short while ago, suddenly got the better of me. I backed away, leaving the sad and tragic horrors of this room behind. I had to get away from here. Mark never even glanced up at me as I left.
***
I sat inside the control room again, seated casually upon the flight deck chairs and starring effortlessly and obliviously out into space. What would happen to us now or what would become of us I had no idea. Would Mark ever be in a fit state of mind to get us out of this mess and would he even care anymore. I heard a faint noise from one the distant corridors, like the sound of a door opening and closing after a few brief seconds. Curious at this sudden noise I made my way back out into the corridor. I called out Mark's name but there was no answer. I walked along the corridor towards the kitchen, lift and pod room and noticed some flashing lights to the side of the lift door and a lighted arrow flashing down. I kept walking past the lift for now and walked along the next corridor towards the Medical room, gradually slowing my approach as I neared the doorway. I didn't really want to be noticed by Mark at all as I was convinced that he'd only begin screaming at me again. Gently I peered around the corner of the doorway but was completely surprised to see both Mark and Anna's body gone with only the mess of the spilled pills and scattered syringes left as evidence that the two of them had ever been there.
I turned back to the corridor and called out Mark's name again. This time louder, but again there was no reply.
So I doubled back and made my way to the lift and doubled tapped the red flashing button which began flashing green right after I tapped it. A few moments later the lift doors opened and I stepped inside, pressing down on the leaver and unlike last time I had tried the leaver it was now fully functional.
I exited the lift and entered into the dimly lit cargo bay at the base of the shuttle. It was the first time I'd been down here since the time I climbed down the dark laddered hole only to find the skeleton of Ian and a ghostly image of an hysterically screaming Steffi.
I took a few seconds to glance around at the many different containers and metallic boxes filling up the area before my concentration was distracted by the noisy sound of a loud thunderous slamming and sealing hiss.
I followed the noise towards the rear end of the cargo bay where I finally came upon a small, sealed room with a large and thick see through glass panel. A large, thick and air tight sealed door was also situated right in the middle of the glass panel. Looking through the thick glass I was completely shocked to see Anna's lifeless body lying on the floor inside the strange room. Mark was also inside, but had his back turned away from me as he typed some commands into a small computer screen at the far end. With a great sense of fear and dread building up inside my mind I began to pound and bang hard upon the thick glass, but for some reason, and no matter how hard I slammed my fists upon the glass, hardly any sound was made at all. Mark couldn't hear a single damn thing I was doing outside. I studied the glass carefully and quickly, looking for something to help me catch Mark's attention. Finally I noticed a small speaker button to the right of the door and pressed it frantically while talking into it.
'Mark... Mark! Can you hear me Mark? Mark, please!' I spoke anxiously into the speaker. Inside the sealed room Mark half turned to face me and the sound of my voice calling into him from outside, but that was all the acknowledgement he gave me as he quickly returned to face the small computer screen to continue typing away. Anxiously I pressed down upon the speaker button once more.
'Mark... Mark please! What are you doing Mark? Please talk to me, please! What are you doing in there?' Mark continued to ignore me. 'Mark I'm so scared, please! I'm so, so scared. Just tell me what's going on in there please.'
Suddenly lots of red lights began flashing from inside and outside the sealed room and another loud and thunderous noise boomed and echoed out from behind the solid wall at the very back of the sealed room, just in front of Mark. Then a loud alarm bell began to ring out. It was so deafening and terrifying. I was so scared and nervous with all these new noises around me. What the hell was happening? Finally Mark turned away from the computer screen and picked up Anna's body right off the floor, holding her in his arms. He glanced over at me calmly and controlled as I continued to stare anxiously at him looking for answers.
'Please Mark!' I shouted and pleaded into the speaker. 'What's happening? What are you doing?'
'I'm sorry David.' Mark shouted back at me, raising his voice over the sounding alarms. 'But there's no hope for us out here anymore. It's over.'
'What do you mean it's over.' I shouted back through the speaker in a panic. 'What about home? What about getting back home?'
Mark took his eyes off me and glanced down at the pale and fragile figure of Anna in his arms.
'She is my home now David.' He continued. 'As long as she lives I had hope... I had a reason to try and get us out of this... this nightmare.' He paused for a few brief moments. I was stifled now. I had no idea what to do or say. 'Now, well at least for me...' Continued Mark. 'There is only one way out of here.'
'What do you mean.' I said fast. 'What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I don't understand any of this, please. I don't understand.'
'I'm going away David.' Mark replied.
'Away where.' I asked, desperately.
'Me and Anna, we're both going on a journey. So we can always be together.'
I was so confused. So scared and confused. What the hell was Mark talking about? Where could he possibly be going? Out into the darkness! There was nothing out there at all and nowhere to go. And why couldn't he just take me with him?