“Eamon was in town for a week, I’ve been with him. Having great sex and showing him the sights. I’m so relaxed it’s not funny. I gained three pounds from all the eating and wine drinking.”
“Well good! He’s totally hot. So tell me about him.”
As they had coffee and snacked on a muffin the size of a small dog, Caitlin told her friend about Eamon.
“Hmm. I approve of all the sex. He seems like a nice guy who knows you and likes you. I approve of that. But what about the future? Is this like a long-distance relationship or what?”
Caitlin shrugged. “Dunno. I don’t have time for a non-long-distance relationship anyway. I have extra classes to build credits to graduate early. I work. I’m taking the bar early. So if it
is
a long-distance thing, that would work quite nicely.”
“I’m dubious. You’re busy, that’s true. But you’re also one of those people who is true. You know, a monogamist. You
like
being with someone.”
“Is that an insult or what?”
Amy laughed. “It’s a compliment! Despite the fact that Adam was a jerk, you liked being someone’s something. You liked living with him, liked being with him. You’ve not dated a whole lot since, but when you do, it’s one guy at a time and despite your saying how it’s all casual and stuff, it’s serious to you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing to be ashamed of. Clearly you want to be in a relationship with someone. That’s why I wonder how this will end. I just don’t want you to have unreasonable expectations.”
“Says the woman who thinks Nathan will suddenly stop being an asshole.” She winced at her words. “I’m sorry. That was totally uncalled for.”
Amy snorted and sighed. “Maybe so, but it’s true. Maybe I just think you’re stronger than me so I know you can avoid getting hurt the way I keep letting myself.”
“This is all conjecture anyway. He hung out with me for less than a week. We had sex and he went home. He didn’t give me his class ring or anything. All this talk about relationships doesn’t mean much because I think we’re just friends who like to have sex. It’s the reconnection part I’m happiest about. He’s called a few times since he got home, emailed me. What it is right now is good. He’s a good guy. He makes me laugh. I’m glad we reconnected because I’ve missed his friendship.”
Amy rolled her eyes. “And his penis.”
“Well, yeah, that too. Anyway, I start school again in a week. I have a lot more to do than sit around and wonder about what if. I do know one thing—I don’t want to be anyone’s anything. Being someone’s something makes you second place to your own life. Being with someone, yes, admittedly I do like that. Belonging to someone? In the way that I did with Adam, having nothing left for myself, never expecting myself to? I never want that again.”
“Eamon, can you take a look at these proofs please? I’d like to send them out but I want you to sign off on them first.”
He looked up at his assistant, also conveniently his sister-in-law, who helped him two days a week. Laura was petite and dark, big brown eyes with smooth, short inky hair. Her personality was larger than life. She was the kind of woman who filled all the spaces in a room when she was in it. And yet, she and his quiet brother made a beautiful marriage. They were a fine example and one day, when Eamon got around to thinking about marriage, he hoped his could work as well.
After glancing at the proofs, Eamon nodded. “Thank you, that’s perfect.” He stood and stretched. “I’m after some lunch, would you like some?”
“Bring me something back. I’m going to do your accounts while I’m here since you’re a horror with them.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Ah, you’re a good one. Michael is a lucky man. I won’t be long then.”
Outside it was already January but the sun was bright in the sky and it was warm enough his shirtsleeves kept the bite from his skin.
The weather was lovely, the women were stunning, the food was glorious and he loved the ocean. But despite the presence of his brother and sister-in-law, Eamon was lonely.
He took his sub to a nearby park bench and spread it open, laying the wax paper flat and tossing the crisps, or rather chips, next to the meatball sub.
His phone found its way into his hand before he’d given it too much thought and he tapped his thumb on her picture.
“Hey you,” she answered on the second ring.
“Did I interrupt? You’re not in class or at work?”
“Nope. Last class ended an hour ago. Fridays I only have Washington State Con Law. Not that you’d be interested and frankly me? Not so much either. Why I thought an eight a.m. class was a peachy idea I don’t know. I must have been drunk. Sorry, I’m totally babbling.” She laughed and he joined her as he took a bite, the crispy bread mixing with the heat and slight sweetness of the sauce.
“I like your babble. I’m just having my lunch now and I thought of you, wondered what you were up to.”
“I’m in the grocery store. I haven’t been in a week and there’s only so much take-out my budget can afford. Thought I’d take care of it now. I’ve got to work this weekend so I won’t have time and I have a paper to write as well. I hope you’re eating something tasty.”
He could see her smile, the way her nose sort of scrunched up at the bridge, the curve of her bottom lip and cant a little higher on the left of her mouth.
“Meatball sub with crisps and a Coke. I’m watching koi fish in a pond just feet from where this bench is. There’s a deli ’round the corner from my house so I took a break from work and wandered over.”
“What do you think of our chips?” She snickered and he shook his head as he popped one of the extra crispy, kettle salt and vinegar chips into his mouth.
“You’re making fun, missy. There’s a shop over near the Queen Mary where I can buy Irish and British food items. I get Tayto, cheese and onion of course, and good tea too. Real tea instead of that weak, pale stuff you all call tea. In a pinch when I must eat potato chips, I quite enjoy the Tim’s brand, kettle chips they’re called.”
“I’m not being
too
saucy.” She laughed. “I love those too. But when I get a hankering, I special order Chivers gooseberry jam from a local shop here. You Irish do
some
things very well. And now I really have a horrible craving for those darned crisps, thankyouverymuch. Where on earth am I to find Tayto brand chips? I’ll have to go online.”
He heard beeping and talking in the background as she thanked the checker.
“Now I’m going to walk home, so keep me company. How did the wedding go?”
He’d spoken to her a few days prior, about a wedding shoot he’d had scheduled for the weekend. In fact, he found himself texting or on the phone with her at least twice a week. She’d simply slid into that space in his life he hadn’t quite realized was empty.
“It was good. The weather was perfect, it had been cloudy the whole morning but cleared up by the time they started playing the wedding march. They had their pets in the wedding party. Weird. But it made for good pictures anyway.” He’d been hit on and went as far as to head back to the woman’s hotel room but in the end, he’d left because he just couldn’t get Cat’s face off his mind. The woman wasn’t her. There had been moments since then where he’d vacillated between happy about that and resentful of it. Things had changed and he wasn’t entirely sure just how to feel about it.
They spoke for another few minutes, even as she unloaded her groceries.
“I find myself missing you an awful lot now that I’ve found you again,” she said right before they rang off. It warmed him, made him a bit giddy, truth be told.
“Yes, I miss you too. I’m getting quite used to our regular talks but it’s not nearly as fun as seeing your face while we speak. It’s nice not to be totally alone in this great big country. Other than family but they
have
to like me.”
“I’m sure you have no problem with
people
liking you, Eamon. Female people seem to love you.” She laughed and he was happy to hear the sound free from bitterness or anger.
“Well you’re my favorite female people. Anyway, I’ve got to get back to work. I promised Laura, my sister-in-law, I’d bring her back some food. I’ll call you next week. Don’t work too hard this weekend.”
He meant that part. She worked a lot. Her drive stunned him but she was the most ambitious person he’d ever met. The Cat he’d known before had been vivacious and full of life; this Caitlin was still full of life, but she was more intense and he found it admirable and really sexy too. Still it worried him that she seemed to live on a few hours’ sleep at night and bounced between her job and her studies.
“Be well, Eamon. Have a good weekend.” She hung up and he folded his trash, tossing it into the can before heading back to work. And still, even after hanging up, her voice remained in his head like an aural caress.
He tossed the bag with Laura’s turkey and swiss on her desk. “Yes, it’s fresh, I went back after I finished my lunch,” he answered her unasked question. She was an odd one about food after a really nasty experience with food poisoning over the Christmas holidays.
“What took you so long?”
“I sat at the park. Made a call. Just enjoyed a bit of a break.”
“How is she?” Laura smiled like she wasn’t being nosy as she tore into her sandwich.
“She’s good. Off to work. Has a paper due apparently. She works too much. Her parents should help her instead of making her struggle so hard.” He frowned.
Laura shrugged. “Some people are assholes, Eamon. You know that. My guess is, if she’s half the woman you say she is, this is making her stronger. She’ll be a damned fine attorney when all is said and done. You should bring her down in the summer for a week or two. Or maybe even spring break. I’m sure she could use the time away.”
He grinned. “Meddler.”
“Punk.”
She thought of him, of the way his hands felt on her body, the way he delivered openmouthed kisses to the hollow of her hip, the inside of her thigh, over her clit until her knees trembled and she cried out, begging for more. Thought of the prickly-rough of his chin as he nuzzled her awake to take her again. All while she walked, files in her arms like a shield, trying not to kick the shit out of the man approaching who was
not
Eamon but the anti-Eamon, Adam.
“Fancy seeing you here. You look good, Caitlin.” As usual, he mispronounced it. After the first time she corrected every other human on earth, they’d all figured it out. She knew it was a common enough mistake, and it wasn’t a big deal to gently correct people. Instead, Adam had just laughed, suggested she change the spelling because it was too confusing and kept calling her by the wrong name. She’d said, “
It was my grandmother’s name and her mother’s name before that. Why should I change the spelling because you can’t do what everyone else does and pronounce it right once you know it’s Kathleen?”
God, how could she have ever been in love with such a douchebag?
She didn’t even blink, but kept moving toward the elevators just beyond where he stood. The courthouse elevators were notorious; if she could get in one, it might just close on him. Which would totally make her day.
Which didn’t happen because why give her that small pleasure? No, he actually got inside with her and they rode down together.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” he said like the asshat he was.
Ha. Watch me.
She kept her eyes straight ahead and tried not to gag on his Drakkar Noir or whatever stupid fucking douchebag cheaters were wearing to cover the stench of day-old pussy on their manparts.
She snorted,
that was pretty funny
. Too bad she couldn’t kick him in his balls, spit in his eye and leave his head strategically placed so the doors banged his temples over and over all night long until they opened the courthouse the next morning and it was such a sad, tragic story on KIRO. She’d sniff sadly…the door opened and ruined her homicidal fantasy but she managed to make it out as he blathered behind her about having to face him sometime.
Yeah, with her car when he was on foot
.
Until he touched her. She turned and glared. “Get your hand off me now or I’ll have that big giant cop over there step in.”
He put his hands up and stepped back. “I was just trying to talk to you.”
She rolled her eyes and turned to leave as he hurried behind her like one of those spastic little dogs her mother had following her all day long. Except they were cute and they didn’t fuck their secretaries and steal years of her life. They just shit in her mother’s closet, which made Caitlin love them forever, even if they did bark when a mouse farted ten miles away.
Speaking of mouse farts and yapping. “Damn it, wait Kate-lynn.”
She nearly made it while the cross light was up but he caught her as she had to wait. The area was thick with people who were her co-workers, other law students, even people she’d cross examined and he was getting more and more agitated. It was just like him to make a scene.
Instead of darting into traffic or giving into the scene he so clearly wanted, she turned to him and hissed, “You’re wasting my time and I’m busy. I have to get back to work.”
“Just two minutes then,” he wheedled.
“You have two minutes.” She hefted the files up to look at her watch. “Starting now.”
“I just thought we could talk. Have dinner later. A drink? We used to be friends.”
She stared at him as the time ticked past, not commenting. “We used to be lots of things. Then you fucked me over. We’re nothing now.”
“What? Why are you so mean to me? I made a mistake! I was lonely, you were busy off doing other things. It just happened. You used to love me once and I don’t see how you can just throw it all away.”
“Once I’d have stood here with you and argued that stupid point. Once I’d have let you make me feel bad. Once, I’d have missed you. But I’m smarter now. Also, tick tock, Adam. It’s been two years since we broke up. You can’t tell me you’re lonely. We both know you’d fuck anything that moved. I don’t want to have dinner with you. I don’t want to be friends with you. I’d like you to move on. I have. My schedule does not include you in any way, shape or form. Now, your time is up. Do fuck off.” She turned and headed back toward the office.
She’d been slamming around her cubicle—interns didn’t have offices—when Anh came around the corner. “What’s your deal? You snapped at Caroline when you came in, you tossed your pencil and you’ve been bitching to yourself for the last half an hour. You got those motions filed right? The judge told me he gave you a great recommendation, you helped me win three cases this month. Why are you talking to yourself and being so cranky?”
“It’s pathetic isn’t it? That you’d assume it was work related? God, I’m wretched. Yes, I got everything filed. This is not work related, just a big giant neon sign pointing to what an utter failure I am in my personal life.”
“My, very dramatic. Do tell.” Anh perched her size zero ass on the edge of the desk and caught Caitlin between annoyance and amusement. Since she loved Anh, she decided to go for amusement.
“I ran into
Adam
at the courthouse. I have no idea why he was there and it’s creepy to even imagine it was on purpose.”
“Not to mention egotistical.” Anh grinned.
“Bitch. He may have fucked his secretary but he did love me in his twisted way. Anyway, even though I gave him the cold shoulder, he followed me out onto the street! Kept yammering at me until I finally agreed to listen to him for two minutes. Which I did.”
“And he wanted what? Stupid asshole. I hope you kicked him in the balls.”
“Then he’d have had me arrested. No, in a trip to bizarre-world, he asked me to go to dinner with him. He was all,
we used to be friends
, blahdy blahh. Pfft, as if. I don’t want him in my life. I have horrible taste, Anh. I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near anyone with a penis or I will choose the worst of them.”
“I sense your parents behind this. Why else would he seek you out? In any case, I have no idea why you give him all this power to annoy you. It’s been over two years. You’ve moved on. Who cares about him? Enough wallowing. I’m glad you told him off.” She hopped off the desk. “Let’s go. You’re coming over for dinner tonight and if you come in here this weekend I will kick your ass myself. I know finals week is approaching and I want you to deal with that. Ace them and you will be in an even better position to come back here next year and then as an FTE.”
“Fine. Be logical. See if I care.”
“One of us has to be since you’re riding on the crazy train and all. As I’m the one getting sex on a regular basis, it’ll be me who serves as the reality check. Now, move along, Vittorio said he’s planning to teach you something about roux tonight and if I’m late with you, he’ll just pout and I’ll have to coax him with sex. Wait, that’s not a bad idea. See the things I do for you?”
“Drama queen.”
Anh just laughed as they made their way out.
Vittorio showed her how to make the perfect roux for the jambalaya he prepared for dinner. She fit in with their crazy family and loved it that they made a Caitlin-shaped spot for her.
After dinner, she played Wii table tennis and then boxed with Anh’s two kids.
“I know I shouldn’t admit it, but it’s hella satisfying to punch your kid in the face on a screen,” Anh said quietly as they cleaned up the family room after the kids had gone to bed.
Caitlin laughed as she put on her coat and prepared to leave. “I won’t tell. Thanks for tonight and for you know, everything. You’re good to me. I appreciate it.”
“We love you, silly. Vittorio and I like having you around. The kids love you. You’re good to us. That’s how family works. Now go. It’s a weekend coming up. Don’t come in to work. I checked your schedule, you’re fine and I know you have a paper due.” She paused a moment. “Too bad he’s so far away, huh? He doesn’t seem to be a giant dingus like Adam is.”
“I’m too busy to get involved right now, Anh. I swear to you, too busy. You and Amy bring it up like I have so much time to just flit around and have a social life. Men take effort. I mean, if they know what do to with what they have and they’re not trying to stick it in everyone who walks by, they can be worth it. But that’s neither here nor there because I have to finish school, pass the bar, get a job. In that order. I’m not saying it wasn’t nice he came up here. I’m glad we’re back in touch and I’m okay with whatever he and I have long distance. I’m not letting any man steal my focus again. I have plans.
Then
I can have a relationship.”
Anh hugged her. “I respect that and I believe you. You’ve worked hard to get here so I don’t think you need to apologize for having goals and wanting to achieve them. It’s just, you know, you can have both I think. You don’t have a lot of time left to school. You’re going to feel the lack of a significant other then. I worry that you’ll have this long distance thing with Eamon and then you’ll want more.”
“And what? So what if I do? People grow, they progress.”
“You and he have a deal. This whatever-you-call-it between you has rules. I worry that you’ll put your time and heart into Eamon and when you finally have the space to take a breath and want more, he’ll shrug and say you knew what the rules were. I don’t want your heart broken.”
“Why would you assume he’d not want more too? Am I so horrible that you’d think he wouldn’t want more?”
Anh took Caitlin’s hands, squeezing. “I think you’re peanut butter
and
jelly. So stop. It’s just that from the outside looking in, while you both seem happy with the casual long-distance thing, I
know
you. You are faithful to your people. If he’s worth your time now, when your time is at such a premium, I foresee you wanting more. I love you, I want you happy. It’s my job to worry about you.” She shrugged. “Enough lecturing for now. I can see by the set of your jaw you’re halfway annoyed. Let Vittorio walk you to the car.”
“I’m not annoyed. I know you’re a pest because you care.” She hugged Anh tight. “I’m stealing your husband for a brief walk to my car. Good night and I’ll see you next week.”
On orders, Vittorio walked her to her car and kissed her cheek. “Go on, Caitlin. You know she’ll kick your ass if she finds out you worked this weekend.” He grinned and she got into her car. He was right, Anh would probably check the keycard access to see if she came into the office that weekend.
So she finished her paper first thing that next day and actually spent two hours Sunday getting a manicure and a haircut. She even bought two new lipsticks and some books. All in all, a very good weekend.