Authors: G.V. Steitz
I squint my eyes at him,
“Matthew, stop playing this pissing match. You are acting like this for no reason. I have a dr. appointment tonight. I won’t be seeing you. I will take a cab, so don’t even offer to take me.” I clarified with my hand up, stopping him from cutting in to my notification to him.
“
What are you going to the Dr. for? Why didn’t you tell me? Is something wrong?” He starts throwing out the questions like we were in a crunch to do roll call or something.
“
Everything is fine for one. I am going to the Dr. for a pap to get my birth control refilled; it’s been a year for two. I did tell you, twice, however you are too busy “marking your territory” to remember for three. And nothing is wrong, number four.” I said counting out on my fingers to go through all the questions with him.
“
I’ll call you tonight, ok? Now, I will be talking with you and Tony on a conference call later today. So play nice.” I warned him before I gave him a peck on the lips. That apparently was not a kiss worth defining as one, Matthew explained, then making me scream as he pulled me over and tried to devour my mouth in his for the next three minutes.
“
Can I go now?” I asked trying to compose myself after that stunt.
“
Sure baby doll, have a good day.” He said with a wink and an evil grin, making him look dangerous, in a sexy way.
I finally got home after a day from hell. I felt off. The Dr. told me since I was in my mid twenties; I should be getting a mammogram every year with Breast cancer running in my family as a precautionary. So I had one scheduled for the following week on Monday morning. The Dr. explained she felt it was nothing to be concerned over with a lump on the side on my left breast, because of my cycle and fatty cysts having been in my past before. I didn
’t tell Matthew that was the real reason for going to the Dr. since finding that on myself with me finding that on myself, in the shower the week prior. So I texted him I was going to see my dad, and then back home to my place to go to bed. I was really exhausted.
Week four into our relationship was beginning and I had just finished my breast exam at the hospital. I was finishing getting dressed, when I heard a tap at the door.
“I’m good, come on in.” I said to the door as I stepped into my heels. I told Henry I had a Dr. appointment this morning when I was in the office last Friday. Luckily Henry doesn’t care when I come and go, he knows I work well over 70 hours a week.
“
Emma, how are you?” My Dr. said, coming in the room with the results I think.
“
Good, thank you for asking. How are you Dr.?” I asked back as the Dr. took the x-rays out of the file, placing them on the screen with the light.
“
Please, have a seat; I have the results to go over with you Emma.” The Dr. said in a tone I didn’t like. She sounded concerned.
I lowered my body slowly in the chair the check up room had, and she flipped the light on the x-rays.
“Emma, are you ok? Can you hear me?” The Dr. asked after I suppose sat in the chair wordless for awhile after she showed where I had some lumps they had to do a biopsy on.
She didn
’t want to say a confirmation on anything until she had the results. But it was cancer. That I knew. What stage and what options for medical treatment, I did not know yet.
I left after I made the appointment for the biopsy for the following morning.
“Henry, hi it’s Emma. Hey, I ah… I need to take the day off. I am really sorry. I will work from home today; I can use a vacation day or sick day?” I asked trying to not sound upset.
“
What’s wrong Emma?” Henry asked, sounding concerned.
“
I need to go tomorrow to get a biopsy Henry.” I told him with tears silently falling from my blurred eyes.
“
Emma, sweetheart, listen to me… Just relax. You don’t have any confirmed answers yet do you?” He asked me calmly.
“
It’s cancer for sure. Same as my mom’s, I just don’t know what stage or medical treatments I have to go through yet. Please, I am begging you Henry, please don’t tell anyone. Not Tony, not Matthew. Please?” I pleaded with Henry.
“
Oh, Em, please don’t you worry about that. Honey, I would never disclose any information about this matter unless you wanted me too. Ok? Now come on, go take one of those foofy bubble bathes my wife raves about. You ladies relax much better with bubbles.” Henry says, making me laugh through my tears.
“
I’ll call you tomorrow after the biopsy, ok Henry? And… Thanks for not saying anything.” I told him.
“
And DON’T work from home today. You put in enough hours as it is.” He barks back trying to hide the sniff and squeak I picked up in his voice.
“
Thanks Henry.” I told him before hanging up.
I texted Matthew then.
ME: 10:34 AM.
Hey, I decided to pamper myself today and took the rest of the day off. No need to worry, going to go get my nails done.
Almost immediately I got a ping sound on my phone, notifying me of a text.
Matthew: 10:37 AM.
Glad to hear that. You need to take more time off for yourself. You’re sure everything is ok?
Me: 10:40 AM.
LOL, thx for worrying. Everything is gr8. Talk soon.
Matthew: 10:42 AM.
Call me later when you get done at the nail place. Lmk what’s on for tonight. ;) xo-M
Me: 10:43 AM.
Ok, ttyla. Toodles. Xo back at ya. *wink*
I threw the phone on the couch and got a bottle of merlot.
I woke up from my nap, only to realize I drank the entire bottle of wine.
I looked at my phone. 3 missed calls. Greeeat. I said to myself. I called Matthew back.
“Hey, I took a nap. Sorry I missed your call.” I told him.
“
No problem baby doll. What are you doing?” Matthew asked.
“
Just resting, I think I am going to stay home tonight. I drank a little wine,” I looked at the bottle that was empty and rolled my eyes at my mild exaggeration on the “little” part. “So, I’ll call you tomorrow. I took the day off. Needed to get some things done from home.” I told him, closing my eyes, trying to not cry.
“
Emma, what’s wrong?” He asked me.
“
What? Oh, nothing. Just tired.” I told him another lie.
“
Hey, look, I will call you later ok? I am going to go take a bubble bath.” I said trying to get off the phone.
“
Emma, you would tell me if something was wrong right?” Matthew asks.
I chuckled at that question.
“Matthew, everything is fine. Don’t worry ok? I will call you tomorrow.” I told him.
Matthew, finally sounding convinced let me get off the phone. I just went and got another bottle of wine. I don
’t have to go with out food or liquids until midnight. I have plenty of time to drink.
I popped a CD in the player, and started my second bottle of Merlot. Christina Perri,
“A Thousand Years” song. Hit repeat and fell back on the couch. I loved this song in the Breaking Dawn part II movie. Such a great song. Well, I love Christina Perris’ music. Anything she sings is great.
I have no idea how much time had passed, or how many dozen times I listened to this song.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Matthew. I might not be around to see us through. I guess its better this way, than to leave a family behind. That must have killed my mother a little more every day. No, this is better.
Matthew must not be concerned about this. I can
’t bother him with this.
Is that someone knocking at my door? I listen carefully. I must be hearing things. Maybe it
’s the wine. I don’t want to turn the music down. The volume helps drain my thoughts out.
I hear the door knocking again. I let out a deep sigh, throwing my head back into the back of the couch.
I know pretending I am not here won’t work with the music blaring.
I pull myself up after listening for maybe 10 minutes? I laugh out loud. Who knows.
“Emma, why aren’t you answering your phone?” Matthew yells from outside.
“
Shit.” I say out loud.
“
I can hear you, open the door. What is going on?” He asks me.
“
I’m washing the floor, it’s wet, and I can’t open the door.” I blurt out, rolling my eyes and hit my forehead with my open palm, cursing to myself for giving such a stupid reply.
“
Emma. Open. This. Door.” Mathew firmly said.
After I opened my third bottle of wine, and poured myself another glass, I thought, what the hell.
I slowly walk over to the door, unlocking it, and moving back to the kitchen to get my glass of happy juice. I stand behind the breakfast island, hoping it will act as a shield to keep Matthew away.
Taking a deep breath, I see him storm into the kitchen. I take a quick gasp of air when I see his face. He looks down and see
’s the glass and bottle of opened wine. Then he turns around to find the stereo, stalks off towards it. After he turns it down to a normal volume level, I see him look around.
Two empty bottles of wine, Kleenex all over the place. He looks back over to me, looks again at the third bottle I am working on finishing, and my glass already half gone since he walked in. Matthew looks back up to my face, studying my eyes, slowly moving back towards me. Well, it seemed like he was moving in slow motion to the music.
“What is going on here?” Matthew asks me, slowly walking still. He looks like he is stalking his pry. Carefully and precise, studying the animal before the kill.
I smile, shrugged my shoulders.
“Nothing just thought I needed to relax a little.” I tell him like it was no big deal.
“
Emma, three bottles of wine you needed to relax? Looks like you are upset, is your dad ok?” Matthew asks cautiously.
“
He’s fine. Thanks. No, I just feel blah is all. Time and bottles got away from me.” I told him. I looked down to the island, and then I seen the first tear splash on the granite island. All of a sudden I found myself leaning down to place my head on the table, trying to hide myself from hid glare. I just loose it then. Crying hysterically, I hear myself not able to keep it back any longer.
“
Emma, baby, tell me what’s wrong. Come here.” He says softly from behind me. I feel his fingers run down my hair on my back, barely touching me. Matthew moves his hand down to my shoulder, pulling me back into his chest.
I can
’t do this without him I thought.
I immediately turn myself into his arms.
Matthew takes me into his arms, wrapping his arms around me, drawing me closer to his body. I lean into his embrace, laying my cheek in his chest. Feeling his arms around me, I feel safe in his arms. I cry harder.
I feel Matthew, squeeze me harder against him. He pulls me up while keeping his arms, securely around me. I pull myself up to his shoulder, crying without saying anything still. Matthew runs the palm of his hand down my hair, smoothing it down. He moves his face into my neck on the opposite side of my face. I feel his warm breath on me. I felt his tenderness towards me.
Matthew didn’t release his grip on me. His body felt like it was telling me he knew some how. I was paralyzed in his arms. The intensity of his possessiveness reverberated throughout my body. Cradled in his arms, Matthew felt as if he were protecting me, he soothed me with his body. His intense force behind his hold gave me hope.
Chapter 17~ Matthew
I just knew, deep inside of me, what Emma
didn’t
want to tell me. I knew the minute I looked back at her after I noticed the three bottles of wine. Two of which were already drained. She had breast cancer.
Emma was trembling in my arms. I had such a force within me that wanted to protect her. I didn
’t want to ask to hear what I needed her to tell me. Maybe if I don’t ask, it won’t be true. Maybe if I just keep her buried in my arms, this pain she carries inside her will melt away.
I nuzzled into her neck.
“Shhh… Baby doll, I am here… Shhh…” I spoke quietly into her neck, as she shivered in my arms. A surge of love for this beautiful woman in my arms was so enormous inside of me, in my heart; my body actually ached for her.
I leaned back, cupping her face, looking into her eyes, running my thumb over her wet cheeks; I leaned in and kissed them away. This beautiful song, that I have probably memorized subconsciously, I never even heard the music while I held her. My mind was racing; the only thing I could think of was the love I had to express to her. I needed her to know I was all in with her on this journey, whether she liked it or not, I was in it to win it with her.
“Before you say anything, I want to say something to you first.” I told her, gazing back and forth between her beautiful, expressive eyes.