Always (Family Justice Book 1) (69 page)

“Oh.”

Draegyn looked at her closely, too closely, and sighed heavily. “Hon, it’s going to be okay. We have to respect Stephanie’s wishes.”

Oh, jeez.
Men
. He was trying to be all positive and supportive.
Whatever.
She had work to do if she was going to rescue this mess.

“She’s in love with him.” That was all she said. Nothing else was necessary. Draegyn’s eyebrows shot up and he grunted out
humph
.

“Did she tell you this?”

Tori snorted a scornful laugh. “Fuck no. She hasn’t even admitted it to herself yet.”

He gave her one of those looks that said,
Really? Are you kidding?

Daniel stirred and Draegyn lifted him deftly from the sling to lay upon his shoulder. They looked like twins—same facial expressions—and lately she was noticing that the baby held his head the same was his daddy did. With this adorably arrogant tilt of the chin.
Perfect.

“Look, just go with me on this, okay? I’ve been going about this all wrong. She isn’t
leaving
, honey,” she said with emphasis. “She’s
running.
Two different things.”

He slowed and considered what she’d said for a minute, deep in thought, occasionally pressing kisses to Daniel’s face and head.

“No. I get it. You’re right,” he told her with an admiring wink.

Draegyn liked the way her mind worked. They were good together like that. The calm, cool analyst and the brainy nerd.

“So, I’m taking it that we have a plan, then?” he asked.

Tori stood up and eased her son off his father’s shoulder to cradle him lovingly in her arms. Draegyn slung an arm about her and they both took a moment to gaze adoringly upon their beautiful son.

She turned toward her husband. With his head lowered next to hers, their mouths were inches apart. He closed the distance and kissed her deeply. When he pulled back his eyes were blue smoke and she felt a surge of dampness flood her panties.
Yeah.
Pound Town.
Soon.
Her one-way ticket couldn’t get here fast enough.

“Plan Stan?” he murmured with a cheeky grin. She had no doubt he read what had just been in her expression.

“Indeed, there is a plan, sir,” she informed him. “We’re going to let her get on that plane and we’re going to do it with big smiles.”

“You sure you know what you’re doing, babe?”

“Yep.
Bitches like romance
, husband. Memorize it and don’t you
ever
forget it!”

STEPHANIE CHECKED OUT HER REFLECTION in the mirror one last time before heaving a choked sigh and reaching for her purse. Calder was taking her to the homestead—an old adobe and wood framed single room building far from where the Villa sits now, on a remote corner of the Valleja-Marquez property.

They were going by Jeep, Calder having declared it too far to attempt on horseback unless they planned to camp overnight. She was flying home to Atlanta tomorrow so they’d have to be back before the sun went completely down.

If anyone was paying attention, their adventure looked innocent enough. They were going off on a day trip to enjoy the rugged countryside. Have a picnic. Blah, blah, blah.

But Stephanie knew they were headed out alone, out into the desert, to say good-bye. Good-bye to the little fantasy they’d been indulging in. Good-bye to the only time she could remember when she felt completely whole and not a mishmash of separate parts forced together.

She made her way quietly, trying to keep moving—put one foot in front of the other, remember to breathe in and out and do what was necessary to make it through the day.

Stephanie sort of wished she could just be numb—not feel the anxiety and confusion up close and personal. But that wasn’t her style. In every way that mattered, she was a survivor and this situation would be no different.

Tori and Drae were on the front porch with Daniel in the stroller, playing a game of fetch with Raven, who was becoming quite adept at Frisbee and tennis ball chasing.

“Hey, Mom!” Drae called out as she stepped through the door. “Watch this,” he yelled excitedly. After cuing the dog with some hand signals, he threw the ball straight up into the air with an
Ooomph
. Raven tracked the object. As it started to come back down, she wiggled her butt and dug her hind legs into the ground then leapt up at just the right moment to snatch the ball in mid-air as it hurtled to the ground.
Impressive.

She laughed cheerfully and clapped her hands in applause. Tori joined in and Daniel rounded out the family moment with a goofy grin as Drae bowed then scratched the dog’s head.

Right on cue, Calder came down the drive in a big black, full-package all-terrain, Jeep that had a black ops feel to it. Was a reminder of where they were and who these guys actually were.

Stephanie hurriedly scooted up to the vehicle before Calder could get out to help with her door. She wasn’t in the mood to stand around while everyone did the happy schmooze dance.

Quickly hauling ass into the passenger seat, she slammed the door, hooked her seat belt, shoved her sunglasses on, and waved out the window to Tori and Drae.

“See ya,” was all she said. Turning to Calder, she muttered, “Let’s go.”

He put the vehicle in gear, politely waved to the St. Johns and started to pull away. “Hello to you, too,” he pithily bit out.

She deserved that but didn’t react outwardly to the dig. She was taking the low road and didn’t want to get into it.

“Hi. Nice Jeep.”

Silence.
Great.
They were going to drive for an hour in silence.
Why in the hell not?

Calder wanted to hit something. This was not going the way he envisioned. He was practically boo-hooing into his cornflakes because she didn’t lean over and kiss him when she got in the Jeep. Was she starting to pull away from him? Dammit. He was too old for this shit.

Silence has a way of multiplying. The longer it goes on undisturbed, the louder and more troublesome it got. The option of saying something was always there, but they were up against it now with her set to fly out tomorrow. Filling in the empty spaces with inane chatter during the time they had left wasn’t going to make things better.

So…he let the quiet hang on. And ignored the heaviness in his chest.

At the homestead, she perked up and excitedly toured the old building and grounds. Nobody ever came out here but Alex and the boys. It had been their hidey-hole over the years…where they could get naked, drunk, and howl at the moon if they wanted.

Stephanie was busy taking pictures as he lugged a huge basket out of the rear of the vehicle and started setting up a picnic with a huge blanket and an umbrella on a tripod stand that didn’t need to be jammed into the hard-packed earth. When he put everything together, he thought he was making a romantic statement. Now, though, in the face of their awkward silence, his efforts looked a little desperate.

Fucking, eh.
Why was she leaving? He didn’t get it. All that shit about running a business wasn’t what was really going on. He just knew it but for the life of him, Calder couldn’t figure out where she was really coming from.

In his mind, she didn’t need to work. He was more than capable of taking care of her, but when he’d stupidly made that observation, she ripped his idiot head off for being a male pig. It wasn’t about money, she said. It was about this career she had and some bullshit about self-worth that he promptly ignored.

“It’s so quiet out here,” she murmured. Surprising the fucking shit out of him when she silently approached from the rear.

“What?” He jumped. “Oh yeah. It is. Different from the mountains but also sort of the same.”

She smiled timidly at him. That too was different. If he was reading her right, she was parsing every fucking word and action. The last thing he wanted was her walking on eggshells.

“I’ve never actually been in Aspen,” she told him. “Is it very beautiful?”

He motioned for her to sit as he dropped to his knees and started uncorking the bottle of wine he pulled from a cooling bag.

“I like it. Moved there for the solitude and the scenery. The beachfront towns in California are too commercial these days.”

She chuckled and his mood lifted. “So what? It’s mountains or ocean?”

Calder glanced around where they were sitting. As far as the eye could see, there were blue cloudless skies, rugged hills, rock formations, and Southwest views. “Forming a fondness for the desert these days, too.”

“Not a city boy, then?”

He watched her face, trying to gauge every word and expression.

“Spend loads of time in the city. On business. I like that it’s my choice.”

“I hear that,” she muttered.

Calder was intrigued by her tone.
Sooooo
. It wasn’t Atlanta per se that was drawing her away. Sounded to him like
where
she lived was a take it or leave it.

They picked at lunch, lolling on the blanket, talking. An hour flew by. Then another. Finally, with the stranglehold of time working against him, he didn’t feel like there was much choice but to just say what was on his mind.

“Stephanie.”

She looked at him, even removed her sunglasses. The time had come. Honesty was all they had left.

“I wish you wouldn’t go. We, uh…we haven’t had enough time to see if this thing between us has legs.”

Her eyes flashed then shuttered.

Really? You stupid fucking dumbass. See if it has legs?
Holy shit. What an asshole thing to say.

“That came out wrong.”

He didn’t like the mocking smile she tried on for size. “No, I get it Calder. Really, I do. We’ve had…
fun
. But it’s time to get back to the real world. For me, anyway.”

The use of the word
fun
felt like a punch in the gut. It was her way of pushing back on the
see if it has legs
comment. Would have been easier and probably less painful if she’d simply hauled off and smacked him across the face.

Shit. Shiiiit. Say something that isn’t dumb or stupid.

“Would you stay if I asked you to?” Seemed like a semi-reasonable question to ask.

“Stay and do what exactly? Hang around and sleep with you while you decide if we have legs?”

Ouch.
Apparently, even at middle age, guys still said the wrong shit.

Grousing with a frown, he told her, “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”

All of a sudden, she fell apart right in front of his eyes. Sitting cross-legged on the blanket, she lowered her face into her hands and shook her head.

In a voice he hardly recognized it was so clotted with emotion, she groaned. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

They were at an impasse. He could feel the walls around them growing higher. Pretty soon, they’d need an Atlas rocket to get over it.

“I don’t want to lose you, lady. You say you can’t stay. Where does that leave
us
? How do you see this playing out?”

Calder felt cold gathering around his heart and didn’t like it. He
did
feel something—maybe more than just something. But he wasn’t kidding about them only knowing each other for so short a time. Was he in love with her? He was starting to suspect the answer to that question was a growling
yes
. But he just wasn’t ready to declare himself.

She thought she needed direction and to know her own shit? Well, so did he—just in a different way. Unlike her happy marriage, his had been a shit show. Relationships were tough work. Compatibility in bed wasn’t the only thing to consider. And though he knew he was overthinking things, he just wasn’t there yet.

Stephanie completely surprised him when she climbed onto her knees and crawled over to him—pushing him flat on the blanket and laying her torso over his.

With heart-wrenching sincerity, she looked into his eyes and said, “I don’t want to lose you either, Calder. But my life is in Atlanta. I don’t know what to do and I certainly don’t have all the answers.”

He cupped her neck with his hand and drew her onto his mouth for a soulful kiss.

“I don’t know how this plays out, but I suppose…” she admitted hesitantly, “that I’m hoping somehow we find a way.”

He made love to her then—because he had to. On that blanket out in the desert, naked as the day they were born. It was intense and bittersweet and in the end, they both choked back tears.

The ride home was as silent as the drive they made earlier; only this time, her hand stayed on his thigh, where he covered it with his own.

By the time they arrived at Drae’s, the sun had just set and Calder was sure his heart was breaking. This wasn’t what he wanted. Not at all.

Saying good-bye to her was like…well, it was excruciating. He felt like a man about to serve a jail sentence, saying his farewells to the real world so he can curl into a ball and live in an emotion-free box so he didn’t die from the devastation to his spirit.

She clung to him. He sensed her reluctance and though it wasn’t a lot to go on, he kept that knowledge—that she didn’t
really
want to go, close to his heart.

“Stay in touch,” she murmured, then kissed him, turned, and ran into the house. He heard her choking sob and almost lost it.