Always Rayne (The ALWAYS SOMETIMES NEVER Rock Star Romance Series) (15 page)

“You’re so fucking hot, Harper. Words cannot even express how much I want you. How badly I need to be inside you right now.”

I give him a sly smile to let him know I want him too. Probably just as badly. 

He opens the drawer of the nightstand and removes a huge box of condoms. Like industrial sized. I have to laugh. “Nothing like being prepared but that’s a lot of condoms.”

He grins right back at me. “I haven’t had sex in a while. I’ll need all of these.”

“It’s only been a few days,” I tease.

“For me that’s an eternity.”

He doesn’t waste any time removing his jeans
, and his boxer briefs come right off with them. I refrain from gawking at the infamous eight inch monster, but it’s difficult not to look. He’s definitely rock hard and ready to go.

When he lies down in the bed next to me my heart starts to really thump.

“It’s okay, Shakes. Just relax.” He places a soft kiss on my lips then kisses his way down my chest until he reaches my bra.

“This has got to go.”

He helps me up and removes my bra, which he sends sailing over to the small pile of clothes already on the floor. Then he wastes no time devouring my nipples—licking and sucking them until they’re hypersensitive and I can barely take one more nibble.

When he glances up at me, his eyes look like they’re on fire. Without taking his eyes from mine he kisses his way down my stomach until he reaches my undies.

“These have to go too.”

He begins to slide my underwear down
, and with a little thrust of my hips he’s able to send my underwear sailing into the pile with the rest of the clothing.

He doesn’t waste any time moving between my legs
, and before I really know what’s happening his tongue is dancing circles around what feels like millions of supersensitive, and very eager, nerve endings.

It’s something Jackson tried a few times
and was never very good at. But Holy Hell does Nic know what he’s doing down there.

It’s not long before I can feel myself start to
shudder, and right before I’m ready to explode Nic stops and looks up at me.

“Not yet,” he teases. “I want you right on the edge.”

He’s definitely got me right on the edge…of a very large cliff…and I’m teetering.

He reaches into the box of condoms and sheaths himself. “I made a promise, Harper. Are you ready for me to keep that promise?”

I gulp. I know exactly what he means. He’s going to fuck me. Then make love to me. Then fuck me again.

But am I ready?

Oh, hell, yes!

“I’m ready,” I manage to reply.

He grins. That sexy as hell grin. That grin that makes me mad as hell just as often. That grin that brings out nearly every emotion I have.

When he straddles me and looks into my eyes I can see his eyes are on fire. I’ve never had a man look at me with so much hunger—so much pure desire—and it makes my entire body surge with anticipation.

Nic’s first thrust into me is harder than I think it’s going to be. I let out a low moan as I stretch to accommodate his size.

“Come on. Take all of me.”

All of him? That’s not all of him?

He thrusts again, a little faster and harder, and then continues to push, and with each stroke he gets even faster and harder.

It doesn’t take long before I feel like I’m getting completely lost in the union of our bodies and the rhythm of his pounding.

“Do you like how I feel inside you?” He manages to whisper between hard thrusts. “Do you love when I fuck you?”

I’m not really sure I can speak at this point. I seem to have lost complete control of my body. All I can feel is him, inside of me, filling me, completely numbing my mind with his body.

I think I say yes but I’m not really sure. My mouth doesn’t seem to working the way it should.

At some point, I hear myself say, “Oh, God” as I’m teetering so close to the edge of that sharp cliff again.

“That’s it. I want you to come with me.”

When he grabs my ass and pulls me close, I can’t believe how deep inside me he feels. I can hear myself cry out as I completely fall off the edge. Nic gives one final hard thrust that sends me flying into a place I’ve never been before. It’s like another universe.

When I’ve finally la
nded back on planet Earth, Nic is holding on to me so tight I can’t move.

We both open our eyes and look at each other and
Nic grins. “I kept my promise.”

I nod. “You sure did.”

He runs his thumb down my cheek. “You’re sweating.”

I laugh and place my hand on his cheek. “So are you.”

“That was amazing. You’re amazing, Harper.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “As much as I want to stay inside you, I need to dispose of the condom.”

I nod. “I’m not really used to using condoms.”

He frowns as he removes himself from me. “What do you mean?”

“This is kind of embarrassing to talk about.”

“I just fucked the shit out of you and you’re embarrassed to talk about sex?”

I gulp.
“Fine. Jackson didn’t like to use them because he said they irritated his skin. So I use birth control pills.”

Nic
smiles. “Are you still on the pill?”

I nod.

“Good to know.”

When he gets up from the bed I feel a little twinge of sadness that he’s gone. I know it’s completely ridiculous because I know he’s coming right back
, but I can’t help the feeling that something is missing when he’s not right in my personal space.

And to think it wasn’t that long ago that I was completely annoyed by him being in my personal space.

Things do change quickly.

When
Nic returns from the bathroom, he lies down next to me and pulls me into his arms. He kisses my forehead and then the tip of my nose. “I made you a few more promises.”

“You’re ready for round two already?”

“I need to make love to you like I said I would. And then fuck you again. I’m a man of my word.”

“I’m not sure how much my body can take.”

“Would you be willing to let me make love to you without using a condom?” he asks.

I freeze for a moment as I think about all of the other girls he’s been with.

As if he’s reading my mind, he says, “I’ve always used condoms. I’ve never been with anyone else without one.”

“Seriously?”

He actually looks a little hurt. “I would never put you at risk, Harper. I have a personal physician and I get tested regularly. I’m always protec
ted.”

“Then why don’t you want to use one now?”

“Because I want to be with you, Harper. I’ve already told you I want you to be mine. All mine.”

“Does that mean you’re mine too?” I can’t believe I’m actually asking the question. And I’m holding my breath waiting for the response.

“Of course,” he says, like it’s the stupidest question on the planet. “You had me at that list of yours. All reasons you didn’t want to be with me.”

“You remember that?”

“How could I forget? I vowed that someday you’d have a list of all the things you actually liked about me.”

“Maybe someday,” I tease. “Okay, we can do it sans condom.”

He looks a little upset and I’m not sure why. “We’re not just going to
do it
. I told you that I’m making love to you.”

“You’re the one with the reputation, Nic. I’m sorry if it’s hard for me to get past it.”

He gazes into my eyes. “I told you this is different. You’re different. And I mean that.”

His eyes have no humor this time. He’s dead serious. He pulls me close and kisses me.
Soft at first, very gently, then with a little more passion.

When he looks at me again his eyes are so filled with tenderness it makes my heart ache.

He places his index finger on my collar bone and runs it slowly along the edge. I take in some air as he moves his finger down my chest and between my breasts.

Then he licks his finger and plays with each one of my nipples with his wet fingertip. I start to get tingly all over as he continues to work his way down my body with his finger.

Finally his finger lands between my legs. He gives me a hint of a smile as he begins to play with my clit.

“I think you’re ready for me again,” he whispers.

There’s no doubt I’m aroused again. I’m already wet and aching to be filled.

Nic
kisses me as he slides between my legs. This time, instead of a hard thrust, his movements are long and slow. Almost too slow as my need for him builds rapidly.

“Harder,” I can hear myself say
, and I’m surprised by my demanding tone.

He shakes his head slowly. “I want to savor being inside of you.”

To my surprise, Nic maneuvers so we’re both on our sides facing each other. Before I can catch my breath, he makes another quick move and I’m on top of him.

“Look at me,” he insists.

“Don’t take your eyes off me,” he commands when my eyes meet his.

I swallow. “Okay.”

He grabs my hips and moves me up and down on his erection. I’ve never felt so full in my entire life. And it doesn’t take more than a few movements in this position before I feel like I’m going to come.

“Do you like being on top?” he asks.

I nod.

He continues to move my hips up and down a few more times until I’m right on the edge again. And then he stops.

“Not yet. I want us to come together.”

Nic
then lifts himself from the bed so that we’re both face to face with each other in a seated position and he kisses me.

“I fit inside you perfectly,
Shakes,” he whispers in my ear. “I knew I would.”

He then grabs me and pulls me close so that our upper bodies are entwined. When he holds me like that for a few seconds, I feel like I could just melt into his arms and we’d be like one person.

A weirdly freakish person, but still one person.

With another quick move I find myself back underneath
him.

“Keep your eyes on me,” he reminds me when he catches me closing them.

When I look at him again, our eyes lock and I feel like I’m his willing captive. He kisses me again and this time, when he thrusts into me, he pushes a little harder and faster than before.

“I want you to come with me,” he says as he continues to push into me.

He really doesn’t have to say it. It’s like I’m already attuned to his every move. If I believed in any kind of higher power, or intelligent designer, I’d say that it almost feels as if my body was made to fit perfectly with Nic’s.

After a few more thrusts, I’m so close. I want to close my eyes so badly and lose myself in the moment but I look into Nic’s deep brown eyes instead.

And I gasp. Not just because I’m falling into the abyss again, but because of the intensity of his gaze. It’s like he’s not just trying to bury himself in my body, but to leave his mark on my very soul. 

He doesn’t take his eyes from mine as he gasps and
lets go. Then he grabs me and pulls me so tight I almost can’t breathe.

After the final thrust and the aftershocks have subsided, we both fall into a heap on the bed.

“Shakes,” he moans. “You’re killing me.”

“No,” I fire back. “I think you’re killing me.”

I try to extricate myself from our pretzel of arms and legs but Nic stops me. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To clean up?”

He shakes his head. “Don’t move.”

“But it’s going to get messy.”

He’s still shaking his head. “I don’t care. I have you in my arms and that’s where I want you to stay.”

“Are you sure?” Jackson never liked any kind of mess in the bed. He always wanted me to get right up and take care of it.

“I never say anything I don’t mean,” he reminds me.

“Brooke said that we ever had sex that you’d own me. Does this mean you own me now?”

Nic smiles. “I think you’ve got things backwards, Shakes. You’re the one who owns me. Every part of me is yours.”

It takes a moment for the seriousness of that statement to sink in.
Nic Rayne is mine. Every part of him.

All mine.

Eleven

Sex with Nic is more than I ever imagined. Mind-blowing would be an understatement. But I enjoy just being with him too. I like when we fall asleep talking about everything and anything. Jackson and I were never really friends like Nic and I are quickly becoming. I’m not even sure we were lovers in the same way that Nic and I are. It’s like our feelings for each other are all-encompassing. We connect on all levels—body, mind and soul.

And I know I’m starting to sound like a clichéd romance novel but I can’t help how I feel.

It’s hard to believe that it’s already time for the last show of the tour. Nic and I haven’t really discussed what’s going to happen once the tour ends. I know he and the band have got to go back into the studio to record. He’s also got a new movie that’s supposed to start filming soon. The sequel to
Fire in the Twilight
.

And apparently I’ve got an online arts and entertainment magazine to run. The reality of that hasn’t really sunk in yet.

The sun is beginning to peek through the curtains when I hear my phone ring. I glance over at the clock…

Six am. Who would be calling at six am?

I grab my phone and look at the caller ID. It’s my mom. Why is my mom calling so early? I feel shame that I haven’t called my parents back, but it’s weird for them to try to call this early.

“Is that your phone?”
Nic wipes the sleep from his eyes and places a soft kiss on my cheek.

I nod.

“Who is it?”

“My mom.”

“I think you’d better get it.”

“Hey, mom,” I say into my cell. “What’s going on?”

“It’s your dad. He’s in the hospital.”

Now I’m wide awake. “What? What happened? Is he okay?”

I can hear my mom sniffle and I know she’s probably trying not to cry. “He had a heart attack while he was jogging.”

I’m not sure I heard her right.
“A heart attack? Jogging?”

My dad doesn’t jog.

“He got it into his head that he had to start exercising. I blame that ridiculous television doctor he always watches. He’s okay but they’re doing tests and monitoring him very closely. Where are you? I called Brooke but all she would say is that she wasn’t sure where you were. I know you’re with that band. Always Raining.”

“Always Rayne, M
om. And we’re in New York.”

“Can you come home? Your dad has been asking for you.”

“Of course, Mom. I’ll get a flight as soon as I can.”

Before I’m even off my cell
Nic has grabbed his phone and he’s dialing. “Brad, I need you to schedule a flight for Harper back to San Diego right away…Any flight. Any cost. As soon as possible.”

“Thanks,
Nic,” I can already feel tears starting to stream down my face.

As he wipes the tears from my cheeks, he asks, “You
r dad?”

I nod. “He had a heart attack.”

“I’ll cancel the show tonight.”

“You can’t do that. You’ll disappoint your fans.”

“I need to be there for you. It’s important.”

“You can join me after the show. But I want you to do the show.”

He nods, but I can see he’s not convinced it’s the right thing to do. He’s gnawing on his bottom lip. A telltale sign that he’s conflicted.

“I’ll be fine,” I assure him.

“Come here.” He pulls me close and wraps his arms around me. “You know I’ll do anything for you. And I mean it. Just say the word and I’ll be there. No questions asked.”

“I know.”

***

It feels strange flying back to San Diego alone. I’ve actually gotten used to being with
Nic and it feels like something is missing when he’s not in my space. I’ve even gotten used to Leo, Xander and Raven being around.

My plan is to check on Brooke since I haven’t heard from her in a few days and I’m worried. Then I’ll ask her to go to the hospital with me for moral support. And because my parents practically raised her too I’m sure she’ll want to know what’s happening and see my dad.

***

As soon as the cab drops me off at our place, I hurry into the apar
tment as quickly as I can.

“Brooke?” I yell as I search for my roommate.

I don’t see her in the living area or kitchen so I head toward her bedroom. I knock on her bedroom door. “Brooke, it’s Harper. Can I come in?”

I can hear some movement then her bedroom door opens. I have to hold back a gasp. Brooke looks awful. Her hair looks like it hasn’t been combed in days. It’s worse than a rat’s nest. Her clothes are a wrinkled mess like she’s slept in them for days. And she’s got huge dark circles under her eyes, a combination of lack of sleep and old makeup that she hasn’t washed off yet.

“What’s going on?”

She shakes her head in response.

“Did you drink?”

She nods.

“A lot.” Not that it matters. Even a little is too much. Not that she has the ability to regulate her consumption at all. Hence her being in recovery.

“Did you phone your sponsor?”

“No.”

“I think you should.”

She gives me a big hug. “Thanks for caring about me.”

“Of course I care about you. You’re my best friend.”

We embrace for several moments.

“You look different. And it’s not just because you’re wearing my clothes. You got laid, didn’t you? How was he? Were all the rumors true?”

“Yes. And mind-blowing. And all of the rumors are confirmed. But that’s not why I’m here. My dad is in the hospital.

“What happened?”

“He had a heart attack.”

Brooke puts her hand over her mouth.
“Oh, God. That’s why your mom called looking for you. She didn’t tell me.”

Brooke grabs me and pulls me in for a hug.

“I have something to tell you,” Brooke says when we separate.

When Brooke says she has something to tell me it’s usually not good news. I just hope she’s not pregnant.

“He was here,” she continues. “More than a few times.”

“Who?”

“Jackson.”

She gives me an eye roll. “What did he want?”

“What do you think he wanted?”

“I have no idea.”

“He wants you back. Great timing, right.”

“That’s obviously not going to happen now.”

Brooke’s eyes get wide. “Are you and Nic like a thing? Is it more than just a joy ride? Are you thinking about actually buying the car? Or maybe a long term lease?”

I shake my head. “I have no idea. We haven’t really discussed any future plans. But he says he wants more. That I’m his and I always will be. I’m just not sure exactly what that means.”

When there’s a knock on the door, Brooke and I both look at each other.

“Did Jackson say he was coming back?” I ask.

“This is Jackson we’re talking about. Remember? Of course he’s coming back. He’s the most persistent person I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Just wait until you get to know Nic.”

Another knock. Neither of us makes a move toward the door. “Want to pretend we’re not here?” Brooke suggests.

When he starts pounding on the door I realize that he’s not going to give up. He probably saw my car in the parking lot. Hell, he could have even been stalking the parking lot for all I know just waiting until he saw me come back.

I wouldn’t put it past him.

Brooke and I march over to the door and I open it.

“Harper!” Jackson sounds excited to see me.

I wish I could say the same thing.

I’m sad to say it but looking at Jackson standing at my door I can’t remember why I loved him so much. As much as I don’t want to compare him to Nic I just can’t help it. But there’s no real comparison. Nic is everything Jackson isn’t and I realize as I look at him, Jackson will never be.

Nic
has so much heart and soul and vivaciousness. Jackson is so busy following the rules and doing everything he thinks he’s supposed to do that he doesn’t really ever live. It’s almost as if there is a shell of a person standing at my door.

“Can I come in?”
His blue eyes are filled with so much hope I almost don’t want to disappoint him.

I step away from the door so he can enter but I’m not really sure why. I could have told him to leave and never come back. But I guess there’s still a small piece of me that still loves him. Maybe I always will.  

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am.” Jackson sounds so remorseful. It’s a first. He’s usually much more confident and sure of himself.  “I’m not sure why I left you but I realize now that I made a big mistake.”

I’m not sure why he left either but for the first time I’m glad he did. If he hadn’t left I would
never have met Nic.

“I hope you can forgive me.”

When he reaches for my hand, for a second it feels like old times. We held hands a lot when we were together. I always liked that he wasn’t afraid to show affection towards me in public.

My hand used to feel so comfortable in Jackson’s. But now his hand feels foreign. It doesn’t feel right. And I know it’s because his hand isn’t
Nic’s.

When I remove my hand from Jackson’s grasp, he looks like a kid who just had someone take away his ice cream cone.

“My dad is in the hospital, Jackson. He had a heart attack. Brooke and I are on our way over there right now.”

I hope that will give him some kind of hint to go away but it does the opposite. He moves into action.

“No problem. I’ll take you both over there.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

He frowns. “I want to, Harp. I want to be there for you.”

I almost feel like laughing. He wants to be there for me now.
After months of not being there for me. After just leaving me. He thinks he can just pick up where he left off?

But for some reason I don’t argue. Brooke and I pile into Jackson’s BMW and he takes us to the new Heart Hospital where my dad is staying.

“Jackson,” my dad says before he even acknowledges me or Brooke. My dad always loved Jackson. He treated him like the son he never had. It makes me wonder what my dad will say when he meets Nic.

If he meets Nic.

Our time together almost seems like a dream that is quickly fading away.

Jackson gives my dad a pat on the arm which is about all he can do with my dad hooked up to so many wires and tubes.

Both Brooke and I follow with kisses on my dad’s cheek.

My dad is normally a robust man but he looks pale and weak. I’m not sure if my perception is altered by the surroundings or he really does look
more feeble than I’ve ever seen him.

“How are you doing, Dad?” I ask.

“Okay, considering the circumstances.” He grins. At least he can joke about it.

“It’s great to see all of you together again.” He makes a point of loo
king at Jackson and I immediately feel uncomfortable.

I know I should tell my dad that Jackson and I aren’t together again but I don’t want to upset him in his condition. I want to tell him about
Nic but the words just won’t come out.

“Where’s M
om?” I ask.

“She wanted to take a little break. Freshen up. She didn’t even have a chance to take a shower this morning before I was rushed to the Eme
rgency Room.”

I notice that Jackson is playing with my fingers. He used to do that a lot when we were together. It was his way of flirting I guess. He kind of tickles them.

Of course it reminds me of Nic tickling my feet when we were in bed together. He should be on stage right now. Performing. I hope he does well and that he’s not distracted by other things—like worrying about me.

“How’s your job going?” m
y dad asks.

I gulp. I’m not sure what to say that won’t lead to a discussion about Nic. And I’m sure he still has concerns about the gossip he heard that was on
The Twitter
as he and my mom call it.

“It’s going,” I say vaguely.

“Still at the online start-up?” Jackson asks. He never thought it was a great idea for me to take the job especially when he heard the salary. He made a point of putting it down even though he didn’t have any better suggestions for my gainful employment before he left town.

I nod. I haven’t had a chance to tell anyone that I’m now the owner of said start-up. Not even Brooke. I’d love to know what’s going through her head right now.

“How’s the article coming along?” Brooke asks. It’s a pointed question.

“What article?” my dad chimes in.

“The one on Nic Rayne and his band.” She makes a point of eyeing me.