Always Will: A Bad Boy Romance (16 page)

“Hey, Ky.”

“Hey, babe,” she says. “Got your message. What’s up?”

Might as well get right to the point. “I have a confession.”

“You’re sleeping with Ronan, aren’t you?”

I open my mouth but nothing coherent comes out right away. “How did you know?”

“What?” she asks, her voice almost a squeal. “I was kidding! You
are
?”

I groan and cover my eyes with my hand. “Yes.”

“Hold on a second here, Ms. Taylor,” she says. “Do you mean you slept with him, as in it happened once? Or you are sleeping with him, as in this is now a regular occurrence.”

“The second one.”

“Oh my god,” she says.

I take a deep breath. “I know. He’s my boss. He blew me off once before. I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, or stupid, but this isn’t like that. Yes, when he first showed up at my office, he probably just wanted to get in my pants. But I feel like there’s something more. A lot more, Ky.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” she says. “Crazy remains to be seen. But, really? So it’s official now? Dating, the whole thing?”

“Yeah,” I say. “We’re … together.”

“All right,” Kylie says. “So do we get to meet him again soon? The night of your birthday thing wasn’t exactly the best introduction.”

“Yeah, I want you guys to meet him,” I say. “But you have to make Braxton behave.”

“Since when do you think I can
make
Braxton do anything?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Promise him something kinky if he’s nice to Ronan.”

Kylie laughs. “That might actually work.”

“Gross, now I’m getting a mental picture.”

“You said it, not me,” she says. “So, you’re sure about this?”

“Honestly?” I say. “Not really. This could turn out to be a huge mistake. But he’s kind of amazing.”

“Wow,” she says, her voice soft. “Okay, babe, I’ll trust you on this. Just be careful.”

“I know, Ky,” I say. “I will.”

***

I look down at the long list of unanswered emails. I’m still playing catch up after our impromptu skydiving trip last week. Every time I think about how it felt to jump out of that plane, I get a renewed rush of exhilaration. I never would have done something like that on my own. My mind was racing with excuses the entire time, but it was incredible. The whole world was stretched out below us, tiny and insignificant. And when we jumped—oh my god. It was fun and terrifying and thrilling all at once.

The sex when we got back to Ronan’s place wasn’t bad either.

I’m still a bit tense at work. We aren’t exactly hiding our relationship, but we’re not being completely open about it either. That’s at my insistence. He still swears it won’t matter—that any gossip will blow over quickly. But I’m not so sure. I’m pretty certain Sarah knows. She gives me odd looks whenever I come out of his office—even if nothing was going on behind his closed door besides a meeting. Which is usually the case.

Not always. But usually.

I really need some coffee, so I head to the break room. The stuff in the cafe downstairs is better, but I don’t want to take the time. There’s usually a line. I turn the corner and hear voices coming from the small kitchenette.

“Like it isn’t obvious?”

I recognize Kelly’s voice. She’s in Marketing.

“Come on,” someone else says. “There’s no way she’s with him.”

I peek around the door and see Kelly talking with Lydia, who’s also on the marketing team, and Justin from Sales. Something makes me hesitate—are they talking about me?

“There’s totally something going on between them,” Kelly says.

“Selene?” Justin says. “I don’t know.”

Fuck. They
are
talking about me.

“Oh yeah, he’s definitely sleeping with her,” Lydia says. “Shelley Johnson said she saw Selene come out of his office the other day with sex hair.”

“In the office?” Kelly says, her eyes lighting up like it’s the best thing she’s ever heard. “Oh my god, that’s crazy.”

“I know,” Lydia says. “You’d think Selene would know better.”

“Well, come on,” Kelly says. “It’s Ronan Maddox. Who could resist him? Not me.”

“I hope your husband doesn’t know that,” Lydia says with a laugh.

Kelly laughs right back. “Seriously, that guy is so hot, he’s definitely on my list.”

“Your list?” Justin asks, sounding clueless as usual.

“Yeah, you know, the list of people you’d get a pass to sleep with if you ever had the chance,” Kelly says. “Usually it’s celebrities and stuff, but Ronan Maddox is on mine. Damn, that man is fine.”

“I don’t care how hot he is,” Lydia says. “I wouldn’t do it.”

“Why are you all judgy about it?” Kelly asks. “You dated that sales guy for a while.”

“He wasn’t my boss,” Lydia says. “There’s a big difference. Selene already thinks she runs this place. If she’s sleeping with the boss, that’s only going to get worse.”

“She’s not that bad,” Kelly says. “Now you just sound jealous.”

“I’m hardly jealous,” Lydia says. “But watch. Selene’s going to get some big promotion, and we’re going to know exactly why.”

I back away from the room, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I hurry back to my office. I don’t want one of them to come out into the hallway and realize I heard. I’m embarrassed enough as it is.

Sex hair? Fuck.

When I get back to my desk, I have a message from Ronan.
Can I see you in my office?

Ordinarily, that little message would fill me with anticipation. He might just need to chat with me about something business-related. Or, he might be standing in his office with a velvet rope, ready to tie up my hands and fuck me on his desk. But right now, I don’t want to play his games. We’ve been pushing the boundaries of what’s appropriate at work way too much.

Is it urgent?
I type back.
Busy.

It can wait. Lunch?

That probably means it’s business.
Sure.

I don’t get much done in the two hours leading up to lunch. I keep going over what I heard in the break room. I just met with the development team the other day, and filled them in on the new direction for VI and the integration with Edge. Do they know about us too? Were they sitting there thinking,
Of course Selene is encouraging us to trust Ronan. She’s banging him, so…
Is everyone going to see an ulterior motive in everything I do?

This is one of the reasons I always stuck to my rule about dating coworkers. Things can get so awkward in the office.

And like Lydia said, I’m not just dating a coworker. I’m dating my
boss
. Everyone’s boss.

God, what am I doing?

Ronan knocks on my door and pokes his head in. “Ready? I was thinking Indian sounds good.”

“Can we just meet here really quick?” I ask. “I have a lot to do.”
And I don’t want to be seen leaving for lunch with you. Again.

His brow furrows. “What’s going on that has you so busy?”

“Nothing,” I say with a wave of my hand. “Just the usual.”

“Then I’m pretty sure you can come have lunch with me,” he says.

I keep my eyes on my computer screen. “No, I really can’t.”

He quietly shuts the door and takes a seat across the desk from me. “Selene, what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

He rests his elbow on the arm of the chair and puts a hand to his chin, looking at me with those piercing gray eyes. “Yes, there is. Tell me.”

I don’t know if I want to discuss this with him. He’s set above the world of office gossip. Untouchable. He won’t care what people say about him because he’s the owner. What are they going to do? They have to respect him. Not to mention there’s a maddening double standard. In the minds of most people in the office, Ronan sleeping with me makes him, at worst, an opportunist. He’s a man, having sex with a woman. Not a slut or a whore. But me? Oh, they’ll think all sorts of things about me, none of them flattering.

“I heard some people talking in the break room,” I say. “About me. About us.”

“What did they say?” he asks, his voice completely neutral.

“They were speculating as to whether we’re sleeping together,” I say. “Apparently people are saying I came out of your office the other day with sex hair.”

The corners of his mouth turn up. “You probably did.”

“Fuck you, Ronan,” I say, a flash of anger burning through me. “This isn’t a joke.”

The lines of his jaw stand out and his eyes narrow. “I don’t consider it a joke.”

“I work my ass off for this company,” I say. “I earned every bit of respect I have from the team. But now people aren’t going to see Selene Taylor. They’re going to see Ronan Maddox’s fucking mistress.”

I regret the words—and my tone—as soon as I say it. I shouldn’t lash out at him. It’s not his fault. He was persistent, but I made my own choices.

“All right,” he says, and stands. “I’ll back off.”

His tone is so cold, it’s like a slap to the face. He walks out of my office and shuts the door behind him.

I lean my head back against my chair and breathe out a heavy sigh. Fuck. I just made that situation worse.

Maybe Ronan and I should have been more open about our relationship from the beginning. The fact that we’ve been more or less hiding it makes the potential for gossip even higher. People love to think they’ve discovered a dirty secret. If I’m going to date Ronan—if we’re going to have an honest to goodness relationship and not just a hot fling—I’m going to have to live with what some people in the office think. I can’t control their opinions, and what they think of me shouldn’t matter so much. But it does. I’ve spent my entire career navigating the ins and outs of snap judgments and misinterpretations of who I am.

I’m aware of what I look like. I’m tall and beautiful, and there’s no conceit in me knowing it. But it means a lot of people don’t take me seriously. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told I should “go be a model.” Sometimes it’s meant as a compliment, but often buried in the comment is the implication that my best assets are my face and my body. That the fact that I have long legs, big boobs, and a fortunate bone structure means there must not be much more to me.

There’s some irony in complaining about being beautiful. I understand that plenty of women would kill for a body like mine, and I appreciate it for what it is. But I’ve always felt like I have to work a little harder to earn the respect of my coworkers, and I hate that dating Ronan is jeopardizing that.

Is there a way to make this work? And
is
this more than a hot fling? Am I putting my career at risk for a man who’s going to chase the next sexy pair of legs that catches his eye?

I close my laptop and unplug the power supply. I need to get out of here. I send a quick text to Kylie, telling her I need to talk, and gather up my things. I’ll probably get more work done at home anyway. At least I won’t be wondering what everyone is saying about me on the other side of my door.

My focus isn’t much better sitting at my dining table than it was at my desk. Around five, I give up and pour myself a glass of wine. I’m not being very productive, so I figure I ought to stop staring at my computer screen.

There’s a knock at my door. I’m expecting Kylie, but not till later—and she would just use her key. I set my wine glass down on the coffee table and go to answer the door.

I open it to find Ronan standing on the other side, still dressed in his button-down shirt and slacks, his hair slightly unkempt. He looks like he came straight from the office.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.”

I close the door behind him and we walk into the kitchen.

“Drink?” I ask.

“Sure.”

He leans against the counter, his hands in his pockets. He seems so distant. I know I owe him an apology, but I hate that he didn’t touch or kiss me when he first walked in. Maybe I did more damage than I realized.

I pour him a glass of bourbon, and he takes a sip while I refill my wine.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” I say. “I was upset, and I took it out on you.”

His face softens a little. “You don’t need to apologize. I was worried this afternoon when I saw you’d left.”

“Worried about what?”

“That you might quit.”

“I’m not quitting my job,” I say, my voice sharp.

“Don’t get defensive,” he says. “I don’t say that because I think you would make a decision like that lightly. I say that because I need to make sure it doesn’t happen.”

I watch him for a moment, turning my wineglass in my hand. “Why?”

“Because you’re the reason I bought VI.”

“What do you mean?” I ask. “You didn’t know I worked there when you bought it.”

“You’re right, I didn’t,” he says. “But I know that a lot of what made VI worth buying was you. Your fingerprints are on everything. Yes, Brad put together a good team, but it was you who held things together. It was you who drove the company’s direction as much as Brad. Maybe more.”

I stare at him, not sure what to say.

“I know that I’m walking a line with you,” he says. “I don’t know what’s stronger—my respect for you as a professional, or my feelings for you as a woman.”

“Are you saying you think you have to choose between our working relationship and our personal one?”

One corner of his mouth turns up and he walks over to stand in front of me. “I’m saying I’m greedy, and I want both. I love working with you. You’re focused and passionate, and you care about your work. And I love…” He stops and sets his drink on the counter. He looks deep into my eyes, and something stirs inside me—a mix of fear and longing. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Selene.”

My mouth drops open and my heart races. Did he just say what I think he said? I blink, trying to see the pretense in his eyes, but there’s nothing but raw honesty.

He licks his lips and touches my face. “I didn’t think you’d say nothing to that.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, slightly breathless. “That was unexpected.”

I need to say something else. The crack in my protective shell widens as his eyes bore into me. Can I really let him in? Can I risk this?