Always With Love (30 page)
Authors: Giovanna Fletcher
‘Exactly, she’ll make sure it’s not as demanding or strenuous.’ Billy smiles, taking a deep breath as his eyes well up, emotion getting the better of him. ‘You spoke earlier about how I changed your life. Well, before you came along I’d lost my way with acting. I know people will think it’s the BAFTA that gave me focus and drive again, but I think they’ll find I went off the rails after that too.
You
taking over this place reignited my passion and love for the craft. Watching you in the shop, in a place where you visibly shine and thrive, working so reverently and relentlessly to make your vision work. Watching you made me realize I simply needed a fresh injection of
energy, like the kind I’ve seen you pour so lovingly into this business,’ he smiles, stroking my hand. ‘Can’t you see you inspire people, Sophie May? You should. Because it’s not just me you’ve had an effect on. Take a look at that crazy little sister of mine. Lauren’s about to start chasing her own set of dreams in Paris and seeing as she’s talked nonstop about you and everything you’ve achieved since the first day she met you, there’s no denying you’ve been a positive role model to her.’
It’s lovely to hear him talk this way and to hear he understands how much the shop has given me, but I’m startled by him saying it’s my focus that’s inspired him and Lauren. That I really wasn’t expecting. I can’t believe I warrant such huge praise. When I think of the difficulty I’ve had trying to depict what I want from life and how long it’s taken me to find a place I feel secure and stable, it’s hard to imagine others have looked on and been compelled to act.
‘I just want you to see that my world is a brighter place with you in it,’ he declares, his hands sliding on to my bare arms. ‘You make me work harder. You stop me from slinking off into a dangerous place. Do you know how nice it was being in LA and not being led by the night scene or column inches? Ironic I know, seeing what happened on the only night I did go out. But I need you to understand that I feel great because of the motivation you encouraged me to have … I want you to see I’m still the same guy you fell in love with, but mostly I need you to accept that you are the only girl who has made me question myself, doubt myself and then build myself into a better person.’
‘But what about all the time we’re going to be apart?’ I whisper. No matter how much we love each other, living separately is going to be a normal occurrence for us.
‘I get it. You need a sense of permanence, of future security. Right?’ he asks.
‘Yeah …’ I mutter, shocked he’s able to see it in such simple terms.
‘I’m not angry that you’ve decided to fortify a life here,’ Billy shrugs, shaking his head as he looks around the room. ‘I actually love what you’ve done. I love that you’ve created somewhere that makes you content, because that’s how I want you to feel. I want to share it with you as much as I can …’
‘Same.’
‘This can be our base. Our home. We might just have to be a little flexible with it.’
‘How?’ I ask. I’m not trying to sound difficult but I want us to find a solution where we can both have what we want and stay together.
‘I’ll be here as much as I can be and we’ll juggle around the times I have work,’ he sighs, his eyes pleading at me not to give up. ‘My jobs are not always going to be in LA. Those working periods aren’t always going to be thousands of miles away or even in film. I can do another stint in the West End and still come back here every night. It can work,’ he insists.
‘You make it sound so easy.’
‘I know it’s not and I’m not saying we have to live this way forever, but for now let’s make it work so that we can build the future we want together. Because none of this means anything without you by my side … You’re the one
I want to share it all with, whether we’re together in the same room or thousands of miles apart. Love makes the world a better place and I want the life I lead to be one that’s driven always with love. With you.’
‘That’s how I feel,’ I say, feeling tears spring to my eyes and hearing my heart sing at his words.
‘I know I offer unpredictability when all you want is stability. I appreciate how difficult that must be for you, but I also promise to love you for as long as you will allow me to. We’re not going to have a conventional life together, but I hope with all my heart that we have a happy one.’
‘I hope so too,’ I laugh with a sob.
And then, slowly, Billy slides from his chair and on to the floor in front of me.
With one knee bent in front of him, his fingers gently stroke the bottom of my chin, bringing my eyes up to his. ‘Sophie May, I’ve thought so much about how this moment would play out and doing it like this didn’t enter my mind once,’ he laughs, shaking his head as his beautiful brown eyes fill with tears, prompting my own to do the same. ‘But now I see that I don’t need an over-the-top setting to tell you that I love you with all my heart. That you are my one. My only.’ He pauses. ‘I’m not perfect, but I’m all
yours
. Will you marry me? Will you let me be your husband?’
I’m rendered speechless. Never in a million years did I expect that question to fall from his lips. Not tonight.
But as I sob, something clicks into place inside me. A house is only bricks and mortar, just as we discussed all those months ago, standing in his LA mansion. Yet what turns those man-made materials into a home is the people
it houses, the people we surround ourselves with and those we let into our hearts.
As Billy kneels on my kitchen floor offering his own heart to me, I realize my own desire for a piece of rubble isn’t what I’ve actually been craving. Instead, I’ve needed to know that I’m unequivocally and unquestionably loved, and that whoever I choose to give my own fragile heart to can be trusted to house it and keep it safe alongside their own.
I’m left in no doubt that Billy will do his utmost to do just that.
And slowly, I nod my head and accept.
This book wouldn’t have happened without a lot of great people encouraging me and giving me a little love when needed/necessary.
Huge thanks to:
My wonderful agent, Hannah
Ferguson, who’s still continuing to reply to my emails even though she’s welcomed gorgeous Nell into her life and should be on maternity leave. HELLO, NELL!
The fabulous teams at The Marsh Agency and Hardman & Swainson – thanks for spreading the book love far and wide.
My waddle of Penguins – namely Maxine Hitchcock, Kimberley Atkins, Ellie Hughes, Claire Bush, Nick Lowndes and Fiona Brown. But also everyone in the multiple departments who continue to make me proud to be part of the colony.
You, the reader. Without you devouring my work and showing your support there really wouldn’t be any books! I hope I never disappoint you.
My friends who I love and adore. It’s taken me three decades to realize how important it is to have positive people in my life and to banish the negative plonkers. You all rock!
My super family who grow bigger by the year – Mum, Dad, Giorgie (and bump, AKA Little McClane), Chickpea, Mario, Debbie B, Debbie F, Bob and Carrie! You’re all brilliant humans. I’ll forever be thankful for the love you show me.
Tom, Buzz and Buddy – my forever loves. No matter how busy life gets, finding time for you guys will always be my priority. I love you to the moon and back …
