Alyssa's Choice (4 page)

Alyssa wandered around town with no destination in mind. Her phone was beeping. Another text message from Bella, she assumed. Jessica and Bella were all at the pub now and wondering where she was and what had happened to send her running. She didn’t want to tell them. She had said too much already to Hannah. The beeps continued. She sat down, ready to see what they were saying.

“Where r u?”
Jessica typed.

“I thought u would be here b 4 us.”
From Bella.

She decided to text Jessica. Maybe she would understand her predicament. After all, she was having some issues with Beau and Chase. Bella, on the other hand, was in love and might not understand how she felt.

“I went for a walk. Too awkward there by myself with Grant & Justin.”

“I heard Hannah left early. Little slut.

What’s going on?”

“I just can’t seem to deal with them. It’s Grant. He makes me crazy.”

“Come back. I’m here. We can run interference for each other, since both Beau and Chase are here. Please.”

“I guess. But you’d better stay in between us.”

Alyssa sat there on the bench, unsure of herself for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t beautiful like Bella, nor was she as confident as Jessica. She hated comparing herself to them. Every time she did, she felt worse. She was confused. That spanking, it made her feel things she didn’t want to feel. Like how wonderful his large hands felt against her ass or how his strong thighs held her in place, even how his calf muscles had flexed while she was holding onto him. Could she really walk in there? The embarrassment alone might kill her. Alyssa leaned down, putting her face in her hands, and moaned. Yup, it could actually kill her.

She started repeating an old mantra in her head, one she hadn’t said in years, one she used to say when her mom was degrading her.
I’m pretty, I’m smart. I’m pretty, I’m smart. I’m pretty, I’m smart. It’s gonna be okay.
Tears burned her eyes, and she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, trying to get her emotions under control. She wasn’t a scared teenager anymore. She didn’t want to run away from her problems. She pulled her compact out of her purse and looked at herself in the mirror, wondering what other people saw.

Her green eyes sparkled from unshed tears, her complexion clean and clear. She pulled out some lip gloss and applied a generous amount. It was time to walk back into the pub. It was time to face her fear. The compact closed on a soft click, and she stood up and walked back toward the bar. It didn’t take long to reach the door. Grabbing the handle, she pulled it open and stepped inside the dimly lit place. Jessica waved her over, and she smiled. Everything was going to be okay.

* * * *

Justin saw Jessica waving and turned his head, Alyssa had come back. He saw so many different emotions flicker over her face. She looked vulnerable and sad, although she masked it with a smile. The smile didn’t reach her expressive eyes, and for the first time he really saw how truly embarrassed she was. It took him back to that night, and he wished things had gone differently. He knew Grant had spanked her. He could hear different sounds coming from the office. Never had he thought to step in. She was so full of energy. He thought she’d be able to understand Grant’s need to dominate.

She had so much fire. It was awful to see it doused now. She looked lost, and he didn’t like what that meant. He wouldn’t move forward without Grant. They needed each other as much as they needed her. This was their dream, sharing and loving one woman. He brought the drinks to the table, passing out the cold beers. Justin didn’t say anything to her, just nodded and smiled. What could he say? Was there a way to fix it? He didn’t know anymore.

“All right. We’ve got ribs, salad, and baked potatoes tonight on the menu. I hope everyone is hungry.”

“That sounds wonderful, Justin. I hope you and Grant didn’t go to too much trouble to make dinner for everyone.” Bella smiled at him as she snuggled closer to Clay, laying her head on his chest. A twinge of jealousy shot through him as he watched his friends with the woman they loved.

“No trouble at all. Grant and I love to cook. We thought it would be fun to have dinner here and then listen to you sing for us again.” Justin winked at her. “I’m gonna head to the kitchen and help Grant.” He turned on his heel and left the table, never once looking at Alyssa. They would all get over this and move on, no matter how badly it hurt right now. Should he talk to Grant and think of a different plan of action?

When he walked into the kitchen, Grant was removing the ribs from the oven. “Smells good. Man, I’m hungry,” he said, getting Grant’s attention.

“Let’s feed the crowd and hope tonight goes smoothly for once.” He sounded a little defeated, and Justin didn’t like where this might be heading. He was always the one that had to soothe the people around him, and Grant was no different. He needed him back, and he definitely needed him to be more invested in Alyssa.

“Stop. I know what you’re thinking, and you can stop it right there. We start as we plan to finish, together. We don’t quit. We push harder and show how we feel. Now, let’s get out there and have some fun.” Justin grabbed the salad and walked out of the kitchen. The pep talk made him feel a little better as well.

* * * *

Alyssa watched Justin leave the table, his strong, long strides eating up the distance toward the kitchen. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. This whole stupid mess should only be about her and Grant. It was really about her insecurities, and she was blaming them.

“He does have a nice ass, but I doubt it’s on the menu tonight.” Bella arched her brow and smirked at her.

“Too bad, he does have such a fine ass.” Alyssa wasn’t going to feel uncomfortable, so instead she decided to go for shock value.

Laughter erupted around the table. “You shouldn’t be checking out his ass, baby. I’ll have to punish you for that when we get home,” Clint said. The way he said “punishment” was so nonchalant that Alyssa almost didn’t catch it. It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise, a sexy promise.

She sat up straighter, looking from Clint to Bella, wanting to ask the question stuck on the tip of her tongue.
Oh. My. God.
Did they spank Bella? Did she enjoy it? Were “punishments” really a bad thing? She nibbled on her lip, wondering what she had missed.

“It looks like Alyssa has some questions. Go ahead, don’t be shy.” Cody chimed in, watching her fidget uncomfortably.

“Fine. Um…uh…” She paused and cleared her throat. “How do I ask this?” she whispered mostly to herself. She needed to know. Maybe she wasn’t some kind of freak for liking what Grant did. “Okay, do you mean that you spank Bella?” She looked at the Colton brothers, waiting for an answer. She could tell that Bella wasn’t the least bit concerned with what they said. Jessica, on the other hand, leaned in, watching them carefully, waiting for an answer as well.

“Yes. Any other questions?” Cody answered in such a direct way. She waited for more, but they obviously wanted her to ask the questions.

“Wait...What? That’s it. You spank Bella, nothing more to add?” From the smug looks on their faces, she realized that she needed to ask the questions. “Fine. Why do you spank her? Do you make her cry? You can’t do that. She’s an adult for goodness’s sakes.”

Bella giggled, gave Clay a hug, and then turned in his lap to face her, giving her an evil little smile. She looked happy. This conversation didn’t bother her, and Alyssa sat back in her chair, feeling a bit shocked. The way the Colton brothers were talking about spanking her didn’t seem to faze her. It wasn’t a dirty secret. This became more intriguing by the minute, making her rethink Grant.

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this.” Bella shook her head, looking shy all of the sudden. “Sometimes, spankings can be a punishment, but mostly it’s erotic pleasure. I love the idea of being at their mercy. I love the way they make me feel. I’ve cried, but it felt like more of a release than anything else, no real pain.”

“Wow, this is another side of you. I never knew. Hmmm, aren’t you ever scared of what they might do? I mean, not that they would hurt you on purpose, but what if they caused you real pain?” she questioned, not wanting to offend her but needing to know. She couldn’t understand why Bella would let them spank her or punish her.

“They would never do that. I trust them completely. Our sex life is the most amazing thing I’ve ever had. Clint, Clay, and Cody all take care of me. I’ve always wanted to be with a man that was dominant in the bedroom, and now I have three. I’m a very lucky girl.” Bella leaned back and wiggled on Clay’s lap. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. “I don’t really think this has anything to do with me. Am I right? Tell me what’s going on. Alyssa, I see you around Grant and Justin,” Bella pleaded. Her eyes were full of curiosity, but Alyssa could sense pity, and that wasn’t something she wanted or needed.

“It was something Grant said, and then hearing Clint say he was going to punish you perked my interest. That’s it. Thanks for answering my questions.” Alyssa leaned back in her chair, ready for the conversation to end, but it didn’t look like Bella was ready to let it go.

She moved closer, leaning against the table, never breaking eye contact. “Whatever turns you on, whatever excites you and feels good, do it. After meeting Clint, Clay, and Cody, I’ve realized that I want to live my life to the fullest. You should, too. If you want Grant and Justin, go for it. If they’re a little kinky and you enjoy it, who cares. Don’t limit yourself.” Bella sent a secret smile her way and leaned back against Clay.

Alyssa acted as if she wasn’t affected, like their conversation didn’t matter. She didn’t want anyone to know that what Bella had said meant a lot to her, had shaken her up. She thought back to Grant’s office, to how she felt about the spanking. His hand on her bottom had felt good, and the pleasure he gave her was more exciting than anything else had ever been. She was embarrassed of her reaction because it had scared her. Listening to Bella, seeing her with her men, made her start to see things differently.

Grant and Justin walked to the table. She watched them, wishing she hadn’t run away. She wanted to be the strong woman she knew she was. How was she going to talk to them now? Large platters went around the table. She loaded up her plate, deep in thought. Grant and Justin sat down at the other end of the table. They looked over at her through the dinner but never attempted to talk to her. It hurt. Maybe they were done with her, and maybe she had pushed them away for the last time. She pushed the food around on her plate, unable to eat, feeling sick to her stomach.

Alyssa stared at her plate, not taking part in the conversations happening around her. Everyone was talking, laughing, and enjoying the dinner. She felt as though she was stuck and consumed in self-pity.

* * * *

Grant watched Alyssa as she pushed her fork around her plate, never taking a bite. She looked lost, fragile, and a bit vulnerable. He wanted to walk to the other side of the table and pull her into his lap. He wanted to comfort her. Since meeting her, Alyssa had always been so confident and full of fire. This new version wasn’t what he wanted to see. He realized then that it was time to stop pushing her. Maybe he could figure out a plan to slow down, try to really understand why she was so scared. Maybe he had moved too quickly.

He really didn’t believe that this could all be related to the spanking. There had to be more, and he needed to get to the bottom of it. Grant got up and started clearing the table, stopping next to Alyssa. He brushed his fingertips against her soft skin, rubbing up her arm. She shivered, looking up, and bit her plump bottom lip. He leaned in and inhaled, smelling a combination of vanilla-bean shampoo and Alyssa’s delicate scent. How could a woman who was so obviously beautiful not see it?

“When you’re ready for something more with me and Justin, we’ll be here for you.” He licked her ear lobe, enjoying her quick intake of breath. “I think you want us. You’re just scared.” He kissed the side of her head and headed toward the kitchen.

He hoped that his words would pull her out of the funk she seemed to be in lately. Maybe his words would be a challenge. He smiled at that thought, seeing the spark back in her eyes. He loved when she defied him. The way her eyes would squint a little, the way she arched her right brow and shot daggers at him, was sexy. He wanted to encourage that behavior. It brought out the animal in him, and he wanted to play with her.

He headed for the kitchen, needing to put a little distance between them. Whenever she was around, he had a hard time controlling himself. He wanted to do all sorts of wicked things to her. He dreamed of spanking her again and promised himself that next time he would strip her bare and spend hours touching and tormenting her.

* * * *

Alyssa sat back in her seat and shifted, feeling her pussy clench with desire. Grant’s warm breath against her neck did wonderful things to her body. She licked her lips, wanting to follow him into the kitchen, wanting him to do dirty things to her. It would be wonderful to have him throw her over his broad shoulder, take her to his bedroom, and rip her clothes off her body. She wanted to see his cock free from the confines of his jeans. Alyssa had enjoyed looking at his crotch and seeing it grow and push against his zipper. If only she’d been bold enough to walk over to him and do something about it.

“Alyssa. Hello. Earth to Alyssa, are you still with us?” Bella’s voice brought her out of her thoughts and back to the table where everyone was watching her with questioning looks on their faces.

“What?” She snapped back more than she meant to. “Are we leaving?” She looked up at Bella, who was looming over her, watching her closely.

“Not unless you want to.” She leaned in and giggled. “Although I would love to go home and get my spanking from Clint. Do you want a drink before we start singing? I thought that maybe we could sing a song together tonight.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah. That sounds good.” Alyssa stood up and stretched, realizing that maybe a little liquid courage wouldn’t be such a bad thing. She felt anxious, and she needed to mellow out a little and just enjoy the night with her friends. It shouldn’t matter that the two hottest guys in the world were in the same pub with her. She snorted, and Bella arched a brow, not saying anything, and she was grateful. The last thing she wanted to do was explain anything.

They walked to the bar, and Alyssa stood next to Bella, letting her order. She hadn’t been into the pub since that night, and she didn’t know if it was even safe to order anything. She shook her head, thinking about Grant. Would he spank her again tonight if she got drunk? Did she want to find out?

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Bella asked her. Before Alyssa could answer, Justin walked up and she gave her order. “Give me three shots of your best tequila and three beers.” Justin gave them both a look but didn’t say anything. Instead, he went to work getting the order together. Alyssa watched his muscles flex under his shirt. She was drawn to him, to them both.

“Well?” Bella’s demanding voice got her attention, and she jerked her head from Justin to concentrate on her friend.

“Um, I’m thinking about Grant and Justin. I don’t think it can work, though.” She hated the sound of her voice. She sounded pathetic.

“Why? They both seem interested, and you’re obviously interested. What’s the problem?” Alyssa wanted to scoff. Seriously, did her friend not see the truth or was she just always so damn nice?

“You wouldn’t understand. Look at you.” Alyssa grabbed one shot glass and downed it, taking a quick sip of her beer to kill the burn as it went down her throat. “Your body is perfect. I bet the whole town would gather around just to see you naked. Now, look at me. I mean really look at me. What do you see? Don’t bullshit me either. I’m not a perfect size. What, are you a six?” She grabbed the other shot glass and downed it.

Bella was staring at her, shock evident on her face, so Alyssa kept talking. “I’m never going to be that small. You’re the pretty one. Jessica’s the smart one. I’m the, what, the fat friend.” She picked up the third shot glass and downed the liquid. She had never said these things before, and she couldn’t believe that she was actually saying them now. She took another sip of her beer and stared at the bar, wishing like hell she had kept her mouth shut.

“Is that what you think? That you’re our ‘fat friend’?” She put in air quotes for emphasis. “I can’t believe you could even think that. You are gorgeous. Your body may not be a size six, but you have the most amazing figure. I’m talking Marilyn Monroe perfect. I can’t tell you how many times guys have come up to me asking about my perfect friend. I’m just shocked right now. I have no idea what to say.” The look on Bella’s face said it all, and Alyssa hated the fact that she had said anything.

“It’s fine. Order another round. I don’t want to ask Justin,” she said. Already her words were starting to slur, and she felt vulnerable. She wanted to leave, but running away wouldn’t change a damn thing. It never did.

“I think three drinks are good enough. We love you, all of us, and I hate that you feel this way.” She knew that they loved her. It wasn’t Bella’s fault. It was her own issues, issues that had been brought on years before. She needed to forgive, and she needed to move forward, but it was difficult. Every time she thought about her mom, she could barely breathe.

“Fine. No more drinking. What song did you want to sing?” She changed the subject, not wanting to deal with any of her questions.

Bella let out a deep sigh and glared at her. “There really are a lot of great duets. Let’s see, we could do Sonny and Cher, Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta, Salt-n-Pepa, Puff Daddy and Faith Evans, Bryan Adams and Sting, or I know, we could do a three-way with Jessica and sing ‘Heartbreak Hotel.’ You get to be Whitney Houston, I will be Faith Evans, and Jessica can be Kelly Price. What do you think?” She smiled brightly and Alyssa stood still in shock, her mouth wide open. Had Bella just given her that list? The girl was crazy.

“No to all of those songs. Seriously? Pick another song and we’ll make it into a duet. I can’t even believe that you suggested Jessica. She hates singing.” Alyssa scoffed.

“I thought Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta would be great. I love
Grease
. Please, I really want to be her,” Bella pleaded, trying to put out her bottom lip.

“No. Absolutely not,” she said

“Fine. What do you want to sing?”

“Florence and The Machine. I really love ‘Dogs Days Are Over.’ We’ll try to make it a duet. We can sing the chorus together. Will that work?”

“Great choice. I’ll have Justin set it up for us. Are you ready?” Bella stepped up next to her and offered her arm. Alyssa took it, and they walked toward the stage. She had always loved to sing. It was a release. It was a place she could escape and become someone else.

They walked toward the stage and Alyssa finally got a glimpse of Grant and Justin together talking. She tried not to watch them although she ended up staring at their lips, trying to read what they were saying, but it was impossible. Bella led her to the stage, and they waited for Justin as he hurried over to them.

“What song tonight?” he asked.

“Florence and the Machine, ‘Dog Days Are Over,’” Bella answered with a sweet smile pasted on her face.

“All right. I’ll cue it up for you. Go ahead and jump on stage.” He winked and went over to the music equipment.

“Yeah right, I’ll walk. I’m positive I couldn’t jump.” Her words came out in a slur and a weird look passed over Justin’s face. He didn’t look happy but he didn’t say anything either. Bella pulled her hard, jerking her forward, going to the stairs that lead onto the stage.

“I’m glad I said no to more drinks. Jeez, Alyssa. What is going on with you?” She shook her head.

“What do you mean? There is no way I could jump on stage with my fat ass.”

“You’re not acting like yourself. Seriously? What’s going on?” she asked as the music started. The look on Bella’s face might actually haunt her, her best friend looked so sad and confused. Alyssa grabbed her microphone, ignoring the questions. She just wanted to sing.