ALYSSA
I awaken as the coloured rays of light stream through the window. My night was filled with bizarre and vivid dreams. I always get like that when I’m really tired and have a deep night’s sleep. At first I was confused to find myself surrounded by pews, it took a while for my brain to connect, for the memories to come flooding back.
As the previous day’s events crash into my mind, happiness fills my entire being. I did it. I set myself a goal and I pulled out all the stops to achieve it. I’m actually here, inside the church that I’ve been staring at for days from the top of the hill that now feels a million miles away.
Suddenly, I’m aware of noise surrounding me, coming from every direction. Everyone else is up and busy doing jobs around the building. I blush at my laziness, immediately worrying about what everyone must think of me. I pull myself up quickly and rush over to Sarah, who is hand washing clothes.
“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean…what can I do to help?”
“Don’t be silly.” She brushes me off. “I don’t need help, but you certainly needed that sleep. Just rest today, you’ve obviously been though a lot.”
“I don’t want you to think—”
“I don’t think anything, none of us do. Now go on, let me get on.” She smiles reassuringly and there’s nothing I can do but nod. I don’t want to be seen as the person that doesn’t pull her weight. I’ll just have to make up for it tomorrow.
As I look around at everyone else, I notice Randy is missing. I question Sarah about this.
“He’s out gathering supplies.” I can hear the strain in her voice as she says this. She’s clearly worried about losing someone else. I wonder if there’s anything deeper in her feelings, but instantly dismiss the idea. They’ve both recently lost loved ones; they’ve learnt the hard way not to care too deeply for anyone in the apocalypse. Feelings get you killed. “Maybe he’ll even find some other survivors while he’s out there. I think you’ve given us all a glimmer of hope.” She laughs, but the sound is hollow.
I start wondering if he’ll find E on his travels. If he’s looking it’s totally possible. I try to picture what the mysterious person will look like, but I don’t have a single thing to go on, even the gender. I can feel a longing in the pit of my stomach starting to develop. A need to find E…to meet the person who has written all of these notes. Without them, I might not have made it this far. I might have given up long ago. Maybe I’ll offer to go out with Randy next time. He’s bound to say yes, I’ve already proved my worth as a fighter, and then I can assist in the search. The sooner the mystery is solved, the better. Not just for my peace of mind, but because knowing someone else is out there, alone and unprotected, isn’t a pleasant thought.
For now, I need to find a way to amuse myself. All this relaxing is giving me too much time to think. I’ll start getting restless if I stay like this, and I really
want
to like it here, I want to be satisfied with this group of people, even if they aren’t what I initially expected. I look around at the others. The two young boys are playing with some toy cars they must have found at some point. I can’t help thinking that it’s nice they have each other; I don’t know how they’d cope with the boredom alone. If I struggled in the B and B, I dread to think how hard it would be for a child who wouldn’t fully understand the severity of the situation.
They look around the same age as Lexi. I try to picture her playing alongside them. I bet she would’ve loved it here. She may have struggled with everything up until this point, but I think having kids her own age would’ve been great for her. As I try to remember my little sister, I realise I’m already struggling to recall all of her features. It’s like my memory of her is already blurry, affected by the way she died. The zombie virus has wiped out all my happy thoughts of Lexi. I didn’t even pick up any photographs of my family when I left. I was so focused on essentials and not getting sentimental, that I didn’t even grab anything to remember them by.
I drag my attention away to Emily before I get too upset. She’s in the corner reading, really concentrating on the book in front of her. She was cleaning earlier, but I guess this is what she does when she finishes her daily chores. It’s not as if there is a lot else to do for anyone our age. Too old to play, but too young to fully contribute. I wonder if she’ll be glad of my presence, if having someone her own age here will be a blessing for her. I know it is for me, but I can’t quite work her out yet. She seems quiet, and maybe a little unsociable—she certainly hasn’t made any effort with me yet.
Then again, maybe that’s a downside of being a preacher’s daughter. She’s obviously been brought up
very
differently than me, so we may not get on at all. We could be far too different to be friends. I really hope that isn’t the case. She’s the closest thing I’ve got to decent, fun company. I know survival is top priority in the zombie apocalypse, but I’ve spent too much time being nothing but miserable. I’ve realised how important amusement really is. I decide not to disturb her while her head is in her book, in case that sparks an instant dislike of me. It’s been so long since I’ve been around people my age I don’t even know how to act anymore, it’s weird.
I sit down on one of the hard wooden pews and let out a big sigh. Again I find a disappointed feeling settling over me. This just
isn’t
going as planned. I might have a nice group, but they aren’t the fantasy I’d built up in my head. That’s the downside to being a dreamer; real life can never match up to your expectations. I wanted fun, excitement, adventure. Not cleaning, chores, and tedium. I think I’m more suited to the dangerous, outside tasks. However much I struggle with them at the time, the feeling of accomplishment after it’s over makes it all worth it.
I must have huffed louder than I intended to, because I suddenly notice that Emily is staring at me with a bemused expression on her face. I mouth “
sorry
” and a smile flickers across her lips in response. I catch a glimpse of something, a personality that I didn’t notice before, maybe a cheeky side? I think I might have disregarded her too quickly. Maybe there’s a lot more to this girl than meets the eye. I shuffle over as I see her lower and close her book. I intend to grab this opportunity with both hands and break the ice. If I can get a communication flowing, maybe things will pick up for me. I don’t want to be ungrateful and unsatisfied with what I have. I have to make the best of this situation—it’s the best one I’ve had since the Lockdown began.
“Hi, Emily…right?”
“Yeah, and you’re Alyssa?” And this is all it takes for us to begin talking—I don’t know what I was so afraid of!
It doesn’t take me long to realise that Emily is just shy and reserved, but once you get her talking she’s actually really funny. As time wears on, I feel happier and much more positive and we chat and laugh. Soon, we stumble across the topic that is clearly her forte—science. As soon as I mentioned the virus, her eyes lit up and she became overly animated. It turns out she has a whole notebook of theories that she’s been working on, which she pulls out to show me.
Wow
.
And I thought my knowledge was extensive. Emily knows a million percent more than me about AM13—it’s crazy. This girl is super smart. I’ve never met anyone quite like her, I’m in awe. As she starts to lose me with jargon that I don’t understand, I find myself staring at her lips, rather than concentrating on her words. They’re plump and dark pink, and her bright white teeth shine through the gap as she smiles, which she does a lot when she’s passionate about what she’s saying. When she catches me looking, I force my eyes to snap away quickly, blushing heavily, the heat reaching my ears.
That’s weird; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
After that awkward moment, I find it hard to look her directly in the eye. I wonder if my acute embarrassment is obvious. If it is, it hasn’t stopped her in her tracks, because she quickly shows me diagrams, reports, graphs, and all sorts of other research that she’s compiled—she could write a book with all that she has! She’s actually been spending the zombie apocalypse doing homework. Who does that? It’s insane, even in my own boredom I would
never
have gone this far. She should be working for the government, trying to stop all of this.
Of course, she could’ve been if she’d gotten on the plane. If her father hadn’t forced her to wait here to die. Her brains could have been used for the greater good.
Randy returns later that afternoon, alone but with a good stock of food, so a good dinner is ahead of us. We sit and eat together again, which is such a novelty for me. Even before all of this, my family used to eat separately because we were all always so busy with our different schedules. It’s really nice eating, talking, and laughing. It certainly beats all the lonely nights at the B and B. I feel like I have a little family around me, and I’m enjoying the company of everyone. Why didn’t I do this sooner? I’m so glad I’m here.
Later that evening, I pull Randy to one side to speak to him privately. There’s still a little issue that’s concerning me. It isn’t anything major, but I need to clear it up before it becomes a big problem in my head. “Why were you confused yesterday when I was talking about the zombies?” I ask him.
“We just never thought of the infected in that way.” His answer poses many more questions, but I don’t ask them. I need to accept that not everyone views the world the same way that I do. I’ve got to be more understanding of others’ opinions, especially now that I’m a part of a group.
DR. JONES
March 14
th
9:30 a.m.
I’ve had my meeting. This morning. Suffice to say that it didn’t go well. The board members somehow managed to talk me around into not seeing my family for now. As I sit here, in my little office, alone, I’ve got no idea how. I had everything planned out. I knew exactly what I was going to say, but somehow they twisted and manipulated my words and by the end of it, I felt guilty for even asking. I felt bad for requesting to see my own wife and child.
Sneaky, manipulative bastards. Is that how politics works these days?
I remember feeling awful as I then had to stammer out the words about needing some assistance for this work. What did they do to me to make me feel this way? How did I feel ashamed for needing help? This isn’t your average project. I’m so angry at them, but more at myself. One of them said that they’ve ‘noted my request’ and they will ‘look into it for me
—
hopefully find a virologist or a researcher.’ Why don’t I believe them? I’ve come out of that meeting more convinced than ever that the rest of my time will be spent in this laboratory alone. I’m going to have to figure this whole mess out by myself. I don’t feel confident about that!
I’m getting two new specimens this afternoon. The ones I currently have are no longer useful. They’ve all been in stage three for a while now, and are way past any humanity, and I haven’t even glanced their way for a few days. I’m only interested in specimens that I can obtain information from.
It’s not that I don’t care anymore. I still feel so much sympathy for them, but my desperation to find some sort of answer is starting to override anything else.
I get the impression that the board is going to continue passing all the camp members that display any signs of infection on to me, unsure of what else they can do with them. Honestly, I can’t see any new tests that I can run at this stage. All I’m really doing is ruling possibilities out. As useful as that is, I want a more positive response.
No, what I really want is to see Ashley and Melody, even for 30 seconds. I just want to hold my wife’s face in my hands, I just want to hug my daughter. Why is that so much to ask? Is it some sort of motivational tactic? Or just more punishment? I can’t bear much more. I think I’m going a little stir crazy
—
I can’t decide if I’m very paranoid, or if my suspicions are correct. If the board members truly are evil, it doesn’t bode well for any of our futures.
11:45 a.m.
14. Rachael Lawrence, 25, Office Manager.
5”8, 58kg, brown eyes, long dark red hair.
No existing medical conditions.
Her husband and baby are still in camp.
She was brought in during stage two, but had progressed to the final stage before the soldiers had even left. I’ve never seen a transformation happen so quickly. She is vicious, violent, and highly enraged. Could this be personality related? Or is it just random, like every other effect seems to be? Unfortunately, without knowing her beforehand, I can’t theorise this.
15. Jason White, 32, English Professor.
6”0’, 62kg, green eyes, blond hair.
Existing medical condition—Renal Cell Carcinoma.
He’s still in stage one. Showing minimal symptoms at the current time.
Jason White. What to say about Jason. He’s…different; I don’t know how to describe him in this document. If it wasn’t for the very large bite mark on his forearm, I would be hard pushed to believe he’s infected at all. I do wonder how he managed to get bitten inside the camp but I haven’t dared ask him. I feel uncomfortable around the specimens now considering the negative reception I’ve received up until this point. I’m a hated figure
—
which makes a whole lot of sense even if it isn’t fairly deserved.
He’s very coherent and has actually been very friendly to me. I just haven’t brought my own walls down yet. It’s very difficult not to immediately like him though, which is dangerous territory. I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached. Soon he will die, just like the others. If I let myself like him, even a little bit, I’m sure the board will find some way to use that against me. I need to keep detached, because of what they could make me do to him. I can’t go through another incident like the dissection. I still haven’t recovered from that.
As he speaks to me, I have to keep repeating to myself ‘he’s going to die, he’s going to die.’ It’s terribly morbid, but I need to separate myself from them. I have to.
1:40 p.m.
I’ve already broken my promise. I’ve already engaged in a very long conversation with Jason. Despite everything I said previously, I have spent the last couple of hours thoroughly enjoying his company. I couldn’t help myself, it’s been far too long since I had someone who wasn’t in the painful throes of infection to talk to. I’m weak I know, but I’m sure anyone would succumb in my circumstances. Wouldn’t they?
It all started when I was taking a blood sample. I couldn’t stop my eyes from fixating on the terribly gory wound on his arm. He noticed, of course. I wasn’t being discreet, but with all the other specimens I haven’t had to be. Instead of calling me out on my imprudence, he asked me about all of my research in an extremely calm tone of voice. I nervously started to tell him a little, because I didn’t want to completely ignore his queries, but I had to say it without giving away too many details. How do you tell someone that the illness they have is a certain death sentence?
It turns out I didn’t need to worry. He’s already aware of the terrible details. He already knew that AM13 has 100% mortality rate, but he didn’t seem too bothered. In fact, his manner didn’t waver from upbeat.
Of course, he’s very familiar with low survival rates. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of kidney cancer a few years ago and has been living on borrowed time for a while. I was amazed with his positive attitude as he told me all of this. He hasn’t let any of it get him down at all. In fact, he’s been living a good quality of life focusing on minute to minute.
I can’t help thinking that I could learn a lot from Jason.
I’ve spent my time in this confinement miserable and lonely. I’ve been allowing my emotions to get tangled up in a web of rage and confusion. I’ve spent far too much time worrying about things that I’ve got no control over. What I should’ve been doing is focusing on my opportunity to have a positive impact on the planet. I need to stop concocting conspiracy theories about the board members in my mind, for all I know they could just be as desperate as I am for me to find an answer. And that’s what I need to do.
7:50 p.m.
I’ve now spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing with Jason. I haven’t sent him back to his enclosure and I don’t intend to. I can’t degrade this man, especially when he poses no real threat to me. I’m just going to leave it unlocked for the time being so he can come and go as he pleases. He just feels more like a friend to me than a specimen and even though it probably isn’t my wisest decision, I feel more comfortable with it than any of the other choices I’ve made whilst in this room. Sure, there’ll come a time when this will have to change, but living minute to minute, this is the best thing for both of us.
In fact, Jason took it upon himself to start routing through the cupboards, to find some entertainment. He actually managed to dig out a dusty old chess set, which appears to have been abandoned for many years. Of course, this led to a challenge and my competitive streak just couldn’t say no. To my utter embarrassment, he absolutely annihilated me. He’s amazing! I always thought I was a great chess player, it takes a certain kind of intellect and patience, and I thought I had it nailed. Jason made me view myself in a whole new light.
During this game, I told him with more confidence about everything I’ve achieved so far. Although he hasn’t got any scientific knowledge, he does have the fresh perspective that I’ve been craving. I’m finding talking about my research very therapeutic. He’s given me a well needed boost of enthusiasm. He’s made me feel like I can achieve this, that I need to do it. In fact, I’m even rethinking my opinion on creating a cure. If I can do it, if I can save even a few people like Jason who don’t have extensive bodily damage, I should do it, shouldn’t I? It’s my moral responsibility. It’s got to be the right thing to do.
10:35 p.m.
The results from Jason’s tests show something very surprising. Something I didn’t expect. His cancer treatment drugs seem to have a bizarre ‘slowing down effect’ on the virus. I’m going to ensure that he keeps up with his medication just so I can confirm this theory. At this point, anything is still possible. It’s an interesting concept, at any rate. At least it’s shown me something new
—
I haven’t had that for a long while.
The results from specimen fourteen’s tests don’t show me anything noteworthy, unfortunately. There’s no obvious reason why her body has reacted so aggressively to AM13. Just another random occurrence, I assume. This virus is full of them, which makes this research all the more challenging.