Authors: Robin Roseau
"If you didn't ask." She smiled.
"Same rules as for Nori?"
"Yes." She caressed my cheek. "Please don't run away, Maya. You are needed here, and maybe you are beginning to understand how urgently."
I grabbed her hand and kissed it, then finished pulling her to dinner.
Over dinner, I served her and Nori, and when I served Nori, I laid my spare hand on her shoulders, my fingers resting at the open skin of the back of her neck. She tensed and then froze in place. But then I felt her shuddering under my hand.
I leaned over her, pressing my cheek against hers, my front pressed into her back. "Thank you for the lesson today," I told her.
She turned partly to face me, and I thought I saw pain in her eyes.
"Nori? Did I misunderstand
your question?"
"No," she said, and I could barely
hear. "Is this your answer?"
"It is."
"Thank you."
But the pain didn't leave her eyes, and I couldn't soothe it all away at once. I stood up, brushing against her, then kept contact while I sat between her and Malora, pushing the two of them apart. I put a hand on Malora's leg while keeping my arm pressed against Nori's.
"She needs you more right now," Malora whispered into my ear. "I'll take what I need, and I'll have more of you tonight."
And so I ate with one hand, the hand closest to Malora, while I used my other hand to continually touch Nori. Every time I brushed against her bare skin, she shuddered slightly. Towards the end of the meal, I leaned towards her and whispered, "You need more than this."
She turned to me and nodded.
"Take what you need."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
She clasped my arm in both her hands, then began running one hand up and down my arm. She was trembling, and I never thought I'd see that.
I didn't really understand how this helped her, but it seemed to be what she wanted.
On my other side, now that I was done eating, Malora had claimed my hand in hers, holding it together on top of the table. I glanced around the table, and no one was paying particular attention to us. Indeed, many of the warriors were cuddled closely with their companions, but that had seemed normal. But no one found it amiss I sat between Malora and Nori like this.
I leaned to Malora. "No one cares?"
"They know what you're doing. Do you?"
"Working on it. I don't think she's getting what she needs."
"Tonight will be bad for her, once you leave her. Tomorrow she will ask to take one horse."
"Do I agree?"
"Yes."
I thought about everything for a while, then when I was due to clear the table, I lifted
Malora's hand to my lips and kissed it slowly. I did not kiss Nori's. And that was the difference, I decided.
Both of them sigh
ed when I separated from them, but I had more duties as companion. I cleared the table.
It wasn't every night, but many nights after dinner the village gathered around a fire, and this was to be one of those nights. I found Malora. She pulled me into her arms then whispered, "Find an excuse to spend time with Nori until the fire is lit, but then I want you with me."
"Without her?"
"No, but I need you to pay attention to me."
I nodded and took my leave. It took a few minutes, but finally someone said, "Nori? I think she headed to the training grounds." So I wandered there, and when I arrived, she had her sword out and was making thrusts at imaginary enemies.
"Do you envision any of them looking like me?" I asked her.
She stopped at the end of a lunge, freezing. "Maya."
"Nori. I was looking for you."
She stood, sheathing her sword before turning to me.
"Why did you leave?" I asked her.
"So you wouldn't feel obligated to continue what you were doing."
"Well, I hope you got that out of your system. Come with me." I held out my hand.
She stared at it, then walked slowly to me, but she didn't take the offered hand.
"Nori, do you not want what I am offering?"
"I want to know what you are offering."
"I am not offering kisses. I am not offering to neglect my warrior. I am otherwise offering what you need."
"And do you know what I need?"
"Yes."
"What is that?"
"To start with, you need to take my hand. You need to touch someone. You need to touch me."
"Yes."
"And you need to come with me."
She took my hand, and I pulled her closer, locking arms with her, then setting my other hand on her arm. I led her away from the village.
"Don't let me get us lost, and we must return for the fire."
She laughed. "You don't know where you're taking me?"
"I am taking us somewhere we can sit and not be disturbed."
"Sit?"
"Fully clothed."
She laughed. "I understood. This way." She pulled me towards the left, leading us into the woods for several minutes. We came to a large tree with a soft, mossy ground at its base. "Is this what you had in mind?"
"It is perfect." I pulled her down to the tree, and we leaned against it and against each other. I turned towards her, reaching for her legs and pulling her closer. It was almost a lover's embrace. Almost.
She was looking away, but I pulled her face towards mine.
"I know what you need, but I do not know how to get it from you."
"What do I need?"
"Nori, you need to cry."
And that was all it took. The tears began welling in her eyes, and she buried her face in my shoulder.
She didn't sob, but she cried freely, clutching at me, her face finding the bare skin of my neck. I held her and spoke soothingly.
"It's so terrible, Maya," she said. "They get in your minds. They try to take your mind. Physically, they are very big and very strong, but they are slow and easily defeated. The real fight is in the mind."
She didn't cry long. She needed a much longer cry, but she pulled away, just a little, not willing to break the contact.
"We can't stay here," she said. "You mustn't neglect Malora."
"The fire will be lit soon, but we have a little time."
She continued to clutch at me and pressed her nose into my neck. I held her and spoke soothingly.
"How did you know?" she asked.
"That you needed me? Or that you needed to cry?"
"Both, I guess."
"I had the clues for the first, and I figured the second from your reaction at dinner. I am available until you have your own companion, but there are limits you understand."
"Thank you. This becomes a burden for the companions, you know."
"It hasn't yet," I said. "You have more crying inside you, but not tonight."
"No, not tonight." She helped me to my feet, and we held hands as she led us back to the village. On the outskirts, she turned to me. "Please do not tell that I cried."
"Why do you think I led us from the village?"
"Not even Malora."
"I will tell her only you needed privacy with me."
She caressed my face, and I smiled, and we stepped into the village.
The fire was lit, and Malora was watching for me. Her eyes alighted on me as we entered, and she looked relieved to see me. Nori led me to my warrior and would have left, but I sunk down at Malora's feet and leaned against her, pulling Nori down next to me.
Nori leaned against me for a moment t
hen whispered into my ear, "That is all for tonight. It is asking a lot for Malora to share you, and now she needs to be assured that she comes first."
And with that, Nori rose to sit on the other side of the fire. Malora tugged on me, inviting me to sit on the bench next to her, and so I rose from the ground and sat down next to her, and it was my turn to bury my face in someone's neck. She kissed the top of my head.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
"Of course. Were you worried?"
"I shouldn't have been, but I couldn't help it."
"You are my warrior, and I am your companion."
She caressed my cheek.
"You are here now," she said.
She was very affectionate as the Amazons took turns telling stories around the fire.
Later, as we were preparing for bed, there was a knock at our hut.
"Come," Malora commanded, and Ralla entered carrying a large pile of clothes in her hands. Malora turned for me. "It's for you, Companion."
I laughed and took the clothing from
Ralla.
"These are the ones that shouldn't require patching," she said. "The bottom ones are the most important." She paused. "The top one is special for me. It may be that you cannot repair it. Please do not. Um."
I set the clothes aside and turned to her, reaching out a hand to her arm. She stopped trying to speak and looked at my hand.
"I-"
"Who gave the top garment to you, Ralla?"
"I have had it since I became an Amazon," she said. "It is from my warrior."
"What was her name?"
"Bara," she replied. "She died saving my life. Perhaps I should take it with me."
"I'll take good care of it," I told her. "I'll see what I can do. You can trust me, Ralla." I took her hand and squeezed it.
Malora was watching us without being obvious about it.
Ralla looked down at my hands, then over at Malora, then back at me.
I turned her to the door, tugging on her gently, and we stepped outside together. She turned to leave, but I pulled her back. "I will repair your clothes, and we will talk further when you return."
She looked in the direction where Malora would be standing, and then her gaze shifted across the compound to Nori's hut.
"You are without a companion,
Ralla. I am the queen's companion, and that means my responsibilities are to more than only her."
"You mustn't neglect her."
"I won't."
And then she hugged me, holding me tightly and caressing my hair. I returned the hug.
"How bad is it?" I asked her quietly.
She caressed me and didn't answer, then she pushed away. "Do you know what you're doing, Maya?"
"Working on it," I said. "You're going to be okay, Ralla."
"The voices," she said.
"I know." I caressed her cheek. "Be strong, and come see me when you get back."
She nodded, stroked my hair once more, then pulled away, watching me for a moment then spinning and running to her own hut. I backed into the hut I shared with Malora and
found myself in her arms. She wrapped herself around me and kissed my ear.
"Tell me how I can convince you to never leave," she whispered.
"My village is responsible for this need," I said.
"No. The demons are responsible for this need. Do not take blame for something you didn't do."
I turned in her arms. "Will you take me to bed?"
"Ready for your massage?"
"Would you like one?"
I could see her smile in the moonlight as we stood in the doorway. "There are times I will say 'yes'. You will know. I enjoy being allowed to touch you. It means more to me than the other way."
"I am not going to complain, Malora, but-"
She pressed fingers to my lips. "This is what I need from you. Allow me this."
"Can you explain further?"
"When you allow me to massage you, you accept more intimate touch than you might otherwise. You allow me to care for you and to take care of you. You allow me to care about something soft and sweet and worthy of caring."
I tugged her to the bed. A companion's job was never done. I've had worse jobs.
* * * *
Malora was right. The next day, Nori asked if we could ride double. I agreed immediately and then asked if she wanted me before her or behind.
"In front," she said.
"Most companions ride in back."
"In front," she repeated. And so I caught her horse and saddled it, then climbed on top, and she hopped up behind me, wrapping her arms around me and leaning against my back.
"You lead," she said. "You must find our four snares, and then I will teach you how to prepare a fifth from the supplies nature gives us."
I turned us to the trail. "The snares you used so far are of hemp."
"From the tithe," she said. "It is not to be wasted, but is available for all in need. But you will not always have cord with you and may need to make do."
"We will use vines?"
"Yes. You can also strip bark and braid a rope, but I do not recommend that except in an emergency."