American Elsewhere (43 page)

: So it’s one hundred percent necessary that this is taped.

MICHAEL DERN
: One hundred percent.

: Why? Who’s going to listen to this?

MICHAEL DERN
: Um. Not many people.

: How many is not many?

MICHAEL DERN
: One?

: One? One person?

MICHAEL DERN
: They get played, once. Then they get stored. Safely.

: Come on, Michael.

MICHAEL DERN
: You’re awful curious about this.

: Yes, I am awful curious about what happens to tapes made of me, of me talking. How would you like it? Wouldn’t you be worried?

MICHAEL DERN
: I have been taped so many times, I don’t even notice anymore.

: But you do know what happens to the tapes.

MICHAEL DERN
: Yes. The tapes get transcribed.

: Okay. Then what?

MICHAEL DERN
: Mm. Probably shouldn’t. But. Then the transcriptions get circulated to a committee—a really important committee—with your name removed.

: What? Why the hell would they do that?

MICHAEL DERN
: Because there’s always a chance that someone—I don’t know who, but some asshole—could leak the interview.

: Ah. Because we do such [singing] topsecret work.

MICHAEL DERN
: Yeah. You do. You do, you know.

: Yeah. I know all about that.

MICHAEL DERN
: Still, they want to hear, you know, thoughts, opinions, et cetera. They want to hear it out of your mouth. But not, you know, your mouth.

: Is your name redacted?

MICHAEL DERN
: Nope.

: Well aren’t you special.