An Affair of Honor (Rebel Hearts Book 2) (22 page)

She stared at him in surprise. “You always became angry with me for that.”

“For wandering away into the woods alone with only butterflies for company. You could have been left behind a few times if I’d not missed your being underfoot.” He brushed her cheek with his fingertips. “I spoke to Lord Deacon about his country butterfly house, and he assures me it is possible to have them here. If I go through with the purchase, he will arrange to have a man come and fill the space with what is needed for their survival. It will be up to you to see that they thrive.”

Her eyes stung at his words. She had not expected him to have noticed or remembered what she had done in her first year of service. In her first year she’d occasionally forgotten that she was not meant to enjoy herself on their outings. But she had always loved chasing after the small winged creatures to study their design and colors. Giving her a part of his house to keep as her own was the kindest thing William had ever done for her and completely unexpected. Yet he turned away the next moment as if to make light of how great a gift he’d just delivered.

Matilda flew after him, wrapped her arms about his body, pinning his arms at his sides. He stiffened in her awkward embrace, but Matilda didn’t care. She squeezed him tightly, uncaring if she’d be in trouble or not later. “Thank you,” she whispered against his back. “A thousand times thank you for remembering.”

He turned in her arms and drew her against his chest. “I am glad you like the idea. This is the only property I have seen with an existing enclosure, so I hope it will suit. Deacon’s man will let me know if I must continue the search or not. They are few and far between.”

He’d turned down other places simply because they hadn’t met her needs? But why? In a year they might not be married. “It will be beautiful. I promise.”

“Not as lovely as you, but I look forward to seeing you dance with them again.” His lips pressed together hard. Was he ashamed he’d watched her in the woods before calling out? She’d known he was there, hiding in the shadows of tall trees. She had smiled and kept dancing, completely forgetting her place until he’d ordered her back.

She expected him to retreat into gruffness immediately now, but he caught a curl of hair hanging down her neck and played with it. A slow smile spread over his face, and laughter filled his eyes. “Perhaps one day if I am very lucky you might invite me to dance in the woods with you too. There is a copse of trees to the west of here.”

“I would like that,” she said. Imagining him twirling with her under the trees brought a blush to her cheeks, and she patted his chest. He was always uncomfortable when it came to expressing his feelings, as if he expected to be rebuffed, but then so was she when it came to him. Matilda forgave William his earlier gruffness because she could now understand his hesitation to reveal his softer feelings. Hers were growing for William in a way that threatened to spread well beyond their arrangement.

She had grown to
like
her husband.

Matilda rose up on her toes, and before she considered whether he’d like it or not caught the back of his head and dragged him down so she could kiss him full on the lips.

He appeared startled at first but soon took charge, moving her toward a wall and pressing her into it with the strength of his body. His kiss was hungry and thorough, demanding her response in his usual dominant fashion, a manner that Matilda had grown to crave. She did not want him turning to other women to scold them. She wanted him to reserve his punishments and attention for her.

She broke the kiss, turned her lips to his scarred cheek, and kissed him there. “I would dance with you anywhere, Billy.”

He shuddered at the name, and as she trailed her lips along the full length of his injury, she grew aware that his hands were tightening around her waist. His skin was rough against her lips, coarse but warm. He was becoming very familiar, and she wanted more, to explore him if he was willing to indulge her curiosity.

She slipped her arms about his waist beneath his coat and pulled him close, overwhelmed by the need to feel him firm against her skin. Last night, pinned by his strength and passions, had been wonderful—arousing and painful—and yet her heart had never felt lighter as she’d reclined in his arms afterward.

She nibbled his earlobe and he groaned.

He jerked up her skirts and squeezed her thigh roughly, grinding his hips against hers. She felt, for the first time, the part of him he kept hidden beneath his clothes. She aroused him, and he tried so hard to keep her ignorant of all his desires.

His hand moved along her sides restlessly, sending her pulse flying. “Don’t tempt me, woman.”

“Billy Boy,” she said again as his hand slid over her rear.

He squeezed, his breathing rough and unsteady against her throat. Matilda gasped and pressed her head against the wall as William nibbled at her throat.

She marveled at the power of his lips and body to overwhelm her senses, but his reluctance to take his own satisfaction with her was troubling. At first she had been embarrassed to notice his erection. Proper women were not supposed to consider such things or mention them. However, she did not imagine that many married men would be capable of holding back for so long.

She ached for his touch already even though her urges had been satisfied last night.

William kissed her neck up to her hairline and tormented her senses with a flick of his tongue behind her ear. He drew back. “Say it again. Once more.”

One more impertinence would see her punished. He’d warned her of his limits. Three remarks he didn’t care for would provoke him beyond reason. And he hated being called Billy.

The idea of deliberately goading him simply to be spanked held a definite appeal. He liked to spank her. Matilda loved to see him reveal his hidden nature when he turned her over his knee.

“Billy,” she whispered into his ear.

William shuddered against her, cock rubbing directly against her sex in a way that made her ache intensify. He lifted her into his arms and carried her toward the front hall. He stopped there, placed her on her feet, and turned her to face the locked front door.

“Are we leaving already?”

“Hands on the brass knobs and no further questions.”

Matilda trembled at his angry tone but complied because she wanted this.

William rearranged her stance until her bottom stuck out toward him, then lifted her skirts high. “You know how I feel about that name.”

“Yes, William. You’ll punish me for using it.”

“I must. Are you ready?”

The first time he’d given her no warning, the second she’d been already overwhelmed by their conversation. This time Matilda knew exactly what it would feel like to have his hand beat against her skin. And she wanted it. She wanted to feel William.

“Yes, Billy Boy.”

“Count silently until the pain becomes too much to bear, then tell me the number.” The first strike was immediate and hard. It shook her from head to toe and stung like the very devil. The next and following strikes alternated from one cheek to the other, without pause or any hesitation. She’d unlocked the devil in William, and there was no stopping him now. She didn’t even want to.

She counted until her bottom began to hurt in earnest, and when it became too much she peeked back over her shoulder. William’s attention was fixed on her rear, and he was smiling like she’d never seen him before.

His eyes lifted to hers, and his hand froze in midair. “How many?”

“Thirty-three,” she managed to get out even as she was on the verge of tears. Her body ached. Trembled from his touch and desire for more.

“Stay like that,” he whispered before dropping to his knees.

He kissed around her hurts gently and then burrowed his face between her legs to kiss her throbbing quim. She gasped at the shock of his actions, but as his tongue lapped at her wetness, she arched her back even more as he teased her clitoris.

“Oh, stars.” She wanted more this time. She wanted him to feel good too. Matilda widened her legs.

He lapped at her hungrily, brought his hand up between her legs to rub her with his fingers when he moved back to kiss her bottom. She moaned brokenly as the pleasure mounted until she was crying out, almost crawling out of her skin with the need for release.

And then he stopped, rose to his knees, and pulled her skirts over her tingling bottom. He stumbled away, gasping.

Matilda slowly straightened, cringing a little as her bottom stung. She kept her hands on the door handles as he’d instructed, using them to hold herself upright. She leaned against the doorframe as her legs trembled. She had been so close. “William?”

“Tonight, after dinner, we will continue,” he promised, still gasping heavily.

Matilda closed her eyes as her quim twitched in anticipation. Tears spilled down her cheeks. Did he not desire her innocence at all? “Why did you stop?”

“Anticipation is a heady feeling,” he whispered. “For both of us. This abandoned country house is not meant to hear your cries of passion yet.”

She glanced his way, noticing his clenched hands and tense shoulders, the fullness of his trousers around his erection. “I would not have minded.”

“I would.” He unclenched his hands and stared at the right one. He brushed his fingers over the hand that had punished her so thoroughly. “Harder than I thought to stop when I’m with you,” he admitted.

She smiled and then started to laugh at how their situations had reversed. Matilda hadn’t wanted him to stop touching her, but he had. She’d never expected that.

He straightened and held out his hand. “Come, let us go home to an early dinner.”

Matilda took a step toward him and cried out. “The pain is going to make sitting down to dinner a problem,” she warned him.

“I’ll find you a very soft pillow for your chair.” William grinned, clearly unrepentant for her suffering, and moved to support her by putting one arm behind her back. He held her against his side a long moment, and she appreciated the comfort of his attention.

“You’ll manage beautifully,” he whispered. “Though I should warn you my sisters are coming to stay for a few days. They promised to be no trouble and keep to the house.”

Matilda turned her face into his shoulders and hid her blush. His sisters could never know what she and William did together. They would never understand what was truly going on. Evelyn, Audrey, and Victoria were still convinced William must love her and hoped Matilda might feel the same about him one day. She hoped they kept quiet on the subject. Marriages like this, if there ever was another like it, had nothing to do with love. She was lucky William was so considerate, even if he did force her into gowns of his choosing rather than her preference.

“I hope they can amuse themselves. I don’t think I have the presence of mind, or body, to chase them after that interlude.”

William held her close, fingers cupping her face. “You asked for it. You enjoyed being disciplined.”

“I did,” she admitted. “A year ago I would never have imagined I would want to provoke you ever again.”

“A year ago I hoped I would have a second chance to make things right with you,” he murmured before straightening.

Pleased with his remark, she accepted his aid to step out onto the drive. Their carriage had been moved away to the river where the grooms were lounging in the sun. After William had locked the house, Matilda hobbled the first steps, then straightened so the servants would never suspect anything was amiss. Nothing was actually wrong, but her bottom was going to pain her for some time.

William put his arm behind her back, and they strolled along as gracefully as she could manage until they reached the dim interior of the loaned Newberry Park carriage.

There were many advantages of being married to William Ford, but there was one side of their life she’d not anticipated. For the entire journey she had to sit awkwardly to the side, leaning into William to keep the pressure off her tender rear. William allowed it, grinning the entire way home. There was no predicting how two people would get along, but she’d never once imagined she’d have the power to make the bossy William as happy as he appeared to be now.

Seventeen

W
ith the dressing door closed and locked behind William, Matilda could breathe freely. Dinner had been a long and torturous affair with his innocent sisters chattering company. The discreetly placed pillow had not muted the awareness of what William had done to her bottom. It had constantly reminded her that their interlude was not over yet.

William took her hand and led her deep into his bedchamber, stopping when they reached the side of his wide bed. Her heart beat very fast as he turned her around.

His expression had been very serious all night. His manner direct, almost cold. If she did not know his nature so well, she might think he’d forgotten what had happened between them earlier in the day. If she did not know where to look for signs of his arousal, she would think him unaffected.

But he
was
affected. His restrained bearing was a sign that he was in control of his body and emotions, whereas Matilda was far from it.

She trembled every time he held her gaze, and she’d fought a blush all night long.