An Amish Christmas With the Bontrager Sisters (5 page)

“We found malignant tumors in your womb,” Dr. Peirce said. “The cancer is stage two but it has worsened due to the strain the pregnancy is placing on your body.”

“What can we do?” Emma asked leaning forward, the knuckles on her hands turning white as she gripped the arms of her chair.

“I would recommend terminating the pregnancy to start,” Dr. Peirce said delicately.

“
Nee
,” Sarah said firmly.

“Mrs. Yoder,” Dr. Pierce tried to reason. “You are putting your body at risk, the future of your living children at risk.”

“I will not murder my
boppli
,” Sarah said getting up on shaking legs. Jarron supported her again.
 

“It is essential for your treatment,” Dr. Pierce insisted.
 

“I don’t need your
English
treatment,” Sarah said. “Jarron, please take me home.”

Emma followed her frail sister and her husband out to the buggy. The sky was an angry shade of grey as storm clouds gathered from the East. The wind whipped Emma’s apron up and she felt dust spatter her face.
 

“Daft,” Sarah said as Emma put a blanket on her knees, “the whole
English
lot of them. No offence Jarron, but you did
gut
to leave this preposterous
English
life. Murder my child and then he expects me to live a happy life?”

“None taken,” Jarron laughed and clicked his tongue at the horses to start trotting towards home.

“We could have persuaded him to start treatment without the termination,” Emma said. “I’m sure it’s possible.”

“Even if it is Emma, I am not for it,” Sarah sighed. “There was a time when I saw this
boppli
as another curse on my life but I have grown very fond of him. He’s the only link I have left to Jeramiah.”

“Do you think he will come back if you have this baby?” Jarron asked gently.

“
Ach
, I don’t know,” Sarah said. “He’s been excommunicated so even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to, would he? But I believe that this
boppli
might bring Jeramiah’s faith back to
Gott
. He doesn’t need to be part of the church but I need him to believe again.”

“Why does his faith matter more to you than his infidelity?” Emma finally asked. This had bothered her since Jeramiah had left and Sarah had insisted they keep his faithlessness in
Gott
a secret. It hadn’t done any good because his actions had excommunicated him anyway.

“Because faith was the only thing keeping him by my side, Emma,” Sarah said a tear rolling down her wasted cheek. “The only difference between me and that young
Englischer
was the faith. If I hadn’t been Amish I’d probably live in one of these homes,” she pointed at the modern dwellings fit to the teeth with technology, “and have enough time to care for my own appearance. I’d look just as shiny and glossy as any
Englischer
and he’d be by my side. He didn’t reject me, he rejected who he was, he rejected his entire way of life. I just happened to be a part of it.”

“Don’t you think Jeramiah would want you well,” Emma gave it one last shot, “if Jeramiah was still with you, wouldn’t he insist you get treatment?”

“But he isn’t, is he?” Sarah said and Jarron signaled to Emma to drop it. Sarah leaned her head back and sighed deeply.

Martha was lost in the rhythm of her fingers. In the tranquil silence of the shop she sat on the rocking chair and sewed patterns on the midnight blue quilt she was working on. The colors caught her eye immediately and brightened her mood. All alone, far from prying eyes and curious ears, Martha sang an
English
song she had learned to love in her
rumspringa
.
 

She seldom thought of her fiancé now, her dreams now filled with a blonde young man with blue eyes and a winning smile on his lips. Jacob Lapp had made it clear that he wished to court Martha. He waited for her if she got late, the rest of the people in the wagon showing their displeasure through their silence. Jacob would keep up a merry chatter as they drove to the community, dropping every family off till they were alone and then he would lapse into a companionable silence allowing Martha the time to become familiar with him and to initiate a dialogue.
 

Martha had to admit that it was working. Little by little she was growing more comfortable in his presence and the other day he had produced a bottle of lemonade which they had shared surreptitiously.
 

The bell above the door jangled and Martha looked up to see Jane King stride into the shop. She looked furious. Martha knew that Jane had been hoping for Jacob to court her and that she would be upset by the new circumstances, but the look of pure venom in Jane’s eyes told Martha she might have underestimated Jane’s bitterness.
 

“You must stop,” Jane said in clipped tones. Martha saw her fists clenched by the side of her skirts. “He is a sweet innocent man and you need to stop corrupting him with your sinful ways.”

“Jane,” Martha set her quilt aside. “I know you are upset,”

“I am more than upset, Martha Bontrager,” Jane napped, “You have led a wonderful, good man astray with your vile
English
trappings. Have you no shame? To do this to a
gut
man after Jeramiah left your sister for an
Englischer
?”

“That is nonsense!”

“You were gone for years!” Jane went on as if she had been keeping these angry words in for far too long. “How are we to know that you didn’t indulge in every sin there is to indulge in? And now you mean to have the cherry on top of your decadent cake and marry a
gut
plain man? Do you think
Gott
does not know of your deviousness and will take your deception at face value? He knows and I know that you are corrupt and bad and you do not belong in our community.”
 

Martha felt her hands shaking and knew that her face was as white as a sheet. To hear the very words you feared people were thinking thrown in your face was agony beyond compare. Sarah’s diagnosis and her insistence to refuse treatment had left the family crippled with sorrow but this was cutting to the bone.

“If you will not stop in your ridiculous mission,” Jane pointed a warning finger at Martha’s face, “I will have to take matters in my own hands. This is a warning.”

Martha swallowed her rage and bitterness, her nerves jangling at the slam of the front door.

*

“Just one more spoonful,” Emma cooed. She ladled the broth on to the spoon and lifted it up to tight resistant lips. “Don’t be stubborn now,” Emma said cheerfully. “You know it’s good for you.”

Sarah shook her head emphatically.

“Emma I wish I could,” she moaned. “I know how much you worry but I can not take more in without wanting to retch.”

“If you don’t eat the
boppli
will not be strong,”
Mamm
said. “Do you want that?”

Sarah reluctantly allowed Emma to feed her three more mouthfuls but then declined. Emma didn’t press, Sarah’s skin had an unhealthy green tinge to it. The calendar said it was the end of summer but the sun had other plans. The heat had drenched their dresses till they stuck to their backs. Done with their chores early in the morning, the Bontrager family sat in Emma’s
haus
, the windows flung open to allow any stray breeze in.

“I think I’ll lie down,” Sarah said, grunting as she made to get to her feet. Martha helped her from the chair and supported her to Sarah’s room.
 

“Skin and bones,”
Mamm
sobbed quietly into her handkerchief. “My girl is naught but skin and bones.”

“She must get help,” Emma said earnestly wringing her hands in her lap. “We must seek treatment for her cancer.”

“She has refused,”
Daed
said not lifting his eyes from the Bible in his hands. “You must respect her decision.”

“Her decision is killing her,” Emma said. “Isaac and Ruth see it, they see their mother wasting away before their eyes and they are scared. They burst into tears the other day when they tried to wake Sarah up from a nap but she was in too deep a sleep to wake up.”

“Poor
kinder
,”
Mamm
dabbed at her eyes. “Ach, but what is she to do Emma? If it weren’t for the baby I am sure she could be persuaded to get treatment, but as things stand,”
Mamm
spread her hands resignedly.

“It is Gott’s will that Sarah be plagued with misery,”
Daed
said quietly, “and it is
Gott’s
will that I be impotent to do anything to help my
duchder
.”

Emma saw his eyes fill with tears that he did not shed.
Daed’s
faith had always been rock solid. A kind man of titanic conviction in
Gott’s
will, he had been the pillar for his family and his community. Emma took strength from her father’s unwavering faith but she decided to do more than just trust
Gott’s
will.
 

As Jarron was fond of saying;
Gott
helps those who help themselves.

*

The service was extraordinarily moving as the congregation came together to pray for Sarah Yoder and her plight, for the curing of her sickness and the safe delivery of her
boppli
. Martha had prayed in earnest, her heart ringing with praise for
Gott
and a sliver of hope had grown in her breast.

She was in a bright mood. The sun had finally relented and didn’t shine as mercilessly bright as it had all summer. A stiff breeze was blowing to cool their faces and the leaves were slowly but surely turning mottled yellow and red.

The congregation were milling about in groups after the service, the youth in their
rumspringa
still inside the stuffy room, eyeing each other and hoping for someone to ask them for a buggy ride. Martha smiled as she remembered her own time but the smile quickly froze. She banished the unpleasant memories from her mind.

People were coming to talk to
Mamm
and
Daed
in pairs, enquiring after Sarah’s health. Emma and Jarron were whispering conspiratorially with Bishop Amos under the apple tree next to the Mullet
haus
. Isaac and Ruth were running around with their
schul
friends.
 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” a deep cheerful voice said close to her ear and Martha couldn’t help the huge smile that spread across her face. She tried not to look at Jacob Lapp standing next to her, grinning like a fool. “This is my favorite part about the church, the people gathering afterwards, talking, and laughing. It makes me feel like I’m part of a big family.”

“You are part of a big family,” Martha said seriously. “You’re the eighth of ten children.”

“That is true,” Jacob nodded mock seriously, “but then again I was away for a very long time and it got lonely with only my aunt and me.”

“Was it very much different from here?” Martha asked. “I’m curious because I’ve never been in another Amish community before.”

“They were more orthodox,” Jacob said, “they had bundling there.”

“What?” Martha asked perplexed.
 

“Bundling,” Jacob grinned. “You don’t know what bundling is?”

“No,” Martha said.

Jacob’s grin grew wider but he didn’t answer. His cheeks were stained slightly pink. Her eyes widened as he took her hand and led her to where her parents stood.
Daed
and
Mamm
looked surprised to see them,
Mamm’s
eyes quickly taking in their held hands.

“Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Bontrager,” Jacob said.

“Good afternoon,”
Daed
said gruffly.

“I would like to ask permission to take Martha on a buggy ride,” he said with a winning smile.
Daed
looked him up and down, his stern eyebrows like thunderclouds over his lightning eyes. Jacob’s smile faltered a little.

“Of course,”
Daed
finally shrugged, giving Jacob a rare thin smile. “If Martha would like that.”

“I would
Daed
,” Martha said quietly, her heart skipping several beats till she felt faint. She let Jacob lead her away to his eldest brother’s buggy who he had already asked permission for its use.
 

Martha climbed up next to Jacob and it was only then that she noticed the shocked glances and the catty whispers and a pair of flint narrow eyes in the face of Jane King following her every movement.

They had only gone a few feet when Martha blurted her greatest concern.

“You shouldn’t court me,” she said forcefully. “I’m no good. You will find a much better match in Jane King. She never ran away, she has always been a
gut
girl,” Martha was shocked to feel her face wet with tears and hear her voice screechy and tearful.

“Jane King is a foolish girl prone to jealous bouts and petty rages,” Jacob said pleasantly. “She is spoiled and unkind and espouses none of the teachings of our church. Now stop that self-deprecating crying or I won’t tell you what bundling is,” Jacob tried to sound stern but ruined it by smiling wide.

Martha couldn’t help it. She laughed through her tears and she felt a strange stirring at the very sight of him. It was more than mere fondness, she genuinely loved him.

“Bundling is practiced by the most orthodox Amish communities,” Jacob said, “the kind my Aunt was a part of. The two people courting spend all night in the girl’s bed, lying side by side but not touching each other.”

“Because they trust
Gott
is watching,” Martha said, understanding completely.
 

“Exactly,” Jacob looked at her, impressed. “The elders believe that the faith in their children should be so strong that they can lie next to each other in bed, fully clothed, and yet not be tempted by the devil. And of course it is the most comfortable to sit in any orthodox Amish home,” Jacob shrugged and Martha laughed.

Suddenly Martha didn’t care about Jane King and what the rest of the community thought of her. A wonderful, good man thought the best of her, what more could she ask from
Gott
?