“What were you and Miss Williams discussing?”
“Nothing of consequence.”
Tony almost groaned aloud. She was driving him crazy. He wasn’t going to spend time guessing what was wrong. He’d just get to the point. “What have I done now?”
She turned to him. “We need to get home, Tony.”
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“You’ve done nothing. May we go now?”
He hung his head. Juliet Townsend was going to drive him completely insane. “Is this about what almost happened in the barn?”
He watched the color flame in her cheeks.
“What do you mean?” Her voice was cold. “Nothing happened in the barn.”
He moved closer to her. “You wanted me to kiss you.”
“I did not.”
Tony chuckled. “You think I cannot tell? Your breathing became erratic. Your pulse was racing. You kept licking your lips.”
“I do not wish to discuss it.”
He forced her head to face him. He wanted to see her eyes. “Juliet, my intentions are honorable.”
She pulled in a breath and held it. He watched her for any reaction. She wouldn’t look at him. “Did you hear what I said?”
She let out the breath she was holding. “Your voice was quite clear.”
“And?” He winced at the impatience in his tone.
Damn it.
He was putting his heart out there and she wasn’t reacting the way he thought she should. She should be happy—shouldn’t she?
Juliet turned her head and met his gaze. “I’m confused. Why me? Why now?”
What the hell was she talking about?
“I don’t understand.”
“Honestly, Tony. I am bookish. I wear spectacles. I do not dance well. I cannot engage in small talk. I am too thin. Why would you select me, especially when you could have Sophia?”
He looked down at his hands again. He could feel the trap closing around him. What was it about women that they twisted everything into an attempt to get compliments? “Juliet, you know that Sophia and I would never suit.”
She glared at him. “I do not understand you. Of all the words I said, you focused on Sophia.” She faced forward, her lips tightening. “I would like to go home.”
“As you wish.” Women were so strange. How was a simple man supposed to understand how their minds worked?
He went back over what she had said.
Bookish.
Yes, he got that, but he didn’t mind. Juliet had the capability to learn anything by reading. It was a skill he wished he had. She didn’t dance well, but he hated dancing, so that wasn’t a problem. He hated small talk.
Too thin?
Her old faded dress did little to emphasize her slight curves, but he remembered how she looked his first day back in Beetham. The current fashion might not play to her curves, but she had them. To him she was fine-boned, with curves in the right places. “Believe me when I say this: there is nothing wrong with your looks. I like your looks.”
Juliet gaped at him.
“That’s what you wanted to hear, yes?”
“Tony, you cannot arrive home and start acting like some lovesick fool within a few days of being here. It doesn’t make sense.”
“What about my being attracted to you doesn’t make sense, Jules?”
” Why now?” she cried. “You barely paid attention to me in London.”
He frowned at her. “I’ve always liked you, Jules.”
“As a sister.”
“Never as a sister. Ever. Let us look at the evidence. While in Town, I was at every single ball you attended. I danced one dance with you. I may have danced once or twice with Sophia, but I only waltzed with you.”
“Those were pity dances,” she sputtered. “You felt sorry for me for being stuck on the wallflower wall.”
“I don’t pity dance,” Tony growled. “I danced with you because I wanted to.”
The look on Juliet’s face would have been comical if Tony wasn’t so twisted over his feelings for her.
“You could have any woman you want,” she whispered. Clearly she wasn’t aware of her own appeal. “Rumors of your mistresses are legendary.”
Tony wondered how she’d react to the truth. His way of handling mistresses was different. They were paid for being on his arm and for their silence. He’d never made love with any of them. They were there to support the impression he wanted London to have of him.
At some point he was going to have to tell Juliet it was all pretense. All of it. “I’m no legend.”
“Is your current mistress awaiting your return to London?”
“We parted ways before I left for Beetham.”
“You’re still a rake and a gambler,” she muttered.
“Only in London.”
“I don’t understand.”
Tony stopped the cart on the road again. He stared at the reins in his hands, searching for the right words. Words that would tell her the truth without telling her all of it. “What I am about to tell you cannot be repeated.”
“I would never.”
“My reputation in Town is a lie. I made it up to keep up with Society and make certain I could sit at the table with the wealthy men we wanted to invest in our ventures.” He glanced over at Juliet, who gaped at him.
“Mistresses too?”
He cleared his throat. “I paid them to be my mistresses in name only. I never. I haven’t—” He couldn’t finish his sentence. It was a very uncomfortable conversation to have with a lady.
Juliet’s expression was one of shock. “You mean you’re a . . . a virgin?”
He nodded.
She laughed.
“It’s not funny,” he growled.
“Yes, it is.” She giggled. “That was the last thing I expected you to tell me, Tony.”
She held her stomach while she laughed some more. “Deuces, Juliet, what did you think I was going to tell you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that you’d gambled away your income. Or ruined some other gentleman at the gaming hells. Not that I think you would. You have too much honor for that.” She patted his hand.
Juliet was too close to the truth to suit him. She thought he was honorable. The weight of his lies bore down on him. Tony was beginning to regret ever opening his mouth and spilling part of his secret.
“Besides, didn’t my father do that to your father?”
The sick feeling intensified. There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make it worse. She didn’t care if he was a fake rake, but she would care that he’d ruined a man and took his estate. He started the cart toward the Lodge.
Only he would fall for the one woman who didn’t care if he had mistresses but cared that he was a gambler. He could see her point, given what her brother had put her family through.
He couldn’t disclose the truth now. She’d hate him, and Tony wasn’t convinced he could bear it if she hated him.
Chapter Nine
T
he next morning, Juliet was still reeling from Tony’s declarations. His intentions were honorable. Would he propose? And if he did, what would she say? His revelations did not necessarily mean he was in love with her. Could she marry him without a declaration of love?
Then there was his admission of never having been with a woman. Juliet understood that women had to prize their virginity but for a man to do so was unheard of. Why had he waited?
Juliet crept down the stairs. She intended to go out the kitchen door in order to avoid Anne. If she could get to the kitchen, she stood a chance of escaping the day’s callers. She hated sitting there listening to the Beetham gossip. They had to be constantly inventing stories. There just wasn’t that much happening in the village to talk about.
“Not so fast, Juliet,” Anne said from the drawing room doorway. “You’re not getting out of calls today. The vicar’s wife, Mrs. Dellwood, is coming.”
“Anne, please, not Mrs. Dullwood.”
A smile twitched on Anne’s lips. “It’s Dellwood.”
“She is the worst gossip, Anne.” The woman had a high-pitched voice to go with her mousy appearance.
“I expect you to be in the drawing room with a smile on your face when she calls,” Anne said. “Why are you always calling at the Williams farm? I’m beginning to think something inappropriate is occurring.”
“If
inappropriate
means being covered in dirt—she’s usually caked in it when she sneaks back in with Tony,” Sophia said, coming down the stairs behind Juliet. “I’m glad you caught her before she left.”
“Is this true, Juliet? You’re sneaking out with Tony?” Anne asked with a frown.
“We aren’t sneaking,” Juliet defended.
Sneaking
made it sound as if they were up to something nefarious. “He’s helping the Williamses with their farm. You know Mr. Williams had that horrible accident.”
“I didn’t know Tony was so interested in the neighbors.”
“You can’t possibly believe her story, can you?” said Sophia.
“What do you think they are doing?” Anne asked.
Juliet glared at Sophia. If she told Anne about the book, all bets were off; Ian McDonald would be spending every waking moment in Sophia’s presence. Juliet would lock the two of them in a closet just to make sure of it.
“Nothing of importance,” Sophia said.
“I wish you’d wear the nice dresses we purchased for you in Town,” Anne said to Juliet.
She looked down at her old dress. “There’s nothing wrong with this.”
“Only if you were going back in time,” Sophia said. “That dress is so old-fashioned.”
Juliet hated the puffed sleeves of the new gowns she’d been stuck with for the Season in London. “I’ll change, but I must first let Tony know I won’t be accompanying him today.”
“Please be quick about it,” Anne said.
Juliet didn’t waste a moment. She could hear Anne’s voice echoing “Don’t run!” through the hallway. The sun was already hot. It was a beautiful day, too beautiful to have to sit inside with the village gossip. She shaded her eyes from the sun and located Tony, already waiting by the cart.
He looked very handsome this morning, dressed less formally than if he were staying at home. His collar was open at the neck. His blond hair was tousled by the soft breeze.
“You’re late,” he said with a smile as she approached.
“Unfortunately, I can’t go with you today. I’m stuck at home with Anne and Sophia. The vicar’s wife is calling.”
“Sounds like fun,” he said with a chuckle. “We were going to start riding lessons.”
The last thing she wanted to do was spend time with horses. She didn’t like them and they didn’t like her. It was better if they avoided one another. “I had hoped you would forget about that.”
“No chance of that; a deal is a deal.” His eyes danced with mischief.
“I’ve tried before and it’s never ended well for me or the horse.”
“I promise not to let anything happen to you—or the horse.”
“I bet you end up saving the horse.” Juliet looked back at the house. Sophia was staring at her from the window. “How long will you be gone?”
“Most of the day, unless you need me to come back early so we can start your riding lessons. I wouldn’t mind a stroll to the Fairy Steps either.”
Her gaze met his earnest one. “Gracious, you were serious about your intentions!”
“Why would I not be in earnest?” She winced as a hurt look chased across his face. “This is me, Juliet. We are friends; family, even.” He stepped forward, took her hand, and pressed his lips against it. “I am serious, Juliet.”
Could his feelings change so quickly? She would not let herself believe it. She hesitated, uncertain of what to say.
“When I come back from the Williamses, will you walk with me?” he persisted.
“I would like that.”
He grinned that boyish grin of his. “I won’t deny that I might steal a kiss or two, if we happen to be alone.”
She smiled. She liked kissing him. “I’d be happy to walk with you later.”
“Sophia is watching us. You’re going to be bombarded with questions when you get back inside.”
“I will deal with Sophia.”
“Too bad she’s watching or I’d kiss you right now.”
Juliet’s pulse quickened. “Shall I meet you later at the Fairy Steps?”
“I’ll be there.” He kissed her hand once more before departing.
Juliet walked back inside on a cloud. She couldn’t hide her smile.
“What is between you and Tony?” Sophia demanded. “I saw him kiss your hand, touch your face. It’s as if he’s courting you.”
“Maybe he is,” Juliet said without thinking.
Oh, dear God, did she just admit that Tony was courting her to her mouthy sister?
“What a good joke. Has he told you of his mistresses? Or his bad habit of spending too much time in the gaming hells?”
Juliet didn’t want to acknowledge Sophia’s questions. “Everyone wants to settle down sooner or later, Sophia. Perhaps he’s finally ready.”
“But with you?”
“Why not me?”
“You’re bookish. You wear spectacles and old clothes. He’s handsome.” Sophia looked at her as if she smelled bad.
At least Sophia hadn’t said outright that she was ugly. “What is your point?”
“He can have any woman in Town.”
“I doubt that. He doesn’t have a title or a great fortune.”
“How am I supposed to avoid Ian McDonald if you’re spending all your time with Tony?”
Juliet pitied Ian. He was a nice man with feelings for the wrong woman. “I think you should give Mr. McDonald a chance.”
“Give who a chance?” Anne said, coming into the room.
“Mr. McDonald fancies Sophia,” Juliet said with a grin. “I think he’s rather nice.”
“He is nice,” said Anne, “but you can put your mind at ease, Sophia. Mr. McDonald left for Lancaster this morning.”
“Mrs. Dellwood, ma’am,” announced a footman as mousy Mrs. Dellwood breezed into the room. She wore a pelisse of puffed sleeves and far too many feathers in her hat.
“My dear Mrs. Matthews, and all you young ladies, wait until you hear my news,” the vicar’s wife said breathlessly.
“Mrs. Dellwood, it’s delightful to see you. How is Mr. Dellwood?” Anne said, taking a seat.
Juliet sat where she could see out the window so that she would know when Tony came home. Her hope of keeping her heart from being attached to him was gone. Instead, she was surrendering to the feelings he stirred in her heart.
“Mr. Dellwood is fine,” said Mrs. Dellwood. “He’s off visiting the Williams farm today. Mr. Williams had that horrible accident, you know.” Mrs. Dellwood smiled at Juliet. “Mrs. Williams has told me of your kindness to the family, Miss Juliet.”
Juliet barely managed to squeeze in a quick thank-you before Mrs. Dellwood spoke again. “You must be careful, though, dear, that people don’t get the wrong impression from your connection to a farmer.”
Juliet stared at the woman as if she’d grown two heads. What could she mean? “The Williamses are a very respectable family.”
“For farmers,” Mrs. Dellwood said. “The daughter of a baronet cannot be too careful.”
“I’ve been telling Juliet just that, Mrs. Dellwood,” Sophia said slyly. “We must be careful.”
“Miss Townsend, you are so right,” agreed Mrs. Dellwood. “But it isn’t this that brings me to call today. I’ve news from Town.”
“What news?” Anne inquired.
“It concerns Mr. Anthony Matthews and Mr. George Chelsworth.”
“Mr. Chelsworth?” Juliet asked. The mysterious missing owner of Horneswood? What could connect him to Tony?
“Indeed. It is bad,” Mrs. Dellwood said. “Rumors are flying through London that Chelsworth lost Horneswood to Mr. Anthony Matthews in a game of cards. Shameless.”
Anger sparked inside Juliet. How dare this lady say such awful things? She moved to speak but stopped when Anne shot her a look. Juliet forced herself to sit and wait, tapping her foot impatiently.
Anne cleared her throat before speaking. “My husband would have heard this news from his brother if it were true.”
“It’s positively scandalous,” Mrs. Dellwood said. “To lose an estate in a card game! Is this why Mr. Matthews is in Beetham? To claim his winnings?”
Juliet dug her nails into her palms. It couldn’t be true. She knew men could be sucked so deeply into gambling that they lost everything. Tony’s own father had lost everything to her own father years ago, leaving the Matthews family destitute. Surely Tony would never do the same to another man.
He was innocent; Juliet was certain of it.
Anne stood. Juliet followed, along with Sophia. “Mrs. Dellwood, I would advise you not to spread a story so outrageous about a member of this family. I appreciate your bringing it to my attention, but I can guarantee you that this is a complete falsehood.”
“I really thought you should know,” Mrs. Dellwood stuttered.
“Thank you,” Anne said. “I will consult my husband about the matter.”
Juliet waited until Mrs. Dellwood had left the house before she turned to Anne. “There’s no truth in what she said! Tony wouldn’t do that.”
“I know it seems completely out of character, but we both know how men can carry things too far. I’ll speak to Nathaniel,” said Anne.
Juliet needed to warn Tony. He’d put an end to the rumors immediately.
The stone was cold beneath Tony as he sat and stared out at the village over the trees. A light breeze played along the stones and whistled down the steps.
The truth was catching up with him. He could feel it, just as he could tell when he had a losing hand.
“There you are,” Juliet said, her chest heaving, as if she’d run the whole way.
Tony jumped to his feet and went to her. “Jules, what’s wrong?”
She bent over, resting her hands on her knees, trying to calm her breathing. “Have . . . to . . . tell . . . you.”
Good God, what could it be?
He took her arm and led her to the edge of the stone steps. “Rest, please.”
She sat silent for a long moment. She was rarely quiet like this. Tony watched her, feeling the worry rise up like a lump in his throat. His luck had run out. He could tell. Hell, Chelsworth was back in Beetham. There was no telling when the news would get out. “Are you able to talk now?”
“Yes.” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I was so furious. She had no right to say what she said. I mean, what proof could she have?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Mrs. Dellwood, the vicar’s wife, has just returned from London overflowing with
news
from Town.” Juliet stood and started pacing. “I cannot believe she came to our house to repeat idle gossip. How dare she spread such awful lies?”
Tony went still. It had happened. The news had finally reached Beetham. “What did she say?” he forced himself to ask.
“She said you won Horneswood from Chelsworth, in a card game! Doesn’t she know your family history?”
Tony looked down at the ground, listening to her defense of him. He didn’t deserve her. He really didn’t. She assumed he was honorable. It made him want to
be
honorable, to become the man Juliet saw when she looked at him.
That thought alone made it difficult to lie to her, but even more difficult to tell her the truth. If he lied, he’d lose her eventually. If he were honest, he’d lose her now. Either way, the truth was going to rip Juliet out of his hands and tear away his happiness.
“Who was there? In the room?” His voice sounded faraway, even to his own ears.
“Tony, are you all right?”
He nodded.
“Anne, Sophia, and I were there for Mrs. Dellwood’s call. Anne is going to talk to Nathaniel about it,” Juliet said.
Tony sighed heavily. It was worse than he’d thought. Nathaniel would confront him. This just got worse and worse. Damn; if he’d only had a chance to talk to Chelsworth—but Bartleby’s intervention had made that all but impossible.
Juliet squeezed his hand. “I knew you could never do what she accused you of.”
Juliet’s faith in him squeezed his heart. He pulled her close. His mouth took hers as if she offered the last sip of available water. His last hope.
He needed her to believe in him, in the person she was so convinced he was. His hands moved over her back, pressing her into him, wanting to imprint her body against his.
Juliet moaned into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself even closer.
Her scent, of lemon and flowers, filled his head. She tasted of vanilla and tea. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“I knew you couldn’t have done it.” She hugged him, tucking her head under his chin. Even her hair smelled sweet.
Tony winced, knowing he couldn’t tell her, not now. Not when he’d just found her again. He had to try to fix things first.