Chapter 30
When I arrived at work the next night, my charge nurse announced that all staff on our shift was required to complete random drugs tests. I wondered what was random about an entire shift being selected.
Last week, administration released the employee newsletter where they explained revenues were down due to declining admissions and escalating facility and pharmaceutical costs. As a result, a drastic spending cut was in place until further notice. I remember concluding that what they needed to cut was waste. These drug tests fell in the category of spending, so I began to wonder if this randomness had something to do with me. Were they looking for a drug addict who was stealing OX and using? The idea that they were on to me had me looking over my shoulder all night.
To add to my angst, I was on pins and needles about the Angelina and Greg thing. I hadn't heard from Angelina all day, nor had I heard from Greg. Not that that was uncommon on a Sunday, but surely they'd watched the TIVO of the newscast by now. Didn't somebody want to cuss me out?
I had watched the broadcast on the Internet. My face was screaming fraud on national television. Thank goodness I had a private telephone number and very few people had it, otherwise my phone would be ringing off the hook. Folks in the hood always watched the news and read the obits. Who got arrested, who got shot, and who got dead. That was big talk in White Gardens. The news made for juicy gossip, which I was certain to be the subject of today. My mother had called and left a message. She'd seen the broadcast and wanted to know why I was fronting with the name Rae Burns. She also wanted to know when I was going to get her out of the hospital. I knew she was itching to get more pills.
I'd done some Googling on the Internet for rehab centers. There were some free ones, but their websites indicated they had waiting lists. The ones that weren't free were extremely pricey. Mama and I had yet to have the talk about her drug use. The right time just hadn't come up, and as stubborn as she was, she wasn't likely to say she'd go, so it was hard to know what I should do. What I could do.
If I kept supplying her, she could end up in the hospital again, or worse yet, overdose; not to mention the little fact that I'd be jobless or homeless feeding her habit. If I didn't supply her, she'd get the drugs on her own. I had visions of her turning into a toothless, fifty-year-old hooker. Doing unthinkable things and taking endless abuse to earn enough money for her stuff.
“Jesus, what do I do?” I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. Now I knew I was in trouble. I had called on God. Did God help drug addicts? Did He help fifty-year-old ex-strippers who were hooked on drugs? Angelina believed so. She had me so confused with all that talk about grace and mercy and salvation. I didn't know what I believed anymore. It was so much easier believing it all rested on my own shoulders. That way I didn't have to worry about the disappointment of God not coming though for a sista. Besides, how did a person plan if they were waiting for a miracle? I was a planner. I didn't like when life took me by surprise.
“Samaria, I would have sworn I saw you on the six o'clock news yesterday.” Nosy Nadine had crept up beside me. “Something about a health fair at a church in Roswell.”
“I have a twin sister,” I replied, and went into the medication room where, surprisingly, I was scheduled to work again. I had already made up my mind. I wasn't taking anything tonight. I needed to work a shift where no drugs were wasted so pharmacy would not get suspicious every single time I came in.
I pulled my meds and rolled the cart out of the room. Nadine was waiting for me. Didn't this woman ever take care of her patients?
“An identical twin. That must have been interesting growing up.”
I didn't respond, just kept moving my cart. She followed me.
“Most twins have matching names. You know like Jean and Jane or Hailey and Bailey.”
I grunted. “If you must know, her name is Ra-maria. She goes by Rae.”
She seemed satisfied with that, but she still continued to walk alongside me.
“Nadine, if you don't mind. My little visitor came today, and I'm really feeling a little crabby. I'd prefer to work alone.” Her face didn't register my meaning. I let out a breath and said, “My period, my cycle ... I'm on the rag.”
“Oh.” Nadine turned red and tried to censor a nervous laugh. “Sorry. Where I come from we call it our friend.”
“You white girls would,” I snapped, and she went back down the hall.
There was something about her. I couldn't put my finger on it. She hadn't worked here long. In fact, she'd come from out of nowhere and started getting assigned to shifts on our floor. She didn't talk to all the other white women, but seemed to have lots of conversation for me. I wondered if her man was a brother. Sometimes when they were down with black men, they tried to align themselves with sisters. I'd have to ask her about that.
Angelina would say I needed to trust the voice of the Holy Spirit. Know that He was trying to tell me something. I needed to quell my suspicions; that was for sure. But I preferred to follow my street instincts more so than the voice of an omnipotent God. My instincts were saying check her out, and that's exactly what I was going to do.
Chapter 31
I got my mom settled in her recliner and put her medication bottles and a tall glass of water on the table next to her. She'd refused to come to my condo, even for a day or two, but I had made a deal with one of her neighbors, an out of work certified home health aide, to check on her a few times a day.
“I don't even need this stuff,” my mother complained. She picked the plastic prescription bottle that held the teeny tiny pills that would limit future seizure activity.
“It's a precaution. Just do right, Mama, and take it for now.” I busied myself straightening a pile of untouched magazines I'd purchased for her while she was in the hospital. “I put food in the fridge. It's all cooked. You just have to stick it in the microwave. Don't let June eat it all up.”
My mother's head jerked up and our eyes locked. “This is my house. You bought the food. Don't tell me who I can give it to.”
I swallowed my frustration. This woman was going to drive me crazy. “June is a grown man, and he hasn't been sick. So let him fend for himself like he's been doing all week while you've been in the hospital.”
My mother grunted. Her annoyed smirk irritated me. How much more did I have to do up in this place to get a little respect? How much more time and money did I, her daughter, have to spend to get treated half as well as she treated that stupid cousin of mine? And it wasn't like she didn't owe me. She owed me for the messed up way she'd done my father, cheating on him with his best friend. He left her because of it, and when he left her, he left me. She also owed me for the messed up way she let her boyfriends get their jollies staring and pawing at me.
Find something about her to love.
Angelina's words came back to my memory, but all I could see was the contorted face of a woman who I was starting to think didn't even like me.
The door flew open, and June's hulking figure filled the entrance. His high induced, glossy eyes fell on me, and I knew instantly that he was up to no good. The Negro looked guilty. Of what? Probably the Ox I was sure was in his pocket for my mother. She'd used her cell phone in the car. Mumbled that she was on the way, and now I know who she was talking to. She hadn't been home thirty minutes, and he was here with more drugs.
“What up, Sam?” June asked, closing the door. He slid across the room and fell onto the old pleather couch that bore the imprint of his body. He didn't wait for my answer. “How you doing, Auntie?”
My mother barked out complaints about the hospital, the food, the television service that had too few channels, and the stupid doctors and nurses that prodded and poked at her all day. June nodded and shared his hospital war stories with her, but I could tell the exchange was small talk. They were using the banter to fill space and time. They were waiting for me to leave.
“Mama,” I said, cutting into June's stupid conversation. “We need to talk about how you gonna get off this drug. It almost killed you, and Iâ”
“They gave me some papers to look at.” She picked up the remote control and punched the power button. Noise filled the room. “They told me about some drugs I can get to help. Something with an s.”
“Drugs to get off drugs is not the way to do it. It's another addiction,” I said, raising my voice over the volume of the reality television show she'd flipped to. “And it's only part of treatment. They're not going to keep giving it to you without counseling.”
My mother rolled her eyes and pushed the mute button. I could tell by the way she was looking at me that she wished I had a mute sensor too. “The peoples at the hospital told me what I had to do. But it ain't like I'm hooked on the stuff. I was just taking a few pills for my back.” Her eyes cut to June and back to me, nervously.
I looked at June, and he looked away from me. I dropped my head back and bit my lip. My mother unmuted the television and shifted in her seat toward the screen.
June laughed at some ridiculous wig pulling off cat fight on the screen. Both of them cackled about the show, ignoring the fact that I was squatting between them trying to talk to her about getting well.
June reached into his jacket pocket for a pack of Kools, and lit one like my mother wasn't sitting there recovering from the worst asthma attack of her life. “Let me get one of them,” she said. June bounced off the chair and walked over to hand her a cigarette and the lighter.
“Mama ...” I started to protest, but swallowed my words. The people at the hospital had told her no smoking. She knew she wasn't supposed to be doing this crap. I stood and walked to the door. “I'll see you later,” I said. It was a struggle for me to look back at her. She nodded a good-bye. I heard June's body hit the pleather again. I didn't bother to say anything to him. No way was I acknowledging his stupid behind; not when all I wanted to do was strangle him.
I stepped out the door. Thought about the scene I was leaving: June and my mother, smoking, no doubt about to pass off an oxycontin pill that June did God knows what to get for her, and possibly drinking later. Those two were co-dependent abusers, and I was going to have a hard time saving my mother from herself.
Chapter 32
I raised my hand to knock on the door and held it there suspended like my nerve. I couldn't bring myself to do it.
What was I doing here anyway?
Just when I was about to turn and leave, it swung open with a loud creak. Wang Wang snatched his head back. “Well I'll be. It's Rae Burns in the flesh. What up, girl?”
“Cute.” I rolled my eyes and pulled my bag tighter against my side, strengthening my resolve. “Ya' brother here?”
Wang scratched his chin hairs. “Nah, he running. Been gone awhile though. He'll be back in a minute.”
I released the grip on my bag, reached into it and pulled out a business card. “Will you give this to him for me? Tell him I need to talk to him.”
Wang waved off the card. “Tell 'em ya'self, Sammie. Dang, I told you he'll be back in a few. Cop a squat on the sofa and wait.”
I didn't move.
Wang grabbed my arm. With reluctance, I allowed myself to be pulled into the apartment. “Chill. Ain't nothing in here gonna bite you. Mekhi be glad to see you anyway.” He pushed the door closed.
I relaxed some, sized up my surroundings, and nodded.
Wang looked at his wrist watch. “I gotta go out and do my sales thing. Tell Mekhi he need to pull a message off the machine. Sound important.”
I continued to be mute, acknowledging his instructions with another nod. Wang moved to the door, snapped his fingers like he forgot something and went back toward the bedrooms. He emerged a few minutes later. “I'm out. Holla, and don't be a stranger.” He opened, closed, and locked the door in what seemed like one motion.
I looked around at the place again. I was amazed at the difference from the dank, tore down apartment my mother leased. Mekhi's place was hooked up like a shot out of
Metropolitan Homes
magazine. Plush carpet, a metallic treatment on the walls, African art, and some bad to the bone brown leather furniture. His stereo system was hot too. Boosting must be good business. Shame it hadn't gotten him out of the projects. All his dreams of the life of the rich and famous, and he was still living with the broke and nameless. At least until they tore this dump down.
I'd been browsing through their extensive music collection when I heard a key in the door. I sucked in my breath and didn't let it out until he entered the apartment. Mekhi didn't notice me at first, but once he did he just stared for a moment like he was waiting to see if I were a mirage that would disappear when he blinked. Then he dropped his keys on the table by the door. He reached for the tail of his shirt, pulled it over his head revealing a bare torso with six, eight, ten pack of stomach muscles. I swallowed. Hard. I was staring, and he was looking at me like I was something to eat.
“I'm gonna take a shower.”
All I could do was nod.
“Make yourself comfortable. I'll be quick.” He disappeared down the hall.
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“That's twisted about your moms,” Mekhi said. “Somebody oughta kick June in his head for getting her turned on to that mess.”
I was sitting on a stool at a waist high bar by the window, looking out at his Lexus and my Beamer gleaming in the midday sun. I noticed a few heads coming out of buildings on the prowl for drugs. A couple of older women and young mothers were sitting on their stoops watching children play on the red clay that probably wouldn't produce grass even for Martha Stewart. I turned back to face Mekhi.
“Might not have been June. Mama is good at helping herself to stuff. Pills probably in the bathroom or something. All that weight on her, and she had been complaining about her back.”
Mekhi nodded. Carrying a half empty bottle of Powerade, he moved from the refrigerator to the living room. Concern had etched deep folds into his face. I was relieved to have someone to tell all this stuff to.
“I don't know what to do. This has gotten way out of control. She's has all these health issues, and she's already back on the Ox. There's no state medical for people who don't have kids, so her real prescriptions and home health aide are costing me a small fortune.” I rubbed the creases on my forehead. “Paying to take care of her would be okay if she weren't using, but she is, so it's good money down the drain, and I can't keep stealing from my job.”
“Yeah, I was wondering where you was getting the drugs you was hooking June up with.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Er'ybody know 'bout that. But ya' moms, that's on the low. Don't nobody know 'bout Ms. Jacobs being strung out.”
“And I don't want nobody to know.” I pinned him with a firm look.
“Shoot, I ain't gonna tell nobody. You know that. That's why you here.” Our eyes locked for a moment, and Mekhi moved to where I was sitting. He put his Powerade bottle down on the bar next to me.
I dropped my eyes from his. I was here because I was desperate. I was here because I had no one else to call. I was here because other than that one time, Mekhi always came through for me. I suppressed the sound of the bars slamming in my memory, which was easy to do with the way Mekhi was making me feel. Silence continued to pass between us, and I raised my eyes and let them fall on his biceps and triceps and thigh muscles. It was getting hot up in this apartment, and it didn't have anything to do with the temperature of the room. Mekhi was standing way too close.
“I'll take care of it for you.” He reached past me. CK One filled my nostrils, and I held my breath to stop its seductive assault. “I need a few days to get the right price, and then I might have to go up north and be my own courier.” Mekhi drew his hand back and slid a toothpick he'd picked up into his mouth. “She got enough pills to hold her over?”
I let my breath go. I thought he was going to touch me. I shook my head. “She called me yesterday and asked for pills, but I can take care of it for a few days. How are you going toâwhat are you going to do?”
Mekhi was thoughtful for a moment. He moved away from me to a large computer desk on the opposite wall and dropped his weight into the leather executive chair in front of it with a loud squish. I was glad he'd distanced himself. His cologne was messing with my senses.
“I'll get her onto something low dose. Try to wean her while you work that rehab angle.”
“What if she takes more than one?” I asked.
He shook his head. “She ain't gonna have but one at time. Called spoon feeding that monkey. She'll be dealing with me direct.”
I nodded understanding. “That's a lot of oversight, and she isn't going to be cooperative. What's it gonna cost me?”
He shrugged. “Ain't gonna cost you nothing.”
I cast him a âdon't play with me, Negro' look.
“What you think I'm gonna ask you for some booty or something?” His dark eyes swept my body, and his lips slowly spread into a small smile. “Come on, Sam. You know me better than that. I likes my women to be willing, much more fun that way.”
I wondered about that for a moment. Wondered about Mekhi's woman or women. I found myself feeling jealous. I mean whoever she was, she was one lucky trick to have a man this fine.
“What you doing for yourself to roll out that kind of money for a friend, Mekhi?” I swirled my hand around the apartment. “I mean, unless all this stuff is hot, you got about ten thousand sitting in this living room.”
Mekhi leapt from his chair and once again closed the distance between us. “Everything in this apartment is paid for with the truth. My days of making dishonest money came to an end.”
My mind went back to the suit he was wearing in the hospital. I assessed him now in his Sean John muscle shirt and designer jeans. “Oh yeah, so when did you stop boosting? Yesterday afternoon?”
Mekhi placed a hand palm down on the surface of the bar to my right and bought his face within inches of mine. His eyes flashed with fire. “No. More like six years ago when I realized how much stealing had cost me.”
I swallowed hard again. His minty breath and cologne had me trippin. My own breath was coming harder. “So.” I fought stuttering over my words. “If your money is so tight, why you still in the projects?”
He laughed and let the smile hang on his face for a few seconds. “Come on, Sammie. Don't you remember, I promised I wasn't leaving White Gardens without you?”
My heart slammed into my chest like a bag of bricks. My cell phone rang, and I wanted to thank God for the reprieve because if we hadn't had that interruption, I was going to kiss him so deeply that he was going to know I was worth waiting for. I leaned to the side for my bag, and he returned to an upright position to give me room. It was Angelina, and I was almost afraid to answer it. Especially if I were going to get cussed out. I clicked talk and said a cautious hello.
“We still on for lunch?” Angelina's voice had a lilt that was chipper. With a breath, I inhaled a bit of calm.
She didn't know.
“I'm sorry,” I said. I watched Mekhi move across the room. He opened a laptop and pushed the power button. “I forgot. I'm on the other side of town, handling some business for my mother.”
“Well, I was on my way out of the office, and I wanted to make sure you could still make it before I got in the car,” Angelina said. “By the way how is your mom?”
“Much better,” I lied, turning slightly on the stool as if I could hide from Mekhi's intent stare.
Angelina definitely didn't know about the Rae Burns thing. She sounded like she didn't have a care in the world. “I know you're tired from the weekend. I'm still worn out myself,” Angelina chuckled.
“I think it's more my mom than the weekend,” I said, wondering how I had escaped the technology of TIVO. “Angelina, let me call you back.”
“Sure, sure. We'll get together later this week, or at least see each other at Bible Study.”
I confirmed that was cool, ended the call, and put the phone on vibrate.
“Is that somebody looking for Samaria Jacobs or Rae Burns?” Mekhi asked, closing his laptop and giving me his full attention. I looked away. “Sammie, what you into?”
“A smaller mess than it looks like, and I'm getting out of it.” I surprised myself that I'd said that because at that moment I meant it. “And speaking of messes.” I cleared my throat. “There's something elseâI need another favor.”
“Whew, you needy today.” He smiled and chuckled like it was music to his ears.
I rolled my eyes up. “Anyway. I was hoping you could help me with this woman at work.” I filled him in on what I knew about Nadine.
“Sound like a nosy white girl to me.” He scruffed up his chin. “But I can have this dude I know snoop around for you.”
“What's that going to cost me?” I asked, thinking I already knew what he would say this time.
Mekhi didn't hesitate. Through a cocky smile he said, “You keep trying to pay for what I'm willing to give for free, and it's gonna cost you. I might ask for a kiss.”
I had been in this apartment with him too long. I gripped my purse; my palms were sweating around the straps, and my nerves were shot. “That sounds like more than I'm willing to pay.”
Mekhi leaned closer. His irises danced mischievously. “You know, Sam, you might find out that a brother done got better at some things than he was when he was nineteen.”
A large lump went down my throat. I cleared it and shook my head. “Stop messing with me,” I hissed. “Either tell me what I have to pay in cash, or let it go.”
Mekhi laughed a throaty roar from deep in his belly. He took a few steps back. “No sweat, girl. I appreciate the fact that you here.” He took a few more steps backward and collapsed on the bulky leather sofa. “We making progress.”
“Don't be so sure.” I wasn't ready to crack my veneer. “I'll have to see how you deliver on all these promises you made today.”
Mekhi's smile was all dimples and confidence. “One thing you gonna find out about me is I'm a man of my word.” He winked.
I slid off the bar stool. “We'll see about that, won't we? Not like you haven't left me flat before.”
“C'mon, girl, you ain't gotta remind me of what I did,” Mekhi said. “Not like I can forget.”
“Well, you've got a chance to redeem yourself.” I cocked my head. “I'm going to go.”
Mekhi nodded, gave me a hard once over with his sexy eyes, then smiled. “You sure 'bout that kiss?” I know I could see all thirty- two of his teeth.
“I appreciate your concern.” I walked to the door. “And your help.”
Mekhi flew off the sofa. He beat me to the door in record time. Both our hands were on the knob. His brick hard body brushed against me as he turned it. My resolve was melting like an ice cream cone in the hot sun. “I'm glad you came to me. Glad to know you trust me some.”