An Officer but No Gentleman (14 page)

Daniel shot his brother a caustic smirk before he disappeared down the passageway.

“Is that true?” she asked turning to Jaxon.  “My ship came for me and you didn’t even ask me if I wanted to stay or go back?”

“Charlie, I didn’t find out you were a woman until after we’d sailed.”

“And that makes shanghaiing me all right?”

“Charlie….”

“You had no right,” she shouted. “The decision should have been mine.  You have no idea what you have taken away from me.”

“Charlie….”

“Turn the ship around.  They’re probably still pursuing us.”

“No, Charlie, I’m sure they’re not.  Second mates are easily replaced,” Jaxon said.

“I’m not just the second mate, Captain.  My father and Dr. Kirk owned the ship.  I am now half-owner of the
Arcadia
.”

He hated to admit to what he’d done, but she might as well hear all of it.  “We put your uniform on Jimmy’s body and transferred it to the corsair. They were to give it to your crew and tell them you had met with a terrible accident.  As you know, Jimmy’s face was unrecognizable.”

Charlie was dumfounded.  Morty was the only person on the ship who would have known a male corpse was not her.  She doubted anyone would look past the face to check for the scar on her arm.  Morty was her only hope and he had been locked up in the brig when her ship had abandoned her.  Unless the others told him when they released him, he would have no way of knowing where she was. 

Charlie knew
abandoning her had been no accident.  Byron hated her since he realized the captain was Charlie’s father, but the crew going along with him surprised her.  It was piracy plain and simple to leave her there when she owned the ship.  Perhaps the crew was just trying to make a point.  They had been terribly angry with her in the days since she locked up Morty.  That was why they came back.  Her lesson learned.  Either that or they remembered Morty was locked in the brig, released him, and he had convinced them to go after her. 

She was angry and hurt.  Not just by her shipmates
, but by Jaxon as well. 

“Morty,” she said to the air.  “If you truly love me, come get me off this ship. You are the one person in this world, I know I can trust.”

She set the tin cup of willow bark tea in front of him.  “You’re no better than those damn Limey bastards that took my crew members.”  Charlie turned on her heel and strode towards the exit.

Jaxon shot to his feet.  He had an arm around her waist before she reached the door.  He pulled her to him, her back against his chest.  With long arms, he reached around her and swung the door closed.  “Charlie,” he said, wrapping his other arm around her.  He held her firmly
, but not tight enough to hurt her.  “You’re right about everything, baby.  It was wrong of me to do it.  But I can’t undo it and since I have you in my life because of that decision, I wouldn’t change a thing if I could.  I know I should tell you how contrite I am, but I’m finished lying to you.”

“Have a care, Captain,” she said in a tightly controlled tone.  “You need to understand when it’s best to let me leave.  All I can think about right now is how many ways I can inflict pain on you from this position.  The count is over half-a-dozen.”

He chuckled, “Enlighten me.”

“The leather over the wooden heels of my boots will do little to cushion an impact to your instep, knee or shin.  With the way you have left my arms free
, I could easily scratch you or gouge your eyes or even pull your hair.  I believe I can also throw an elbow into your ear or face.”  She didn’t mention the head butt because that was where she intended to start her attack if he didn’t release her.  “The only thing you did right is protecting your wound, because the way I’m feeling right now I would happily double you over with an elbow or fist to that area.”

“Damnation, woman,” Jax said releasing her.

“Don’t you curse at me.  I have every right to be mad.  And until I’ve cooled down, I don’t want to see you or talk to you.”

Charlie strode up the companionway to the deck, looking for a place where she could be alone. The ship was absolutely brimming with men, men who stared openly at her. She looked up to the crow’s nest and found two men in it. When she was a child, especially after a nightmare, she liked to go into the crow’s nest. Unless the moon was bright, it was pointless to man it, so it was usually empty. But his ship was so overstaffed it seemed anywhere she might look for privacy, there were men there.

After realizing there was no place for her to go on the ship, Charlie found herself knocking on the door to Daniel’s quarters.

“Charlie?”  Daniel was genuinely surprised to see her there.

“I-I wanted to talk to you.  May I come in?”

He hesitated, but eventually stepped back allowing her entrance.  Charlie reached to close the door, but Daniel stopped her.  “It wouldn’t be proper,” he said. 

“It wouldn’t?”  She seemed to have to analyze his statement.  She had been alone with men in her cabin countless times and it had never occurred to her that had they known she was female, she would have needed to keep the door ajar.

“I see no chaperone.”

“Oh.”  A confused expression crossed her countenance.  “How’s your cheek?”

“Is that what you came here for?”

“No, not really.  I mean I do care, it’s just that’s not what I’m here about.”

“Go on.”

She could tell he didn’t want her there.  He was cordial enough
, but his tone was also cold.

“First, I wanted to thank you for telling me about my ship coming back.”  She didn’t give him a chance to say anything
before she continued.  “But I’m here because I wanted you to assign me to the starboard watch as crew.  There’s not enough for me to do as loblolly boy—uh, girl.  I’ve….”

Daniel interrupted shaking his head.  He knew this was not Jaxon’s idea.  The whole idea was preposterous.  Even if she could do the work, she would be a distraction to the rest of the men.

“I don’t know….”

“Also, I was hoping you might let me sleep here.  If I were on the second mate’s crew
, we’d be on opposite shifts.  We’d never be here at the same time.”

“What about your medical duties?”

“I can check on my patients before or after my shifts, and I’m sure your blower could excuse me for emergencies.  If there’s a large demand for my services, I might be allowed to take off the dogwatch when necessary.   I promise you, I can carry my weight on deck.”

Daniel eyed her speculatively. She had served aboard her ship long enough to know it was the first mate’s duty to staff the watches
, but he’d never put her on one without the captain’s agreement.

“And what does Jaxon think of this arrangement?”

“I don’t know.  I’m avoiding him,” she answered honestly.

“Are you intentionally trying to drive brothers further apart?”

“No, I swear.”

“He’ll never agree to it and you know it.  That’s why you’re approaching me.”

“You’re probably right.  He’ll never approve,” she said.  “But I know if you gave me a chance, I could prove myself.  No doubt everyone on this ship thinks I got where I did because my father was captain, but I earned it.  I may not be as strong as most men, but I work hard and I’m smart and I can climb the riggings like a monkey.”  When Daniel looked dubious she added, “Plus, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to share his cabin.”

“Something we both agree on.”

“I didn’t ask for this to happen.  I came here to help your crew after you saved us.  Now, I can’t seem to get control of anything in my life.  I’ve gone from an ordered life, to one where I don’t have clothing that fits and nothing to wear if I want to alter them.”

“I’ll see i
f I can’t find you an extra sailor suit or two,” Daniel said.  “As a matter of fact, I know where there are some clothes.  Take that hurricane lamp and follow me.”

Daniel led her into the bowels of the ship.  The areas of the hold she
saw were filled mostly with kegs of gunpowder, cannon balls and other munitions.  A sailor’s sea chest was tucked into the corner.  “Our cousin Jimmy was only a little bigger than you.  His clothes should fit better than Jaxon’s.

“Oh,
Daniel, I couldn’t.” 

Did he not know it was bad luck to wear the clothing of someone
who died on the same voyage they were lost?  Every sailor knew that.  Just like they knew having a woman aboard was bad luck. 

“You can and you will.  You can return th
em when we get to shore and buy you some dresses.”

“Dresses?  Me?  I haven’t worn a dress since
I was six.  I wouldn’t recognize myself in the looking glass.”

He really didn’t know what Jaxon’s plans were regarding Charlie.  He dreaded another confrontation with his brother
, but knew she was their responsibility.

“I should imagine they’re all clean since it’s only Tuesday.”

All sailors washed their clothes on Sunday. It was the only day the men were given leisure time. Adjusting the sails was the only duty.

“I’ll be sure they get washed again before I return them.”

Charlie opened the chest and began removing the clothing from the neatly ordered contents.  The chest had been packed with care for Jimmy’s family and she hated to disturb the contents.

“I’ll take good care of them,” she said hiding the unmentionables in the middle of the small stack.

“Take the sweater, too.  The nights are beginning to feel nippy.”

“I don’t know if I should.  His wife or mother knitted that for him.  I don’t know if they would want me to use it.”

“Nonsense, Aunt Pru would be glad someone is getting good use of it,” he said.  “Just don’t wear it when we get back to port until we’ve had time to break the news to our family.”

She removed the striped wool sweater then closed the sea locker.  Daniel took the lamp and led her out of the hold.

“Do you knit?” he asked.

She laughed.  “If it’s something that girls know how to do, I can assure you, I do
not.  My father didn’t want anyone to view his
son
as
missish
.  I didn’t even know until you told me, that it was improper to be in your quarters with the door closed.  I mean, now that I think about it, it makes sense.”

He looked at her,
only beginning to understand. “Well, that explains why you didn’t slap Jaxon when he kissed you on deck.”

“Why would I do that?
I liked the kiss.”

Daniel grimaced.  He couldn’t believe he was going
to have to explain this to her. “Because you aren’t married or even engaged to him. He was treating you like a harlot or his mistress.”

“He has a mistress?”

Was that what she took out of his remark? Daniel sighed and rubbed his temple.

“No, but thanks to him kissing you like that, half the
men on this ship think
you
are his paramour or soon will be.”

“And a land girl would have known to slap him because he sullied her reputation, even if she liked it?”

Daniel raked his hand through his hair just like she had seen Jaxon do.  “And another thing: don’t go around telling people you liked my brother’s kisses.”  He could see the question forming in her mind.  “It just isn’t done.  Maidens shouldn’t have been kissed, not the good girls anyway and the rest either don’t like it or pretend they don’t.”

“They’ve never been kissed by your brother then.”

Daniel was still laughing as they entered the passageway to the officer’s quarters.

“My watch starts in about fifteen minutes, do you want to use my cabin while I’m on duty.”

“No,” she said.  “I’m going to have to face him at some point.  But I do need an escort to check on the other injured men.”

“You’ll have to do it quickly.”

13

Facing Jax
on when she finished attending the other injured men was not to be.  His cabin was empty.  Charlie found the key in the lock, just as he said it would be, so she took her moment of privacy to change into her new clothing.  It had been a couple of years since Charlie had given up the uniform of a common tar.  The duck trousers and striped shirt were the universal uniform of jack.  It made her feel more like herself to have it on.  Charlie even decided to retrieve the strip of cloth she used to bind herself and loosely bound herself again.  It just made her feel less on display, less vulnerable.

The trousers were a little large in width
, but the buttons could be moved easily and the length was perfect as she had always been long-legged.  Charlie decided to remain barefoot.  She wondered if she should ask Daniel if it was inappropriate for her to go around shoeless.  He’d probably let her know eventually if it wasn’t.

The rattling of the doorknob alerted Charlie to Jaxon’s return.

“Charlie, may I come in?” Jaxon asked.

She turned the key, opened the door fully and stepped to the far side of the room where the hammock stretched across the corner of the room.  Piece by piece, Charlie refolded her newly acquired clothing as Jaxon stepped in and closed the door.

“Shouldn’t we leave it open?” Charlie said despite the fact she didn’t want to talk to him at all.  Now that she realized it was improper, she had to stand up for herself.

“Been talking to Daniel?”  It was more of a statement than a question.  Jax reopened the door with a sigh, then sat down at his desk and opened a ledger.

“Jimmy’s?”

“Aye.  If you have some thread, I can move the buttons over so they fit me better and I can give you back your belt.  Dr. Kirk had needles in his bag, but only catgut for sewing wounds.”

Jax set down his quill and opened a drawer of his desk.  He handed her a small wooden box.  It contained everything she needed.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

“Aye,” she met his gaze.  Her pulse increased as she peered into his handsome face, with those amazing steely blue eyes.  She found it difficult to stay mad at him when she wanted to feel his lips on hers.  “But I’m mostly past wanting to hurt you.”

“Mostly?”

A half-smile surfaced. “Aye, mostly.”

They each returned to their respective tasks.  A few minutes passed before Jax spoke.  He did not lift his head from his task.

“I’m curious about this Morty you mentioned.” 

Charlie was glad he didn’t look up because she couldn’t hide her smile.  Was Jaxon jealous of Morty?

“What about him?”
she said nonchalantly.

“You said he loves you.”

“Aye.”

“Do you love him, too?”

Morty was her closest friend. Of course she loved him. She loved him the way one might love a brother.  “Aye.”

Still angry, Charlie
would answer truthfully, but she wasn’t going to voluntarily give him any information he didn’t ask for.  She knew how it sounded and hoped she was making him jealous.

Jaxon raked his hand through his h
air.  “So it’s safe to say he knows you’re female?”

“Aye.”

“You’re just not going to make this easy on me,” he said tersely.  He set the quill down hard and turned in his chair so he could see her.  His eyes seemed to have lost some of their color leaving them an icy gray color.

“I’ve answered your questions,” she said
with a little smirk.  “I dare say I’ve been more honest than you.  If there’s something you want to know, keep asking your questions.  I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Jaxon met her eyes and held
her gaze.  His blood boiled with her game.  He wanted to know everything about his rival.

“Do you think he’ll know it was n
ot your body we gave him?” He wanted to understand how familiar was this man with her body?  Had he kissed her?  Had he held her in his arms?  Had he made love to her?

Charlie felt the wind leave her sails.  He wasn’t jealous at all.  He just wanted to know if she thought they were still being pursued.  It had been satisfying to drag out his torment when she thought he was jealous, but now she realized it was all for naught.  Charlie frowned.

“I don’t know.  The last time I saw Morty
, he was locked up in the brig.  It’s possible he wouldn’t have seen the corpse at all,” she said and realized she wasn’t sure she even wanted to go back to the
Arcadia
.  “They would have released him as soon as they remembered he was there.  But Mr. Byron is the one who wanted me gone.  It would be within his power to keep everyone away from the Jimmy.”

“What did he do that he ended up in the brig?  Did he attack you?  Is he the one who put those bruises on your back?”  Jaxon sounded angry.

“Morty would never hurt me.  I put him in the brig when I realized he knew I was not a man.  We were going to put him ashore in Portugal.  I’m sure that’s why the crew went along when Byron set sail without me.  They’ve been really upset because we gave them no reason why I locked him up.”

“You locked him up because he found out your secret?”

“Every plan my father had for me was based on that lie.  No man will follow me if he knows the truth.”  Her eyes suddenly welled up and she blinked back the water.  “He is the best friend I ever had.  Do you think I liked what I did?  Everyone likes Morty.  He’s always making everyone laugh and he’s loyal to his mates.  He’s the kind of man you want beside you in a fight; because you know he would take a bullet for you.”

Charlie didn’t see the look of hurt that crossed Jaxon face as she described Morty because Jaxon intentionally turned his head away. He heard the sincerity and admiration in her voice and wanted to slam his mouth on hers to drive the word away. They were like a knife in his heart. He could never remember wanting a woman more and she was in love with another man. 

“Do you think the ship came back for you because they let him out of the brig?”

“Aye.  I don’t know if he would tell them why I locked him up
, but he never held any animosity towards me. He knew I was only trying to protect myself and he would never intentionally put me in danger.  Aye, it would have been Morty’s doings that turned our ship around.  But I don’t think it would occur to him that someone would try to pass off one body for another.  His mind doesn’t work that way.  Mr. Byron is in control and since Dr. Kirk was shanghaied. I was his only obstacle to full possession of the
Arcadia
.  It is only a matter of time before he gets through the lock on my father’s door and locates my father’s coffers.  Luckily, it has not been so long since we were in homeport, so I know most of our money is in the bank there.  Perhaps when you have replaced me, you can take me Charleston rather than leaving me elsewhere.”

“I have no plans
to replace you.  You seem competent at your job.”

“I am no surgeon.  I only know what I have been exposed to and w
hat I have read in the books.”

“Do you want to leave?”

She met his eyes and he saw a moment of uncertainty flash in her eyes. It hurt him to think he was responsible for that fear.

“I have nowhere else to go.  No prospects.  No family.  No home. All I have is a ship that I will never see again thanks to you.”

“Charlie….”

The scope of how his rash action had affected her grasped at him with sharp claws.  It was almost enough to make him turn the ship around. Almost. But he couldn’t do it. He wanted her. Not just her body
, but all of her. He knew she was the woman he had to have.

“You have my protection.  I am responsible for you and what happens to you.  Never doubt it.”

Charlie knew, unless she was willing to pose as male again, she would need his protection.  Even aboard the
Arcadia
, it was only due to her father’s protection that she had managed to live as free as she had.  It was true that women who didn’t have a man’s protection had a poor outcome.

“Aye, but for how long?  What will happen when you tire of me?  A day will come when yo
u realize this arrangement of sharing your cabin is inconvenient and what then?”

He stood up from his desk and crossed to her.  He took her hands and pulled her up to him. 

“I know you’re scared, Charlie.  And I’m sorry for my part in that.  You may feel you’re on a boat with no rudder, but I’m telling you now, there’s a towrope I’m pulling in.  All you have to do is give me time and trust me and you’ll find a safe harbor.”

She searched his face trying to understand what he was saying.  What choice did she have but to trust him?  Charlie already knew he was drawing her in
, but to what ends she didn’t know. 

He wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer
, but she pulled away stepping back with one hand on his chest.

“Not until you apologize to Daniel.”

“If anyone owes someone an apology; it’s Daniel who owes me.”

“That’s right the captain has absolute power therefore no one can question you.”

“I was defending you.” Jaxon’s voiced rose in anger.

“After you impl
ied you were going to kill him. I was in the corridor, Jaxon. I heard the end of the conversation.”

“He knows I didn’t mean it?”

“You take it for granted you will have his unconditional love.  So what if one brother hates you, you have another.  You don’t know what it is to have no family, or you would cherish them more.”

Jaxon returned to his desk as if by doing so the conversation was over. 

Charlie noticed the willow bark tea she had made earlier was still there.

“You didn’t drink your tea.”  Without thought she reached for his forehead.  Still hot.  “No wonder you’re so crabby.”

“Stop mother-henning me, woman,” he snapped, pushing her hand away, remembering the last time.

“This is why you are paying me
…. You are paying me, aren’t you?”

“Aye, don’t be ridiculous, of course I’m paying you,” Jax said.  “Whatever you were making as second mate on the other ship plus ten.”

“Hardly seems appropriate for me to take that much when I’m doing so little work.  Would you mind if I joined one of the watches to earn my keep?  I really hate this idleness.”

“You’re not joining a watch.”

Charlie knew what his answer would be before she asked so she decided to protest in her own way rather than argue.

“Drink your tea.”

“I’d rather not.”

“I have no duty other than to stand here and make you drink that tea.”

“It doesn’t contain laudanum or morphine does it?”

“No, those come from opium which is from the poppy.  This is just willow bark boiled in a little water.  It’s good for bringing down fever and mild pain relief like headaches and soreness.  It tastes like the devil and might upset your stomach
, but you won’t feel any of the—” She hesitated trying to come up with the right word. “
Drunkenness
one gets from the other.”

“I won’t want to keep using it?”

“No, but if you prefer I can make a poultice for you that may or may not help, but with a stench so bad, you’ll be airing out your cabin for a week.”
              “I’ll drink it for a kiss.”

“You’re not getting a kiss until you make up with Daniel.”

Charlie crossed the room to Jaxon’s bunk.  “Drink the tea,” she said stretching out on it.  “Drink the tea.”  She kept repeating it every thirty seconds just to annoy him.

“It’s a shame you can’t get rid of me by sending me out on watch.  I am an able seaman and you’re wasting my talents.  Drink the tea.”

“I’m only going to drink it if you give me a kiss.”

“No.”

After a minute passed she interrupted his work.  “It must be hard to get any work done with me interrupting you all the time.”

“I’m much mo
re distracted by you reclining in my bunk.”

“Apologize to Daniel and maybe I’ll get up.  Or maybe I’d let you join me for an afternoon nap.”

“When you say nap…?”

“I mean sleeping.  You know, eyes closed, unaware of your surroundings, snoring.”

She wasn’t tired, but knew with his injury and fever a nap would be good for him and she doubted he would voluntarily lie down in the middle of the day.

“Can we close the door?”

She hid the smile threatening to emerge when she knew she was going to get her way.  “Aye.”

Jaxon stared sightlessly at his ledger as he weighed his options.

“I’m not going to cave.”

“Fine,” he said.  “Do you want to witness this or do you trust me?”

“You said you weren’t going to lie to me, so I’m going to trust you.”