An Ordinary Me (10 page)

He would walk with me to the park. We had our best talks those days, and I fell more and more in love with him. I would catch him staring at me sometimes but he would look away quickly or he would say that a bug was on my shirt or I had something on my face and act like he was there shooing it away. I knew better. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

He continued to talk about his love for music and would tap on anything we sat next to, a tree, a bench, anything holding a beat to a song in his head. It always made me wonder what song he was hearing in his brain.

He would ask more about me and I would go on and on about everything or nothing in particular. I could talk to him about anything or we could sit in silence.

He loved to hear about my home life and my parents. He laughed when I told them how overprotective they were and he looked at me with jealousy in his eyes.  I always resisted talking about it knowing he didn’t have it but not to what extent.

“You don’t know how lucky you have it, Reese.”

“Lucky? How do you figure?”

“I wish my parents gave two shits what I was doing. They… you just have no idea at all what you are griping about.”

“I didn’t mean I wasn’t grateful for it… I am… It just is hard.”

“What is hard is not having parents that love you.”

It snapped me back to a reality that I had and he didn’t.

~ ~ ~

Our time together became my favorite time and it seemed the more I liked him the more he pulled away. I didn’t comprehend why. I did know that I didn’t care what time I got with him as long as I got it. I looked forward to seeing him, seeing his smile and hanging out doing nothing. Our nothings together were my something. I was confused after leaving him but during our time together, our time was uncomplicated.

We sometimes would lie on the grass and look up at the clouds with Foxy’s leash around my ankle, so she wouldn’t run off. We would talk about what we wanted to be when we got out of school and the things we liked and didn’t. I loved to be with Garrison. I felt so relaxed with him. I always was on guard with Cannon, not sure what might happen next, always on high alert. I never had to be that way with Garrison.

“I want to be a meteorologist when I graduate. I’d love to actually give people a correct forecast for once. Of course, in Texas that might be a goal I won’t be able to reach.”

He laughed. I loved his laugh.

“Why are you laughing at me? How is that funny?”

“No reason. It’s not something you hear people say. It’s unusual. I was thinking you were going to say the normal, you know the doctor or vet.”

“Ha ha, I’m not as predictable as you think.”

“Ya, I knew that.”

“What do you want to be?” I asked him.

“I usually don’t really discuss it for reasons of my own.”

“That’s insane, Garrison. I shared and you have to too!”

“Okay, I want to be happy.”

I think he just broke my heart. I gotta play this off…

“No, I mean seriously!” I squealed at him.

“I want to be a Drug Enforcement agent. I already have everything lined up so I can go right after I graduate. I have some basic classes I have to do at college to get my bachelors degree in criminal justice and then I’ll go to the academy.”

“What exactly is the DEA?”

“Drug Enforcement Agency. I would be taking down drug manufacturers and dealers. I’ve dreamed of doing it all my life.” The smile on his face wasn’t lost on me.

I knew exactly why but I wasn’t going to share that. “That’s great you are going to follow your dreams.”

“I guess.”

“Why don’t you talk about it?”

“My parents would be totally against it. The only one that knows is my aunt… and now you… I’ve never shared it with anyone.”

“Why?”

“That’s a discussion for another time. It’s a long story.”

“Okay…” I really couldn’t question him. If he didn’t want to talk about it, I wasn’t going to push not yet anyway.

We turned to where we were face to face, and our noses were almost touching, and I giggled. This was the closest I had ever been to a guy, and it felt so nice. Nothing like it had felt when Cannon was trying to hold my hand or make a move. This felt normal, natural, like home. He moved a little closer to my face and I closed my eyes for just a minute hoping to take a snapshot of this memory.
Click, click.

Maybe he is feeling the way I am feeling.

And then, just as my life normally goes, someone interrupts.

“Garrison, I thought that was you over here. I was with Samantha walking her dog. Why are you laying on the grass?”

He sat up quicker than I had ever seen anybody move. “Oh hey, Claire.”

I sat up and grabbed Foxy’s leash. I stood up and wiped my butt to make sure I didn’t have any grass on it. 

“Claire, this is Reese. Reese, this is Claire.”

I stuck my hand out to shake it and she wrapped her arm around Garrison’s arm ignoring me.

Okay?? Not sure what that was for, but I stepped back.

Garrison pushed her arm off his. “Claire, knock it off. I don’t have to answer to you.”

“Garrison, don’t be that way.” She pouted.

“You see me hanging out with another girl and now you have an interest? You didn’t have any interest before when you were making out with… Never mind… It’s done, doesn’t matter.”

“Come on, Reese, I’ll walk you home.”

He took my hand and we made our way passing her speechless trying to compute what had just happened.

As we rounded the corner I was curious as to what all that was about.

“Garrison… What was that all about?”

“Nothing much. She was a girl I dated a few times. It wasn’t anything serious. I haven’t really dated anyone for very long. I really don’t date in fact. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone out with a few girls but I don’t want a relationship. I’ve always wanted to stay focused on school and what I want in life.”

“Well, something was definitely going on there.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not going to go into the whole story but she was a girl I liked and she screwed around on me with someone I’ve never liked. It was an un-proclaimed competition on his end not mine. I wasn’t upset about Claire it wasn’t like I had something for her, it was more the lying, the dishonesty.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

He still was holding my hand and I loved every bit of it. He stopped for a minute.

“I really like you a lot, Reese. I respect you, and I think you are beautiful and smart. I love your honesty and I trust you. That’s not something I take for granted or something that comes along easily. You’ve really become the best friend I’ve ever had. I just wanted you to know. I wish…”

“You wish what?”

“I wish that I had met you in other circumstances. I wish my life wasn’t the way it was.”

“I don’t understand.” I was totally lost. He had let go of my hand, but I hadn’t noticed because I was listening to his words and watching his lips move.

“I’m not good for you, Reese.”

“I think you are over exaggerating.”

“No, I’m not. You don’t know enough about me. If you did you would understand what I am saying. If you knew… you would think differently. I am just so thankful we are friends.”

“Yes, we are most certainly friends.” I smiled as big as my mouth would allow. I really wanted to shake him till he had sense or strangle him until he decided to explain to me what he meant.

It wasn’t long until we arrived at my house. “Thanks for walking with me.”

“You’re welcome.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Sorry about crazy Claire.”

“No worries.” I giggled.

“See you at school tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” 

He started to walk away and towards his house. I thought how sad it was that he thought he was not good enough for me. That he didn’t even want to try. Or was it because I was ordinary? Maybe it was me?

How is it possible to love someone and keep it quiet? Never to utter those very words knowing he doesn’t feel the same way. I finally fall in love and he only wants to be friends. He is everything I have always wanted and he keeps me at a distance making sure we don’t get too close. How can I ignore my feelings and act like I don’t have them when we are around each other? How do I resist the urge to move my lips towards his when he is talking to me?

Chapter 8

Reese

This afternoon I have to stay after school to get my research completed for my science paper due on Global Warming, something I know absolutely nothing about. I haven’t been studying near as normal since I am either trying to learn routines for the dance team or hanging out with Autumn or Garrison. It has been a whole new world to me, and I love it. Stressing me? Ya, a little. I am writing as fast as my hand possibly can and reading through the five research books I have spread out in front of me. All the computers are full, so I won’t be able to get on one of those before I need to leave.

Staring at a book instead of reading it for my research, Autumn interrupts me by smacking her gum and sitting beside me. “What are you working on?”

“Shhhh, be quiet. You can’t talk loud like that in the library.” I smirked at her like she should know better.

Everyone looked up around us, huffing and puffing to let us know we were being too loud.

She starts to whisper, “I got some news for you.”

“Can you tell me later? I have to get this finished so I can get it typed tonight.”

“Sure, it can wait, but it’s about Garrison.”

She said the one name that she knew would stop me. I put my pen down. “Spill.”

“I found out what his problem is… Why he is the way he is. You know stand-offish.”

She pauses.

“And…”

“His daddy is in prison. His mom is some addict from what I hear.”

I just stared into space. “Prison?”

“Yep! For dealing drugs. I heard he even made them in his house.”

“That is screwed up.”

“How did you find this out?”

“Dylan. I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“And he just told you that?”

“I can be very persuasive.”

“This I already knew.”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone. I thought he was into something and Dylan told me out of defending him.”

“I feel so bad for him. That would explain some of what he has said to me.”

“That is why he doesn’t date. He has gone on a few dates with some girls but it was never anything serious. Dylan said he thinks he is not good enough for anyone.”

“That is insane.”

“Ya, when Dylan was telling me I felt really bad for Garrison.”

“I wish I could talk to him about it.”

“NO! You are not supposed to know anything. I wouldn’t have even told you but I wanted you to know since you were giving yourself a hernia trying to figure it out. Now we know why he is different. Not many people know and it is never talked about. Dylan said some jocks were joking around one time with him over it and asking him if he could hook them up with some weed and Garrison lost it. He apparently beat the shit out of one of them. He got into some big trouble but the counselor and principal know the deets of the parents so they didn’t put him through what they normally would have in these circumstances.”

I didn’t feel like studying anymore so I started to close up all the books and stood up to put them up.

“Are you okay, Reese?”

“Yeah, I just feel bad.”

“Anyone would that knew what happened. It sucks.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“Does it make you feel differently about him?”

“Yeah it does. I like him even more now.”

Garrison wasn’t ordinary. He was even more gorgeous inside than he was on the outside to make it alive out of that horrible situation of something I couldn’t even imagine. Was it just the fact that I couldn’t have him making me like him so much more?

~ ~ ~

Garrison always seems so happy to hear about my family life. I started to think after our walk earlier, and maybe he is right, maybe I am luckier than I thought and took it for granted more than I had noticed.

I walked through the house looking for Mom to ask her a question.

I found her in the laundry room sorting clothes for wash day.

“Mom, do you think I could invite Garrison over for dinner?”

“Garrison who?”

“Just a guy I know. He doesn’t live too far from here, a couple of streets over. He doesn’t have the type of family that sits down for dinner. He’s a really nice guy.”

“Boyfriend?”

“No! Just a friend.”

“Sure, you can invite him to taco night.”

“Thanks, Mom, not sure he’ll come but I’ll invite him.”

“You’re welcome. The more the merrier. Foxy will probably be jealous since she won’t get as many leftovers.”

“She’ll get over it. I’ll just cook her come extra bacon this weekend.”

I walk back to my room and text him inviting him to join us.

Reese: Hey! We are having taco night on Thursday. You think you might want to come over?

Reese: You can meet my family. My dad makes the best hot sauce around. I guarantee you will be tasting it for a minimum of two days. J/K LOL!

Garrison: What time?

Reese: Six.

Garrison: I’ll be there. I love tacos!

Reese: YAY! I’ll let them know. Mom loves to have dinner guests over.

Okay, small white lie. Mom stressed when we had company over wanting everyone to be happy, but nevertheless I’m glad he accepted.

Garrison

I show up at Reese’s a little early at 5:45. I haven’t had a home cooked meal since my aunt came over a couple of months ago. Normally I live off macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese and pizza. I don’t remember the last time I had tacos. My dad used to love them, though, before he was locked up.

Reese was in the front yard playing with Foxy and a younger girl that looked just like her but with dark hair.

Reese walks up and gives me her sweet grin. She is wearing a sundress that accented her tan. She looks cute as hell in it. It’s red and matches her brown hair perfectly.

“Hi, Garrison.”

“Hi, Reese. Thanks for inviting me.”

“You bet. This is my little sister Natalie.” She put out her hand for me to shake it, and I leaned down to kiss it instead. She blushed and smiled.

“Nice to meet you, Natalie.”

“Dinner should be ready in just a bit. You want to go in and meet my parents?”

“That sentence is not something I would normally say yes to but if they are anything like you, I think I am going to like them.”

“Thanks, and you will. They are pretty cool.”

I follow Reese into her home and to the kitchen. Her parents are in there cooking together laughing and listening to music. Her mom tastes something off a spoon that he is holding to her mouth and she is laughing.

“Mom, Dad, this is Garrison Davis. Garrison, these are my parents.”

I shake her father’s hand first and then her mother’s. Reese looked just like her mother. They could in fact be sisters. The exact same smile and beautiful dark eyes.

“Nice to meet you both. Reese has told me a lot about you.”

“So nice to have you here with us for tacos. I hope you survive my husband’s hot sauce. It is super spicy tonight. I think he’s trying to kill me.” She winked at me.

“Thank you for having me. I’m sure I’ll love it. It’s nice just to have a home cooked meal.”

“You’re welcome anytime, sweetie,” her mother replied.

“Go ahead and help yourself to something to drink. We have tea, Dr. Pepper, which is Reese’s fave, water or milk.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

I grabbed myself some tea and sat down at the table. Dinner was laid out all in front of me like a little taco buffet. It was the best meal I had seen in a long time.

I was nervous sitting at the dinner table since I normally eat standing up at the kitchen counter or in my bedroom. It was really nice and they made me feel welcome which was a first. I could totally see where Reese got her personality from. The environment was very easygoing, with easy conversation and just enjoying each other’s company.

When we finished dinner, Reese started to clear the table with Natalie and I tried to stand up to help, but Mr. Owens asked me to sit back down.

“You’re a guest you don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind. Mrs. Owens cooked a delicious meal. Thank ya’ll again for having me.”

The girls were in the kitchen doing dishes and it got suddenly quiet between Mr. Owens and me.

I don’t have the best report with men so I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

“Are you related to Ellen Davis by any chance?”

Crap. This is what I did not want to deal with. If he knows my aunt he knows my father.

“Yes, sir, I am. She is my aunt.”

“I know your aunt Ellen. We all went to high school together.”

“I love my aunt Ellen. I would not be here today if it wasn’t for her. She is an angel. I am very thankful for her.”

“She is a wonderful woman. Always was. She had a caring spirit even in school. She loved her brother dearly but knew there was no saving him.” He had apparently already connected the dots.

“I know. I wish it could have been different.”

“Well, everyone is responsible for their own decisions. There was nothing her parents could have done or her, for that matter, once he made up his mind.”

I shrugged my head and bowed my head in shame of my dad. I understand clearly what he was saying. I didn’t want him to look at me differently knowing who my father was. I felt ashamed, a feeling I knew all too well. He must have sensed it because he cleared the air as quickly as he could.

“Garrison, I don’t come from the happiest of homes. It is one of the reasons I am the father I am today. I was judged all my life by my father’s actions. I hope you know and I speak for Mrs. Owens as well we would never judge you by decisions you had no part in. Do you understand what I am saying?”

I nodded my head confirming I was listening but rendered speechless.

Mr. Owens continued, “My dad was a horrible alcoholic. He was either telling me how useless I was or slapping me around. Reese knows very little about my father, and I want to keep it that way. I will say that the miserable life I had growing up only made me a better man. Your parents are kind of the luck of the draw if you will. Some people get good parents, some don’t. If you get the parents who aren’t good, then still love yourself enough to go after what you want out of life. Sometimes the only connection with your parents is that they gave you life. There is a lot more to a parent than just giving life, but too many parents don’t understand that. I didn’t let what my father had told me all my life stick in my head. I survived. And you can too. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard as hell, it was, but it can be done.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” Well that makes two people that may possibly understand where I am coming from. I let out a deep breath.

Reese