An Uncommon Family (29 page)
“It makes me wonder how we can ever truly know another person’s thoughts and feelings, even a person we are close to,” Anna said.
Carmen lifted her hands in a gesture of helplessness. “I knew he was in love with someone else and I put up with it. I didn’t want to let go. I’m in part responsible for the whole mess, too. I helped him live a lie.”
“Carmen, that’s nonsense. This is not your fault.” Anna spoke in a sharp tone. “Nicolas is right. Your son, I mean. We need to stop making excuses for him. He was wrong. He had his good side, too. I remember so well . . . but what he did was so wrong.”
Gazing through the small airplane window on the flight to New York City, Anna remembered that it was this flight, twenty years before, that Nico didn’t survive. She felt uneasy, but the air was calm. People around her looked relaxed, and the flight attendant smiled at her when she served her the food.
Anna spent a few days with Susan and George, visiting old haunts. The two were doing well and had a family with two children. Although it was at times painful to walk through her old neighborhood where she had once been so happy and so miserable, it also felt liberating.
When Susan asked her about her trip to Mexico and if it had brought her anything, Anna said, “Yes. I found out something very important. I know now that Nico did love me and that he wanted to set things right. Unfortunately, he never had the chance to do so.” Anna took a deep breath. “I wish I had found out earlier. It may have made all the difference in my life. I may not have become so distrustful of other men and I may have trusted my own feelings more.” She waved her hand, as if chasing away an insect. “But it’s no use regretting the past. I have to move forward now.”
The most memorable and emotional moment of the trip was visiting Nico’s memorial. After his death, George, Susan, and Anna had put up a small memorial stone in the yard of the church where they got married and where the memorial service had taken place.
Anna put down some flowers and stood in silence in front of the memorial stone for a while. Tears began to flood her eyes. She swallowed. “Enough,” she said. “I once loved you, Nico. I forgive you. Rest in peace.”
She picked up her suitcase at the hotel and drove to the airport.
On the long flight back, Anna had time to reflect on the past few months of her life. She was glad she had undertaken this trip. She felt a great sense of relief. She remembered something she had read in some book once: “I have risen from a darkness that threatened to destroy me.”
She nodded to herself.
Yes, it’s time to move beyond my broken life
. On the descent to the airport in Zurich, Anna marveled how green the landscape had become. The sky was a deep blue and the sun was shining. It still had been cool when she left on her trip, but now spring had fully arrived.
When she entered the arrival hall, Karla rushed up to her, followed by Jonas. “I’m so glad you’re back; I was worried about you,” Karla said, hugging her fiercely.
It had been the first time that Anna had been that far away from her. She knew it had been difficult for Karla, who was still haunted occasionally by fears of abandonment.
“Welcome back,” Jonas said and kissed her. They embraced.
“I’m so glad to be home,” Anna said, choking back tears of joy.
Chapter 52
August 15— My 12th Birthday
Dear Mama:
I haven’t written or “talked” to you in quite a while. I have been busy with school and painting and all that stuff. I used to tell you everything before going to sleep, but now I prefer to write to you. I know you probably can’t read my letters, but then again, perhaps you can. Anyway, it’s fun writing to you.
Yesterday was my twelfth birthday and I am writing in a brand-new journal right now. It’s a present from Jonas and it’s really cool. It’s large and has thick paper, so I can draw and paint in it as well.
Lots of things have happened lately. Anna went to New York and Mexico, without me! But she promised that next time she will take me along. She went to visit her husband’s other wife. You know, the husband who died in a plane crash. You probably remember because you were still here then. He must have been a real crook. Can you believe it; he was married to two women? Some guys, I tell you. My friend Maja said that men are that way. They want as many women as they can get. I don’t believe her, she always exaggerates. Jonas isn’t that way.
Jonas and Anna are still together. They are a couple now. Unfortunately, they aren’t married yet. Maja said we have to do something about that. I told her no way. Last time we wrote those dumb cards, Anna and Jonas got very angry. Fortunately, it ended up being all right, but I wouldn’t want to go through that again.
Anna told me I had to trust my destiny more. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith, she said. Perhaps she is right. I guess it’s okay, even if we aren’t a completely normal family. But you know, there are kids in school who have a normal family—meaning a mother, father, and brothers and sisters. But their parents aren’t getting along or they are getting divorced. So, having a normal family isn’t always fun either.
I don’t have nightmares that much anymore, just every once in a while. Last time I had one, Anna was away for a weekend on some book thing. Jonas stayed with me. I woke up screaming and Jonas came in and hugged me. He sat next to me until I fell asleep again. That felt really good.
Jonas hasn’t moved in all the way yet, but he spends every weekend here and some nights during the week as well. He still keeps his place in Zurich because he doesn’t really have enough room here to paint. Besides, he has his art business and his art students in Zurich. And Anna has her bookstore here and her work at the library and I still go to school in our village. So for the time being, we are in both places. It’s kind of fun. I like to stay in Zurich, there is much more going on there than here in the village. Sometimes, we go to the movies, or I go shopping with Maja when she comes to town.
Jonas, however, is looking for a place to rent around here for his painting. And I heard Anna once say that they should make it legal (meaning get married). She said they didn’t set a good example for me, living together without being married. I had to laugh. Anna is so old-fashioned sometimes. I know that lots of couples live together without being married. But it would be great if they did get married.
Oh, before I forget. Maja just got her period. She is thirteen now. She makes a big deal out of it, of course. You know how dramatic she is. First, I was kind of jealous because I don’t have it yet. Anna told me to just be patient. I would get it soon enough and I would have it for a very long time. And, to be honest, it doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. Maja has cramps sometimes and feels sick. Oh well, I think I can wait.
School is going okay. My grades are okay—not great, but okay. Except for art, where I always get a Six, the highest grade. I still paint and draw and I decided I definitely want to be an artist. Jonas brought home some pamphlets about art courses in Italy and Germany. He said when I am finished with my basic schooling that I could perhaps take some courses there. But first I would have to go to art school here.
And, Mama, I won first prize in an art contest at our school. Not bad, huh?
Oh, I have to tell you about the birthday gifts I got. I received a new dress from my father in Peru. It’s really neat, different kinds of reds, yellow, and green. I’m going to wear it when we have our school dance after summer vacation. One of the boys invited me. He’s the cutest in the whole class and I’m a little bit in love. The other girls are jealous of me; everyone hoped he would invite them. Jonas said he was a little jealous, too, but of the boy. He had hoped I would invite
him
to the school dance. He was only kidding, of course.
I got some other great presents. Jonas gave me new paints and a gift certificate for the art store and movie tickets for me and Maja. From Anna, I got some books, of course, some money for my savings account, and some new clothes. Cool.
Yesterday, we had a birthday party here. Anna had made a cake and decorated it with lots of colorful icing, so it looked like an American birthday cake. She ordered pizza and sodas. I invited Maja and a few other girls and boys. I invited Roland, the cute guy, as well. After I opened the presents, we danced outside. The neighbors came over. Anna invited them so they wouldn’t complain about the noise. Jonas and Anna had decorated the patio. There were balloons and colorful streamers and in the evening we lit candles and oil lamps. It was really romantic. And Roland kissed me on the mouth when Anna and Jonas weren’t watching. (Don’t tell them.) It was just a quick kiss and it was okay, not as great as I had expected. I think all these movies exaggerate.
I have to finish this journal entry because I hear that Anna and Jonas are up. Anna is going to fix my traditional birthday breakfast, pancakes or waffles. After breakfast, I’m going to draw you a picture of the party, okay?
Love you, Mama. Anna and Jonas say hello. Be happy in Heaven.
Karla
The End
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christa Polkinhorn, originally from Switzerland, lives and works as writer and translator in Santa Monica, California. She divides her time between the United States and Switzerland and has strong ties to both countries. The tension and excitement this “double life” creates informs her work. Among her many interests, aside from writing, are traveling, studying foreign languages and cultures, drawing and painting, meeting people and forming friendships.
Dear Reader:
I hope you enjoyed the book. If you would like to find out more about Karla and accompany her on her way to becoming an artist, I invite you to read
Love of a Stonemason
.
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